Last Friday I was informed that Marco Rubio, the U.S. Secretary of State, has launched an international crusade against “far-left terrorists.”

As a committed disciple of the philosophy of nonviolence-except-in-self-defense-or-defense-of-another – or NEISDODOA, as it is commonly known 🤣 – I was particularly keen to find out what horrific, bloody mayhem these “far-left” evildoers were getting up to. Terrorism in the name of leftist causes IS NOT HELPFUL. It makes the rest of us nonviolent lefties look bad by association, and sets us all back in our quest for world domination single-payer healthcare for all.

via DropSite News:

Speaking at a conference attended by officials from more than 60 countries, Secretary of State Marco Rubio said that the U.S. is building an “international counterterrorism coalition” focused on transnational far-left networks, alleging links to Iranian proxies and Cuba. Rubio promised further terrorist designations …

Oh no, I thought. I’ve been a supporter and activist for leftist causes for my whole adult life, and yet I have never once encountered a single Iranian proxy! Well, not that I know of anyway. I have indeed met quite a few Cubans in Miami over the years. But these particular Cubans only seemed interested in serving up ridiculously delicious Cuban food at their South Beach restaurants after 4am when the clubs all closed. Had this whole leftist-Iranian-proxy-Cuban-terrorism-campaign been operating right under my nose for decades?!

Naaaaah.

I detected the familiar stench of deranged bullshit emanating from Rubio’s entire premise. For one thing, if there were campaigns of “far-left terrorism” happening anywhere, not just in the U.S. but around the world, wouldn’t we all be hearing about it 24/7/365? Corporate media is owned by right-wing billionaires, and you know they would be all over that shit, day and night. I also remembered that Iran is not, in fact, a leftist country AT ALL, its conservatism rivaled only by places like Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, and lately of course, by the United States. So, you know, there’s that.

Now to be fair, just yesterday a dude was taken into custody after he “deployed an incendiary device outside a New York federal building,” according to this link in an AP email newsletter this morning. AP also reported “The FBI New York Joint Terrorism Task Force was investigating smoke and flames outside of 26 Federal Plaza.”

Knowing what we know about right-wing terrorists storming federal buildings, murdering cops, and seeking to assassinate members of Congress along with the sitting Vice President on January 6, 2020, the reported incident first struck me as a lone wolf-type of operator, hopefully wearing an epically outrageous costume, and likely set on terrorizing anti-ICE protesters who convene at that location when the immigration court is in session.

From the New York Daily News:

A lone anti-ICE protester launched fireworks that grazed a bystander outside 26 Federal Plaza in Lower Manhattan Monday morning, poured gasoline over the entrance stairs and set them alight, and fired a pellet gun, authorities said.

U.S. Army veteran Andrew Arrabaca, wearing a military-style helmet and pulling a cart with a sign reading “ICE off our streets,” allegedly set off the fireworks — and inadvertently injured an asylum seeker.

Oof. Left-wing terrorism: I’m pretty sure YER DOIN’ IT RONG.

No word yet on whether this dude, who hails from Poughkeepsie, had any contact with leftist Iranian proxies or Cubans. Nevertheless, the reaction of local authorities was swift and severe: city authorities immediately convened an international conference focused on transnational far-left networks, alleging links to Iranian proxies and Cuba. It was the only sensible thing to do under these circumstances.

I KID! I kid. That is not what happened. Instead, our fair city’s (Socialist! Muslim!) mayor issued a statement:

“What occurred outside of 26 Federal Plaza this morning was deeply disturbing,” Mayor Mamdani said. “I’m relieved that no one was seriously injured and that a suspect is in custody.”

“Our administration will continue to ensure that every New Yorker is safe in their city, and that we hold anyone accountable who threatens that,” he added.

By which he also implicitly means safe from ICE, but unlike his MAGA counterparts he doesn’t say the quiet parts out loud.

Rest assured: I will update you all as soon as Andrew Arrabaca’s links to those dastardly Iranian proxies and/or Cubans are identified! Watch this space!

But let’s go back to Marco Rubio’s international shitshow last Friday, as there are a few other items in DropSite’s coverage of the event worth our attention .

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent said the government is examining nonprofits and charities for alleged illicit financing, foreign influence, and tax-exempt abuse, while claiming a “new operational alliance” between “international Marxism and radical Islamic movements.”

Radical Islamic Marxists? RADICAL, ISLAMIC MARXISTS?!! Wait, are we all trapped in a Monty Python sketch or something? Or maybe, just maaaaybee, Poughkeepsie dude is a…

…radical Islamic Marxist.

But my absolute, hands-down favorite gem is this one:

Homeland Security Adviser Stephen Miller said NSPM-7 would be used to debank, defund, and disrupt left-wing groups, dismissing civil-liberties objections and calling them “enemies of civilization.”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Stephen Miller calling anyone or anything “enemies of civilization” should win some kind of official award for “Psychological Projection of the Century.”

Stephen Miller is the villain behind the most morally monstrous, civilization-destabilizing policies of both Trump administrations, particularly the second. Deadly, militarized operations enforcing draconian immigration policies, including the forced separations of thousands of children from their parents? Miller. Elevating and advocating far-right extremist white nationalist positions within the White House? Miller. Using political influence and leveraging his “legal group” America First Legal (Miller is not a lawyer) to dismantle LGBTQ+ rights and protections? Miller. relentlessly targeting women’s rights, reproductive rights, and corporate DEI programs in defense of poor, beleaguered, institutionally oppressed straight white men? Miller. The “first Muslim travel ban, the first trans military ban and various initiatives to erode the rights of trans students”? That would be Miller, Miller, and Miller, respectively. Credible accusations of Crimes Against Humanity? Stephen fucking Miller.

And this:

Shortly after two federal immigration officers shot and killed Alex Pretti in Minneapolis … Miller posted several messages on the social media site X accusing the Minneapolis nurse of being a “domestic terrorist” and an “assassin”.

Uh-huh. The boogeyman believes he sees phantasms of boogeymen everywhere, but never the one lurking in his own mirror.

There’s much more, of course. Miller has been very busy during Trump’s second term writing and/or editing ALL of Trump’s more than 160 executive orders (so far). Since I am very busy too, if you wish to refresh your outrage at the real enemies of civilization, you can read them all here.

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Marco Rubio’s State Department has now released a report containing (some of?) those new “left-wing terrorist” designations he promised us. Journalist Ken Klippenstein has heroically excavated the entire 100-page document and discovered “at least 43 contemporary American groups and individuals” who apparently qualify. He lists and describes all 43 here. I am not posting them all, because (a) I want to encourage you to go read Ken’s commentary, analysis, and pull-quotes, and (b) I do not want to run afoul of copyright law by stealing the whole thing. I believe I can meet both of these objectives by offering up just a tantalizing selection of our newly designated left-wing terrorists!

• Amazon Labor Union: A labor union founded by Christian Smalls that participated in the 2026 Nuestra América Convoy to Cuba.
• Antifa: A decentralized group of self-described “Anti-fascist” political activists
• Bass, Karen: The current Mayor of Los Angeles and former Congresswoman who was a Venceremos Brigade organizer in the 1970s.
• Black Lives Matter (BLM) (including Global Network Foundation, Grassroots, and at School): A sprawling racial justice network whose leaders and offshoots, the report says, have expressed solidarity with Cuban regime and radical figures like Assata Shakur.
• Code Pink: Women for Peace: A left-wing protest group that describes itself as anti-war and organizes solidarity delegations to Cuba.
• Cohen, Ben: The co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s who attended the wedding of Neville Roy Singham and Jodie Evans.
• Democratic Socialists of America (DSA): A major socialist political organization that has organized official delegations to Cuba.
• Ensler, Eve (V): A prominent playwright who attended the wedding of Neville Roy Singham and Jodie Evans.
• Equality for Flatbush: A Brooklyn-based Black Lives Matter abolitionist group fighting gentrification, police, and ICE.
• Floyd, George: A Minneapolis man whose 2020 death sparked nationwide uprisings that the report notes were praised by Cuba.
• Goodman, Amy: The host of Democracy Now! who the report notes attended the wedding of Neville Roy Singham and Jodie Evans.
• Haitian Women for Haitian Refugees: An activist group led by Black women that organizes to defend Black migrants and block deportations.
• IFCO / Pastors for Peace: An ecumenical foundation that organizes aid caravans to leftist regimes and serves as a fiscal sponsor for numerous radical U.S. groups.
• Mamdani, Zohran: Mayor of New York.
• National Lawyers Guild (NLG): An association of radical lawyers that provides legal defense and “legal observers” for various left-wing groups
• Omar, Ilhan: A Democratic Congresswoman and mother of campus activist Isra Hirsi.
• Piker, Hasan: A streamer and left-wing political commentator who, the report notes, traveled to Cuba to film a documentary and participated in the Nuestra América Convoy.
• Pressley, Ayanna: A Democratic Congresswoman who, the report notes, publicly praised convicted murderer Assata Shakur upon her death.
• Waters, Maxine: A Democratic Congresswoman who, the report notes, once wrote a letter urging Fidel Castro not to extradite fugitive Assata Shakur.

Klippenstein ends his post with this sentiment:

Their views can be wrong — aggressively, offensively wrong even — but it’s their goddamn right as Americans to hold them.

Is it?

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You may recall that the title of this post is “Iris haz disappoint.” Well, what’s a Nice Girl™ like me gotta do to get myself included on this list of awesome people?