This also says something about Texas

Pat Hayes wonders about the sensibilities of Minnesotans:

What is it about Minnesota — the cold winter weather, perhaps — that seemingly helps our northern neighbors see this issue more clearly than others?

You might also note that Canadians aren’t mired in a bloody mess in Iraq, either, suggesting that there is some bracing quality to the Northlands.

I’ll tell you the secret. Superconducting silicaceous brains.

A troubling trend

Now we’ve got unconfirmed rumors that Steve Irwin was born again shortly before he died. You may recall that Charles Darwin was also tarred with claims of a deathbed conversion, too.

The message is clear. Don’t convert, or you’ll die.

The only question is whether it’s Jesus that does the execution, or whether wandering evangelicals are actually serial killers. And since I don’t believe in Jesus…

It’s official, don’t question it

Rocket science isn’t my bag, but I have done brain surgery (on animals, not people), and I’ve done a lot of single cell neuro work, so I have to agree with this report that assesses the relative merits of the two disciplines:

“It does require a superior intellect to function as a rocket scientist,” the article concedes. “Having said that, though, rocket science is not brain surgery.”

The real clincher in the article, the one that demonstrates the perspicacity of this research, is this final assessment by a University of Minnesota expert:

“The fact of the matter is, the smartest people in the world have always been, and will always be, University of Minnesota experts,” he said.

Don’t argue with me, my authority is now unassailable.

(via James T. Downey)

Your vagina: gateway to information

More information is always good, so I have to endorse this brand new initiative from our government.

It doesn’t go quite far enough, though. Evolution has screwed mankind over by making women’s fertility cryptic—many primates express overt signals as they become receptive, such as swelling and reddening of the vulva, and we don’t get any visible signs at all. Let’s use technology to return to those halcyon days, and imbed women with LH monitors that change color: from gray on infertile days, to pink as hormone levels rise, to flashing red to announce, “She’s ovulating, boys!” I wouldn’t suggest anything as crude as mounting the device on her vulva, though: on the forehead would be fine.

The device should also have some ports to enable coupling it to fashion accessories. Wouldn’t a police siren hat plugged into the fertility monitor be attractive?

I better patent this idea, quick.