(Link) New Scientist article on what caused the Beirut explosion (Non-fiction)

The New Scientist site has an article, that’s not behind a paywall, about the Beirut explosion.  Despite what Trump initially said, it wasn’t a deliberate attack, nor was it an attack by Israel, nor was it an atomic bomb or any other rumors.  It was most likely caused when a fire ignited 2750 tonnes of ammonium nitrate.  It had apparently been sitting in a port warehouse since 2013.  The ammonium nitrate wasn’t properly stored, and port authorities had been trying to get rid of it for years.

I will admit that when I finally saw the videos, I wondered if it was a dirty bomb.  But, as with most disasters, first impressions can be wrong, and rumors spread around the world before any investigation starts.  As Matthew Gault at Vice points out, there are people who are still insisting it was an atomic bomb because it formed a mushroom cloud.  But nuclear explosions aren’t the only things that can create mushroom clouds.  As long as there’s an apparent anomaly, someone will use it to question the “official story.”  Sure governments lie, and there are powerful people in the world, but sometimes an industrial accident is just an industrial accident.

USA Today offers this article on how to help the victims of the explosion.  Also according to the article, 5000 people were injured, and over 200,000 people may be homeless.

 

(Link) Ed Yong’s ‘How the Pandemic Defeated America’ (Non-fiction)

Ed Yong’s excellent article in the Atlantic, “How the Pandemic Defeated America,” is a devastatingly honest account of why the United States has the worst COVID-19 outbreak in the world:

Despite its epochal effects, COVID‑19 is merely a harbinger of worse plagues to come. The U.S. cannot prepare for these inevitable crises if it returns to normal, as many of its people ache to do. Normal led to this. Normal was a world ever more prone to a pandemic but ever less ready for one. To avert another catastrophe, the U.S. needs to grapple with all the ways normal failed us. It needs a full accounting of every recent misstep and foundational sin, every unattended weakness and unheeded warning, every festering wound and reopened scar.

Yong details how the combination of an inept President, an inadequate health care system, decades of racist policies, and early reopenings as reasons for the widespread outbreak in the US.  Even Coronavirus Task Force member Dr. Deborah Brix admits that the virus is “extraordinarily widespread,” even into the rural and urban areas.

Eventually, COVID-19 will be manageable either through treatments or vaccines.  We will be able to get close to one another, go out to places, and travel again.  But as Yong shows in his article, it will take a very long time for the country to recover from the economic and social problems exposed and exacerbated by the pandemic.

Justice for Saraya Rees (Non-fiction)

Iris over at Death to Squirrels has a post about Saraya Rees, a teenager who had a mental health crisis, and is now serving an 11-year prison sentence:

Well that all sounded pretty fucked-up to me, but this was just a summary. Even before my morning coffee, it occurred to my sleepy, chemo-addled brain that there were pieces missing in this story, some of which could be enormously consequential and thus color the true picture, in one way or another. So rather than sign-now-with-a-click and move on in the direction of my coffee pot, I read the rest of the email. And readers? When those gaps were filled in, the picture became so much uglier and far more disturbing than anything I could have imagined.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Oregon…

Bolingbrook Mayor Alexander-Basta confronts COVID-19 ‘zombies’ at Clow UFO Base (Fiction)

File photo of Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander Basta (From the Village of Bolingbrook.)

By Reporter X

One day after becoming acting mayor of Bolingbrook, Mary Alexander-Basta faced her first challenge when 20 armed protesters tried to storm Clow UFO Base. 

The human protesters marched towards Clow brandishing long rifles and chanting things like,: “Masks are Murder,” “COVID is Cool,” and “Lockdown liberals!”

The protesters claimed they were followers of Bolingbrook Resident “Mr. G,” and claim he ordered the “liberation march” on Clow.

“COVID-19 is a hoax,” said a mask-less man who refused to provide his name.  “It’s a fake biological weapon created in China to harm President Trump and help libtards make America suck!  We can’t let the Chinese shutdown Bolingbrook!  We must reopen Clow UFO Base to save Bolingbrook.”

When the protesters reached the sealed entrance, Pete, the leader of the march, demanded that the protesters be let inside.  A woman, who spoke through an intercom, said Clow was under the “Doomsday Directive” due to the pandemic.  Clow, she explained, could only be reopened under a joint order from the Mayor and the head of the “Doomsday Crew.”

“We’re not coming out any time soon,” said the woman.  “Have you seen the positivity rates in Will County?”

“We are protesters,” Pete replied.  “That means we are immune to the hoax Chinese Virus.  We are also armed.  So you have to let us in so you can stand still as we get into your face.”

“No,” the woman snapped and fired a sonic attack at the protesters.  As the protesters recovered, she continued.  “We know what’s going on outside.  Coronavirus isn’t just infecting your lungs and blood.  It’s infecting your brains too!  It’s tricking you into thinking that a virus that has killed hundreds of thousands is a hoax.  It’s making you question germ theory.  It’s convinced you that you can only be free by infecting others!  You think you’re fighting for freedom?  You’re really fighting for the coronavirus.  All of you are a bunch of Coronavirus zombies!”

As Pete and the other protesters yelled back at the woman, Alexander-Basta and Deputy Mayor Michael Lawler arrived with several Men in Blue, and the Clow Special Forces Team.

Lawler said to Alexander-Basta: “Since you don’t get control of the Men in Blue until after Midnight, I’m going to teach you how we handle riots at Clow.”

Alexander-Basta, who was already wearing a KN95 mask, finished putting on protective goggles and gloves.  She turned to Lawler and said: “I got this.”  

While Lawler protested, Alexander-Basta walked up to Pete, grabbed an ear lobe, and pulled his head down.

“Young man you are in serious trouble,” said Alexander-Basta.  “You are trespassing on Village Property, and violating two of the 3 Cs.  Your friends are too crowded and too close to each other.  This is the third super spreader event this week in Bolingbrook, and since your name isn’t Roger, I can do something about it.”  Alexander-Basta pulled harder on his ear.  “You and your friends are grounded for the next 14 days.  Do you understand?”

“But freedom—”

“Would you rather have Michael and the Men in Blue decide your punishment?  He might be inclined to charge you with a war crime for using a biological weapon against our village!”

Pete gave the stand-down order to the protesters and they surrendered their guns to the Men in Blue. 

Alexander-Basta walked back to Lawler and said: “There are times when you have to be a good mom, and times when you have to be a mean mom.  This was the time to be a mean mom.”

A receptionist for Alexander-Basta said she was not available for comment:

“Now you want to interview her because she just became mayor.  Well, right now she’s in a meeting and can’t be bothered.  Just between you and me, the woman she’s talking to is wearing such a vividly green dress.”

In the background, a woman who sounded like Alexander-Basta said: “Are you talking about The Manual: I’m Right and You’re a Stupid Liar: How To Run Bolingbrook The Roger Claar Way?”

A woman replied: “No.  This is a book we’ve kept hidden for over 40 years!”

“Wow!  That’s almost before Roger.”

“Yes.  We hid it from Bob, Ed, and even Roger.  Now we can reveal it to you.”

“I’m honored…Oh!  It’s another manual.  You’ve Come A Long Way Baby: How to be a female mayor in Bolingbrook by Mayor Nora Wipfler.  I don’t know what to say.”

“Then listen to our warning:  Beware of ambitious men and the woman who support them.”

Further in the background, a woman who sounded like Charlene Spencer, covert social media operative, said: “Okay Sheldon, what are you going to tell Our Revolution Bolingbrook?”

A man who sounded like Trustee Sheldon Watts said: “I have concerns about Amazon’s treatment of its workers.”

“And what are you going to tell the Bolingbrook Jaycees?”

“Are they still around?”

“I’m working on it.  So what are you going to say to them?”

“I will not let Cancel Culture cancel Bolingbrook’s economic development.”

“You’ve got this Sheldon!”

Also in the Babbler:

Bolingbrook survives first post-Claar weekend
Weredeer leader insults the new mayor of Bolingbrook
Alien infected with COVID-19 gets a double brain transplant
God to smite Bolingbrook on 8/6/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Web Exclusive: Race for interim Mayor: Trustee Jaskiewicz holds narrow lead in the latest Babble Poll! (Mixed)

File photo of Robert Jaskiewicz (Left) and Michael Carpanzano at a 2014 Bolingbrook Chamber of Commerce event.

By Dale Onofrey
Political Columnist

With Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar retiring this week, I decided to use our exclusive Babble Poll to see who the residents want to be Bolingbrook’s next mayor.  It turns out they narrowly favor Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz over Trustee Michael Carpanzano:

Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz 30%
Trustee Michael Carpanzano 20%
Trustee Mary Basta 10%
Trustee Michael Lawler 10%
Village Clerk Carol Penning 10%
Trustee Maria Zarate 10%
Beg Naperville to annex Bolingbrook instead 10%

Conventional wisdom says Michael Lawler, a member of the ruling First Party for Bolingbrook party, has the advantage in the race for interim mayor.  However, I think if there’s enough popular support, enough FPB trustees might break with Roger, and support Bob.  While that might seem like a promotion for Jaskiewicz, it could be a clever trap.  With the new co-executives running the day to day operations of the village, and FPB still in control, a Mayor Jaskiewicz would have no real power.  In what I call the Nightmare Scenario, Roger’s allies would run the village, and “Blame Bob” whenever things went wrong.  Unless Jaskiewicz is able to use the position of Mayor to build up his base and lead BU to victory.

Carpanzano, on the other hand, might be able to persuade the other Trustees that he’s the most qualified candidate to replace Claar.  After all, he could argue, he is the Bolingbrook Patch Mayor.  Is it really that different than being Bolingbrook’s mayor?

The biggest surprise of all is Trustee Sheldon Watt’s abysmal showing in this poll.  It seems like more residents would rather disband Bolingbrook than have him serve as mayor.  He has a lot of work to do if he wants to catch up with the other trustees in the race to be interim mayor.

I can’t wait to see how the next few weeks play out.  No matter who wins, Bolingbrook will end up with its first new mayor in over 30 years!

From the Webmaster: This poll has a margin of error of over 30 percent, and that’s being generous for an online poll.  It’s also likely that Claar selected his successor before he announced his retirement, and the vote next month will just be a formality.  In other words, my brother is not Nate Silver.

 

 

 

 

Aliens and Illuminati sponsor an emotional and extravagant retirement party for Mayor Claar (Fiction)

By Reporter X

Mayor Claar delivers his retirement speech while an alien watches.

Mayor Roger Claar (Left) delivers his retirement speech while alien ambassador Zokla (Right) looks on.

Friends, allies, and aliens paid tribute to Mayor Roger Claar at his retirement party Saturday night.  It was live-streamed from the Bolingbrook Golf Club.

Claar, who was appointed mayor and administrator of Clow UFO Base in 1986, enjoyed a retirement party hosted by the Illuminati and the Interstellar Commonwealth.  Most of the guests watched online, while 49 “special human guests” attended with Claar.  All the special guests wore biohazard suits.

“I knew someone would throw a retirement party for me,” Claar said to the guests.  “I never dreamed it would happen during a pandemic.  Now the Illuminati didn’t create the coronavirus, but boy did they do a good job of exploiting it!”

The highlight of the retirement party was the world premiere of “Roger!” a musical about Claar’s rise from school administrator to the longest-serving mayor in Bolingbrook’s history, as well as the first Bolingbrook mayor to win re-election. Former Styx lead singer Dennis DeYoung played Claar, accompanied by a cast of aliens.  Claar seemed to enjoy the songs, including “Breathe Fresh Air (Go Vote for Claar), “If I Had a Campaign Fund,” “Why Can’t I Convict You DA (James Glasgow’s Theme),” “Toll Riding,” “George Ryan is everywhere (Including Jail),” “A Few for the Road,” “Bonnie Can’t Beat Me,” and “The Foes Are Uniting Against Me! (Jackie’s Theme)”

“That was the best musical I’ve seen since Hamilton,” Claar said after the show.  “Dennis, you’ve come a long way since Kilroy was Here!”

“Thank you,” replied Young.  “I just needed the right inspiration.  I thought Robots and Rock would inspire me, but it was you all along.”

Steve, the grand king of the Wereskunks, gave Claar a ball of newspaper. He said it was the highest honor the wereskunks could bestow on a human:

“When garbage toters spread throughout Chicagoland, you said no.  Thanks to you, our cousins still have easy access to garbage.  We were going to worship you, but you said that was too much.  So please accept our highest honor, and the promise that we will support any candidate who will hold the line against garbage toters!”

“Thank you,” said Claar as he wiped his eyes.  “I think I got some Rum and Coke in my eyes.”

Trustee Michael Carpanzano gave Claar a picture of himself in a gold frame:

“Roger, you’ve had many trustees, and I wanted to give you something that would remind of you them.”

“It’s just a picture of you.”

“So?”

Trustee Sheldon Watts gifted Claar with a photo of a galaxy and a Bible:

“You are a faithful person and believe in science.  I hope you will think of me when you enjoy these gifts.”

“I’ll think about Michael and you when endorsement season starts.”

Zokla, an ambassador from the Interstellar Commonwealth, talked about Claar’s years as administrator of Clow UFO Base:

“When Roger talked about growing the population of Bolingbrook, and expanding the size of Clow UFO Base, we thought we might need to perform an intervention.  Over thirty Earth orbits later, Bolingbrook has grown from about 40,000 people to around 74,545 people.  I was going to say it is still growing, but who knows?”  Anyway, Clow is the largest urban UFO Base in the world, and still has the fewest number of security breaches per capita.  So, Roger, now that you are retiring, what are you going to do with your oversized interstellar campaign fund?”

“None of your damn business,” Claar replied.

Later, Claar thanked those who attended the party.  He then presented a holographic slide show about his achievements as mayor:

“We’ve grown from a small underdeveloped village to a large village.  We have the best luxury golf club, and we are the only Chicago suburb to develop its own mansion district!  Former Mayor Bob Bailey built a road to nowhere.  I built factories and office parks on it.  People love me so much, that I have one of the largest campaign funds in Illinois!  There used to be many political parties in Bolingbrook.  I got that number down to one. People trusted me to get rid of those who didn’t put Bolingbrook first!”

Claar apologized to Deputy Mayor Michael Lawler:  “I’m going to break my rule and use the ’s’ word.  I’m sorry I’m leaving you with a pandemic, retail stores in decline, protesters, and a rising opposition party.  I want to spend more time with my family, because who knows if we’re going to survive the year 2020?  But don’t worry.  I’m putting two of my best people in charge of Village Hall, and I’m returning the mayor’s job to a part-time position.  This will discourage that opposition party, and secure my legacy for at least a year.”

“Roger,” Lawler replied, “When I met you, Bolingbrook was a washed-out community.  It’s a washed-out community again, and I think I remember how we fixed it last time…Oh no.  I did it again.”

“Yes, you did, but if you screw this up, I’ll find out, no matter where in the world I may be. Then I’ll use my campaign fund and political action committee to fix things.  By the way, everyone here is welcome to make a donation to either fund.”

Claar then finished his speech thanking the residents of Bolingbrook for electing him, and the Illuminati for supporting him.

“I guess the word really is pronounced ‘Fnord’ and the ’n’ isn’t silent.  Oh well, I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

QAnon, representing the Illuminati, performed the Rite of Fire and said Claar had just been appointed to the Illuminati’s Order of the Stairway.

“What will I have to do?”

“For now, just collect your Illuminati pension.  We’ll find you when the time comes.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“Let me tell you something:  Keep an eye on the junior guy.”

“I suppose that means something.”

“Trust me.”

QAnon then commanded Young to play one more song.  Young and his band started to perform “Come Sail Away.”

In the middle of the song, Claar walked up to his daughter and said he had a surprise for her waiting on the Moon.

“But we can’t leave yet,” his daughter replied.  “Are we going to tell the guests to attend your last Village Board meeting on Tuesday, July 28 at 7:00 PM?  Or to watch the trustees attempt to stage dive in your honor?”

“Whatever (name redacted).  We’re out of here.”

Also in the Babbler:

Claar orders all weredeer out of Bolingbrook
Roger Claar Party members arrested for painting ‘Claar Matters’ on Lindsey LN
Weredog protesters demand Trustee Jaskiewicz be appointed Mayor of Bolingbrook
Babbler to publish special Roger Claar edition on Wednesday
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/30/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

FTB’s real on the ground reporter in Portland (Non-fiction)

Crip Dyke, who blogs at Pervert Justice, is posting her eyewitness accounts of the Portland protests. Including this account from July 21:

But the cops made no effort to arrest peacefully. From that first arrest pinning someone down, it was about overwhelming force. When the tear gas comes 80 seconds later, no one has been warned. This is not an attempt to safeguard people. The cops were safe inside the building. It’s not an attempt to safeguard property – they spend more money on the defense than they could possibly spend on cleaning bill or replacing a door. This was an effort to punish. And punish they did.

That first effort sent tear gas just barely across the street from the courthouse, and caused people to pull back no more than 3 blocks. They did eventually advance tear gas through most of that park block, but except for my and my slow-ass self, they appeared to be shooting the tear gas behind the line of retreat just to keep people moving west, not to trap them (or at least most of them) in the smoke. The front ranks were only a block and a half away from the courthouse while the first round of gas was clearing. They maintained a presence there for a half an hour, then slowly returned to the Fed Building Justice Center for a bit of organizing, speaking and chanting. It took me longer to return close to the front because I had been so badly affected by the gas.

She’s at ground zero of what I feel is a test run for outright authoritarianism in the United States.  We cannot tolerate masked officers in unmarked vehicles snatching up civilians and detaining them without charges.  Nor should we tolerate the officers’ attempts to brutally dominate a population of a city.   With Trump deploying officers to other cities, what is happening there, could very happen in other US cities.

So I’ll be reading Crip Dyke’s accounts, and I hope you will too.

Bolingbrook Antifa rescues Trustee Michael Carpanzano (Fiction)

Bolingbrook Antifa claims it rescued Bolingbrook Trustee Michael Carpanzano from unidentified federal officers.

An alleged photo of Bolingbrook Antifa’s tank.

Part of their press release read: “As much as we can’t stand that self-promoting, Trump-loving piece of (*expletive deleted), he didn’t deserve to be captured by Trump’s stormtroopers!  We hope that by giving him a second chance, he will appreciate our efforts to fight fascism!  Though we suspect he’ll instead double down on the Republican party’s efforts to turn the word ‘freedom’ into a meaningless cliche…”

According to various sources connected to Bolingbrook Antifa and Carpanzano, Carpanzano was leaving village hall when masked federal officers stepped out of an unmarked van and accosted him. The officers, each carrying an assault rifle, grabbed Carpanzano and pulled him towards the van.  Carpanzano cried out to nearby police officers, but they ignored him.  

After he was pushed into the van, Carpanzano cried out: “Don’t you know who I am?  I’m Michael Carpanzano, the mayor of Bolingbrook Patch!  Let me go right now, or I’ll block all of you on Facebook.  Trust me, you don’t want to be carped!”

As the van drove away from Village Hall, the anonymous officers accused Carpanzano of being a Black Lives Supporter.  Carpanzano insisted he was a Trump-loving Republican and that he was sure Trump knew who he was.  The officers accused him of lying and showed him a printout of an article about Bolingbrook’s Black Lives Matter march back in June.  

“If you weren’t the organizer of this anti-suburban march, why are you so prominently featured?”

“I was against the march at first, but when it didn’t turn into a riot, I decided I couldn’t resist the opportunity to get positive press coverage!”

Carpanzano, according to the sources, insisted that he loved the police.

“They don’t seem to love you.”

At that point, Bolingbrook’s Antifa tank crashed into the unmarked van.  Activists threw tear gas into the van and pulled Carpanzano out.  The officers tried to recapture Carpanzano but retreated when the activists fired “non-lethal rounds” at them.

“How do you like your own medicine?” one activist yelled back.

The activists treated Carpanzano and drove him back home.  According to the sources, Carpanzano called them “An-tee-fa” and said they were the real fascists.

An activist replied: “Never heard of them.  We are Antifa, as in anti-fascism.  Our great-grandparents fought against fascism, and we’re not going to let their actions be in vain.  Tell (Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar) to stand up to the coming fascist invasion and remind him that they will always come for you in the end.”

Carpanzano refused to be interviewed.

A receptionist for Claar said he could not be disturbed.

In the background, a man who sounded like Claar said: “Ms. Benson, I highly doubt that the staff of the Babbler shares your opinions about Trans people.  You need to do better than that if you want to shame me into banning Bolingbrook Pride.”

Also in the Babbler:

Venus announces travel ban to Clow UFO Base
Claar bans alien abduction of children due to COVID-19 concerns
Speaker Michael Madigan asks for political asylum on Mars
God to smite Bolingbrook on 7/22/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.