It never fails — a Republican leader always turns out to be an absolute idiot. Behold, Newt Gingrich’s plan for getting oil tankers past the Strait of Hormuz.
Instead of fighting over a 21-mile-wide bottleneck forever, we cut a new channel through friendly territory. A dozen thermonuclear detonations and you’ve got a waterway wider than the Panama Canal, deeper than the Suez, and safe from Iranian attacks.
Easy! Just nuke UAE and Oman put a chain of craters across them. Can you see any problems with that? Here’s a short summary.
Realistically, it would take three to five years to survey and map the canal, identify where to place the nuclear devices, prepare the route, and drill explosion wells. Add another one to two years for the actual detonations, blasting out millions of tons of sand and rock, and creating a trench 400 meters wide and 60 meters deep. Then it would take another five to ten years to complete the canal, including dredging, smoothing, lock construction, and the necessary “cool-down” period.
So, not an instant solution to the current crisis.
But even if feasible, it’s not practical. The experiments conducted nearly 70 years ago by the Americans and Soviets found that the fallout and radiation released into the atmosphere by even a few nuclear devices negated the time benefits. Moreover, the immediate zone – the canal being built – would remain so radioactive that it would make the passageway too dangerous to transit for decades.
Would that still be friendly territory after that kind of treatment?
ugh i can’t believe this vile so-and-so is still among us.
why would any decent human be willing to take advice from the guy who divorced TWO wives when they got sick?
Newt Gingrich is still alive?
For some reason I thought he’d died years ago. Guess that was just wishful thinking.
If you are going to go to that effort, why not lay down an oil pipeline through that proposed canal route?
Pump the oil out above the Strait of Hormuz, pump it through the pipeline that bypasses the Strait, and load up oil tankers nearer the Indian ocean.
Pipelines are well established technology and they are everywhere.
So, I am shrieking.
This is the guy who single-handedly destroyed the tradition of “civility” in government and politics, and who brought us the current era of vicious hatred of the other political party.
But, uh, what does “fallout and radiation released negates the time benefits” mean? Does that mean the usual thing, it makes nuking too expensive? Or, do they mean the cooling-off period is too long? Or, just fantasizing here, do they mean that the, oh, I don’t know, health and welfare of billions of people would be negatively affected?
Fallout from any nuking, even smaller ones, does eventually make it to a whole lot of the rest of the world. I’ve seen estimates of how many deaths on the East Coast of America were due to fallout from the above-ground nuclear testing done in the west and southwest. And then, there was the day that all the farmers in Massachusetts had to dump their milk because too-high levels of radioactive iodine from Fukishima (that’s in Japan, you know) were found in it.
So, yeah, I’d agree that “a dozen thermonuclear detonations” is probably not an optimum way to do civil engineering. In fact, I’m still shrieking.
Nukes can solve anything. Could you imagine if the power-hungry Trump used a nuke and realized the power he could wield.
Bububut are you telling me this drooling cretin is still alive? And he’s spouting crap about H-bombs to boot? Like Granpaw pudding-for-brains was suggesting be used as a remedy for hurricanes? What is it with Alzheimer sufferers and nuclear weapons, do they find them sexy or what?
And BTW something similar was suggested by Edward Teller, he wanted to create a better ship route and port in Alaska, just five H-booms needed and Bob’s your uncle.
That particular idea was regarded as “demented”, I hope nobody is going to roll out the warheads this time around, even in these times of runaway madness.
Even if this works out as easy-peasy as Gingrich seems to think it would, the “canal” would jut become another strategically-important shipping passage to be fought over. And the country that’s currently closing the old passage would have no problem thinking maybe they should close the new one too.
Seriously, how stucking foopid does Gingrich think Iranians are?
A more practical Newt Solution: breed a large population of intelligent and trainable newts, and have each one carry a little bottle of oil on its back as it swims through the Strait of Hormuz.
(Has anyone else read Karel Čapek’s War with the Newts? A brilliant SF satire, highly recommended.)
I reckon he’s just itching to do it. There were reports during his first term that he had asked why he couldn’t use them, and what was the point of having them if they weren’t used. At that time, he still had advisers (such as Jim “Mad Dog” Mattis – rather telling when perhaps the most rational member of the cabinet went by that soubriquet) who had some ability to restrain him; now he has surrounded himself completely with doormats, and according to some experts, is in the throes of fronto-temporal dementia, of which a main sympton is disinhibition. He has recently enjoyed boasting that, unlike previous presidents back to Carter, he has “dared” to attack Iran directly.
LOL, Raging Bee @7, you’re quite right! Just another shipping passage to fight over and close, but this time, with added radioactivity!
And, outis @6, yeah, Teller did suggest the H-bomb for civil engineering uses (did others say that that was demented? I didn’t know that.) IMO, Teller had a pathological need to convince himself that he wasn’t a deeply immoral hideous destroyer of human life for pushing so hard to create the H-bomb. That his brain-child had some peaceful uses.
Alfred Nobel invented dynamite (that’s where he got the money), and he allegedly convinced himself (but, no one else) it would never be used as a weapon of war because that would be too horrific. Sigh.
KG, I saw this story 20 hours ago:
[oops]
Link:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2026/mar/16/donald-trump-administration-tariffs-latest-updates?filterKeyEvents=false&page=with%3Ablock-69b888df8f08fe3cf0eb646e#block-69b888df8f08fe3cf0eb646e
I do like the dry humour at the end, but:
John Morales @11: He had a discussion with Reagan.
Here’s an alternative fantasy. He could always wait till hell freezes over. By then Iran might have the bomb and he can sub-contract the job to them by putting a US military base at each detonation site. He’d have to get approval from Netanyahu’s AI avatar and the 200th Ayatollah Khameini.
KG @ 8
Yay! Somebody else read that book!
BTW I think the soviets tested a nuke to see if nukes could be used of excavation. The resulting crater lake is not healthy
The Lawyers, Guns & Money article on this yesterday added an extra bit:
I looked at a map a couple of days ago. The isthmus is rocky so drilling a tunnel for a pipeline would be the better solution. But as already mentioned, that would just add more static targets well within the range of the Iranian stand-off weapons.
.
BTW more than one European nation is now negotiating with Iran. Japan is probably doing the same. It would be hilarious if convoys of tankers are allowed to go to those countries while Trump, Hegseth and Netanyahu are left stomping their feet and yelling.
Apparently Gingrich remains plugged into the DC grapevine – and heard a Cabinet position will open up soon…
I guess you only get better when a witch turns you into a newt, not when you’re born as one.
The Guardian
“Trump counter-terrorism chief quits over Iran war, blaming Israel ”
He is a hard-right dude but in this instance he seems to be right
.https://share.google/8NXpJd3gwVb8yz4CG
There was some discussion about doing this in Egypt in the 70s, see
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qattara_Depression_Project#Friedrich_Bassler
As far as I’m aware, this proposal has been dropped, and now they’re working on classical waterways. The main current problem appears to be what to do with the resulting brine. I’d love to see the artificial sea created though. Perhaps it’s also financially feasible if they can manage to extract lithium.
I see Newt -despite his dislike for monogamy- has ducked the HIV epidemic.
And he is still welcome with the Christian right.
He makes me think of stereotypical depictions of cavemen. “Unga-bunga! Nukes hit thing hard! Hard better than weak! Life that simple!” This is an attitude that should not be given any consideration in our nuanced world. Same goes for Trump’s “creative” speculations on what nukes could be used for.
Nuclear weaponry is not a toy, children.
Unrelated. This is just to help your blood pressure relax a bit & hold on to your sanity.
“Kayak training for our nine month old Maine Coon”
.https://youtube.com/watch?v=SaHNRql3U8w
Newt, why not drop the nukes directly on Iran? Getting soft in his dotage.
Another wholesome link.
David Davidi-Brown:
“Here in Tel Aviv, even in the midst of war, the Israelis and Palestinians I work with hold on to one another’s humanity” .https://share.google/8z7ArfOYjXULbbvrJ
I bet the proposed canal or pipeline would be closer to Iran than Tel Aviv. So close enough for Iran’s drones to hit it or parts of it.
John Morales @11: pretty sure it was the 45th president he had the discussion with…
KG @ 8, birgerjohansson @15,
You are not alone. The more Čapek I read, the more I like his work. There’s a 1990 collection of his work called Toward the Radical Center which is a great introduction. But I think I’ve read everything I’ve been able to find in translation.
Back in the 1980’s I was taught that India exploded one nuke as both a demonstration that they had developed nuclear capability and as a demonstration of a peaceful use of it. By collapsing a mountain into a ravine to create a water reservoir. I’ve never checked to see if the story was true though.
flex, it is not true.
It was purely a demonstration, the talk about ‘peaceful uses’ was purely speculative.
No reservoir, no mountain.
Alex Wellerstein (Nuclear historian, creater of NukeMap simulator):
Cheryl Rofer (Retired nuclear scientist): “Alex actually knows what he is talking about. Unlike the instant experts who usually seem to be coder guys or lawyers.”
[Satirical Browser Game] Nuke us a canal
birgerjohansson @15:
BBC – The Soviet plan to reverse Siberia’s rivers with ‘peaceful nuclear explosions’
Wikipedia – Pechora–Kama Canal
Wikipedia – Peaceful nuclear explosion
flex @29:
Wikipedia – Smiling Buddha
No mention of a mountain or reservoir. Subsequent tests were also underground shafts in that same desert site.
Wikipedia – Pokhran
*Searches for photos of Thar Desert* Yep, whole lotta nothing.
Leviticus 20:10 And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.
Stone Nutty The Newt! Adulterer, adulterer!
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2 Samuel 11&12, cheerfulcharlie.
Here is the ‘fix’:
Me, too.
I thought he was already dead.
birgerjohansson @ 20
Kent is a Nazi. He’s resigning because the States are too much in bed with The Jooz and perfidiously dragged Trump into an unwinnable war, he couldn’t give a toss about dead Iranians.
When both the US and the Soviet Union gave up on nuclear excavation during the cold war, because the leadership then thought it was a bad idea, you know it’s a bad idea.
Here ids an idea. Work to repace crude oil with something locally produced loke green electricity.
Hehe, I was idly looking up Project Orion again and learned of Plumbbob.
Wikipedia – Project Orion
Wikipedia – Operation Plumbbob
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – why are we listening to a man whose name sounds like a nasty disease suffered by amphibians?
Someone should tell Newt that Project Plowshare (championed by Edward Teller, of course) was tried and rejected over 60 years ago.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Plowshare
Maybe, instead, someone can use Gingrich’s head like a jackhammer and dig a fresh canal with that tool?
@ jenorafeuer, # 16: I saw the same thing a few days ago-that was from a satirical website, it’s not real. Gingrich is a horrible person, but he’s not as stupid as trump. I can see where people would believe it without checking, since most trump supporters are either idiots or cynical opportunists.
Badland @ 37
Arrgh. I am getting the impression all the true believers are nazis. The rest are opportunists who will do anything.
Since y’all have stuck with this absurdity, please allow me to add another straw to the camel:
Popping off a string of underground nukes in one of the most oil-rich regions of the world would also vaporize countless tons of petroleum, creating a Mother of Storms-like scenario of sudden massive greenhouse-gasification that would, at minimum, raise global sea levels high enough to drown every coastal city between Basra and Muscat (among other inconveniences).
Newt Gingrich remains a fount of awesome imbecility.
If nothing else, the blockage of the Straits of Hormuz certainly further disproves the idea of Jewish Space Lasers!
Becoz if they did exist, they sure woulda used them to carve a new canal or three getting around the Hormuz strait* by now!
Why is the Straits of Hormuz plural not singular and why not Hormuz strait without the ‘of’?
@ StevoR
I don’t know where you’re getting that plural from dude. Only ever seen singular.
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StevoR, that’s because there is but one (1) Strait of Hormuz.
Whyever would one pluralise it?
(It’s not Mounts Everest, is it?)
^ John Morales & Silentbob : No.
Not sure why now -think it was from hearing or maybe mishearing the TV / radio news. The ‘of” in it seems needless to me still – the Hormuz Strait would work better wouldn’t it?
“The Tower of London” vs. “London Tower” — guess which one is normative? l(
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Huh. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_of_London_test
(“Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.”)