And now for some good news

This seems about right for America: an Iowa family’s basement fills with blood. Real, genuine blood. The stuff had backed up from a slaughter house next door.*

Kaitlin Dahl said the company uses a catch drain to capture most of the blood during the butchering process. That blood is emptied into an offal barrel and taken away by a rendering truck.

“When you split a bone in half, there will be some excess blood that will drip on that floor,” she said. “That was allowed by the county to go down the back drain.”

Did I say good news? I meant slightly less horrible news than what’s going on in the regular news.

*Remember the real estate mantra: “Location, location, location.”

May be getting addicted to Letterkenny

I admit to a growing addiction: for the past month or so, I catch an episode or two of Letterkenny before going to bed. It’s got the best rhythms and language since Deadwood, and is similarly profane and abusive, although it’s also extremely Canadian. It reminds me vaguely of Morris cranked up to 11, although I’m constantly brought up short by the fact that it’s set in a town of 5000 people, just like Morris, but seems far more cosmopolitan than this place.

Anyway, I watched two whole episodes last night before sitting down to grade student essays, which was a bad idea. The papers seemed less…eloquent, somehow. Lacking in Canadian hockey slang. A dearth of cunning slurs delivered deadpan. I’m not going to repeat that today, because I’ve got an even bigger pile of papers to grade, and I have to maintain a level of realism in my evaluation.

I think my plan for the day is to retreat to a coffeeshop (after tending to the spiders) and work in quiet isolation until the pile is gone.

Once that happens, then Letterkenny. Gotta figure out how many syllables Wayne can put into the word “day”.

We’re hiring a biochemist!

Whoa. We were stunned when we were told we get to hire a tenure-track ecologist, but now I’m totally gobsmacked that we have been given permission to hire a tenure-track biochemist as well. Two job searches at once? So much work, so much opportunity.

Assistant Professor of Biology
University of Minnesota, Morris

The University of Minnesota, Morris seeks an individual committed to excellence in undergraduate education, to fill a tenure-track position in biology beginning August 17, 2020. Responsibilities include: Teaching undergraduate biology courses including junior/senior level biochemistry with lab, electives in the applicant’s areas of expertise, introductory biology, and other courses that support the Biology and pre-health programs; advising undergraduates; conducting research that could involve undergraduates; and sharing in the governance and advancement of the Biology program, the pre-health programs, the division, interdisciplinary programs, and the campus.

Applicants must hold or expect to receive a Ph.D. in biochemistry or a related field by August 17, 2020. Experience and evidence of excellence in teaching undergraduate biology is required (graduate TA experience is acceptable). Preference will be given to applicants who are able to develop and teach upper-level elective courses in their area of expertise that complement those offered by the current biology faculty. We strongly encourage applications from broadly trained biochemists with complementary expertise in microbiology or physiology or related fields that will support the pre-health programs.

A distinctive undergraduate campus within the University of Minnesota system, the University of Minnesota Morris combines a student- centered residential liberal arts education with access to the resources and opportunities of one of the nation’s largest universities. A founding member of the Council of Public Liberal Arts Colleges (COPLAC), UMN Morris provides students with a rigorous academic experience, preparing them to be global citizens who value and pursue intellectual growth, civic engagement, intercultural competence, and environmental stewardship. The student body of nearly 1600 is supported by approximately 130 faculty members with a student/faculty ratio of 13:1. UMN Morris serves one of the most diverse student bodies in Minnesota. Forty percent of UMN Morris students are Native American, persons of color, or of international origin. UMN Morris is the only federally recognized Native American Serving Non-Tribal Institution in the Upper Midwest.

UMN Morris is highly ranked by national publications – U.S. News & World Report as a top-ten public liberal arts college; Forbes as one of the best colleges and universities in the nation; and Fiske Guide to Colleges includes Morris campus in its list of “the best” and “most interesting” schools in the U.S., Canada, and the United Kingdom. Morris students are taught by a faculty with the highest per capita representation in the University of Minnesota’s Academy of Distinguished Teaching and students consistently win national awards, as demonstrated by UMN Morris’s status among the top baccalaureate institutions producing student Fulbright awards. The campus is also a national leader in sustainability, evidenced by receipt of the inaugural Excellence in Sustainability award from the National Association of College and University Business Officers and an AASHE STARS Gold rating.

This tenure-track position carries all of the privileges and responsibilities of University of Minnesota faculty appointments. A sound retirement plan, excellent fringe benefits and a collegial atmosphere are among the benefits that accompany the position. Appointment will be at the Assistant Professor level for those having the Ph.D. in hand and at the Instructor level for those whose Ph.D. is pending. The standard teaching load is twenty credit hours per year.

Applications must include a letter of application describing how working at a small liberal arts college fits into your career plan, a curriculum vitae, copies of graduate and undergraduate transcripts, a teaching statement documenting teaching effectiveness, a research statement proposing a research program that is viable at a small liberal arts college and accessible to undergraduates, and three letters of reference. To apply for this position go to the University of Minnesota Employment System. The job ID # is 333760. Please click the Apply button and follow the instructions. Attach a cover letter, curriculum vitae and as many supporting documents as are allowed. Additional supporting documents may be emailed to: Ann Kolden, Administrative Assistant, at [email protected], (320) 589-6301, or they may be sent to:

Biochemistry Search Committee Chair Division of Science and Mathematics University of Minnesota, Morris Morris, MN 56267-2128

Applications will be accepted until the position is filled. Screening begins December 3, 2019. Inquiries can be made to Ann Kolden, Executive Office and Administrative Specialist, at (320) 589-6301 or [email protected].

The University of Minnesota shall provide equal access to and opportunity in its programs, facilities, and employment without regard to race, color, creed, religion, national origin, gender, age, marital status, familial status, disability, public assistance status, membership or activity in a local commission created for the purpose of dealing with discrimination, veteran status, sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.

UMN Morris values diversity in its students, faculty, and staff. UMN Morris is especially interested in qualified candidates who can contribute to the diversity of our community through their teaching, research, and /or service because we believe that diversity enriches the University experience for everyone.

This publication/material is available in alternative formats upon request. Please contact Human Resources, 320-589-6024, Room 201, Behmler Hall, Morris, Minnesota.

A few personal hints for applicants:

  • UMM really, really likes good teaching. Your primary role in this position is teaching. You should have some solid teaching bona fides if you want to come here, but we also recognize that some biologists come out of grad school with a passion for teaching, so make your case.
  • This is a small liberal arts college, with small faculty teaching big subjects, like biology. That means everyone has to wear multiple hats. The prime requisite in research for this job is biochemistry, but it really is a major plus if you’re dual-classed in an additional subject, especially one appealing to our pre-health majors. This is a replacement appointment to fill the shoes of someone who taught biochemistry and microbiology, but anything to enrich our department is lovely.
  • Morris is isolated. Not quite Overlook Hotel isolated, but we’re a couple of hours drive away from the nearest major airport. In any interview, we’ll be asking questions about your ability to cope with the small-town rural Midwest, to make sure you don’t go all Jack Torrance on us. We had our first snow already, temperatures are hovering around freezing, and it will get much colder.
    Don’t be discouraged. The survivors all like it here very much, and it’s a great place to work.

Who is minding the store?

This is our president writing a diplomatic letter to a foreign head of state.

What’s terrifying about this, besides the obvious fact that Trump is incompetent and nuts, is that he’s operating completely unfiltered now. There are no grown-up minders anywhere. No buffers. No one to provide even a superficial illusion of restraint.

Impeach him, fire him, drag him out of office, and put him on trial. He does not belong there.

May I take a few closeups of your genitals?

Here’s another wintertime project I’ve got to work on. I’ve got all these spiders I collected, and I’m confident that they’re all of genus Parasteatoda. However, we’ve got two species in this genus here in Minnesota: P. tepidariorum, which is the darling model system in developmental biology, and P. tabulata, which is more obscure, but I suspect is fairly common around here. In the literature, P. tabulata is the one that builds nests of debris suspended in their webs; P. tepidariorum isn’t described as doing that, but who knows? I’ve collected a lot of spiders in outdoor environments with the fancy cribs made of leaves and gravel, and the ones I collect indoors don’t do that. Is this just an environmentally-induced variant?

That’s not what the taxonomic literature says. Rather, there is some contentious debate about distinguishing the two, which is made clear by close-up inspections of dissected genitalia. Their epigynes have subtly different shapes.

This is not a playing field I’m competent to contest. You should see this stuff: intricate, carefully drawn illustrations of the P. tepidariorum epigyne vs. equally detailed drawings of the P. tabulata epigyne. OK, gang, I surrender — I struggle to figure out what the heck I’m looking at there. I clearly need to work on my knowledge of spider sexual organs, not something I ever expected I’d have to do. I’m also handicapped by the fact that I’m working with live animals, and killing them and ripping out their genitals and clearing them in clove oil is kind of antithetical to breeding them. Also, I like my little spider friends.

So I’m trying to get photos of their genitals to see if I can distinguish them. Here’s one. Pretty racy, I know.

[Read more…]

You’re supposed to talk out your cool idea before you embarrass yourself publicly

So that’s how unicorns fly through space — by pooping out rainbow-colored slinkies. I’ve always wondered.

The brain-twisting image comes from a review of NASA’s “helical drive” proposal, the idea that you could get massless thrust by accelerating particles to the speed of light as they traveled forward, gaining mass, and then slowing them down as they bounce back so they’d lose mass. Presto! Net acceleration forward. Only it won’t work, because:

The problem is that, even though the author does a very nice simulation, he has left out the fields that do the accelerating. When we accelerate ions using a magnetic or electric field, the ions push back on the field. There is an equal and opposite force exerted on the electrodes and coils that produce the fields, and those just happen to be in the spaceship, too.

The concept is trivially dismissed. What’s odd about it all is that the guy who proposed it to NASA is at NASA, and even admitted in his proposal that there are a few weaknesses.

  • Basic concept is unproven
  • Has not been reviewed by subject-matter experts
  • Math errors may exist!

His proposal is full of charts and calculations, and is obviously carefully thought out and represents a substantial investment of work, yet he never rolled his office chair out into the hallway and asked an engineer in one of the cubicles nearby for a quick reality check, before going public with a crazy idea that was going to get shot down in a few seconds by some smart guy on the internet? Is this what NASA managers do all day?

This is a good example of how communication is an essential component of science. Individual minds can get led down the garden path by a tantalizing notion, but a group of minds can ferret out the problems before you make a big splashy investment of your reputation in something with a fatal flaw.

Tucker Carlson has learned at the feet of his master

The last time I mentioned Jared Taylor, I said:

he’s an unpleasant and pretentious leader of white supremacists…an unctuous, smiling glad-hander trying to sell hate as if it is pancakes. He’s a slimy, smarmy, sneering snake of a man, a slithering sibilant walking among us with little humanity in his smirking skull.

Translation: I don’t like him very much.

But you know who does? Tucker Carlson! He’s been taking racism lessons from him.

Like two worm-infested, slimy, moldy peas in a pod. I’d say that Carlson was in the business of white-washing the statements of more loudly racist folk except that he’s just as filthy as they are.