In the last episode of our competition to raise money for Camp Quest, I had elegantly and cunningly turned the tables on Team Beat PZ: after trouncing them thoroughly in all fundraising efforts, I had maneuvered them into desperately offering all kinds of humiliating forfeits if they should win the competition, so I reversed course and urged all of my minions to donate to them. I am now in the enviable position of “pwning” the other team, in Greta Christina’s words, if I raise more money than they do, or of humiliating them, in my words, if they have to carry through with their promised penalties.

They have stepped into my lair and my tentacles enfold them. There is no escape.

Now, though, only $8 separates us in this final day of the race.

My opposition is confused and in disarray, and they don’t know whether to counter my last gambit or to persist in their path to humiliation. I don’t care either way. I’ve already won, no matter which way they stumble. Donate as you will. I’m preparing my victory gloat either way.

I have heard glimmerings that they are planning a final surge, but I am unconcerned. Whatever side the surge occurs on, I am victorious.