Harry Potter and the Prisoners of Collectivism

Mallory Ortberg has taken upon herself the task of imagining what the Harry Potter series of books might have turned out to be like if the idea had first occurred to Ayn Rand. She is taking each of the seven books in turn. Here is an excerpt of what Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban could have been at the hands of the famous proponent of the virtues of the free market, individualism, and selfishness.
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Yo

I swear that I am falling farther and farther behind in my attempts to understand new tech fads. I already mentioned my mystification with the appeal of Google Glass. But that is nothing compared to what I think about the new Yo app. What does this free app do? If you and your friends download this app onto your iPhones or Android devices, then this app sends the simple message ‘Yo’ to each other. That’s it.
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The mysterious appeal of Google Glasses

Most people have likely heard of Google Glass, a device that looks like a pair of glasses that apparently enables the wearer to be connected to the internet all the time. It also allows them to record what is going on around them but because the glasses are unobtrusive, the people in their vicinity may not know they are being recorded and this has apparently led to angry confrontations with those who feel their privacy is being invaded.
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Trading places

There has been a lot of angst in the US, generated by those who want to discredit anything that president Obama does, about whether exchanging US serviceman Bowe Bergdahl for five prisoners being held in Guantanamo was a good trade for the US. Cartoonist Ted Rall suggests that we should not ignore the possibility that a similar debate may be going on amongst the people in Afghanistan as to whether they were the ones who got a raw deal.

Soylent? Really?

There is a new food product that supposedly provides you with all the necessary nutrition in liquid form so that you don’t have to waste time shopping for food, cooking, cleaning etc. In a move that I must admit is marketing genius, the 25-year old inventor and CEO of the company has called its product Soylent, which was certain to attract attention from those who recall the classic 1973 dystopian film Soylent Green, even if the implications from that film are disturbing.
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Shocking does not mean significant

The media has been all agog about the defeat of Eric Cantor in his primary race and drawing all manner of sweeping conclusions. Is the Tea Party coming back to life after everyone declared it dead? Does this signal the end of any attempt at immigration reform? Does this mean that any Republican who deviates even the slightest from unwavering opposition to anything that president Obama and the Democratic party propose is now likely to be defeated?
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Honest trailer for The Wolf of Wall Street

I recently panned the film The Wolf of Wall Street. The people who produce the funny Honest Trailers series have created something that gives a much better view of that film than the trailers produced by the film’s producers. These parody trailers are funnier when you have seen the film. They are funny even if you thought the film was good but are funnier if you thought it was terrible.
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