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Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
Go ahead, fill it out. These forms are so easy to lose. Don’t forget to send in the warranty information, too!
The Onion reports on the latest anti-evolution tactic.
In response to a Nov. 7 referendum, Kansas lawmakers passed emergency legislation outlawing evolution, the highly controversial process responsible for the development and diversity of species and the continued survival of all life.
“From now on, the streets, forests, plains, and rivers of Kansas will be safe from the godless practice of evolution, and species will be able to procreate without deviating from God’s intended design,” said Bob Bethell, a member of the state House of Representatives. “This is about protecting the integrity of all creation.”
The new law prohibits all living beings within state borders from any willful adaptation to changing environmental conditions. In addition, it strictly limits any activity that may result in enhanced health or survival beyond the current average lifespan of their particular species.
My first thought was this will have the good effect of ending that pesky antibiotic resistance problem, but this law is going to have sweeping effects.
Human beings may be the species most deeply affected by the new legislation. Those whose cytochrome-c molecules vary less than 2 percent from those of chimpanzees will be in direct violation of the law.
There is no hint of what the penalties might be, but I think everyone better stop procreating, just to be on the safe side.
My eyes have been opened. All this time, I’ve simply been taking for granted a common biological theory, and now that I’ve been alerted to the controversy, I’ve had to rethink the evidence. I’ve merely assumed that sexual reproductionism is valid. This fellow has completely ripped the idea apart.
For instance, you can say, “And I say evolution is only a theory,” and the only consequences you might face are the risks of being elected to high political position as a Republican.
This is hilarious: a couple of atheists get some bicycles, white shirts and ties, and travel around Salt Lake City knocking on doors and bringing the good word of godlessness to the Mormons. One old guy is an LDS bishop, and thinks that’s a good enough reason for them to stop bothering him (although, of course, if someone is Catholic or atheist or Baptist, that’s not enough reason to stop proselytizing to them…besides, LDS bishops are thick on the ground out there); another feebly swings a broom at them; there is some door slamming going on. Although it’s funny, I think the Mormons would be oblivious to the irony—missionary work is a painfully intense part of the culture out there.
One other problem is that it isn’t quite fair to pull this stunt in Salt Lake. Salt Lake City is about half gentile, and especially if they were hitting up neighborhoods around the university they may have been pestering a fair number of unbelievers. They should have tried it in Price or Ogden or Provo. I suspect, though, that they probably didn’t want to risk getting shot, and more than a few people would have called the police on them…who would then have escorted them right out of town.
Thinking about getting a pet? You should read Animal Reviews first, to see if it will fulfill your needs. For example, the review of the octopus suggests that I need one, right now.
Next, Octopi are what are known as Cephalopods, a science word meaning that they are constructed entirely out of squish, with no bones whatsoever. Sensational! Yet, unlike their clearly unmotivated cousins the clam and the spinach, they have managed to get themselves hold of tentacles. And not just two or three ‘bitty’ tentacles either, but eight great big ones sticking out of their drippy bodies, whipping out to grab fish and diver’s air tanks. The only deterrent at first sight is the octopus’ overwhelmingly cold demeanour, which is at once both silent and calculating, and radiates an aura of eerie menace.
Scientific accuracy isn’t exactly their strong point.
Amazing: one short comic strip that captures my philosophy perfectly.
Gosh, now I’m done. I don’t need to write anything anymore.
We’ve finally got the piece of evidence they’ve all been asking for: a cat giving birth to a dog.
It’s only a matter of time until my attempts to hatch a bird out of my fish eggs succeed.
I’m not nominated for anything, praise Jebus.
Uh, guys? You know that trip to Ken Ham’s creation science “museum”? I think he got wind of our plans.
He’s training guard dogs now.
