This might be the start of a Monty Python sketch

They even titled the announcement “And now for something completely different…”. I’m going to be doing a new monthly science column for the Guardian, so once again, I have blithely stacked another deadline on top of the groaning pile already on my desk. This should be fun, though, and one must constantly be building beachheads on other continents if one hopes to take over the world. Besides, I’ve also been promoted to “leading American evolutionary biologist”, which will surprise leading American evolutionary biologist everywhere, but which will look wonderfully pretentious on my CV.

It’s also going to be a weekly column — we’ll be cycling a stable of science writers, including Simon Singh, Chris French, and Andy Miah, to keep up some regular science content on the Guardian, and you have to applaud the effort of the paper to do that, especially when science coverage seems to be weakening everywhere else.

I’m already whipping up a little something for my inaugural column. It’s got snails in it. I hope it’s not too continental for the British.

Florida poll

The Orlando Sentinel asks the same old stupid question: Should Florida schools be required to teach intelligent design along with the scientific theory of evolution?

Yes. Intelligent Design provides an alternative explanation to evolution, which is just a theory. It’s healthy to give students a choice. (3 responses)
17.6%
No. Evolution is a time-tested scientific theory, like gravity. Intelligent design is inspired by religion and has no place in a science classroom. (13 responses)
76.5%
Not sure. I don’t know enough about either subject to make an informed choice. (1 responses)
5.9%

Aaargh. “Just a theory” again; and the claim that ID is an “alternative explanation” is about as true and as relevant as claiming that the “my socks are so grungy, they evolved intelligence, built a time machine, and flew back to the Hadean era to seed life on earth” explanation is a reasonable alternative.

Forget the grungy socks. Maybe this is the alternative we need to teach in the classroom.

At last, a school board agenda I can fully support

Our local school boards tend to be institutions of endless tedium punctuated by madness. One bold innovator seeks to change this situation by increasing the insanity.

“Our schools are orderly, sanitary places where students dwell in blissful ignorance of the chaos that awaits,” West said. “Should our facilities be repaired? No, they must be razed to the ground and rebuilt in the image of the Cyclopean dwellings of the Elder Gods, the very geometry of which will drive them to be possessed by visions of the realms beyond.”

I like it! It definitely beats the usual creationist lunacy.

An honest admission from Senator Harkin

Democratic Senator Tom Harkin is the pol who pushed a major “alternative medicine” proposal through congress that led to the formation of the NCCAM, a hotbed of government-sponsored quackery. He now regrets the effort, but for all the wrong reasons. It’s hard to imagine a more damning statement that reveals an utter ignorance of how science should work than this one:

Sen. Tom Harkin, the proud father of the National Center for Complimentary and Alternative Medicine, told a Senate hearing on Thursday that NCCAM had disappointed him by disproving too many alternative therapies.

“One of the purposes of this center was to investigate and validate alternative approaches. Quite frankly, I must say publicly that it has fallen short,” Harkin said.

The senator went on to lament that, since its inception in 1998, the focus of NCCAM has been “disproving things rather than seeking out and approving things.”

Skeptics have complained all along that Harkin and his allies founded this office to promote alternative therapies at public expense, not to test them scientifically. Harkin’s statement at the hearing explicitly confirms that hypothesis.

He’s unhappy because the research didn’t give him the answer he wanted. Does he think science is a magic wishing well?

Maybe we need to establish a new political party, the Rationalists, to replace both the Democrats and Republicans. It would be a wonderful idea, but I fear it would never get more than 0.001% of the American vote.

Oh, come on, American Atheists

The American Atheists web site includes a very silly poll. Is Blasphemy a crime?

Yes: 3268
96%
No: 94
2%

Sure, it’s going in a strongly sensible direction, but wouldn’t a short paragraph explaining why blasphemy is not an actionable crime be more informative? Just asking atheists to state that their existence is not criminal is a no-brainer. And I sure hope they never try to claim that these results support the contention that blasphemy is not a crime.

Oops, wait…as is pointed out in the comments, I read this wrong — the poll was going in the wrong direction. I guess I just couldn’t believe that such a strong majority was actually endorsing such a ridiculous position.

I failed this test

It’s hard, you try it: it’s the Religion 101 final exam. I sure hope they post the answer key sometime.

Although…if it’s evaluated in the same way religion is, maybe any answer will do, and I’ve actually aced it.

Oh, wait — I answered it the atheist way, which is to leave it blank. That’s probably the one way you’re guaranteed to get stern angry looks from the teacher and expulsion from the whole school.

Movie star for a day

The last time I was interviewed on location here in Morris was the fateful day that I was taped for a little movie that became Expelled…and we know how that turned out. It’s happening again, only this time it’s not some secretive intelligent design proponent coming in on false pretenses: it’s Josh Timonen of the Richard Dawkins Foundation stopping by. I think I’m fairly safe this time, and don’t expect to be turned into the villain of the documentary they’re putting together.

It takes some dedication to do this. We’re a long 3 hour drive from the nearest airport, reached by way of a notorious series of speed-traps, it’s -10°F, snow is piled high in deep drifts all around, and once you get here, well, you’re in the tiny town of Morris. It’s a pleasant place to live, but it isn’t exactly renowned for its tourist appeal. I think it’s easier to get to Ulan Bator than here.

The greatest break-up story ever told

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Long timers here may recall that I mentioned this cool video by Nina Paley called Sita Sings the Blues several years ago. At that time, all that was available were some short but very pretty clips.

Good news! Sita Sings the Blues is done, and available on the web. It’s Saturday evening — go ahead, set aside an hour and a half to watch it. How often do you run across Hindu myths animated and set to the 1920’s jazz?

Speaking of Hindu myths, have you ever read any of their creation stories? Here’s one version:

Before time began there was no heaven, no earth and no space between. A vast dark ocean washed upon the shores of nothingness and licked the edges of night. A giant cobra floated on the waters. Asleep within its endless coils lay the Lord Vishnu. He was watched over by the mighty serpent. Everything was so peaceful and silent that Vishnu slept undisturbed by dreams or motion.
From the depths a humming sound began to tremble, Om. It grew and spread, filling the emptiness and throbbing with energy. The night had ended. Vishnu awoke. As the dawn began to break, from Vishnu’s navel grew a magnificent lotus flower. In the middle of the blossom sat Vishnu’s servant, Brahma. He awaited the Lord’s command.

Vishnu spoke to his servant: ‘It is time to begin.’ Brahma bowed. Vishnu commanded: ‘Create the world.’

It’s silly and magical, but it’s also beautiful. We hear that awful tinny poetry of Genesis so often that I think it’s worth looking around at other cultures just to see how petty and third-rate the Western bible is. Not that I want anyone believing in Vishnu and the lotus growing out of his navel, but at least it’s much more lovely and imaginative than the repetitive nonsense we’re used to.