I have learned the appropriate response to an invitation to a “gender reveal” party.

A mortifying disaster of epic, reputation ruining proportions was avoided by a Waterford couple after friends and family intervened to successfully reason with them, WWN can reveal.

Sarah and Michael Corkley (both 26) had circulated the idea they intended to have a ‘gender reveal party’ following the happy news Sarah was pregnant with the couple’s first child. However, the idea was labeled at best ‘a load of American horlicks’ and at worst ‘would you two eejits ever cop on to yourself before you ruin the Corkley name for generations to come’ by those closest to them.

“I flat out pretended I’ve never heard of that awful ‘reveal’ shite when they told me. I told them I’d march straight into the hospital and steal the scan and tell them the baby’s gender if they didn’t wise up,” Sarah mother Jackie explained to WWN.

I have no idea what “horlicks” are, but it sounds about right to me.

Unfortunately, I’ve never had the opportunity to turn down such an invitation, since my relatives, friends, and colleagues all seem to be level-headed intelligent people who would similarly recoil at the idea of putting on such a silly spectacle.

I’ve been getting a lot of email like the below lately. I thought I’d share it with you.

Hi PZ Myers,

Be still my heart. They spelled it correctly! Now I’m much more willing to listen to their pitch.

Following up one last time in case you missed my last email about partnering with our upcoming campaign for 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡, a bitcoin rewards platform!

Oy. Bitcoin. Well, they squandered that one shred of goodwill already. Fuck off and die.

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 gives you free bitcoin/money when you shop online like groceries, sneakers, tech, and more. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 is partnered with over 1,000 top brands like Nike, eBay, & StockX for up to 30% bitcoin back on your purchases! Some of 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡’s most recent backers include Mr. Beast, Cody Ko & Philip DeFranco.

That was useful information at least. I’ll be sure to never watch Mr Beast, Cody Ko, or Philip DeFranco, whoever they are — all I know at this point is that they must be assholes. Not into Nike or eBay, either, and never heard of StockX.

We’re looking for an integrated video on Youtube and/or Instagram Stories that will highlight the use and benefits of using 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡. We want to encourage viewers to download 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 (extension & iOS mobile app) and sign-up for an account to earn free bitcoin on their everyday purchases!

If you’re interested, please send us your rates & media kit for YouTube / Instagram if you have them and we can send you more details about the collaboration. Looking forward to hearing from you!

OK.

Bwahahahahaha! Readers, if you suddenly see yourself inundated with 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 ads (obscuring emojis will be removed once my demands are met), just console yourself with the fact that I’ll be in Mexico or Australia or the Brazilian upcountry (places rich in spiders) enjoying my retirement in wealth and ease. Maybe I’ll travel between all three! And New Guinea! And Nigeria! Oh the places I’ll go!

Did you get a valentine from Iliana? She’s been busy autographing them.

P.S. It wasn’t that long ago that I learned that she got her name from…a Star Trek episode. My daughter & son-in-law are great big nerds. I am so proud.

I just got back from my epic trek through the Arctic wilderness to reach the grocery store. This was an urgent emergency mission. See, here’s a pantry shelf:

You may look at that and tell me, “no, there’s no hurry here, you have plenty of cat food,” but you would be wrong. There is only one can of cat food there. Our cat will only eat Fancy Feast, and then only the seafood varieties, and no, none of that “gravy” crap, she only wants Fancy Feast Seafood Pate. Anything else, and she will walk away with a look of disgust, and will probably vomit all over the floor.

We’ve tried everything else. She is an extremely finicky eater.

I have been going to the grocery store for over a month looking for her brand, with no luck. That shelf is totally bare at the store, and has been for weeks and weeks. We’re down to our last can. When that’s gone…I fear there will be a bloodbath. I figure we’ve got maybe a week, perhaps a little more if I stretch it out.

If the blog goes silent next week, call the cops. Tell them to mobilize that stupid SWAT team and their tank that we’re wasting taxpayer money on, and bring the big guns, and be prepared before they open the door. There will be a berserker cat waiting for them.

It’s a little after 9am, and I have now completed everything: got this week’s lab set up, got tomorrow’s lecture prepped, finished a really cool book, and now the day yawns open before me, with lovely blue skies and -20°C temperatures. I think that means I can go take a walk. Get some exercise. Pick up some groceries. Breathe a little bit.

Only a little bit, though, because the student homework starts streaming into my computer by midnight.

Maybe I’ll tell you about the book later. Walk first.

I already told you my university is removing the vaccine mandate for attendance at large public events, and now the major cities are removing them, too.

Twin Cities Mayors Melvin Carter and Jacob Frey on Thursday jointly rescinded their vaccine-or-test emergency regulations for restaurants, bars and entertainment venues, effective immediately, as COVID-19 infections and hospitalizations rapidly decline.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. This is bonkers. Yes, the numbers are going down, we’re past the peak, but look at the difference in the case rate between vaccinated and unvaccinated.

So we’re going to reduce the incentives for the unvaccinated to get vaccinated. These chickenshit politicians are calling it “invasive regulation”, when it’s a mundane public health measure, in the same way that we expect children to be vaccinated before they go off to school. It makes no sense. It’s pandering to Republicans.

Or maybe it’s something more nefarious. The Democrats see a way to reduce the number of Republican voters permanently. Hey, Mr MAGA Hat, please do cough and sneeze all over your friends at a rally, and while you’re at it, go play in traffic. We won’t get you all, but if we cripple you financially by throwing you on the mercies of your preferred health care system, or invalid you out with long COVID, we’ll be hampering your future effectiveness as a political force. <cackles evilly>

No, not really, I don’t endorse that. You’re already enough of a drag on society, and I don’t want to encourage a reservoir for new mutations to fester.

Meanwhile, as we wait for the next surge, here are some recommendations for you sensible people.

I’m using N94 & N95 masks entirely now. It’s kind of a shame, because last year there was a little cottage industry of artists making lovely cloth masks, but those are no longer recommended, unless worn as part of a set of layers. Things better not get so bad that I need a PAPR to go grocery shopping!

I also don’t understand the resistance to wearing masks. It’s -12°C and snowing with 55 km/hr winds here — even without a pandemic I’d be wearing a mask.