Heretical notion, not much to it, but it makes more sense the canon version of events.  I am constantly confronted with the suffering of humanity.  Being created means experiencing pain, anguish, humiliation, and death.  That’s a lot of bullshit which can be squarely laid at the feet of the creator, right?

So god sees what he’s done and is like, hm, would it help if you could return the favor to me?  Make me suffer, humiliate me, watch me die?  And we say, yes, thank you, and do a number on his avatar.  But the resurrection makes his death cheap.  I’m far from the first to point that out, but in the context of this theory, it’s worse than usual.

Let’s get “gnostic” – that is to say, for the purpose of this post, let’s suppose the mainstream version of events was written by a great deceiver, a demiurge trying to bend us to the will of a god who isn’t there, make us feel guilty for our own suffering.  In truth, jesus died and stayed dead, god’s final apology and absolution for the horrors he inflicted upon us.

His death frees us to become rulers of our own destiny, and gives us the fond memory of a scapegoat for all our pain.  Getting bullied at school?  Imagine the person responsible for you being there, being scourged and driven through the streets.  Feeling chronic pain you know will only be relieved by your death?  Picture the guy what did it to you, nailed to the cross, struggling to breathe.  About to die, wishing more of your life could have been pleasant, or that you at least had a little more time to try?  At least the guy who did that to you got shanked in the side, knowing full well the only relief he’d experience was – like for you – nonexistence.

I expect you to discuss this in the comments with the gravity of the college of cardinals.  Thank you.

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