It is interesting how words and concepts that originate in fields like psychology and psychotherapy seep into general public discourse and are used by regular people. One such word and concept is ‘closure’, something that is often invoked after some awful tragedy.

Take this report following the deaths of Gene Hackman and Betsy Arakawa.

It’s the light that draws people here, Gürler, a photographer, mused, and then they find a deeply inclusive and welcoming community. Hackman and Arakawa fitted right in, she said.

“He was the kindest man. He would smile at everyone,” she said. “Everyone I’ve talked to since yesterday is genuinely sad.”

For many years, people would see the couple walking around downtown, visiting the library or eating at local restaurants. Some residents have begun sharing stories online about their interactions over the years. One man described how he helped Hackman as a library worker, and how the actor later invited him to join him and Arakawa for dinner. Now the community waits to learn what happened.

“Something is missing. I hope we get closure, but I’m hoping [their] family get closure even if we don’t,” Gürler said.

To me the word ‘closure’ signifies that one has closed a particular chapter and can move on. It might be appropriate when describing the facts of the case. For example, there were many unanswered questions in the first news reports of the deaths. But over time, the major ones have been addressed and so there is closure in that sense.

But when it comes to the emotional impact of an event on loved ones, saying that you hope they will find closure always sounds glib to me. Such sentiments are usually expressed by those who are not personally too close to the victims. The people who are will likely never be able to move on completely.

I have a friend whose daughter was brutally murdered 40 years ago and the culprit was not found, leaving the grieving mother with a whole lot of unanswered questions. But a couple of years ago, DNA evidence linked that murder to a serial rapist murderer already serving life imprisonment for his other crimes. He was then put on trial again and found guilty late last year and sentenced to yet another term of life imprisonment. So my friend may have closure in the sense of knowing who did such an awful thing and seeing him punished. But will she ever have closure that will enable her to get beyond the grief that she still feels?

I doubt that anyone ever really gets over a deep personal tragedy, which is why I never use the word closure when talking to anyone who has suffered such a loss in any way.