Loser Should Not Be an Insult

This will be just a short contemplation about one word. But before you proceed with reading, I would recommend watching this video. It is only tangentially related, but it sparked a few months ago the train of thoughts leading here.

English is not my first language and I have always trouble to understand some things. And one of those things is the use of the word loser as an insult. But it got appropriated into the Czech language in the late decades, and given how it is used, I do consider its use as an insult to be a symptom of a toxic culture, even if not necessarily of toxic masculinity specifically. As a prime example of this, I would like to point out that it is one of the most favorite insults that Donald Trump likes to throw around at anyone he does not like – and now some people like to use that word as an insult against him. I do not.

Using the word loser as a derogatory term in this way signifies that losing at something (usually at finding a relationship and/or financial independence) is always a choice and personal failure as if we all have full control over everything. It also values zero-sum games over cooperation. It completely disregards the huge influence of chance in our lives. Plus we are often pressured by society to try to succeed at the arbitrary and sometimes downright daft things against our will – there are people who are happy to be single, women who do not want to have children, men who do not want a managerial career, etc. It divides people into winners and losers and only winners are worthy of consideration and empathy.

So before you, as an SJW, continue to use the word loser casually as an insult, perhaps consider why you are doing it and whether you are not inadvertently contributing to the things you intend to oppose. There are better insults for shitty people who chose to do shitty things.

 

Degupdate: Lady Grace of the Lost Toes

You know that we’ve been having lots of worries with our newest degu, Gracie. A new degu needs to be integrated into a group carefully, as they are very territorial. If you just put a new degu into a habitat, the result will often be a dead degu, so we separated Candy and Estelle from Gracie by means of a fence between their part of the habitat and Gracie’s. That way they can see, smell and hear each other and get used to each other.

A couple of days after Grace moved in, I found her foot bleeding with what we thought was a torn claw. Our breeder assured us that this was a common injury acquired while playing and no need for worries. A few days later another foot was hurt and I thought “hmmm, maybe the fence has an unsafe place?” and yes, since everything there is made from leftover material, the new fence wasn’t sitting plain, which created a narrowing gap where she could get stuck with her feet. I fixed that by adding another piece of wood in front, and it looked like it worked, but then came another injury. I was both worried as well as puzzled. Was there yet another gap where she could injure herself? Did she maybe hurt herself because she was still not integrated into the group, like we may bite nails? I contacted our breeder again and she didn’t have any more ideas either. I was about to go out and buy another cage and possibly another degu to start a second group for poor Gracie when I finally found out what happened: Whenever her feet had mostly healed, Grace would go to the fence that separates them and climb there. Then Candy would come and bite her feet, and because those incisors are sharp as hell, she’d take off the first knuckle. That way poor Gracie lost several toes. But at least now we knew what was happening and I put up another fence on the other side so Candy cannot reach Grace at all. Whenever Candy and Estelle are out, we have to put a piece of wood in front of Gracie’s door so Candy cannot reach her there.

It looks like Grace is finally healing, and I still love Candy to death (can’t blame a degu for being a degu), but I really could do with some good developments here. I’m still keeping them separated until Grace has fully healed and then we’ll have to see. Currently there seem to be two possibilities: Either they do finally get used to each other, or I’ll have to start a second group. I will also probably have to make the habitat more accessible for Gracie, because I don’t think she’ll be able to climb as well as the others with basically half a front paw missing. I feel bad about her having lost those toes while under our care, but I swear to the Great Degu, I always did my best. Anyway, she’s cute, and active, and curious. She grows and her fur is shiny and sleek, so I think she will grow up a strong degu.

©Giliell, all rights reserved
Gracie, being sneaky

©Giliell, all rights reserved

©Giliell, all rights reserved She’s pretty trusting with us, but the pea chips were not enough to lure her closer

©Giliell, all rights reserved But she found a nut. You can see the missing toe on the hind paw pretty well here. She can still use her front paws to hold food, obviously, and doesn’t seem very bothered by her injuries.

 

Estelle, btw, is an absolutely chill degu by now. I think she has realised that she has a warm, safe home, always enough food, and doesn’t care at all about her place in the pecking order. Here’s her and Candy running in the running wheel.

It’s Founder’s Day

Today would have been Caine’s birthday, and we’d like to celebrate it by officially designating the day as Founder’s Day here at Affinity. Caine started this blog in July of 2016, and her witty, insightful and eloquent writing coupled with her artistic talent, made the blog instantly appealing and quickly beloved. Her birthday seems like the right day to celebrate her legacy and all the gifts she shared with us. We decided as a team that we would celebrate today with a collection of photos that remind us of Caine. We hope you enjoy them and encourage you to share your memories of Caine in the comments section.

Note: This post has been updated to add 2 photographs that I missed from rq.

From Charly,

I remember Caine whenever I pick up my camera because she introduced me to photography and bird watching. By publishing my amateurish pictures, giving them platform and having nothing but kind words about them, she gave me motivation to go out and do something at a time when I was suffering from heavy depression, and doing anything at all was difficult. 
 
I have always admired her ability to make the most beautiful and interesting pictures by photographing the most ordinary things. So I took my camera today and I went in the garden to take pictures of completely ordinary things. Not arranging or changing anything, just pointing and clicking. I think I went a bit overboard and I cannot decide which of these are best to publish. They all remind me of Caine in one way or another – the bird-pecked sunflower, the late dandelion, the thorny hawthorn, the rough patterns on an old chopping block… All ordinary things, but each unique and beautiful.

Apple, ©Charly, all rights reserved

Fall leaves,©Charly, all rights reserved

Dandelion fluff,©Charly, all rights reserved

Firebrick pile,©Charly, all rights reserved

Firewood pile,©Charly, all rights reserved

Hawthorn,©Charly, all rights reserved

Sunflower,©Charly, all rights reserved

Strawberry patch,©Charly, all rights reserved

Sidewalk,©Charly, all rights reserved

Rubbish,©Charly, all rights reserved

Rotting Wood,©Charly, all rights reserved

Moss Garden,©Charly, all rights reserved

Lonely plant,©Charly, all rights reserved

From Giliell,

Caine taught me to look at things, really look at them. Oh, she loved the grand, spectacular shots, but she also had an amazing eye for the small things, the things people would just walk by, but that are also just as beautiful.

©Giliell, all rights reserved. Dimensions

©Giliell, all rights reserved. A fleeting moment in time

©Giliell, all rights reserved. Tree bark

©Giliell, all rights reserved. A fairy castle

©Giliell, all rights reserved. Colours. Two varieties of the same plant

 

 I am very sure that Caine would have loved our resident rodents. She just loved all creatures. She showed me that you needn’t be religious or believe in anything supernatural to feel a deep, spiritual connection with the world around you.

©Giliell, all rights reserved. Candy in paradise

©Giliell, all rights reserved. Estelle loves running

From rq,

Daffodils in the snow ©rq, all rights reserved.

Because Caine loved daisies ©rq, all rights reserved.

the hoverfly because flowers + insects and the spring’s first dandelion will be along soon ©rq, all rights reserved.

From Voyager,

I find it hard to put into words the way that Caine impacted my life. Much like Charly, I was in a bad place when I started blogging here. I’d been sick for years and struggling, but Caine believed in me and was endlessly supportive during a time when her own life was full of pain and turmoil. That support helped me redefine myself as something besides being chronically ill and this beautiful blog that she bequeathed to us continues to nurture me. I thank her for the gift of seeing the beauty in common things and for allowing me to become a part of the wonderful community that she created.

My boy Jack who started it all ©voyager, all rights reserved.

A touch of red ©voyager, all rights reserved.

My favourite cathedral ©voyager, all rights reserved.

Frog pond in colour ©voyager, all rights reserved.

Jack doing what he loves best ©voyager, all rights reserved.

A bit of reflection,©voyager, all rights reserved

Fire on the water©voyager, all rights reserved.