How desperate are you for a job as a teacher?


There’s an opportunity for you to teach physics, chemistry, and algebra, and all you need is a bachelor’s degree and student teaching experience. Easy! These are minimal qualifications that lot of newly graduating students could meet. Some of the other expectations, though…

The qualified individual must be an evangelical Christian committed to living a biblical lifestyle in all areas and in full agreement with the school’s statement of faith. The teacher is expected to be in alignment with the science and biblical positions held at Answers in Genesis and able to teach physical sciences (physical science, chemistry, and physics) and possibly math (Algebra 2/Pre-Calc.) from a biblical worldview in the classroom. The teacher must also be able to distinguish operational vs historical science as well as be able to articulate the evolutionary beliefs correctly while being able to refute them biblically and scientifically. The teacher must also have a good understanding of AiG’s presuppositional apologetic approach and know how to incorporate it in the classroom.

The teacher shall be one who feels called of God to the teaching profession. The teacher must maintain a teachable spirit while demonstrating patience, humility, integrity, and kindness while performing his/her day-to-day duties. He/she must be devoted to prayerfully work with administration, faculty, students, and parents to develop and maintain a school which is thoroughly Christian and academically exceptional. The teacher shall prayerfully help students learn attitudes, skills, and subject matter that will contribute to their development as mature, able, and responsible Christians to the glory of God.

Boy howdy, that’s a lot, especially given that AiG’s “operational/historical” categorization of science isn’t shared by any legitimate educational organization. I think their idea that their institution must be academically exceptional is going to be butting heads with their demand that it be thoroughly Christian.

But that’s not all! Their list of expectations go on and on and on, like they were lingering over the exercise, masturbating with their Bible while gleefully adding more and more Jebus to the job.

  • Adhere to the statement of faith
  • Be deeply committed to a consistent daily walk with Jesus Christ
  • Spend time daily in personal devotions and prayer
  • Faithfully attend a local, Bible-believing church
  • Be a Christian role model in attitude, speech, and actions towards others. This includes being committed to God’s biblical standards for sexual conduct (Luke 6:40)
  • Show by example the importance of Scripture study and memorization, prayer, witnessing, and unity in the Body of Christ
  • Follow the Matthew 18 principle in dealing with students, faculty, parents, and administration
  • Motivate students to accept God's gift of salvation and to grow in their faith
  • Possess the ability to work gracefully with parents, students, and other school staff to develop a unified and successful educational program
  • Demonstrate the ability to accept and carry out responsibilities and make competent, professional decisions
  • Be willing to eagerly participate in professional development
  • Recognize the role of parents as primarily responsible before God for their children's education and be prepared to assist them in that task
  • Maintain a personal appearance that is a Christian role model of cleanliness, modesty, good taste, and in agreement with school policy
  • Respectfully submit and be loyal to constituted authority. Teachers should notify the administration of any policy he/she is unable to support. Teachers should also be willing to provide input and constructive recommendations for administrative and managerial functions in the school

There’s much much more, most of it basic stuff about being able to work with students and parents, compose lesson plans, refuting false religions, etc. It’s all a big long warning that you are going to be completely micromanaged by a gang of authoritarians who will demand total dogmatic obedience.

Are you sold? Then all that’s left is a few final steps:

  • Completion of on-line application
  • Salary Requirements
  • Salvation Testimony
  • Creation Belief Statement
  • Confirmation of your agreement with the AiG Statement of Faith
  • Completion of a Background Check and Pre-Employment Drug Screen

They don’t say what they’re paying, though. I’d demand a few million dollars a year to debase myself that much.

Comments

  1. alfalfamale says

    All you really need is this one: “Respectfully submit and be loyal to constituted authority”

  2. Dunc says

    I think their idea that their institution must be academically exceptional is going to be butting heads with their demand that it be thoroughly Christian.

    Well, they don’t specify that they mean exceptional in a good way…

    I’m somewhat curious as to what’s involved in teaching maths “from a biblical worldview”.

  3. birgerjohansson says

    Maybe just let some crap AI do the job. Having a human being do it would be cruel.

    Teaching math from a biblical worldview would mean doing without zero. Not an easy task.

  4. says

    The requirement to fully understand evolutionary theory and be able to refute it seems like the big problem to me.
    Feel like that may actually be impossible.

  5. Silentbob says

    Yes, but I hear that woke leftist teachers are indoctrinating students and we must be very alarmed.

  6. Rich Woods says

    @Dunc #3:

    I’m somewhat curious as to what’s involved in teaching maths “from a biblical worldview”.

    “If Jack has two fishes and Jane has five loaves…”

  7. mathman85 says

    The teacher is expected to be in alignment with the science and biblical positions held at Answers in Genesis and able to teach physical sciences (physical science, chemistry, and physics) and possibly math (Algebra 2/Pre-Calc.) from a biblical worldview in the classroom.

    Hmm. Could probably muddle through physics and chemistry. That level of math might be a bit tedious to me, but I could do it. But another question arises immediately: what the actual fuck does “math[ematics] […] from a biblical worldview” even mean? Would I have to teach the kiddos that π = 3, since that’s what the bible implies (Ⅱ Chr 4:2)?

  8. stevewatson says

    Dunc @3: A search on “biblical mathematics” nets a page-full of, um, interesting material. Like: https://www.christianperspective.net/math/god-and-math. There’s also this weird aversion to set theory, apparently because it leads to all sorts of mind-bending places like the Barber Paradox and different degrees of infinity that might upset one’s faith in mathematical Platonism (and fundies are Platonists, even if they don’t know it).

  9. mordred says

    Be deeply committed to a consistent daily walk with Jesus Christ

    Do I have to put him on a leash or can he run freely?

  10. stevewatson says

    @6: Keep in mind that you only have to convince AiG that you understand evolution. So that requirement translates to “Set up a few strawmen; knock them down with clods of bullshit”. No problem.

  11. mordred says

    No sure about biblical math, but doesn’t biblical science pretty much amount to “It’s all God’s will, now go and die of the plague”?

  12. Silentbob says

    Be deeply committed to a consistent daily walk with Jesus Christ

    “Yeah hi. Look can you tell Mr Christ I’m running late, but I’ll meet him outside the cafeteria next to the library for the walk back? I hear he’s into forgiveness, it should be alright don’t you think? Okay, thanks.”

  13. KG says

    I’m tempted to rename my dog Jesus, then I could say I walk with Jesus every day – although “I am towed along or alternatively held back by Jesus” would perhaps be nearer the truth.

  14. birgerjohansson says

    KG @ 16
    If you have a hyperactive ferret or raccoon named Jesus walking with him would be quite an adventure.

  15. Akira MacKenzie says

    @ 7

    Yes, but I hear that woke leftist teachers are indoctrinating students and we must be very alarmed.

    Right Wingers: “The left is done in-doctor-natin’ our children in them thar pub-lick scrools with their evil-lu-tion, and thar communism, and thar race mixin’, and thar queer-mo-sexual agenda…”

    Liberals: (Shocked) “We would never do that!”

    Me: “Why the fuck not, you sniveling coward? If you don’t they will.”

  16. Larry says

    The bible doesn’t mention anything about sines, cosines, nor tangents. Neither does it discuss derivatives nor integrals. As a result, to teach math from a biblical worldview, the teacher must refrain from discussing trigonometry and calculus. That eliminates the teaching of physics, chemistry, and most engineering topics as well.

  17. says

    Well, North Korea comes to mind: Their math problems consists of how many American tanks get bombed out of existence and how many bullets needed to shoot American citizens dead?

    Oh BTW, has anyone notice all the talk about walking in Christ and yet there are hardly any crucifixes found in front of Dumb Idiot Ham’s faculties?

  18. says

    Plus there’s no indication of grade levels being found in any of the requirements Dumb Idiot Ham placed on his list of what he wants out of the teachers he wants to hire? Does he want small kids to learn high school lessons they’ll never understand without getting belted on?

  19. says

    And finally, One of the statements requires teachers to attend churches regularly and yet his putrid faculties are all open on Sundays. How does Dumb Idiot Ham explain that, or he would rather do business and make money than wasting a few hours inside a church every Sunday morning?

  20. muttpupdad says

    There are no crucifixes at the Ark Park as who wants to be reminded of death when you are having a good time wandering around the boat that won’t float.

  21. StevoR says

    .. which featured as the one (& only?) survival mechnism of almost everything living <i(>flora* aside) of Gawd’s Biggest evah Genocide!! Yay!!!111!ty!

    .* Refering to the subject of the field of botany rather than the eponymous asteroid :

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/8_Flora

  22. Akira MacKenzie says

    @ 25

    More likely that Crucifixes (i.e. a cross featuring a depiction of the suffering Jesus on it) is Catholic thing, something that the Creationist, “Thou Shalt Not Worship a graven image” strain of Protestantism doesn’t care for.

  23. pedantik says

    As to their pay schedule: If things haven’t changed since the mid 1980s, they pay about a third of what a public school pays for beginning teachers. I grew up attending an evangelical church, and after completing my teacher certification, I was approached by a church member who was an administrator of a local Christian school. He was actually offended when I turned down his kind offer of 9K per year, which wouldn’t have allowed me to afford a roof over my head.

  24. ardipithecus says

    “be able to articulate the evolutionary beliefs correctly”

    Since there is no one at AiG who is able to assess this requirement, I wonder if they intend to hire someone like PZ to assess it for them.

  25. says

    I bet there will be a lot of teachers who will end up getting rejected and/or fired for not living up to what that Dumb Idiot Ham wants out of them. Not to mention getting paid far LESS than what that stingy Ham “earns” through extortion, swindling, gullible-minded followers, and oil lobbyists.

  26. says

    ‘There’s an opportunity for you to teach physics, chemistry, and algebra,’ But, as PZ and many others have pointed out, you need to ‘recant your scientific heresy and bow down to biblical superstition’. I’m not qualified to teach in those three scientific areas, but teaching the obscene fiction that is the bible, NO THANKS. Not even for a half-baked semi-boneless ham.

  27. whywhywhy says

    ” biblical lifestyle”
    But I don’t think some of that is legal like slavery and concubines (i.e. sex slaves). But I can begin to see the interest from right wingers about child sex trafficking. It isn’t so much that they disagree with it. It is more likely they are jealous.

  28. gijoel says

    The qualified individual must be an evangelical Christian committed to living a biblical lifestyle

    So no mixed fabrics? I can’t plant more than one type of seed in a field. I can’t sit on a chair a menstruating women has used? No more bacon?

    Be a Christian role model in attitude, speech, and actions towards others. This includes being committed to God’s biblical standards for sexual conduct

    Right, so knocking up your wife’s servant (Abraham). Trick your son in law into marrying your oldest daughter before marrying the one he want to be with, also make him work 14 years on your farm before hand.

    I could go on, but true believers just ignore the parts of the bible that are inconvenient.

  29. beholder says

    @19 feralboy12

    Or are they just ableist bastards?

    Yes. Leviticus 21:16 spells it out plainly — their god allegedly does not want any man with a defect near him.

  30. Prax says

    @stevewatson #10,

    From your llnk:

    [2] It is important to note that not everything follows our standard rules of addition. Two water droplets, when added together, form one larger water droplet (1 + 1 = 1). This presents a huge problem for those who look at math as an independent fact, but makes sense when we look at math as a way of describing the principles God created and sustains. God has different, though equally consistent, principles for governing liquids than He does solids. The apparent contradiction in how liquids combine reminds us that, no matter how well we think we have things figured out, God’s laws and universe are more complex than we can imagine! [Adapted from Katherine A. Loop, Revealing Arithmetic: Math Concepts from a Biblical Worldview (Fairfax, VA: Christian Perspective, 2009), 27.]

    That’s about the worst way possible to explain the very first arithmetic operation to which children are introduced.