It’s tough breaking into the spider porn biz

Arachnologists spend a lot of time staring at spider genitals, since they’re often key to classifying them. I’ve mentioned that I want to work out some taxonomic ignorance of my own, so I’m finding myself trying to do likewise. This morning I was working with my shiny new toy to see if I could resolve the important details with an SLR tricked out with a 100mm macro lens and 65mm of extension tubes. This represents the maximum magnification I can squeeze out of this set up, short of mounting the animals under the microscope, which would give me hella more magnification.

I’d rather not go that route, though, because it requires more manipulation of the animals and I’d rather keep them happy and relaxed. Right now in their cages, they lounge about upside down, all quiet and mellow, their legs spread out and flaunting their genitalia to the sky. I can just pop the lid and zoom in with my camera lens and they’re totally unperturbed and au naturale, exposed and waiting for their close-up. This would also be the case if I encountered them in the wild, where I’m typically not lugging a microscope around with me. The hope is that my camera would have enough oomph to get all the diagnostic details.

Long story short…probably not. I’ll throw in a few photos below the fold, but they aren’t quite good enough to see what I need to see.

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My latest indulgence

Right now, I’m cash poor (please keep that in mind if you think you can get rich by suing me) — I’m having no trouble paying the mortgage or putting food on the table, so I’m immensely privileged that way, but coming off a half-pay year and with annoying legal expenses, I haven’t been able to buy toys for myself for a while…until now. My rule is that all the gift cards I get from the Amazon Affiliate program are mine to splurge on whatever, and I’ve been saving them up for a few months, so that I can get this: a Tokina at-X 100mm f/2.8 PRO D Macro Lens.

I’ve been doing all my macro photography with a Canon Nifty-Fifty a set of cheap macro extension tubes, which work great on a budget. That was the kit lens on my camera, and the extension tubes were only about $20, so it was an easy intro to macro photography. The setup takes good photos, too. The only catch, I thought, was when you put 65mm of extension tubes on your lens, your working distance plummets to nearly nothing. You’ve got to push that lens right up next to your subject, which isn’t always optimal, so I got myself a big beautiful 100mm macro lens with a true 1:1 image ratio so that I’d have a little more flexibility.

It arrived today, so I allowed a little time to try it out, after finishing all my exam grading.

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I guess it’s a Blood, Sweat, and Tears kind of day

I’m not talking about the mountain of grading waiting for me.

The bad news: I fear Jenny By-The-Front-Door may have died. It’s cold and windy out there! No sign of a body, either — if she’d fallen out, I’m pretty sure the corpse would have blown away. I poked into her nest fairly thoroughly, and …

There’s an egg sac deep in the middle! With the multiple hatched-out egg sacs around her, she clearly had a fecund life. I may have to bring her nest into the lab and examine it more closely.

Speaking of the lab, I got in this morning and found that one of the egg sacs there had hatched. Baby spiders galore! I quickly did a partial separation into groups and gave them a lot of flies to gnaw on, so they wouldn’t gnaw on each other. I’ll come in this weekend and move as many as I can into individual containers. There’ll be some attrition — about a half dozen escaped and ballooned off into the corners of the lab, or the atrium, or the crawl space, or other people’s labs, where I hope they prosper.

Jerry Fisher ought to change the lyrics a little.

And when I die, and when I’m gone
There’ll be one child five hundred children born
In this world to carry on, to carry on

Dang, that doesn’t fit. Well, Jerry Fisher is still alive, I’ll trust him to do a better job on the lyrics.

Too little, too late, too Florida

Finally, Floridians are talking about climate change. It’s a strange situation where the American state with the most obvious risk from rising sea levels has been in total denial. Right now people are noticing that “King tides and sunny-day flooding are disrupting postal delivery in many communities, eroding utility boxes, requiring law enforcement to manage traffic corridors where flooding has closed roads”, and yet, they keep electing Republicans who turn a blind eye to everything.

“There hasn’t been a lot of conversation about this. I understand that, and I understand why,’’ he continued, leaving unsaid that the words “climate change” were banned from the lexicon for much of the eight-year tenure of former Gov. Rick Scott, and the state’s response to it was not considered a priority.

But Lee, who served in the Senate for the last six years of Scott’s term, said he believes there has been “a paradigm shift” with Republican Gov. Ron DeSantis — who followed the lead of local governments in Florida and appointed a “chief resilience officer” to start talking about the effects of global warming on the state.

The new landscape comes with new political realities, Lee said. “There’s a younger generation of conservatives in this state that aren’t as much in denial.”

“The world is changing and so is the leadership in state government,’’ he said. But he stopped short of saying the Republican governor and the GOP leadership of the House and Senate, as well as the development, utility and insurance industries that finance them, will support the “paradigm shift.”

It’s astonishing that the governor essentially banned a scientific conclusion from any discussion, especially when the fact of climate change is going to hit the state so hard. Pardon me if I’m not impressed with a new set of Republicans who “aren’t as much in denial”; they’re still refusing to address the problem. Read the whole article; they’re patting themselves on the back for thinking they might just get around to talking about it and maybe passing some legislation (no promises, though!), yet there are all these conservative blowhards making excuses for not doing anything by blaming China and India.

All I can say is…

It’s going to be hard to muster any sympathy for Florida when the next hurricane hits or a major city has to be abandoned when they keep electing these idiots.

Can we give it back to the Seminoles before it gets worse? You know, to some people who might take the responsibilities of their home seriously.

We’re hiring a biochemist!

Whoa. We were stunned when we were told we get to hire a tenure-track ecologist, but now I’m totally gobsmacked that we have been given permission to hire a tenure-track biochemist as well. Two job searches at once? So much work, so much opportunity.

Assistant Professor of Biology
University of Minnesota, Morris

The University of Minnesota, Morris seeks an individual committed to excellence in undergraduate education, to fill a tenure-track position in biology beginning August 17, 2020. Responsibilities include: Teaching undergraduate biology courses including junior/senior level biochemistry with lab, electives in the applicant’s areas of expertise, introductory biology, and other courses that support the Biology and pre-health programs; advising undergraduates; conducting research that could involve undergraduates; and sharing in the governance and advancement of the Biology program, the pre-health programs, the division, interdisciplinary programs, and the campus.

Applicants must hold or expect to receive a Ph.D. in biochemistry or a related field by August 17, 2020. Experience and evidence of excellence in teaching undergraduate biology is required (graduate TA experience is acceptable). Preference will be given to applicants who are able to develop and teach upper-level elective courses in their area of expertise that complement those offered by the current biology faculty. We strongly encourage applications from broadly trained biochemists with complementary expertise in microbiology or physiology or related fields that will support the pre-health programs.

A distinctive undergraduate campus within the University of Minnesota system, the University of Minnesota Morris combines a student- centered residential liberal arts education with access to the resources and opportunities of one of the nation’s largest universities. A founding member of the Council of Public Liberal Arts Colleges (COPLAC), UMN Morris provides students with a rigorous academic experience, preparing them to be global citizens who value and pursue intellectual growth, civic engagement, intercultural competence, and environmental stewardship. The student body of nearly 1600 is supported by approximately 130 faculty members with a student/faculty ratio of 13:1. UMN Morris serves one of the most diverse student bodies in Minnesota. Forty percent of UMN Morris students are Native American, persons of color, or of international origin. UMN Morris is the only federally recognized Native American Serving Non-Tribal Institution in the Upper Midwest.

UMN Morris is highly ranked by national publications – U.S. News & World Report as a top-ten public liberal arts college; Forbes as one of the best colleges and universities in the nation; and Fiske Guide to Colleges includes Morris campus in its list of “the best” and “most interesting” schools in the U.S., Canada, and the United Kingdom. Morris students are taught by a faculty with the highest per capita representation in the University of Minnesota’s Academy of Distinguished Teaching and students consistently win national awards, as demonstrated by UMN Morris’s status among the top baccalaureate institutions producing student Fulbright awards. The campus is also a national leader in sustainability, evidenced by receipt of the inaugural Excellence in Sustainability award from the National Association of College and University Business Officers and an AASHE STARS Gold rating.

This tenure-track position carries all of the privileges and responsibilities of University of Minnesota faculty appointments. A sound retirement plan, excellent fringe benefits and a collegial atmosphere are among the benefits that accompany the position. Appointment will be at the Assistant Professor level for those having the Ph.D. in hand and at the Instructor level for those whose Ph.D. is pending. The standard teaching load is twenty credit hours per year.

Applications must include a letter of application describing how working at a small liberal arts college fits into your career plan, a curriculum vitae, copies of graduate and undergraduate transcripts, a teaching statement documenting teaching effectiveness, a research statement proposing a research program that is viable at a small liberal arts college and accessible to undergraduates, and three letters of reference. To apply for this position go to the University of Minnesota Employment System. The job ID # is 333760. Please click the Apply button and follow the instructions. Attach a cover letter, curriculum vitae and as many supporting documents as are allowed. Additional supporting documents may be emailed to: Ann Kolden, Administrative Assistant, at [email protected], (320) 589-6301, or they may be sent to:

Biochemistry Search Committee Chair Division of Science and Mathematics University of Minnesota, Morris Morris, MN 56267-2128

Applications will be accepted until the position is filled. Screening begins December 3, 2019. Inquiries can be made to Ann Kolden, Executive Office and Administrative Specialist, at (320) 589-6301 or [email protected].

The University of Minnesota shall provide equal access to and opportunity in its programs, facilities, and employment without regard to race, color, creed, religion, national origin, gender, age, marital status, familial status, disability, public assistance status, membership or activity in a local commission created for the purpose of dealing with discrimination, veteran status, sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.

UMN Morris values diversity in its students, faculty, and staff. UMN Morris is especially interested in qualified candidates who can contribute to the diversity of our community through their teaching, research, and /or service because we believe that diversity enriches the University experience for everyone.

This publication/material is available in alternative formats upon request. Please contact Human Resources, 320-589-6024, Room 201, Behmler Hall, Morris, Minnesota.

A few personal hints for applicants:

  • UMM really, really likes good teaching. Your primary role in this position is teaching. You should have some solid teaching bona fides if you want to come here, but we also recognize that some biologists come out of grad school with a passion for teaching, so make your case.
  • This is a small liberal arts college, with small faculty teaching big subjects, like biology. That means everyone has to wear multiple hats. The prime requisite in research for this job is biochemistry, but it really is a major plus if you’re dual-classed in an additional subject, especially one appealing to our pre-health majors. This is a replacement appointment to fill the shoes of someone who taught biochemistry and microbiology, but anything to enrich our department is lovely.
  • Morris is isolated. Not quite Overlook Hotel isolated, but we’re a couple of hours drive away from the nearest major airport. In any interview, we’ll be asking questions about your ability to cope with the small-town rural Midwest, to make sure you don’t go all Jack Torrance on us. We had our first snow already, temperatures are hovering around freezing, and it will get much colder.
    Don’t be discouraged. The survivors all like it here very much, and it’s a great place to work.

May I take a few closeups of your genitals?

Here’s another wintertime project I’ve got to work on. I’ve got all these spiders I collected, and I’m confident that they’re all of genus Parasteatoda. However, we’ve got two species in this genus here in Minnesota: P. tepidariorum, which is the darling model system in developmental biology, and P. tabulata, which is more obscure, but I suspect is fairly common around here. In the literature, P. tabulata is the one that builds nests of debris suspended in their webs; P. tepidariorum isn’t described as doing that, but who knows? I’ve collected a lot of spiders in outdoor environments with the fancy cribs made of leaves and gravel, and the ones I collect indoors don’t do that. Is this just an environmentally-induced variant?

That’s not what the taxonomic literature says. Rather, there is some contentious debate about distinguishing the two, which is made clear by close-up inspections of dissected genitalia. Their epigynes have subtly different shapes.

This is not a playing field I’m competent to contest. You should see this stuff: intricate, carefully drawn illustrations of the P. tepidariorum epigyne vs. equally detailed drawings of the P. tabulata epigyne. OK, gang, I surrender — I struggle to figure out what the heck I’m looking at there. I clearly need to work on my knowledge of spider sexual organs, not something I ever expected I’d have to do. I’m also handicapped by the fact that I’m working with live animals, and killing them and ripping out their genitals and clearing them in clove oil is kind of antithetical to breeding them. Also, I like my little spider friends.

So I’m trying to get photos of their genitals to see if I can distinguish them. Here’s one. Pretty racy, I know.

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You’re supposed to talk out your cool idea before you embarrass yourself publicly

So that’s how unicorns fly through space — by pooping out rainbow-colored slinkies. I’ve always wondered.

The brain-twisting image comes from a review of NASA’s “helical drive” proposal, the idea that you could get massless thrust by accelerating particles to the speed of light as they traveled forward, gaining mass, and then slowing them down as they bounce back so they’d lose mass. Presto! Net acceleration forward. Only it won’t work, because:

The problem is that, even though the author does a very nice simulation, he has left out the fields that do the accelerating. When we accelerate ions using a magnetic or electric field, the ions push back on the field. There is an equal and opposite force exerted on the electrodes and coils that produce the fields, and those just happen to be in the spaceship, too.

The concept is trivially dismissed. What’s odd about it all is that the guy who proposed it to NASA is at NASA, and even admitted in his proposal that there are a few weaknesses.

  • Basic concept is unproven
  • Has not been reviewed by subject-matter experts
  • Math errors may exist!

His proposal is full of charts and calculations, and is obviously carefully thought out and represents a substantial investment of work, yet he never rolled his office chair out into the hallway and asked an engineer in one of the cubicles nearby for a quick reality check, before going public with a crazy idea that was going to get shot down in a few seconds by some smart guy on the internet? Is this what NASA managers do all day?

This is a good example of how communication is an essential component of science. Individual minds can get led down the garden path by a tantalizing notion, but a group of minds can ferret out the problems before you make a big splashy investment of your reputation in something with a fatal flaw.

Adventures in Spider Husbandry #arachtober

I’m done with seeking out spiders in their natural environment, for a while. I’m keeping an eye on a few outdoors (Jenny By-The-Front-Door still lives, despite the recent snow, and there’s a nearby compost bin I have my eye on), but mainly I’m settling in for a winter of laboratory observations now. So here’s a quick review of how I’m raising my spider family.

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