Gwyneth Paltrow…oh, hey, I can just stop right there. You’re already cracking up at the joke. We’re done. I’m just going to unwind from classes with a cup of tea, you go on with whatever you were doing.
Oh, OK — Gwyneth is selling “jade eggs”, smooth stones, that you’re supposed to stuff up your ladybits and then walk around, doing your business or whatever, while they do magic things for you. She interviews the person who makes these things, named Shiva Rose, and we are enlightened on a number of strangely twisted ‘facts’.
I learned about the jade egg through the yoga community that I was in, and I sort of went down the rabbit hole of researching the practice—there was not as much information about it then as there is now. But it made intuitive sense to me: The word for our womb, yoni, translates as “sacred place”, and it is a sacred place—it’s where many women access their intuition, their power, and their wisdom. It’s this inner sanctum that we can access when it’s not in use creating life. Sadly most people use it as a psychic trash bin, storing old or negative energy. I see it as a place to celebrate ourselves as sexual, powerful beings, or as mothers, not a place to carry negative or un-dealt-with emotions. I’ve always been into crystals, so learning about jade eggs (which are gems) has been a natural progression for me—this particular jade, nephrite jade, has incredible clearing, cleansing powers. It’s a dark, deep green and very heavy—it’s a great stone for taking away negativity.
This sounds exactly like something the MRAs would agree with: a woman’s power and intelligence isn’t in her mind, but in her vagina. It isn’t. Also, whenever you hear the phrase “cleansing powers”, and it isn’t talking about detergents, you know you’re going to get a load of bullshit. Ditto for “clearing” and “negativity”.
I also find this phrase telling: there was not as much information about it then as there is now
. That’s only because frauds like her have been busily making shit up and stuffing it onto the internet. There is not more information now, there is more garbage — she just can’t tell the difference.
If you really want one, Gwyneth is selling them for only $66. Here’s an even better deal, though: a gynecologist is offering free advice. You should take it.
As for the recommendation that women sleep with a jade egg in their vaginas I would like to point out that jade is porous which could allow bacteria to get inside and so the egg could act like a fomite. This is not good, in case you were wondering. It could be a risk factor for bacterial vaginosis or even the potentially deadly toxic shock syndrome.
Regarding the suggestion to wear the jade egg while walking around, well, I would like to point out that your pelvic floor muscles are not meant to contract continuously. In fact, it is quite difficult to isolate your pelvic floor while walking so many women could actually clench other muscles to keep the egg inside. It is possible the pained expression of clenching your butt all day could be what is leading people to stare, not some energy glow.
Gwyneth Paltrow seems like a nice, well-meaning but incredibly privileged person who is affably promoting ignorance and exploiting the gullible for personal profit. She may have a pretty smile and better manners, but she is almost as bad for society as the loud-mouthed trumpkins. She happily enables stupidity and makes it seem like a desirable state.
They highlighted this last night on @Midnight, laughing at it, of course. My dirty mind only thought it was an expense BenWa Ball. *smirk*
95+% Woo in my estimation. However… Unlike male equipment, the ladybits do have muscles and members of the fairer sex can (and do) exercise those muscles. Which apparently does have benefits for love life, urinary incontinence and so on. And those kinds of eggs are exactly the equipment one uses to exercise those muscles.
See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_weightlifting
My Sanskrit is somewhat rusty, but I’m fairly sure that “yoni” is just the standard word for uterus, and doesn’t mean some kind of sacred space. Then again, if you’re in the habit of sticking bits of green stone up your whatever then you’re probably not the most studious devotee of etymologies.
Paltrow: “[…] and I sort of went down the rabbit hole”
Well said. She could have stopped right there.
I don’t know, but I think if you went around clinching your butt all day you might have a certain glow.
A question…if holding a rock is good for vagina, would make sense that a similar thing would be good for the anus?
mirrorfield — My anatomy knowledge is pretty limited, but I’m fairly sure manlybits have muscles, too, which the not-so-fairer sex exercises in a number of ways on a semi-regular basis.
Gosh. I feel so empowered. *puke*
mirrorfield: If you read what the OB-GYN had to say on the subject, you’ll see there’s actually a great deal of harm done with improper pelvic floor exercises. Not causing strain and learning to relax are important. And people of a variety of genital configurations may find benefit from pelvic floor exercises, because we actually all have pelvic floor muscles. They’re involved in urination and defecation as well as sexual function. The lack of muscle tissue within the penis itself doesn’t mean muscles aren’t involved in the region.
In short, it’s not all about making a tight hoo-ha for the pleasure of some dude. *puke again*
OK I take it that what the OB-GYN was on about from the quote is akin to saying
“lifting weights is good for you but carrying around a hundred pound bar bell all day may not be optimal. and you might try thoroughly cleaning and sterilizing before using your “egg” (boiled egg?)
generally humans seem prone to magical thinking and when mixed with sex can really get deep into the squishy wow.
uncle frogy
is this a way to do Kegels all day long unconsciously?
Practically if they put it in a condom that may render a lot of concerns moot. As for the social issues I hope they find reasons to do things that are more universally helpful to people with vaginas.
hhhmmmmmm…having sex with the inside of a geode?
Got there ahead of you, PZ: https://proxy.freethought.online/affinity/2017/01/18/jade-eggs/
Had that up yesterday, and it was seriously upsetting to see how many people showed up after searching for “jade eggs”.
Pelvic floor health, esp after birth, is a huge and largely invisible issue for women’s health. And now we have b.s. like this making more legitimate discussion of using tools to isolate muscles sound wacky too. My vagina is not a mystical source of womanly power. It’s a part of my anatomy that needs some exercise to function well.
Brony @ 9
No. From Dr. Jen Gunter:
The idea that the vaginal muscles should be held tense for a long period of time is incredibly dangerous and unhealthy, and based on toxic ideas about how vaginas exist to be “tight” for the sake of someone else’s sexual pleasure. As dangerous as the jade egg is as a potential fomite, even with that handled it’s still a terrible, terrible idea and shouldn’t be promoted as “but with a condom/boiled/sterilized it’d be mostly okay.”
If someone needs or desires to do pelvic muscle exercise, they should refer to an actual doctor’s recommendations on it. If they want to use a weight or other device, it should be one that meets the approval of a doctor familiar with these devices and their use. There are good tools available out there and those are what people should use if they need them. Putting condoms on things that have no business being inside a body doesn’t help anything.
@The Mellow Monkey
Thank you. That’s very useful information.
There is a silver lining here.
psychic trash bin is a good band name
Jade Eggs work just as well as Harmony Orbs and much cheaper! http://harmonyorbs.com
I don’t think MRA anatomy has progressed as far as attributing intelligence to any particular organ or structure yet. They can’t even agree on whether women are mindless creatures subservient to man or insidious manipulators secretly controlling modern society.
Re: bustereggi (#10):
It’s a safe bet that Jesus disapproves of lithophilia. Somebody should probably inform the pope and various other pontifex(?) maximi.*
Re: caine (#11):
Surely that’s a good thing? If your post changed even one mind from “This I should / need / want to do!” it’s a success and – a small boon – a few dollars less in some quack’s pockets.
*Logic suggests “pontifex maximus” doesn’t have a plural form. I shall therefore use this brittle excuse for not trying.
I like that the faq advises you to check with your doctor before using one if you’re pregnant.
I bet that’s a *fun* conversation for a doctor to have. Years of medical training well spent advising wealthy idiots on when to put a rock up their ladybusiness.
@komarov
I disagree in part because speaking about MRA’S is needed to point out awful behavior within the MRA community. The behavior can related to the community in ways that are useful though. Describing behaviors and beliefs of MRA’S is enough to see how they talk about vaginas.
Among MRAS’s some MRA’S speak of women and thier vaginss as objects of use and abuse. They replace people and relationships with anatomy and sex that have horrifying implications about how they see half of the people they
Interact with.
You don’t see it as explicitly or as often when speech becomes publc, but it’s there. Especially in places like 4chan, reddit threads, and the blogs of people like Roosh (who is essentially a rapist guidence counseler). I’ve seen this behavior make “autism” into a cultural object to shame behavior “that’s autism”. Making people objects on a screen is not hard unfortunately.
Komarov, #17
Bzzzt! I smelled the Latin Signal, and hic nunc sum!
It would be “pontifices maximi” in the plural (nominative, anyway. For the accusative “pontifices maximos”, genitive “pontificum maximorum”, dative or ablative “pontificibus maximis”).
In the sense of both the Christian Pope and the Roman high priest he stole the title from there would only ever be one at the same time (though right now we also have a pope emeritus, and nobody is quite sure how pontifical such a being still is!). It would be quite possible to talk of several successive popes or high priests though, in which case plural forms would be needed.
It’s better than sticking balls of potpourri in your hoo-hah (saw that on WTFIWWY), but not by much.
@komarov
I disagree in part because speaking about MRA’S is needed to point out awful behavior within the MRA community. The behavior can related to the community in ways that are useful though. Describing behaviors and beliefs of MRA’S is enough to see how they talk about vaginas.
Among MRAS’s some MRA’S speak of women and thier vaginss as objects of use and abuse. They replace people and relationships with anatomy and sex that have horrifying implications about how they see half of the people they
Interact with.
You don’t see it as explicitly or as often when speech becomes publc, but it’s there. Especially in places like 4chan, reddit threads, and the blogs of people like Roosh (who is essentially a rapist guidence counseler). I’ve seen this behavior make “autism” into a cultural object to shame behavior “that’s autism”. Making people cultural objects happens. How it’s done, what the symbol means and how it’s used matters. I’m convinced bigotry is a form of objectification.
I had a girlfriend who used one of those. Hers was silicon rubber though, and she used it for kegel exercises. I can attest it was effective! Although she was prone to some kinds of woo, she didn’t attribute any magical or spiritual powers to her egg.
@Komarov’s “Logic suggests “pontifex maximus” doesn’t have a plural form. I shall therefore use this brittle excuse for not trying.”
Erhm. Most pontifices maximi at some point died, and were followed by another pontifex maximus. Your logic is seriously flawed.
But perhaps effective as a contraceptive as long as you don’t remove it. :>)
Caine @11: “… it was seriously upsetting to see how many people showed up after searching for ‘jade eggs’.”
On the plus side, those people did show up at your blog, and they got a dose of reality. Better than if they didn’t get any reality, yes?
man, and I thought she was being remarkable enough with the vagina steaming.
Rocks in their hoo-ha? Also in their head. “As above, so below.”
While not having to the necessary plumbing to fully understand what this must be like, I can’t help but feel that wandering around all day with this thing wedged into your body has the potential to get very unpleasant, very fast.
As for Gwyneth Paltrow’s woo-woo celebrity word salad, for me this phrase;
Really stood out to me as embodying the mindset of treating women’s bodies and important, not to mention potentially dangerous, issues of women’s health as part of this toxic and perversely misogynistic mystification of women’s bodies and especially reproductive biology. It is counter-factual, anti-scientific obscurantist drivel that gets in the way of important messages pertaining to issues of women’s intimate and procreative health. Intent not being magical, the fact that she probably on balance means well really doesn’t do anything much to improve the situation.
W.T.F.???!!
I am very very certain I don’t keep my wisdom in my uterus or vagina. And nor does anyone else. This should be really very obvious.
And I don’t become unwise when I’m pregnant (although some people have become pregnant through unwise decisions, and also apparently at a time when their uterus has plenty of space for wise thinking. She seems to have confused cause and effect). Ahem.
This seems on par with the sentiment “I’m not sexist, I believe women should be treated like queens!” or in this case concubines, I guess.
Hera’s scrotum (properly confiscated from Zeus)!
I’m guessing that that village idiot actress has never heard of Kegel balls.
Which don’t cleanse, they’re variable, depending upon one’s choice of source, for either pleasure or for the original purpose of strengthening the pelvic floor muscles.
Perverted from the original exercise, developed by Dr Kegel.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/womens-health/in-depth/kegel-exercises/art-20045283
Hera, do you have a lightning bolt to spare for that hare brained human? I know you’ve squirreled a few away, I helped you grab the first handful, back when I told you not to marry your brother…
Am I the only one who remembers that there was a Western Schism, with multiple claimants of the title of pontifex maximus, which could lead to legitimate, if ironic, uses of the plural form?
(Habemus papam!
No, habemus papam!
Habemus papas?
Habeo capitis dolor…)
Pertinent to the original post:
Please do not use the malachite stalactite as a dildo. It is not toxic to you, but . . . [science goes here]
(I learned something serendipitously about federal water treatment laws and the toxic Pb levels that were found in Flint, MI water)
Creating life?
How does Paltrow do that?
I thought scientists are doing that, or at least trying, in laboratories.
It will make dining with Gwyneth a form of Russian Roulette. A cloud of pepper, a sneeze, and someone is kneecapped.
Really? To me she seems like a cynical, money-grubbing piece of alt-med garbage who deliberately plays on gullibility and ignorance to sell worthless, potentially dangerous, trash at exorbitant prices.
Maybe that was a bit harsh, but today is it a good day, so I don’t care.
Now, if somebody would want to do their Kegel exercises (you know, not for hours, but a short and sweet program) with a polished rock, wouldn’t there be some inert, fine-grained and non-porous igneous or metamorphic rocks from which vaginal fluids couldn’t leach any harmful substances?
@36, obsidian, polished into roundish shapes?
Or, order tempered glass eggs, which are designed for that very purpose.
@32, I recall reading a few reports on the Flint debacle and disaster, what I missed somehow was that it was NaCl a acidification agent. Makes sense though.
Woo-woo is all
powerfulprofitable.Ben wa balls… been around for a good long while (500 AD?). Kids today… constantly rediscovering the wheel.
As of right now, both the jade and rose-quartz versions are sold out. What the hell is wrong with people?
This is woo-woo. Read: fraud. I would not assume the site is even close to truthful; pretending to be “out of stock” as a ruse to justify, e.g., higher prices, normal-price shipped delays, and diverting the marks to higher-priced items are all quite plausible.
Re: Cartomancer (#17):
Thank you, I can rest easy now. Well, slightly easier.
Regarding the rest of the pontifex discussion:
My apologies, I was using official Roman Catholic Logic (TM), according to which there is also just One True God (R) who just happens so to be three gods. I should have been more specific.
Besides, I was making an excuse to be lazy. Am I not human?* Stop picking on me, you with your non-sanctified logic and historical facts. It means more work for everyone.
*I have almost certainly ruled out being a spambot: I hate writing e-mails.
cartomancer #17
Darn, I was hoping for pontifeces. Oh well. Close, but no cigar, vaginal or otherwise.
$66 bucks! That’s quite a markup! I bought a bunch of such jade eggs for my little kids for $8 each at a “rock farm” in eastern Oregon last summer. Obviously, we had no idea that they are supposed to be adult “toys”…
The Redhead had a collection of colored stone eggs, for the years when she didn’t dye a batch of Easter Eggs, she could still display her Easter Bread properly encircled by colored eggs. I don’t think she ever used them for any other purpose than decoration.