Come on! I double-dog-dare you!

New York Daily News photo of Trump with face covered with clown emoji courtesy of Yoursr Truly, with headline that reads "Feds look to rename Penn Station, potentially for Trump, in transit priorities letter" and a blurb that says " In a letter sent Wednesday to Senate leadership on several committees, Duffy lists “administration priorities” for the federal rebuilding of the nation’s busiest rail hub."

This grand plan to rename New York’s Penn Station after Donald Trump has been kicking around for a while now, yet you may be surprised to learn that I AM ALL FOR IT. In fact, I cannot wait for this to happen!

It is a well-known fact that the sheer scale of this administration’s delusions of grandeur is matched only by its epic incompetence. Look what they did to a shallow pool ferchrissakes, and just imagine how badly they can fuck up a train station! (Note that this is not the part I am excitedly looking forward to, but it seems inevitable, with or without Trump’s name slapped all over it.)

It is also a well-known fact that much of our fair city holds a visceral disgust – dare I say hatred? – for the current president, a sentiment that stretches back long before he had any political ambitions.

A third well-known fact is that New York City is home to an enormous population of extraordinarily creative people, the vast, VAST majority of whom I’d venture are far-left terrorists lefties eager to protest the current political regime.

I think you can see where I’m coming from and where I’m going with this, which seems particularly apropos for a post about a train station.  [Read more…]

Iris haz disappoint. :|

Last Friday I was informed that Marco Rubio, the U.S. Secretary of State, has launched an international crusade against “far-left terrorists.”

As a committed disciple of the philosophy of nonviolence-except-in-self-defense-or-defense-of-another – or NEISDODOA, as it is commonly known 🤣 – I was particularly keen to find out what horrific, bloody mayhem these “far-left” evildoers were getting up to. Terrorism in the name of leftist causes IS NOT HELPFUL. It makes the rest of us nonviolent lefties look bad by association, and sets us all back in our quest for world domination single-payer healthcare for all.

via DropSite News:

Speaking at a conference attended by officials from more than 60 countries, Secretary of State Marco Rubio said that the U.S. is building an “international counterterrorism coalition” focused on transnational far-left networks, alleging links to Iranian proxies and Cuba. Rubio promised further terrorist designations …

Oh no, I thought. I’ve been a supporter and activist for leftist causes for my whole adult life, and yet I have never once encountered a single Iranian proxy! Well, not that I know of anyway. I have indeed met quite a few Cubans in Miami over the years. But these particular Cubans only seemed interested in serving up ridiculously delicious Cuban food at their South Beach restaurants after 4am when the clubs all closed. Had this whole leftist-Iranian-proxy-Cuban-terrorism-campaign been operating right under my nose for decades?!

Naaaaah. [Read more…]

Gilead, here we come!

Lard, I hate waking up to shit like this. Especially when I’m only really interested in the latest news about the War on Photosynthesis currently taking place in the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool. I can’t stop laughing about it! Every new update has me in stitches.

A person wearing a cartoonish, pink and white, inflatable frog costume that says “AMPHIFA” across its belly, standing next to the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool, and carrying a sign overhead that reads “FIRST THEY CAME for the ALGAE…”

That is some funny shit right there.

But not today. Today, I see this:

The Washington Post | Alert | Breaking News | June 26, 8:11 p.m. EDT | Trump’s Religious Liberty Commission takes aim at separation of church and state | The Trump administration issued a draft report from the commission that says the separation concept is a legal error and that Americans should view religion as an “essential support.” The 224-page report also recommended the DOJ issue guidance to promote “an originalist understanding” of how the Constitution sees the relationship between religion and government.

A legal error! Well gosh, I wonder which part of their much-touted and specifically-sworn-to U.S. Constitution’s First Amendment our esteemed “Supreme” court will rewrite, strike dead, or pretend not to understand? (Oooh, is Polymarket taking bets on this yet? Asking for a friend…) Because sure as shit, that court is where this “legal error” will end up.

For those who may want a quick refresher, the First Amendment to the United States Constitution reads:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

That part in bold is commonly referred to as the “establishment clause,” though I have always wondered why it isn’t called the “non-establishment clause.”

But hey, I’m no constitutional scholar! And even though I’m a native English speaker (albeit one with a baaaad Philly accent when I get drunk), I may not understand what those English words in that ol’ First Amendment mean. For all I know, they might mean “all laws must respect the establishment of a few approved sects of the roughly 45,000 different versions of the Christian religion, and prohibit the free exercise of anything else.” And the really amazing part is those words will have meant exactly this for the past 250 years! I know, right? The men who wrote it, and all the judges who have taken it more or less at face value for centuries, will all turn out to have been COMPLETELY WRONGHEADED about what the establishment clause means.

Lest you think I’m being a tad histrionic, these same Supreme Assholes have already done this to the Second Amendment. That one says in its entirety:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Just so you know what a hopelessly illiterate dingbat you’re reading right now, I must confess that there was a time, not so long ago, when I actually believed that (omg this is so embarrassing!) the words “well regulated” and “Militia” and “being necessary to the security of a free State” had something to do with… a well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State! LOL! I was so confused I thought the aforementioned necessary and well regulated Militia was the context and justification for peoples’ right to bear arms.

facepalm emoji

Thankfully, the six superior intellects sitting on the nation’s highest court set me straight about that foolishness. I have come to understand that the words of the Second Amendment mean “EVERYONE CAN OPEN CARRY EVERYWHERE AT ALL TIMES.” Not only that, but the Second Amendment has always meant that! For the past 250 years! See, it’s just that in all that time, nobody else had the penetrating insight, encyclopedic historical knowledge, and time-traveling capabilities of our six conservative Justices.

WHITE PEOPLE: LET’S ALL FORFEIT OUR VOTES TO BLACK WOMEN.

photo of the U.S. "Supreme" Court

U.S. “Supreme” Court (image: public domain via rawpixel)

In Callais v. Louisiana, the United States “Supreme” Court just eviscerated the Voting Rights Act of 1965, an extraordinarily hard-won piece of federal legislation aimed at ending racial discrimination in voting.

The tl;dr version is this:

The ruling effectively invalidates Section 2 of the VRA as it has been understood for four decades without explicitly striking down the statute… By allowing for the dismantling of minority districts currently held by Democrats, the ruling could provide the GOP enough additional seats to lock in the party’s control of the House for a generation.

There is nothing surprising about a 6-3 SCOTUS opinion wherein the six-asshole majority rewrites, neuters and/or hollows-out laws duly enacted by Congress or states that do not uphold white cis-het christian male supremacy. Conservatives are constitutionally (<-hahaha) incapable of envisioning a culture, society, community, institution, family structure, or indeed any human relationship that does not embody a strict hierarchy, as arbitrary, amoral, or immoral as it may be. This is why conservatives by nature hate democracy: because democracy is, at least aspirationally, a real-world manifestation of equality. One person = one vote.

THE HORROR. 😱

After Callais, the gerrymandering frenzy in Republican-led states has gone into hyperdrive, in an effort to lock in a permanent gain of House seats for the GOP. Dem politicians are responding accordingly in a manic frenzy to rewrite electoral maps in blue states to counter these measures.

The Dem reaction is all fine and dandy, and probably necessary in the immediate aftermath of the court’s transparently racist and anti-democratic excrescence. But the real travesty here will not be remedied so easily: racial minorities will remain disenfranchised and significantly underrepresented for the foreseeable future.

Gee Iris, I can hear you asking, What can I possibly do about this malevolent shitfuckery? Fear not! For I have the answer:

WHITE PEOPLE:
LET’S ALL FORFEIT OUR VOTES TO BLACK WOMEN.

No, I am not joking.

[Read more…]

And this is…news?

To anyone? Srsly?

Wahington Post banner logo

picture of the headquarters of the Southern Baptist convention.

News Alert
May 22, 4:01 p.m. EDT

Southern Baptist leaders covered up sex abuse, lied to members about secret database, explosive report shows

Leaders in the Southern Baptist Convention released a major third-party investigation that found that sex abuse survivors were often ignored, minimized and “even vilified” by top leaders in the nation’s largest Protestant denomination.

Read more [@Washington Post]

Why? So we can “learn” that the hierarchy at an ultra- conservative, openly misogynist, church has a hideous history of sexually abusing women and girls (and probably boys and men too) and covering it up for decades?

You guys, it’s so weird! I feel like I could have written this exact story, word for word, without seeing anything more than the headline.

Yeah, I must be psychic or something. ‘CUZ THAT’S THE ONLY EXPLANATION THAT MAKES ANY SENSE AMIRITE.

Emoji: big eyeroll

 

Louisiana to become El Salvador, i.e., hell.

[CONTENT WARNING: child rape, teen suicide, fanatical hostility to bodily autonomy and consent, extreme misogyny, and probably some other shit I could be too triggered to recall.]

Photo of a Salvadoran woman crying in court, flanked by two law enforcement personnel.In In this December 2017 photo, Salvadoran Teodora Vasquez, found guilty of what the court said was an illegal abortion via a miscarriage, arrives in a courtroom to appeal her 30-year prison sentence.
(AP Photo/Salvador Melendez)

Perhaps you have heard about Louisiana’s latest bill classifying all abortions as homicides? Anyone found to help facilitate an abortion, from the person(s) performing it to the involuntary organ donor who wants or needs it will be charged with homicide, with the potential penalty of life in prison. There is no exception for rape, incest, or when fetuses are incompatible with life (e.g. anencephaly).

The bill, HB813, passed out of committee on a 7-2 vote; it now faces the full legislature, and if passed, will land on the desk of Democratic Governor John Bel Edwards. But before you entertain visions of victorious vetoes dancing around in your head, you should know that Governor Edwards has been a hardcore advocate for involuntary organ donation (by other people) as a governor, and previously as a state lawmaker. He has already signed into law one of the most draconian anti-abortion laws in the country, outlawing the procedure upon the detection of a heartbeat, which is about six weeks gestation and before many people know they are pregnant.

[Read more…]

BREAKING: Abattoir goes international, welcomes new involuntary organ donors!

Black & white photo of equipment and staff at a U.S. Army medical facility circa WWI.

The Abattoir is quickly expanding its involuntary organ donor pool – we are now operating in Australia!

It turns out some prominent Australians feel so very strongly about other people involuntarily donating organs, it is only fair and just that they live by this principle themselves.

Thanks to commenters gijoel and mathscatherine, who provided candidate names and links to evidence that unquestionably qualifies these donors, we are now happily harvesting organs from:

 

  • Bernie Finn, Victoria, Australia “Liberal” MP.
    (qualifying criteria: commenting on unwanted pregnancies resulting from rape, “Babies should not be killed for the crime of his or her parent.”)
  • Tony Abbott, former prime minister of Australia.
    (qualifying criteria: calling abortion decriminalization “effectively infanticide on demand.”)

 

Remember, people: our mission is SAVING LIVES of children, women, and men who die every single day for lack of a life-saving donor organ. #savingbabies #prolife

[Read more…]

The Abattoir.

Once upon a time, I had another blog called Perry Street Palace™. It was (and still is imho) a wonderful place, with its own zoo, an extensive library, and of course a bar. But perhaps its most ambitious operation was The Abattoir.

The Abattoir has been sorely neglected since I joined FtB, and definitely needed some updating. Thus I am proud to announce the Grand Reopening of The Abattoir, in its sparkling new location, Freethought Blogs!

__________

Welcome to the Abattoir!

Black & white photo of equipment and staff at a U.S. Army medical facility circa WWI.

Here, we perform extractions of lifesaving organs–whether people consent to them or not!

Don’t worry! The Abattoir does not harvest organs from just anyone, willy-nilly. That would be morally reprehensible, barbaric, and inhumane. You see, all of our involuntary organ donors meet one, and only one, very specific criteria: they would eagerly and happily force other people to donate lifesaving organs  without the donor’s consent. And these donors do so with absolutely no regard for the harm this may cause, whether physically, psychologically or financially. Since all of The Abattoir’s donors feel so very strongly about this particular principle, it is only just and fair that they live by it!

[Read more…]

Happy International Women’s Day! Or, not!

Today, March 8, is International Women’s Day. The day was first professed by the Socialist Party of America in 1909, the idea arising from women’s rights movements in industrializing nations around the turn of the last century. Its purpose is to celebrate the achievements of women throughout history, as well as engage in the ongoing struggle for gender equality.

March is also Women’s History Month. <-That is a website curated by the U.S. Library of Congress that showcases women’s battles and triumphs with interesting and informative stories, audio, video and still images.

If you are a dude and still reading this post: here, have a cookie. (I baked them myself.) That’s for seeing the word “women’s” and not immediately deciding to GTFO.

However, if you are a dude blogger, social media influencer, or a Big Willie with a platform of any kind? [Read more…]