Oh hi spammers

I’ve been getting a lot of email like the below lately. I thought I’d share it with you.

Hi PZ Myers,

Be still my heart. They spelled it correctly! Now I’m much more willing to listen to their pitch.

Following up one last time in case you missed my last email about partnering with our upcoming campaign for 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡, a bitcoin rewards platform!

Oy. Bitcoin. Well, they squandered that one shred of goodwill already. Fuck off and die.

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 gives you free bitcoin/money when you shop online like groceries, sneakers, tech, and more. 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 is partnered with over 1,000 top brands like Nike, eBay, & StockX for up to 30% bitcoin back on your purchases! Some of 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡’s most recent backers include Mr. Beast, Cody Ko & Philip DeFranco.

That was useful information at least. I’ll be sure to never watch Mr Beast, Cody Ko, or Philip DeFranco, whoever they are — all I know at this point is that they must be assholes. Not into Nike or eBay, either, and never heard of StockX.

We’re looking for an integrated video on Youtube and/or Instagram Stories that will highlight the use and benefits of using 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡. We want to encourage viewers to download 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 (extension & iOS mobile app) and sign-up for an account to earn free bitcoin on their everyday purchases!

If you’re interested, please send us your rates & media kit for YouTube / Instagram if you have them and we can send you more details about the collaboration. Looking forward to hearing from you!

OK.

Bwahahahahaha! Readers, if you suddenly see yourself inundated with 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 ads (obscuring emojis will be removed once my demands are met), just console yourself with the fact that I’ll be in Mexico or Australia or the Brazilian upcountry (places rich in spiders) enjoying my retirement in wealth and ease. Maybe I’ll travel between all three! And New Guinea! And Nigeria! Oh the places I’ll go!

One more thing…

The grocery store was packed with swarms of people (I was the only one wearing a mask, naturally), and I was wondering what was going on until I noticed that their carts were packed full of snack foods. Oh, right, it’s the Super Bowl today. I won’t be watching and know nothing about it except for one thing: I know which team I hope loses.

I know I’m petty. It’s OK to be petty about silly trivial things like this.

I also know my “hope” is going to be just as effective as Kenny-boy’s “prayer” in affecting the outcome of the game.

Pray for me

I just got back from my epic trek through the Arctic wilderness to reach the grocery store. This was an urgent emergency mission. See, here’s a pantry shelf:

You may look at that and tell me, “no, there’s no hurry here, you have plenty of cat food,” but you would be wrong. There is only one can of cat food there. Our cat will only eat Fancy Feast, and then only the seafood varieties, and no, none of that “gravy” crap, she only wants Fancy Feast Seafood Pate. Anything else, and she will walk away with a look of disgust, and will probably vomit all over the floor.

We’ve tried everything else. She is an extremely finicky eater.

I have been going to the grocery store for over a month looking for her brand, with no luck. That shelf is totally bare at the store, and has been for weeks and weeks. We’re down to our last can. When that’s gone…I fear there will be a bloodbath. I figure we’ve got maybe a week, perhaps a little more if I stretch it out.

If the blog goes silent next week, call the cops. Tell them to mobilize that stupid SWAT team and their tank that we’re wasting taxpayer money on, and bring the big guns, and be prepared before they open the door. There will be a berserker cat waiting for them.

Like a machine!

Not creepy at all.

It’s a little after 9am, and I have now completed everything: got this week’s lab set up, got tomorrow’s lecture prepped, finished a really cool book, and now the day yawns open before me, with lovely blue skies and -20°C temperatures. I think that means I can go take a walk. Get some exercise. Pick up some groceries. Breathe a little bit.

Only a little bit, though, because the student homework starts streaming into my computer by midnight.

Maybe I’ll tell you about the book later. Walk first.

All aboard the pandemic roller-coaster!

I already told you my university is removing the vaccine mandate for attendance at large public events, and now the major cities are removing them, too.

Twin Cities Mayors Melvin Carter and Jacob Frey on Thursday jointly rescinded their vaccine-or-test emergency regulations for restaurants, bars and entertainment venues, effective immediately, as COVID-19 infections and hospitalizations rapidly decline.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. This is bonkers. Yes, the numbers are going down, we’re past the peak, but look at the difference in the case rate between vaccinated and unvaccinated.

So we’re going to reduce the incentives for the unvaccinated to get vaccinated. These chickenshit politicians are calling it “invasive regulation”, when it’s a mundane public health measure, in the same way that we expect children to be vaccinated before they go off to school. It makes no sense. It’s pandering to Republicans.

Or maybe it’s something more nefarious. The Democrats see a way to reduce the number of Republican voters permanently. Hey, Mr MAGA Hat, please do cough and sneeze all over your friends at a rally, and while you’re at it, go play in traffic. We won’t get you all, but if we cripple you financially by throwing you on the mercies of your preferred health care system, or invalid you out with long COVID, we’ll be hampering your future effectiveness as a political force. <cackles evilly>

No, not really, I don’t endorse that. You’re already enough of a drag on society, and I don’t want to encourage a reservoir for new mutations to fester.

Meanwhile, as we wait for the next surge, here are some recommendations for you sensible people.

I’m using N94 & N95 masks entirely now. It’s kind of a shame, because last year there was a little cottage industry of artists making lovely cloth masks, but those are no longer recommended, unless worn as part of a set of layers. Things better not get so bad that I need a PAPR to go grocery shopping!

I also don’t understand the resistance to wearing masks. It’s -12°C and snowing with 55 km/hr winds here — even without a pandemic I’d be wearing a mask.

Every time. Jesus, this pandemic will never end.

Once again, we get to suffer with shortsighted thinking. I just got this memo from the president of my university.

Trends in COVID-19 transmission statewide continue to show significant decreases, both in terms of current data related to case numbers, positivity rates, and available hospital beds, but also in forecasts predicting continued declines. Given those trends, the University is lifting the temporary, systemwide policy that mandated all events with over 200 attendees require individuals to show proof of vaccination or a negative COVID test. From February 10 on, proof of negative test or vaccination status is no longer required.

Masks remain required for all indoor facilities across the system. They are an effective tool for preventing the transmission of COVID-19 as well as influenza. We continue to monitor state and federal guidance and will update you as additional decisions are made.

Attendance at football games must have been down.

Here we go again. The precautions are working! So let’s stop taking them!

Panic city

I must be tired. I was sitting in my office reviewing my lecture notes, when I glanced at the clock. It’s 20 to! My class is at a quarter to! Panic followed, because I was still tinkering with a few slides, and I had yet to get to my classroom. Chaos! Rushing about! Slamming down the last few touches! Off to the room I go!

No one was there. What’s going on? My class starts at a quarter to noon — it was a quarter to 11. Sheesh.

At least I got to go back to my office and have a cup of tea. I’m getting too old for this stuff. It doesn’t help that I’m just generally losing my mind lately.