I’m doing well and god had nothing to do with it!

I feel like I’m starting a new chapter in life. For the past couple of days, I’ve been completely pain-free. I’m not tired, I’m not sore, and I feel really good. 

And I have a job interview next week!

This weekend we are having a garage sale. Our house has been so cluttered. It’s stifling. It feels so good to be getting rid of so much stuff! With everything we’ve been going through, it almost feels symbolic. Out with the old, in with the new!

I’ve been through so much shit the past couple of years, and things are finally looking up. I appreciate all the people who said they were praying for me, but god had nothing to do with it. I’m giving myself credit. I pulled through.

Humans are resilient creatures. We need to give ourselves credit. I’d love to hear some stories! What have you overcome in life? Let’s give ourselves a pat on the back! We made it!

Art Show: True Beauty 2024

My piece, “Flower in Her Hair”, is in an art show that opened today! I promise this isn’t another flower show. Check it out here.

Thank you for your support! I just keep bouncing back and forth between writing poetry and drawing. I feel so grateful to have the opportunity to do the things I love, and there’s just so much I want to do!

Independence

I’ve been feeling a little down lately. Even though I’m no longer using crutches, recovering from knee surgery is taking longer than I thought, and it’s frustrating. I’m still a little sore and tired, and my activity is unfortunately still limited. Last week, I mowed the lawn and took a walk around the block. I definitely pushed it a little too far. I was planning on mowing the lawn again tomorrow, and I cried when I told my husband that he should do it instead of me. I don’t like feeling helpless. 

This whole experience has made me think about independence in general. I’m not a very independent person, but now, after having to depend on my husband for everything, I really want to become more independent. Where I stand now, if something ever happened to my husband, I think I’d be screwed. I depend on my husband financially and really lean on him when I’m feeling anxious (which is often). I just want to learn to do more things on my own.

I have been looking for a second job, and I am going to get a little more serious about it once my knee feels better. I think when I’m able to contribute more financially, and even just being out of the house more, I will feel a little more independent. 

Is independence important to you? What do you do to make sure you can stand on your own two feet? 

 

Edit to add: I have a job interview!!!

Mother (poem)

Lonely as the quiet of the winter,
her body stood like the ghost of a skyscraper –
once strong, now empty.
Emerald leaves whisper in the breeze –
lullabies grounded in comfort.
She knows her station in this world –
stoic and still.
Her strength and beauty
a fixture in the backdrop –
forgotten but always present.

Check out this sign at my work.

When I returned to work last week, I noticed this sign in the mailroom, and I’ve been thinking a lot about it.


Of course, I was a little offended, but not enough to really speak up about it. It definitely warranted a slow and dramatic eye roll though. 

What’s the point of posting this at work? Is there something going on that I don’t know about? Are people not keeping their private lives, private? 

Is there a meaning I’m not seeing? Is there another way to interpret this that isn’t so offensive?

According to Google:

Looking up the definition of faith didn’t help me find a different way to interpret it or apply it to my life.

Maybe the complete trust in someone or something is supposed to be me?

I don’t know. What do you think of this sign? Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad if it didn’t end with “Amen!” 

The woo at my work never ceases to amaze me. 

Art Show Update

I am walking, driving, and back to work! I’m sore and tired, but it gets a little better every day.

One of my drawings was accepted into Flowers for Peace 2024 with Red Bluff Art Gallery. You can check out the exhibit here. It is the same piece that got into Botanicals 24. The show just opened today and I am so impressed by the other artwork! So cool!

I was also accepted into a show called True Beauty 2024. I will share a link when it opens on June 12th.

I’m sorry I haven’t written much in the past week. I am just trying to get back into the groove of things now that I’m not stuck recovering from knee surgery at home. Thank you for your support!

Are you fascinated by what frightens you?

I think I’ve asked this question before but for some reason, this topic seems to blow my mind. I’m just so fascinated with how our brains and emotions work – especially in tense situations. I have put in so much effort over the years to learn how to cope with anxiety. It’s really been a lifelong battle and the solutions are often unique to each individual suffering. Anxiety definitely serves a purpose, even though sometimes it seems irrational or at the very least inflated. Does learning about what scares us ease anxiety? Maybe. It’s just so interesting where our minds take us.

I’m terrified of tornadoes. We’re in tornado season right now and from what I see on the news, it’s been a rough one. I live in Middle America so severe weather is unavoidable.

Here in Ohio, tornado season starts in April. To amplify my fear, I had knee surgery on April 2nd and am unable to get to the basement. Well, at least not quickly. My plan when I hear the sirens is to try and get in the bathtub. Luckily, my neighborhood hasn’t had any tornado warnings yet this year. I was happy to have surgery in April so that I would recover by summer, but the ability to get to the basement was always in the back of my mind.

Despite the fear, I am so fascinated with tornadoes! A few years ago, I signed up to take the SkyWarn Storm Spotter training, but I got strep throat and couldn’t go. I was so upset! I haven’t seen it offered locally since.

I think what’s so frightening as well as fascinating about tornadoes is that they are still so unpredictable. Yes, you can see rotation on radar, but we still rely on sightings from the ground, too. When you hear the siren, you could have ten minutes to take cover or thirty seconds. You just don’t know. A lot of the time you’re lucky – tornado warnings are lifted and nothing happened, but at the same time, one minute your house can be standing and the next minute everything you know can be gone. You just never know. Tornadoes happen every year and there’s no escape. You never know when it’s your turn to feel Mother Nature’s wrath. I love living in the Midwest but you can’t help but feel vulnerable. 

No one can predict the future, so I guess this applies to a lot of things in life. (Yes, this is my struggle with anxiety.) 

I’m just curious, are you fascinated with things that frighten you?

Last year on April 5th, I wrote a poem about tornadoes. It’s been a while since our area was hit by a big one, and we’re due. The news had been warning us about severe weather for a few days. Everyone was saying this was going to be bad. I was at the office and around lunchtime, everyone just left. We all went home to hunker down for what was supposed to be a very stormy afternoon.

Nothing happened. There was a collective sigh of relief. But here’s the poem:

 

Twisted Storm

 

Unavoidable risk
of uncertain danger –
there’s nowhere to run
but do your best to hide.
My life dangles in time.
The forecast tells us
to prepare for something
you truly can’t prepare for.
An afternoon of mental chaos
and impending disaster –
the day was unsettling
from the start.
Wake up to seventy degrees
on the fifth day of April –
for once the warmth
is unwelcome.
Fear comes
from an unforgiving sky.
Scattered brain.
Scattered home.
What will the world
look like tomorrow?
Dreams broken.
Goodbyes unspoken.
Until next time –
please pass over me.

 

So, is everyone outside of America (or the Midwest and South) wondering why I live here now? The truth is I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I grew up here and storms are just a part of life. I just think it’s so interesting that I’m fascinated by something I’ve been scared of my whole life. I get excited every time it storms – both good and bad excitement. I kind of love storms in a way. The nervous energy can be such a rush! I can’t exactly explain why I feel this way. Have you ever experienced something like that?