It forgot the “Assume a female in the engineering building got lost on her way to English Lit class. Be stunned and confused when she says she meant to be there” step.
Or maybe that was just my old university.
Ice Swimmersays
Well, that takes care of the mechanical problems, but hardly any electrical ones.
kalilsays
Speaking as an engineer, that flowchart is all wrong –
Epoxy >> Duct Tape, and PB Blaster > WD40.
kalilsays
Also, if the things you don’t want to move are metal, welding torches beat everything. Because fire.
chigau (違う)says
That is a thing of beauty.
I would have it on a t-shirt but I expect it would be too heavy.
The only reason I can exclude my husband as the creator of this beauty is that it’s in English.
Yes, I usually take care of the off repair jobs, why’re you asking?
komarovsays
[righteous indignation] Well, I’m always pleased to see engineers being held in such high regard. Now why don’t you go back to gutting fish? [/righteous indignation]
Johnny Vectorsays
Ah, another one from the Big Bang Theory school of comedy.
Larrysays
The sign is perfect. It’s got the cynical, condescending attitude present in all engineers directed at all non-engineers.
markr1957says
Now that you’ve given away all my trade secrets how am I going to keep earning my film star wages?
I am an engineer – alas electrical engineer – so this chart does work well in my work. But this is exactly what I use when I must do anything mechanical. I have a few tools – but WD-40 and Duct Tape are my go to tools. As the Mythbusters showed you can make bridges and boats entirely out of duct tape….
kevinalexandersays
Reminds me of the old swabbies rule. ‘If it moves, salute it; if it doesn’t paint it.’
Artorsays
A few more axioms to share: If a little brute force is good, then too much is better. If it doesn’t fit, use a bigger hammer. And for the antique restorers: If it ain’t baroque, don’t fix it!
Numenastersays
Gaff tape beats duct tape any hungry day. Duct tape only reliably sticks to itself. Gaff tape sticks to anything, including dusty floors.
rrutissays
Artor, in the case of something not fitting, we call it a pursuader;)
Numenaster, in the service we had tape called EB Green, it was like an early form of Gorilla Tape, stuck to everything (especially skin), and would hold a leak in a pipe up to about 15 psi! I haven’t found anything truly like it since.
Numenastersays
@rrutis, gaff tape can do all that. Gorilla Tape is thicker, and I’ve seen it used for long-lasting plumbing repairs too. But gaff tape laid lengthwise over an extension cord will keep it on the floor, no questions asked. Which is why it costs three times as much as duct tape.
Igneous Ricksays
@19 Gaff tape. Gaff tape. Gaaaaaffffff tape. Not only does it work better than duct tape, you are a better person for using it.
chigau (違う)says
But can you get gaff or gorilla tape in Hello Kitty pattern?
Numenastersays
Gaff tape comes in 18 colors (that I am sure of) but no patterns. It’s not decorative. It’s functional.
Numenastersays
And now I must add that I just learned Gorilla Tape comes in 3 colors and one pattern (camo). So if patterns are what you want, duct tape is what you’re stuck with.
Menyambalsays
The solvent in WD-40 is good stuff. It’ll take glue off plastic bottles, for instance. You then need to wash off the lubricant, of course. (It kills webworms, so it can’t be good for us, but fish seem to like a spritz of it on lures.)
JohnnieCanucksays
WD 40 is so named because it is a Water Displacing formulation, the 40th one tried, apparently. It is a mix of volatile and non-volatile oils and was never patented in order to keep the formula a secret.
Duct Tape will fix anything except… wait for it… ducts
I once held the brakes on my manual chair together with duct tape. Mom was like, “that won’t last the day.” It lasted until we got the parts in (bit over a week) and would have lasted longer.
In all seriousness, duct tape and WD-40 are my main repair and maintenance tools.
Loftysays
As a Fuly Traned Engin Ear I resent the implication that you need two different tools for the task. There is only one, the FBH.
What a Maroon, living up to the 'nymsays
Thanks, PZ. You just saved us three years of our daughter’s tuition.
numerobissays
I’ve held together a shattered fiberglass ski pole with medical tape. It held just long enough to get back up the hill I was at the bottom of when I fell on the pole. Probably duct tape would have helped — that or a twig (of which there were plenty, being in the forest and all).
I use WD-40 on a regular basis. But my shoe works well at making things move again sometimes, such as on the bike path an hour ago when my derailleur was not derailing.
Crimson Clupeidaesays
I’m an engineer, but all my work is done on paper.
If I touch tools, things get broken.
Duck tape is like the force. It’s got a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.
Azkyroth, B*Cos[F(u)]==Ysays
We’re kidding here, right?
(The way comment sections tend to go when “engineers” come up, it’s hard to be sure. >.>)
Can’t speak for anyone else, but I think duct tape is Serious Business. And yes, it’s one of the best wheelchair repair tools ever.
blfsays
As others have pointed out, an essential tool is missing: The hammer.
I suggest some other essential tools are also missing: The vice-grip, and the long semi-sharp pokey thing called a “screwdriver”. (Both of which can be, quite conveniently, used as a hammer.)
Plus the essential ingredient in most repairs and design: Feck, feck, fecky feck! </snark>
Meta-analysis: engineers can do anything with a laser cutter. In fact go buy one now. And a 3D printer.
It forgot the “Assume a female in the engineering building got lost on her way to English Lit class. Be stunned and confused when she says she meant to be there” step.
Or maybe that was just my old university.
Well, that takes care of the mechanical problems, but hardly any electrical ones.
Speaking as an engineer, that flowchart is all wrong –
Epoxy >> Duct Tape, and PB Blaster > WD40.
Also, if the things you don’t want to move are metal, welding torches beat everything. Because fire.
That is a thing of beauty.
I would have it on a t-shirt but I expect it would be too heavy.
Then there’s this version my daughter showed me (slightly sad):
http://m.9gag.com/gag/a3B3oQm
I prefer white lithium grease to WD-40 myself.
Heard at the commencement ceremony, “Last week I couldn’t even spell engingeer and now I are one.”
You forgot the chip on the shoulder, and a well-thumbed copy of Atlas Shrugged, moocher :)
The only reason I can exclude my husband as the creator of this beauty is that it’s in English.
Yes, I usually take care of the off repair jobs, why’re you asking?
[righteous indignation] Well, I’m always pleased to see engineers being held in such high regard. Now why don’t you go back to gutting fish? [/righteous indignation]
Ah, another one from the Big Bang Theory school of comedy.
The sign is perfect. It’s got the cynical, condescending attitude present in all engineers directed at all non-engineers.
Now that you’ve given away all my trade secrets how am I going to keep earning my film star wages?
I am an engineer – alas electrical engineer – so this chart does work well in my work. But this is exactly what I use when I must do anything mechanical. I have a few tools – but WD-40 and Duct Tape are my go to tools. As the Mythbusters showed you can make bridges and boats entirely out of duct tape….
Reminds me of the old swabbies rule. ‘If it moves, salute it; if it doesn’t paint it.’
A few more axioms to share: If a little brute force is good, then too much is better. If it doesn’t fit, use a bigger hammer. And for the antique restorers: If it ain’t baroque, don’t fix it!
Gaff tape beats duct tape any hungry day. Duct tape only reliably sticks to itself. Gaff tape sticks to anything, including dusty floors.
Artor, in the case of something not fitting, we call it a pursuader;)
Numenaster, in the service we had tape called EB Green, it was like an early form of Gorilla Tape, stuck to everything (especially skin), and would hold a leak in a pipe up to about 15 psi! I haven’t found anything truly like it since.
@rrutis, gaff tape can do all that. Gorilla Tape is thicker, and I’ve seen it used for long-lasting plumbing repairs too. But gaff tape laid lengthwise over an extension cord will keep it on the floor, no questions asked. Which is why it costs three times as much as duct tape.
@19 Gaff tape. Gaff tape. Gaaaaaffffff tape. Not only does it work better than duct tape, you are a better person for using it.
But can you get gaff or gorilla tape in Hello Kitty pattern?
Gaff tape comes in 18 colors (that I am sure of) but no patterns. It’s not decorative. It’s functional.
And now I must add that I just learned Gorilla Tape comes in 3 colors and one pattern (camo). So if patterns are what you want, duct tape is what you’re stuck with.
The solvent in WD-40 is good stuff. It’ll take glue off plastic bottles, for instance. You then need to wash off the lubricant, of course. (It kills webworms, so it can’t be good for us, but fish seem to like a spritz of it on lures.)
WD 40 is so named because it is a Water Displacing formulation, the 40th one tried, apparently. It is a mix of volatile and non-volatile oils and was never patented in order to keep the formula a secret.
Duct Tape will fix anything except… wait for it… ducts
I once held the brakes on my manual chair together with duct tape. Mom was like, “that won’t last the day.” It lasted until we got the parts in (bit over a week) and would have lasted longer.
In all seriousness, duct tape and WD-40 are my main repair and maintenance tools.
As a Fuly Traned Engin Ear I resent the implication that you need two different tools for the task. There is only one, the FBH.
Thanks, PZ. You just saved us three years of our daughter’s tuition.
I’ve held together a shattered fiberglass ski pole with medical tape. It held just long enough to get back up the hill I was at the bottom of when I fell on the pole. Probably duct tape would have helped — that or a twig (of which there were plenty, being in the forest and all).
I use WD-40 on a regular basis. But my shoe works well at making things move again sometimes, such as on the bike path an hour ago when my derailleur was not derailing.
I’m an engineer, but all my work is done on paper.
If I touch tools, things get broken.
Duck tape is like the force. It’s got a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.
We’re kidding here, right?
(The way comment sections tend to go when “engineers” come up, it’s hard to be sure. >.>)
Can’t speak for anyone else, but I think duct tape is Serious Business. And yes, it’s one of the best wheelchair repair tools ever.
As others have pointed out, an essential tool is missing: The hammer.
I suggest some other essential tools are also missing: The vice-grip, and the long semi-sharp pokey thing called a “screwdriver”. (Both of which can be, quite conveniently, used as a hammer.)
Plus the essential ingredient in most repairs and design: Feck, feck, fecky feck!
</snark>