Last week an Indiana teen committed suicide thanks to merciless anti-gay bullying at his school. It stings that it’s from my home state, but it hurts more that this isn’t shocking. Gay teens are four times more likely to commit suicide, especially if they don’t live in urban areas. Which is why Dan Savage thought of this wonderful project:
I wish I could have talked to this kid for five minutes. I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better. I wish I could have told him that, however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.
But gay adults aren’t allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and churches don’t bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied. Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay—or from ever coming out—by depriving them of information, resources, and positive role models.
Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don’t have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids.
So here’s what you can do, GBVWS: Make a video. Tell them it gets better. […]
Today we have the power to give these kids hope. We have the tools to reach out to them and tell our stories and let them know that it does get better. Online support groups are great, GLSEN does amazing work, the Trevor Project is invaluable. But many LGBT youth can’t picture what their lives might be like as openly gay adults. They can’t imagine a future for themselves. So let’s show them what our lives are like. Let’s show them what the future may hold in store for them.
I faced a lot of anti-gay teasing in middle school and high school even though I was straight. Because, dontcha know, anyone who’s friends with gay people must themselves be gay. I can’t imagine how bad it would have been if I actually was a lesbian, or if I hadn’t had boyfriends. Not to mention the fact that our principal fought tooth an nail against us forming a Gay Straight Alliance my senior year. Heaven forbid we form a safe community for harassed students.
If you’re a GLBT adult, please consider uploading your own video and submitting it by emailing Dan (mail (at) savagelove (dot) net). This may be our best chance to reach kids who need to hear that life is worth living, yes, even if you’re gay.
Beautiful. Thanks for spreading the word!
It’s so sad that this happens in this day and age. But it’s already getting better. There are many schools where gay students can be out and generally accepted (aren’t there?) When I was in high school the very idea of a gay/straight student alliance was unheard of. You weren’t gay, period. No one was out. I remember defending my friends by saying, “he’s not gay!” It never occurred to me that it shouldn’t matter if he was. Some of those friends are now gay and out, some aren’t, but it definitely got better for them. I hope this project reaches some kids in need.
It’s crazy how school officials turn the other way when it comes to bullying. I’m going to post the video on Fb.http://www.laughinginpurgatory…
One of the oddest things I found when working with kids is how many parents and educators have an “everyone gets teased” mentality. It’s not ok for GLBT students to be teased or mistreated anymore than it is ok for anyone else. Schools really need to make social safety a priority.
So, if I had a camera, I would do this. But I can’t afford one right now, so maybe someone else who was raised religious might want to? I’m one of those people who was prejudiced against homosexuals in highschool. Some of the things I said were so shameful, that I honestly can’t bear to repeat them. My only solace is that, as far as I know, I didn’t actually meet any gay people until I’d gotten over my religious nonsense. I only hope I didn’t hurt anyone who was in the closet. The point is, if someone had been openly gay around me when I was that age, I probably wouldn’t have treated them well. Most likely I would have attempted to “save” them, and generally exclude them from my life. I grew up. I realized homophobia was bullshit, and so will many of the people around the discriminated against young LGBT people of today. I dunno. Maybe a video like that would be somewhat useful.
Thanks so much for posting this, Jen! What a great project. Whenever I read about harassment like this, and about adults (like your high school principal) who are equally as ignorant and malicious as the bullies, I get close to exploding with both sadness and anger.
This is pretty brilliant. I never endured mocking (straight guy), but it didn’t seem to even be a problem in my school, even in the heart of Texas (San Antonio). I mean, in middle school it as outed that I went out with this guy, and everybody was just like “Oh, cool. Too bad you’re both jerks.”That was around 2000/2001. I don’t remember anyone around me getting crap for being gay.I remember giving them crap about terrible choices in dates. But that was equal-opportunity, and aimed at anyone who dated a guy. Especially guys who managed to be creepier than me.
It’s very sad to hear that this is still going on. I was also teased in school for being gay… although I am not (guess I looked the part). I hoped it was better these days.
You post this and not Savage’s advice for sperm-up-nose fetish? Priorities, Jen.
Perhaps it would help if we stopped using the trivialism “teasing” for bullying and harassment.
I love this idea. This could apply to a whole bunch of other things that aren’t in the ‘standard bullying education’. It was only the thought that it would get better that kept me alive through school.
My daughter’s high school had a school sponsored gay-straight alliance group. The school promoted and supported the Day of Silence. (For those who don’t know, the Day of Silence is a national youth movement to help stop anti-LGBT bullying, name-calling, and harassment.) My daughter was never harassed for supporting the gay-straight alliance. Maybe it’s just a NY thing.
what a positive, enriching idea. We can all be more proactive about spreading encouraging, personal messages like this. It focuses on how honestly contented and happy people can be after enduring hard times in the past and even now. By the way… I <3 DAN SAVAGE
What a wonderful message of hope! I’ve passed the vid link along.
Same exact crap in HS for me too, and I consider myself pretty strait. I had one football player talk for weeks about putting his dick all over my face, I was so confused. I go “You’re teasing me about being gay and all you want to talk about is your dick on my face?”. He was speechless, I’m not sure his brain made the connections. It was around that time I realized the “arguments” for hating gay people are 100% bigotry. They’re so confused they’re willing to make enemies with strangers to prove their point. How special.
I think it would. After all the corollary to a “hey, save your own life” video right now would be a “hey, think carefully about how the decisions you make effect others”.I wasn’t raised religious, but I regret not standing up to the homophobia I saw in my high school.
Heh, I had moments like that. “So, let me get this straight. You think I’m gay because I DON’T enjoy watching sweaty, muscular men in colorful outfits jumping on top of each other?”
Thank you SO very much for posting this. It should be spread far and wide.
When I was a kid, they made us watch this “film” called “Free to be you and me” and the big message was it’s OK to be who you are. There was one cartoon called “William wants a doll” and of course, at the end William got his doll, because it’s OK to be who you are. My ass it’s OK. People seem to be worse now than they were then. How did people watching this grow up to be such a-holes and have such a-holes for kids? And for the believers, you’d think that driving people to suicide would be near the top of things that ticks God off.
You sure would think so… but according to a homemade T-shirt by a group of fanatical religious kids that caused quite a stir in my high school, “God hates homos.” And they were ALLOWED TO WEAR THEM, but my mom got a phone call when I showed up wearing flip flops.
Flip flops are a tool of Satan, doncha know?
Thanks for sharing that Jen (sorry I missed the meet up – Sundays during football season = busy ;-)
Props for pushing this, Jen. Being a blond-haired, blue-eyed male living up here in Canaday-i-o I can never claim to know how rough it is for these young folk to simply be themselves without dealing with the bullshit of homophobic morons, I absolutely applaud any vehicle that supports gay youth in finding solidarity and reassurance, including from those of us who admire their courage and eagerness to simply be who they are despite the whining of small-minded fucktards. I’m raising my glass of Canadian Club whiskey & Coke Zero to them and you right now (*raises glass*). Cheers.
This is one of the awesomest things I’ve seen all day, awesome enough that I really don’t care if awesomest is actually a word. That said, could you possibly put up a link that goes (forgive the pun here,) straight to the page, maybe underneath the video?
Great post! My cat is sharing it on his Facebook page as I type this. I’m straight, but suspect that because of my advocacy for equal treatment under the laws, half the folks at my church probably think I’m gay. But 100% of them do not care. I’m encouraged that more and more younger folks just don’t give a hoot about sexual orientation. Both of my daughters have gay/lesbian friends. It’s just not a big deal with them. So yes, spread the message. It gets better, and it’s getting better.
This is an excellent message to be spreading :)Thank you for putting this out there for people, especially young people, to hear. I’m a straight young adult, but I love my friends who are gay/lesbian and anything that helps to make the world better for them and for the next generation is a great thing.Thank you for sharing your story :D
As a new mother, who is also known for being an over the top liberal, I thank you for blogging this. I heard about the suicide and became interested in the Dan Savage project. I mentioned that I am a new mother because it’s very important to raise children today to not hate others who aren’t like you, along with being different is ok. I don’t know the fate of my child, but I will raise him to know that whoever he becomes, I am with him 100% and will make sure he respects all people as well.
danny & terry- you guys are beautiful, and i’m sorry we never see each other except at funerals- i love all three of you very much- hang in there – love, jimmy (sch)p.s. this is a great idea; hope it soars