The book is off to the editor! (Non-Fiction!)

Book cover of revenge of the Phantom Press. Anti-Psychic Kitty, Tom Larsen, and Juanita Vega are on the cover.

Revenge of the Phantom Press: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story. Cover design by Miblart.

I took a break from posting to finish up my Urban Fantasy novel, Revenge of the Phantom Press: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story. After working on it for two and a half years, it’s finally off to the developmental editor. It’s the first round of editing that looks at the overall story, including the plot, and characters. It’s a relief, and I’m taking a break from the book while the editor is working on it.

Revenge of the Phantom Press is the sequel to The Rift, and part of my Bolingbrook Babbler Stories series. Tom Larsen, the skeptic turned paranormal investigator, races to uncover the real story behind the Phantom Press’ return. But even with the aid of his former mentor, Juanita Vega, and Anti-Psychic Kitty, he may not survive when the past and present collide.

Tentative release is October of this year. I’ll post about beta reader opportunities when the manuscript is ready.

For now, I need to do some serious dusting.

Illuminati honors Elon Musk at the Bolingbrook Golf Club (Fiction)

Representatives from the Illuminati named Elon Musk as February’s Man of the Month during a gathering at the Bolingbrook Golf Club. 

Illinois Master Councilor Alpha said, “Last year, the Illuminati was on the verge of surrendering to the Trumpinati. Thanks to Mr. Musk’s genius, and his generous investment of $270 Million dollars, we are winning and Trump is losing!”

Musk addressed the conference from Washington, DC by video chat. At first, he silently swayed with his eyes closed. After Alpha called out Musk, Musk opened his eyes.

“Thank you for waiting,” said Musk. “I was one with the universe. Did you notice how everything was more efficient?”

The delegates responded with nervous laughter.

Musk accepted the award and bragged about spending more to buy Twitter than he did to buy the United States. He thanked China and Russia for making the “purchase” possible. Then he thanked Former President Joe Biden.

“Thanks to his timidness, my assistant President could make a political comeback. I also want to thank him for not canceling my government contracts. As the first CEO of America, I promise I won’t let my opponents get a dime of my federal funding.”

Musk then promised that his partnership with the Illuminati was a win-win arrangement. “When this coup is complete, you get the global chaos you always wanted, and I get the federal treasury. Instead of spending it on global AIDS treatments, or feeding unworthy humans, I will spend it on tax cuts for my friends, and a city on Mars for me.”

Musk then got emotional and said he appreciated the love from all members of the Illuminati. “You know, your love is so overwhelming. It makes me want to…” Musk trembled while the delegates wondered if he was about to give them a Nazi salute. Instead, Musk grabbed two hammers and seemingly used them to imitate a soldier’s goose-stepping. “You make we want to play my favorite Pink Floyd song.”

He played a music video for “Run Like Hell,” featuring the members of DOGE and himself performing a choreographed dance. The dance resembled a musical number for the move version of The Wall. Later in the video, Postmaster Louis DeJoy delivered a cardboard box with red paint splattered over it.

After the video, the members of the Illuminati gave Musk a standing ovation, followed by chants of “Fnord!”

Musk replied, “The best rocket part is no rocket part. The best FAA is no FAA. The best government is no government!”

Also in the Babbler:

Clow UFO Base braces for “evacuation” of aliens
Weredeer hold rally to support Elon Musk
Brookbot blocks DOGE “inspection” of Bolingbrook’s systems
God to smite Elon Musk on 2/12/25

Dreaming of a rainbow bridge (Non-Fiction)

Our cat Augustine (Auggie), died last week due to various health conditions finally overwhelming his body. He was a 16-year-old tabby who spent all but six weeks of his life with my wife. Auggie and my wife were inseparable at home.

At one point, we lived with three cats, and it had its joys and challenges. But Auggie was our last cat, and now the house feels empty. It’s been a hard few days, but we cherish the time we had with Auggie, and I know he was fortunate to have never known life as a stray or as a shelter cat. I’m glad I got to know and care for him.

Auggie was an expert at untying knots, and no shoelace was safe from his paws. Until a few years ago, he loved playing fetch with us. Sometimes we wondered if he was part dog.

I’ve received comments that Auggie crossed the rainbow bridge and met up with Callie and River on the other side. While I appreciate the intention, I believe Auggie is gone, and he’s not waiting for us in the afterlife. For all of us, being alive and able to think about the world around us is special. However, I can imagine him have one last dream about crossing the rainbow bridge and finding feeling at peace before his world faded away.

Babbler Special Report: Interstellar Court blocks Trump’s remote work ban for off-world employees (Fiction)

By Reporter X 

The Clow UFO Base Court of Extraterrestrial Affairs in the 109,298,291 Circuit, based in Bolingbrook, IL, ruled that off-world federal employees do not have to return their offices on Earth.

“The Interstellar Commonwealth follows the rule of law,” said Judge Kilos Surgon. “Not the whims of a human leader obsessed with orange skin.”

Surgon explained that the US Government’s contract with the Association of Off-world Employees requires the Government to honor all remote work and telework arrangements. In a state of emergency, any employee can work from home if they feel the commute would be too dangerous.

“If we believe President Trump, there is an ongoing invasion of the United States, and a yet to be named pandemic that requires closing the border. Not to mention that the President will pardon anyone who commits a violent crime in his name. Those are perfectly valid reasons to work as far away from Earth as possible.”

Government lawyers argued that only office monitoring can stop the “spread of DEI,” among the Federal Workforce.

“It’s hard to snitch when your nearest co-worker is several astronomical units away,” One lawyer of the government argued. 

Surgon asked what was wrong with diversity, inclusion, and equity programs.

“We want to go back to the days when merit mattered,” a government lawyer replied. 

“You’re asking me to believe that President Trump is more qualified than Former Vice-President Kamala Harris?” Surgon asked.

“Have you seen Kamala?”

“I think that answers my question.”

Lawyers for AOOE argued that the return to office mandate was an effort to force government workers to quit.

“If we quit, then the government won’t give us severance packages. Not only is the President a cruel man, he’s also a cheapskate!”

After the ruling, the head lawyer for the United States government, John Smith, vowed to appeal all the way to the Hive Mind.

“Our great President is a very discriminating person. He wants only the best people, and the best work in the office 80 hours a week and don’t take no for an answer.”

A lawyer for AOOE shouted, “We’ll stop working from home when President Trump stops working at Mar-a-Largo and Elon Musk gets a real job!”

 

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. 

Want to support my creative work? Check out my Urban Fantasy series, the Bolingbrook Babbler Stories. You can also buy me a coffee.

‘Our 250 year nightmare is over!’ The Babbler’s shocking predictions for 2025 (Fiction)

It’s a new year and time for our annual psychic predictions for 2025. Our council of psychics is still recovering from their visions of the next year.

Last year, our psychic predictions were on close to the mark. President Trump almost died during a speech. Representative Bill Foster won reelection. Fears of AI spread around the world. Biden’s popularity continued to drop. 

Since we’re surrounded by skeptics, we expect them to point out the minor details our psychics missed. Like LaBell never opened in Bolingbrook. Nor did we predict Biden would drop out of the race. Just like the pollsters, we didn’t predict President Trump would win by an electoral landslide. 

Psychic visions aren’t clear, and mistakes are bound to happen. In this case, they saw an older person winning the election and assumed it was President Biden. Easy mistake to make.

With that in mind, here are the Babbler’s predictions for 2025!

***

During Starship’s first orbital mission, millions will be shocked when they see Elon Musk’s dead body floating in the cargo bay. President Trump will deny any responsibility for Musk’s death. However, he’ll post his denial about 30 minutes before the world realizes Musk is dead. MAGA supporters will start threatening to “Starship” their opponents.

***

Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta, despite running unopposed, will lose to write-in candidate Sheldon Watts, a former Bolingbrook Village trustee.

Watts will say, “God told me to register as a write-in candidate. Who am I to question God? Now I’m blessed to be the new Mayor of Bolingbrook.”

The First Party for Bolingbrook will respond by suing God.

***

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s Liberal Party will shock the world by winning reelection in a landslide. Trump’s threats to annex Canada will backfire as a tidal wave of patriotism will sweep across the country.

Trudeau will say, “I’m running to be the Prime Minister of Canada. Pierre Poilievre is running to be a lowly governor. If you thought my visit to Mar-a-Largo was humiliating, wait until Pierre offers Trump the unconditional surrender of Canada. If you want to honor the brave soldiers who won the War of 1812, vote for the Liberal Party. Si vous aimez la langue française, votez pour moi!”

After the election, Alberta joins the United States. The citizens will immediately regret their decision after Trump’s first visit.

***

Thousands of US soldiers will be fired because they’re considered too “woke.” Canada will offer them jobs in their military, and most will accept. Many will also become Canadian citizens. 

One soldier will say, “Sure, my family has to wait in line for healthcare. But at least there is a line here. Canada loves me as much as I loved the United States. It’s so hard not to say, “America.”

***

In response to a US military raid into Mexico, Mexico retaliates with a surprise bombing of Texas. Hospitals, water plants, roads, and ports will be destroyed. 

The President of Mexico, Claudia Sheinbaum, will say, “Mexico has a right to defend itself, and we will strike at anyone who has ties to the Republican Party! No more land for peace deals. The only democracy north of Central America is surrounded by hostile states!”

***

President Trump will die while playing golf. President JD Vance will address the country that evening. He will start his speech by saying, “Our 250 year nightmare is over! Men are free at last.” Vance will announce the termination of the United States Constitution. He’ll warn Congress and the Supreme Court that he’ll go “Boris Yeltsin” on them if they oppose him. Near the end of his speech, a humanoid robot will walk into the Oval Office. Vance will say Elon Musk uploaded his brain into the android, and that Musk is officially the Co-President of the United States. 

Android Musk announces that he’s renamed the United States X and summoned representatives from the Red States to draft a new constitution. He says military forces will occupy the Blue States until they ratify the new constitution.

“Many of you will die during the transition to a better society,” Musk will say, “On behalf of the trillions of humans in the far future, thank you for your sacrifice.”

***

After Denmark refuses to sell Greenland to the X Vance will order the military to take it by force. Since the X left NATO, Denmark invokes Article 5 of the NATO treaty. This will be only the second time in history it’s been invoked. 

After establishing a beachhead, X troops run out of ammunition. X factories cannot manufacture enough to keep up with the demand for ammo for the troops occupying the Blue States and for the troops occupying Greenland. 

Because of purges and the occupation of Blue States, the invasion force lacks the troops to hold the beachhead. Space Force attempts to send in their marines, but none will survive free falling from orbit. X Forces will surrender, but the X media, afraid of offending Vance and Musk, will report that Greenland is now the 52nd state.

***

The year will end in the country of X with triple digit inflation, the Canadian Dollar replacing the Dollar as a safe global currency, an out-of-control polio epidemic, and Chicagoland joining Canada. Likely voters will say they’re better off now than they were in 2024. 

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. 

Want to support my creative work? Check out my Urban Fantasy series, the Bolingbrook Babbler Stories.  You can also buy me a coffee.

Neither Elon Musk, nor Space Force Marines, nor a food bank protester could derail Clow UFO Base’s 2024 Holiday Concert (Fiction)

By Reporter X

Despite Mary Alexander-Basta’s plan for a subdued holiday celebration melting faster than a snowball on Venus, Clow UFO Base once again survived its annual holiday concert.

After the concert, Alexander-Basta said, “Any holiday concert I can walk away from is a good concert!” She also pointed out this concert had the least causalities and arrests since the 1966 polka themed holiday concert. 

Deputy Mayor Michael Lawler added, “Which is pretty amazing considering all the laser beams being fired and explosions going off. I guess you could say we kicked off the holiday season with a bang.” When Alexander-Basta stared at him, he asked, “What?”

According to sources inside Clow UFO Base, Alexander-Basta insisted that the concert have a food-based theme. She hoped this would ward off the calamities that plagued past concerts.

The organizers insisted that Clow’s alien visitors wanted to hear music that proved not all humans are like President Donald Trump. Alexander-Basta insisted on the food theme and told the organizers to trust her judgement.

Said one organizer, “It was disappointing at first. Then we realized we could have a food theme and show that there are humans willing to preemptively resist!”

The concert started with Bolingbrook First Trustee candidate Bhavini Patel welcoming the audience. 

“I’m proud of our UFO Base and I’m proud to be a resident of the Brook. Bolingbrook is great because I helped plan it that way. And if you want to buy a vacation home in our village, I’ll be handing out my realtor cards by the concession booths!”

The Clow UFO Base Visitor Choir started the show. In additional to performing traditional Christmas songs, they also played Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Human Light songs. After their performance, a member took off their robe to display a t-shirt which read, “Donald Trump is the best argument for D.E.I.!” The Men in Blue escorted the being off stage. 

Former Village Clerk Carol Penning walked on stage unannounced. She sat down in her own chair and held up a bullhorn. Penning announced that staging a sit-in to protest the DuPage Township’s plan to build a new Food Bank in Bolingbrook. She asked others to join her on stage, but no one did. 

“How can you protest a food bank during the holiday season?” One alien yelled. 

Penning replied, “I’m protesting the proposed site, not the food bank itself. And I’m protesting that the Township Trustees hired someone to do a phone survey about the proposed food bank. That is so wasteful! Everything was perfect until the Democrat Party took over.”

Township administrator Jackie Traynere, who was in the front row, yelled, “Wait a minute! You didn’t complain when the Bolingbrook Park District conduced a phone survey about issuing a bond to pay for new playground equipment. Also, when the Republicans were in charge, all they did was run up legal bills, accuse each other of corruption, and flooded our offices with FOIA requests. Things were so bad that two men from Edgar County came all the way up here to complain!”

“Hey,” Penning replied, “If Donald Trump can make people nostalgic for 2020, I can make people nostalgic for the previous Township board!”

Two Men in Blue picked up Penning’s chair and carried her offstage.

“Mission Accomplished!” Penning yelled.

DuPage Township Trustee Reem Townsend took off one of her shoes and threw it in Penning’s direction.

To the surprise of the audience and the ire of Alexander-Basta, Bad Religion took the stage, and played a set that included the song “Raise your voice.” The crowd cheered and chanted “Resist! Don’t Submit!”

According to sources, Alexander-Basta asked one organizer why they selected Bad Religion. The organizer replied that there is a dish on Alpha Centauri that is pronounced “BAAD” and a dish from the Lzip Empire that is pronounced “re-eligion.” The organizer promised that the next two bands would be a better fit.

Punk rock icon Jello Biafra and a band of alien musicians took to the stage. 

“I usually perform spoken word pieces,” Biafra said. “But Trump’s re-election has put me in a singing mood.”

Biafra then launched into a rendition of “Holiday in Mar-a-Lago.” He followed up with two more songs, including “Florida Uber Alles.” 

Alexander-Basta glared at the organizer. The organizer replied, “Jello is human food.”

In-between sets, Elon Musk took to the stage, surrounded by robot bodyguards. Over the PA, Alexander-Basta asked why Musk was on stage.

Musk replied, “What a silly question. I’m the CEO of Space X, CEO of Tesla, Owner of X, President of the Musk Foundation, co-chair of DOGE and co-President of the United States. I can go wherever I want to go. Right now, I want to mingle with beings whose IQs are almost as high as mine!”

Seconds later, an explosion blasted a hole into the wall of the auditorium. A dozen Space Force marines stormed through the breach and fired at Musk. Musk’s robots shielded him and escorted Musk away.

A marine yelled, “The President doesn’t like you upstaging him.”

Musk replied, “Tell my co-President I’m the billionaire in this relationship.”

Audience members fired their weapons at Musk as well. Clow’s security robots sprayed the audience riot foam. The Men in Blue delayed the concert for 30 minutes to arrest suspects.

Ziplo, who asked that we not identify her home planet, said, “I had nothing against Mr. Musk. I just heard the shooting and thought it was CEO hunting season. That seems to be the new sport on Earth.”

Depeche Mode was the final surprise act. Dave Gahan told the audience, “We will not remember this night, but we’re going to make this night memorable for you!”

In the Mayor’s Skybox, the organizer told Alexander-Basta, “Depeche Mode. Pie à la mode. Get it?”

She replied, “Even I know they named themselves after a French Fashion Magazine.”

Depeche Mode played a full set, including the songs, “Going Backwards,” “Everything Counts,” and “Where’s the Revolution?” 

Before the last song, Gahan said, “This planet is about to experience something darker than any of our later albums. So, if you come back and humanity is gone, we hope you’ll remember how much you enjoyed this song.”

They finished their performance with the song, “Just Can’t Get Enough.” The aliens loved the song so much, they kept singing it an hour after the band left Clow and the house lights were turned on.

Alexander-Basta then took to the stage and said, “Happy Holidays. You don’t have to go back to your ships, but you can’t stay here.”

Audience member Lokdo said, “I have some hope for humanity after tonight’s show. If you guys go extinct soon, at least I know your artists tried to resist the darkness.”

Also in the Babbler:

One party rule returns to the Brook
Man frozen in 2016, horrified after waking up this year.
Local author switches from writing Billionaire Romance books to writing Health Care Vigilante Romance books
God to smite Bolingbrook on 12/13/24.

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I volunteer for or of my employer. 

Want to support my creative work? Check out my Urban Fantasy series, the Bolingbrook Babbler Stories.  You can also buy me a coffee.

LGBTQ+ People Are Not Going Back

I just found out about a blogging protest arranged by Julia Serano, against transphobia not only in the Republican Party but also among Democratic Party officials too willing to throw trans people under the bus out of fear of being labeled as the “Woke” Party.

To me, transphobia is like leftover homophobia, reheated and served to the public. The panic is a divide and conquer campaign against the entire LGBTQ+ community. The arguments used against trans people today will be reused against the rest of the LBGTQ+ community.

That some in the Democratic Party value winning elections over resisting a growing threat is a disgraceful. LBGTQ+ people are not going back, and I don’t want to go back either. The Democratic Party shouldn’t give into the bullies because the bullies will call them “woke.” Holding elected office for the sake of holding elected office is how our country got into this mess.

I’d encourage everyone to read the other LBGTQ+ People Are Not Going Back posts for more details and background.

 

Bracing for impact: Bolingbrook’s paranormal inhabitants react to Trump 2.0 (Fiction)

From the Editor: We sent our reporters out into the shadows of Bolingbrook to get local reactions to Trump’s impending return to the Presidency. These are their reports.

An alleged photo of Bolingbrook Antifa’s tank taken in 2017.

Interstellar Commonwealth and Martian Colonies vow to protect Clow UFO Base

By Reporter X

After the election, the Interstellar Commonwealth and the Martian Colonies released a rare joint statement.

“WTF?”

An hour later, the Martian Colonies announced they were doubling the number of troops guarding Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base. 

“We don’t care for humans,” said Martian military leader Quat. “But we love Clow UFO Base, and Mayor Basta isn’t bad for a human being. We will do our best to protect the base from people who wear red hats and love metal projectile launchers.”

The Interstellar Commonwealth is sending battleships to protect Clow from Space Force Marines. During Trump’s first term, Space Force Marines occupied Clow UFO Base.

“Trump threatened to use the military against his own people,” said LiGa, a representative from Commonwealth. “If Earth’s Space Force attempts to attack Clow or any other UFO Base, they can look forward to one of our long probing sessions.”

When reached for a comment, Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta said, “If the Martian Colonies want to protect Bolingbrook, who am I to stop them?”

Misogynistic weredeer clash with wereskunks and weredeer. 

A gang of misogynistic weredeer marched into Bolingbrook, and soon brawled with an alliance of weredeer and wereskunks. The Department of Paranormal Affairs reported that fighting resulted in thousands of dollars in property damages, and no injured humans. 

According to eyewitnesses, a group of 50 feral weredeer marched into Bolingbrook shouting chat, like “Your body, our choice!”, “Your womb, our babies!” and “Give us women and you won’t die!”

June, who asked that we not use her last name, said, “I used to be a fan of the fated mate trope. After seeing those weredeer, I’m switching to the woman kicking paranormal ass trope. If they think I’m their property, wait until I go Kate Daniels on them!”

A joint pack of weredogs and wereskunks ambushed the weredeer several minutes later. Eyewitness claimed the fight looked gross and smelled disgusting. 

Donna, another eyewitness, said, “I don’t know if I was throwing up because of the blood and guts or from the wereskunks spraying everything. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad they protected me from those MAGA weredeer, but did they have to use my toter as a weapon?”

When contacted, Doug, the alpha of the weredogs and Daniella, the alpha of the wereskunks announced they formed an alliance to protect Bolingbrook from “Mega Monsters.”

“We love our humans,” said Doug. “MAGA fascists want to hurt our humans because they’re mean. We won’t let them.”

Daniella added, “Dogs may be dumb, but supporting fascism is dumber! Fascists will always turn on you. So we’re turning on them first!”

The Department of Paranormal affairs released a statement that read they will not tolerate shifter violence of any kind.

Bolingbrook ANTIFA mobilizes for Trump’s second term

Despite taking a four-year hiatus, members of Bolingbrook’s ANTIFA cells say they are prepared for Trump’s second term.

“We’re repairing our tank, stocking up on burner phones, and we have plenty of working milkshake machines. By January, we’ll be ready to resist Trump’s second attempt at American carnage.”

Bolingbrook ANTIFA fought many battles against Trump and his MAGA allies, include an attempted invasion by a militia from Edgar County. One of their primary weapons was using “weapons of mass milkshaking” against their opponents. Though non-lethal, village officials claim cleaning up after a ANTIFA battle is expensive.

An anonymous official said, “Cleaning up melted ice cream is too expensive. Do you want democracy and freedom? Or do you want a lower tax bill? I think we all know the answer.”

One member of Bolingbrook ANTIFA said he started a fitness group after the TV networks declared Trump the winner. “We realized we needed to work on our strength and speed. It’s difficult punching Nazis, and we’re going to be punching a lot of them.”

Also in the Babbler:

Bolingbrook’s sister cities welcome Bolingbrook into the ‘Alliance of unfree municipalities’
Russian government denies owning Bolingbrook Today site
Alabama National Guard members ‘scout’ Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/18/14

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. 

Want to support my creative work? Check out my Urban Fantasy series, the Bolingbrook Babbler Stories. You can also buy me a coffee.

Voting for the Indieverse Awards starts today! (Non-Fiction)

Cover of A Fire in the Shadows

A Fire in the Shadows: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story

Voting for the Indieverse Awards starts today and is open to the public. My Urban Fantasy book, A Fire in the Shadows, received nominations for Best Novella and Best Voice Actor (Rachanee Lumayno). If you’ve like the book or audiobook, I’d encourage you to vote now.

The Indieverse Awards are a reader’s choice award for people in Indie Publishing. There are also awards for best book cover, best social media presence, and more. It’s an honor to be among the other talented nominees. This is the first year of the awards, which were organized by author Kristina Carmela. She’s created an online community around the awards, and I’ve enjoyed being a part of it.

I’m honored that AFITS received these nominations because I faced so many challenges after its release. A week later, my company laid me off. I almost canceled the audiobook production, but postponed instead. Marketing became a low priority as I focused on job hunting instead.

My company rehired me months later. Which meant I could go ahead with the audiobook production. Fortunately, Lumayno nailed the characters, and it was worth the wait.

While it would be exciting for the book to win either or both categories, just getting to this point is an honor.

Again, if you like the book or the audiobook version, I’d love it if you’d cast a vote. Voting runs from today until November 10.

Sadly, it will be the least stressful election this month.