I was reading about this secret Nazi convention back in my hometown of Seattle. It is, as expected, a collection of unpleasant, ignorant people, who are also prosperous young professional men, so I suspect it’s the kind of crowd Mythicist Milwaukee would love to attract, so maybe they should read it for tips.
But there’s one bit that picqued my interest. Apparently there’s a famous Nazi author lurking back home.
When I’d asked Krafft back in 2015 how many white nationalists resided in Seattle, he responded “not many.” The only local voice for white separatism was the laughably uncharismatic Harold Covington of Northwest Front, who according to Krafft, asks people for money immediately upon meeting them. Surprisingly, some white nationalist circles now hold Harold Covington in high regard. That’s especially true among younger followers (including the church Shooter Dylann Roof). His “racially aware” Northwest sci-fi novels are required reading among convention attendees. Some have read all of them. To prep for the forum, I planned on reading Covington’s best-known works. I started with a young adult novel about a delinquent and his cheerleader girlfriend in the Seattle race war, but gave up after forty pages because the book is unreadable.
“Unreadable”? That sounds like a challenge. So I looked him up on Amazon to see if any were available for free, since no way in hell was I paying for them. None are free. But some had some had fairly extensive free previews, so I could get a taste. It was not a good flavor. These things are full of misogyny, racism, and violence by smug, oblivious white men with guns.
So I started on one, called The Brigade. The beginning was not auspicious. It’s about a guy who decides to murder two women because they got a friend of his arrested and thrown into jail. He was arrested because — of course he did nothing wrong — he called his girlfriend a “dyke”. That is enough of an excuse for ZOG to throw an innocent white man into prison!
The real problem is that she was a…wait for it…a feminist.
“Oh, she was always like that, ever since she came back from the university,” said King with a shrug. “I mean, what else do you expect from U of O? I just figured she rebelled against her religious upbringing when she went to college, trying to be chic and fit in, and then she just never sort of grew out of it. I actually used to think it was kind of cute, kind of her way of retaining her youth.”
“Yeah, well, baby tarantulas grow up into big fucking poisonous spiders,” Hatfield reminded him.
Yeah, I went to the U of O, too. No wonder I turned out this way. But I have to object: tarantulas are not poisonous. Neither are feminists.
But you might be wondering what terrible thing his girlfriend did to deserve having the criminal insult of “dyke” thrown at her. He caught her in flagrante with another woman!
Which leads to a hilarious revelation.
“Strike her?” laughed King bitterly. “My God, have you seen that creature? She’s built like a bulldozer! I lost my temper is all, when I walked into my living room and found them doing–dear Christ, what they were doing–I can’t even talk about it!”
“The Chocolate Ritual,” said Hatfield. “I know. It is supposed to be for bonding between female lovers. Most people have no idea of what homosexuals actually do. You were unlucky enough to get a crash course.”
The things you will learn in this book. Unfortunately, I couldn’t read much further, because the original article is correct: this book is unreadable, and stops being funny fast. Yes, Our Hero sneaks into a house, and callously murders the two lesbians with a big gun. It kind of makes all the protestations about innocent, harmless men being unjustly accused by conniving women ring false. Not funny at all.
There’s also lots of crap about organizing paramilitary brigades, and boring details about military weapons. Not recommended, except for burning or wiping your ass.
Any lesbians reading this should chime in with an explanation of what the Chocolate Ritual might be, though, since I clearly don’t know as much about what homosexuals do as Harold Covington.
Those do sound unreadable. I suspect the only ones who could actually make it through the book in question, or any (or all) of the books, would be someone who already wholeheartedly agrees with the idiotic premise.
One minor correction: tarantulas are poisonous. I have been bitten on the shoulder by a male tarantula while attempting to frighten tourists in the visitor center at Grand Canyon. It hurt about as much as a bumble-bee sting and there was less swelling. Though the redness and minor tenderness lasted for about two weeks. I did get yelled at by my dad for disturbing the wildlife.
I have been bitten by a feminist. There was swelling, but not due to poison.
Huh? What the? I mean, what the foof?
If you’re gonna read this garbage–and it’s worth reading just to see what it is–read The Turner Diaries, which kind of sets the standard for the genre, and was the book which inspired Timothy McVeigh and included the recipe he used to make his truck-bomb for the Oklahoma City bombing.
@:Ogvorbis #1:
No, that’s a tarantula being venomous, not poisonous.
Good point. I have never eaten a tarantula. I have eaten a . . .
Nevermind.
I’m going to guess it’s about coprophilia or something? That is where the anti-gay bigot’s mind goes first, right?
Research completed. Chocolate Ritual: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/97/May/chocolate.html
That chocolate thing does arouse my curiosity.
Maybe I’ll turn lesbian for a while just to find out.
(Yeah, I know this post makes little sense. It makes about as much sense as the book.)
Saganite@ 6;
Stephen King wrote a novel with alien parasites living in the bowels.
Maybe the guy thinks lesbians actually are extra-terrestrials in disguise? It wouldn’ t even be in the top five dumbest claims by the fringoids.
Well, there have been many, many occasions on which lovers and I have shared chocolate together, but I can’t recall a single “Chocolate Ritual” named as such.
Whatever it is, it is so special that one must do it in the living room and not in the bedroom. Maybe you just don’t want to get “chocolate” on the bed. Or maybe dude is a bad writer who wanted his protagonist to walk in on them when he opened the front door, as opposed to thinking through a realistic way in which they might get caught.
https://www.google.ca/search?q=lesbian+%22chocolate+ritual%22&oq=lesbian+%22chocolate+ritual%22&gs_l=psy-ab.3…9144.11541.0.11847.2.2.0.0.0.0.141.257.0j2.2.0….0…1.1.64.psy-ab..0.0.0….0.y4HObShRV7I
Weirdly enough, this very blog article came in above the book. There was nothing else in the results I was willing to click on…
Have they ever interacted with real cops?
Back in ye olden days my queer friends had a kissing game about passing a bite of icecream between you and another through a kiss. So it could be referring to a kissing game, though I doubt solid chocolate would work well.
@ Saganite, a haunter of demons, #6
Maybe it’s because they get told to ‘eat shit’ all the time. The poor dears, being full of ignorance, don’t understand that it’s not actually intended as an invitation. Jokes aside, I agree with your assessment; it’s the ‘ickiest’ thing the author can think of, so he hurls it at a group he hates as a slur. I’d weep for the paucity of imagination this evinces if I didn’t have better things to do, (like reading my word-a-day toilet paper).
The ‘heroes’ of these books sound a bit like the gentlemen my friends and I used to have ‘spirited disagreements’ with in my youth. Full of hate and itching to stomp us into the ground ‘for the Lord and the white race…’ which is why our mentor taught us to be like caltrops.
This might explain why I’m such a rubbish homosexual – I tend to eat all the chocolate before I get the chance to use it in any sex rituals.
Well, that and all the men I fail to have sex with. That’s probably of some importance.
Pretty sure it involves sharing a 90% dark chocolate bar before a bottle or two of Zinfandel and a nice movie. Get your minds out of gutter.
I have next to no interest in anyone’s (or indeed my) interpretation of possibilities of what bizarre suggestions these nutters want to propose entirely for their own purposes. You just know it’s not going to be a ground-breaking societal insight.
Consequently I think hemidactylus has best resolved the mystery.
I rarely read The Stranger and wasn’t aware that Seattle has such a large white supremacist infestation. This, from the article and undoubtedly true, probably explains that:
“Seattleites, even the ones who love Hitler, hate confrontation.”
The fact that the author found that they seemed to be young tech workers is an example of why I usually don’t read The Stranger. This is Seattle. What else would anyone expect? Pick any other group you’d like to disparage and they’ll be tech-heavy, too. “Gun-fondling tech workers,” “cult-like religious tech workers,” and “empathy-free libertarian tech workers” are a few I’ve run into often.
@drew
I guess you’re not aware there’s a pretty large number of skinheads in the PNW then? From what I understand they’re mostly in the more rural areas, but I’ve known about them for decades.
Yeah man, I’ve lived in Oregon almost my entire life and there’s always been an undercurrent of racist white supremacists. It gets way worse when you get out of the cities. For me Klamath Falls was especially bad. But even in “enlightened” strongholds like Seattle, Portland, Eugene, or Bend they are still there.
Just a couple of months ago here in Portland, one of these animals stabbed and killed two men on the MAX because they were interfering with his continued harassment of two Muslim women (really they were just kids).
http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2017/05/police_responding_to_ne_portla.html
And now we have a president who is enabling these vile creatures.
I can’t lie, when I woke up on Nov. 9th and saw the news, I immediately knew this was the sort of thing that was coming. Then I got drunk, because it was my day off. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.
@Siobhan #14
There was a similar kissing game in the excellent foodie movie “Tampopo”, only they used a raw egg. Interestingly, with all the food in that movie, I don’t think there was any chocolate at all.
Seems like a lot of essentializing of gays. All gays do the chocolate ritual, she’s gay, so she does the chocolate ritual.
A way of dehumanizing or othering a group.
You owe me a new keyboard you bastard!
@14:
“Back in ye olden days my queer friends had a kissing game about passing a bite of icecream between you and another through a kiss.”
Golly, how…disgusting and stuff. Very definitely no way that a hetero male could possibly witness two women doing that and not be, like, bothered. Do you perchance have a video just so that we don’t get a “crash course” in case we walk in on someone? Asking for a friend.
I’m noticing a trend in what little I’ve seen from these sorts of novels that the white supremacist asshole protagonists just flat out kill people they don’t like without any pretense of self-defense, and we’re meant to sympathize with them. Usually, you’d expect a violent political wish fulfillment novel to at least make the people the authors don’t like be the initial aggressors. Apparently Nazis have such a warped values system that they don’t even bother.
As a person who has done this, for the sheer fact of doing it and trying to see what they think like;
do not.
Read.
The Turner Diaries.
Just don’t. It’s not ironic. It’s not funny. It won’t give you insight into anything other than vile, pustulent rot of the brain. It is every bad thing you could thing of, but worse. It gleefully describes the mass murder of tens of thousands of “race traitors” by lynching to terrorize the rest of the population into not defending minorities. It is obscene. It is disgusting. It will bring nothing of value to your live.
Do.
Not.
Read.
The Turner Diaries.
Fuck, when I downloaded and read it, Trump wasn’t even a candidate yet, so I’m probably on a watchlist. If you download and read it now, you’ll be on a mailing list.
@OgVorbis #1
I was severely confused by this for a minute, but then it dawned on me. Maybe because the reaction you described does not happen the same way for me, or I was thinking the feminist bit harder than they actually did.
I wonder if it is anything like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6Mg5j-l-Sg
#27. Tashiliciously Shriked
I’m not saying it’s good writing or an interesting book. I’m only saying it’s a pretty clear, typical example of the shit which inspires and motivates these dickheads. When one of them says he committed an act of terrorism in order to trigger a race-war, chances are he got the idea (directly or indirectly) from The Turner Diaries. I’d bet dollars to dingleberries that Dylann Roof read it.
And the author is not entirely stupid. He has the narrator/protagonist/title-character react with distress and nausea to the “day of the rope” in which the triumphant Whites hang all the suspected traitors, non-Whites, and mixed-race people. This teaches the (stupid, gullible) reader that it’s not easy to fight for the cause, that he should expect to suffer doubts and even failures. A less-intelligent writer would have made the narrator enjoy hanging all the “bad” guys and focused entirely on the triumph. So, you can learn a little bit about the craft of writing motivational propaganda for assholes by reading it.
He only reacts with horror and disgust because he got surprised by a bloated corpse at night.
He is otherwise perfectly fine with it.
Jenny Nicholson may have found one that’s worse.
If you can’t imagine a sexual use for [whatever], you probably aren’t into it anyway.
“The Turner Diaries.”
Thanks for the warning. I might well have bought a copy unseen, since I really love his paintings.
Who’s paintings?
Mayan chocolate ritual
Narration is in Spanish, but it has English subtitles. Very educational. 3.5 minutes. SFW.
The mildly deranged penguin says that after a tasty meal of enemies boiled in oil, serve remaining enemies covered in chocolate as dessert. Whilst the original method of preparation involved defending a castle during a siege, more modern methods have a more consistent cooking of the interior enemy, and are less wasteful of the boiling oil and molten chocolate. However, it is still a difficult dish to prepare at home — excepting those living in castles — and is best left to professionals in restaurants.
Perhaps surprisingly, it’s not the dumping of the chocolate on the remaining enemies which is the Ritual, but the subsequent slicing into portions. The original name was something like Hacking Chocolated Fiends to Bits Ceremony, but after a large meal with much quaffing, that’s far too long and detailed and hard to bellow when wobbling and slurring. Hence, shorter names evolved.
The vin to accompany the dessert is a matter of fierce debate, and has been known to increase the amount of freshly-made chocolate-covered remaining-enemies (actually, often new-enemies). Best, perhaps, to ensure sufficient grog & vin was drunk during the dinner so none of the protagonists are standing nor capable of remembering afterwards. The inability to remember and accompanying awol taste buds allows convenient disposal of any dregs, not only from the wine & grog barrels, but the last of the besieging enemies.
*sigh*
Please don’t do that. Queer women don’t exist for your enjoyment.
There was a local science fiction convention, now defunct, which had a few minor regular events. One of them was actually called the chocolate ritual.
I never attended the event, so I can only offer what I vaguely remember hearing about it, and my assumptions. I may be stereotyping things a bit, but I’m guessing that the attendance at the event may skew strongly towards women.
Could it possibly be that the author had attended conventions for other fandoms besides neo nazis and had at least seen such an event listed, or perhaps walked past an open door and saw a bunch of women inside? Maybe his nasty imagination went into overdrive and came up with this plot point?
Okay, probably not. I was stuck on it supposedly being a lesbian thing, and the association between women and chocolate, but I reread it and saw that the line was “most people have no idea what homosexuals actually do”. So it’s a poop thing.
It’s strange. Right wing religion is all about condemning gay men and working on assumed discomfort with the concept of gay sex to drive opposition to gay rights. They seem to rarely focus on women. Almost every argument seems to be based around male homosexuality. It takes neo nazis to focus on women and demonize them in the same way? I honestly did not see that one coming.
I think right wing Christians are basically constitutionally incapable of attributing agency to women.
What alarms me more in that article is the “secret agent method”. These guys are actively trying to infiltrate businesses, government bodies, and colleges to secretly impose their racism on the institution. I think we can go ahead and say that being a Nazi should be grounds for instant termination from a job.