That’s more like it

While it’s nice to have the Dilbonians* still whimpering and howling in frustration and fury, here’s an even better testimonial to my talents:

PZ, I’m sorry I slighted you. I now have seen the light. You lull your victims into a false sense of security by manifesting as a mild-mannered biology prof, but in reality you are an unspeakably hideous hybrid of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, living in a shadow lair beyond time and space, called Minnesota. You suck your victims’ brains out through their eye sockets and gorge until sated. You are the very embodiment of evil.

I am well pleased. I shall let him live a little longer, although I may have to sup on his bandwidth a bit more.

*What I’m finding amusing right now is all the Dilbert fans who are showing up in the comments and complaining that I’m obsessed and that I need to stop picking on poor Scott Adams…5 days after I wrote the post. I wonder; do they think the post goes away when they don’t look at it, and I’m busily retyping it over and over again so it’ll be there when they look a second time? Peek-a-boo is cute when played with 2 year olds, but I expect people who know how to use the internet to have mastered the concept of object permanency.

Would you date this woman?

Tara is talking about a trial that’s putting the HIV-denialists in the same position the creationists were in the Kitzmiller trial—having to publicly defend absurdities in a critical venue. It sounds like they aren’t coming off well, and this might be another trial where we collect amusing snippets of testimony. Maybe I just have a sick sense of humor, but I thought this was hilarious.

She was asked by prosecutor Sandi McDonald whether “you would have unprotected vaginal sex with a HIV-positive man”.

“Any time,” replied Ms Papadopulos-Eleopulos.

Slut.

Magic for professors

The Little Professor has A Compendium of Professorial Magic that looks useful—I’m going to have to master these.

The list, though, is of low level spells. I think I really need an “Enchant Knowledge” area-effect spell that infuses all of the targets with mastery of the subject matter. It’s probably a ninth-level spell, I’m afraid, and I’m going to have to get more experience before I can handle it. (Knocking over creationists is probably analogous to fending off a kobold raid—tedious hack-and-slash that garners darned little experience, and they don’t even have any loot worth harvesting.)

Keep that away from me!

Uh-oh…now there’s a magic spray to turn you into a believer.

…don’t you wish there was a God who could just make it all right for you? Wouldn’t it be nice if God could clean up the vomit, instantly heat the water, wash your shirts daily, and always keep your car full of gas? But what darn luck…you don’t believe in God!

Well have we got the solution for you! The scientists at Jesus Had A Sister Productions have been hard at work, and are ready to help you get that much desired faith lift you’ve been saving up for.

That’s right. Surrender yourself to that higher power with a pepper-minty faith-enhancing breath spray! You’ve seen this product on TV, and now it’s time to try it for yourself!

I hope someone comes out with a handy-dandy industrial-sized bottle of God-B-Gone to counter this.