Oklahoma senator Ralph Shortey has introduced a bill targeted directly at the heart of the modern atheist lifestyle.
A Republican state senator from Oklahoma City introduced a bill Tuesday that would ban the use of aborted human fetuses in food, despite conceding that he’s unaware of any company using such a practice.
Freshman Sen. Ralph Shortey said his own Internet research led him to believe such a ban is necessary and prompted him to offer the bill aimed at raising "public awareness" and giving an "ultimatum to companies" that might consider such a policy.
Oh, sure, he can’t find anyone who actually eats unborn babies…but there’s his prejudice showing once again, in his denial that we atheists even exist. I am outraged.
And Mr Shortey has such a marvelous track record of great legislation!
He sponsored a measure last year to crack down on illegal immigrants by authorizing law enforcement to seize their homes and vehicles, and to deny Oklahoma citizenship to babies born to illegal immigrants. He also offered an amendment to a bill that would have allowed legislators to carry firearms anywhere in the state, including the floor of the House and Senate.
None of those passed, by the way.
Maybe Mr Shortey would have a better track record if he stopped being an idiot. But then he probably couldn’t get elected. The eternal dilemma of Republicans everywhere!
Well, this bill doesn’t say that we can’t eat them once they’re outside the womb. In the belly they’re a precious little person. However, once they go through the dirty sinful vagina, they might as well be bacon.
Evil unicorns
Well damn, here I thought I’d have to look through a few posts before I found something to write about for PoliSci.
Thanks, PZ!
(Also, this guy is an idiot I mean GOD. DAMN.)
That’s hysterical. Looks like all the Pharyngulite “baby-eatin'” jokey comments actually were taken seriously by someone. What an idiot.
That’s ok then. I like my fetuses to go straight from womb to the grill anyway. I don’t like that artificial factory taste.
Regardless of who owns them?
I’m sure he’s all in favor of property rights and small, unobtrusive government as well.
As for putting baby bits in food…I don’t know. Maybe he’s thinking of girl scout cookies. Really, I’m at a loss here.
Killed By Fish
FDA maximum allowed for peanut butter:
And now, I guess, Human Fetus: Zero grams allowed.
That’ll make it sooooo much better!
What Sen. Asshat actually has in mind is causing problems for products like Pepsi. Apparently the company uses cell cultures derived from an embryo from 40 years ago to test the bio-compatibility of some of its ingredients. One does not have to use embryos in the product – just anything related to stem cells for any kind of testing is enough to get a product banned. And I thought these folks were in favor of deregulating everything.
He sponsored a bill “to deny Oklahoma citizenship to babies born to illegal immigrants.”
How exactly does that square? The 14th Amendment reads in part:
“1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States;”
I thought this was the party that respected the Constitution.
Perhaps he’s seen those little tins and jars in the supermarket labeled “Baby Food”.
@ davidct:
I hadn’t seen that mentioned before, but would like to read more about how this bill might actually have an impact. I thought it was all just show.
Also, as I recall, the bill only ever mentions fetuses. I’m not a lawyer (nor a biologist), and I don’t know if the legal definition of “fetus” matches the biological definition, but embryonic stem cells aren’t derived from fetuses, so I’m not sure that I understand how this could even potentially have an impact.
Some days, I just don’t feel up to preparing an entire baby. Good eatin’, but its a lot of work. That’s when I reach into the cupboard and grab a can of baby bits. Use them in your favourite recipe in place of bacon bits, for that delicious baby taste.
So I assume he opposes the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act, which criminalizes such investigations. And what’s with a Republican calling for Big Government regulation of the food industry, anyway? It’s a free country – you’ll eat what they sell you, Shortey.
WTF?
Maybe he’s a Poe…
“to deny Oklahoma citizenship to babies born to illegal immigrants.”
Whoa, it’s a good thing there’s no such thing as ‘Oklahoma citizenship’. I can’t imagine what ICE would with a passport from Oklahoma.
Grit: Max allowed water insoluble inorganic residue is 25 mg per 100 grams
I actually broke a tooth last year on a small rock that was in a jar of peanut butter.
no kidding.
you know how expensive dental is here in NZ?
It costs the same amount for decent crown here as it does for a reasonable used car!
Shortey? What an appropriate name for someone who’s really short on brain cells.
I hadn’t seen that mentioned before, but would like to read more about how this bill might actually have an impact. I thought it was all just show.
OK, here goes:
I researched this a few days back, when I first saw it break.
The idea is based on the fact that certain stem cell lines are indeed the result of extracts from aborted fetuses. This is not an issue, it was a common practice long before the idiots got up in arms about it.
What is not commonly known is that stem cell research HAS been involved in the artificial meat production industry, and in the food flavoring industry. Again, you can easily look the papers up on google. Nothing remarkable about it, really. Though the idea of lab-grown hamburgers becoming a commercial product soon might startle a few.
What this idiot has done, though, is conflate ALL stem cell research with food product research.
It simply is NOT even REMOTELY the case that it can be said that there are any food products being developed that are based on human fetuses.
so, yeah, the guy is a complete idiot, is doing this just to get attention, but there IS at least a trail to follow behind it.
smarter, and more evil, people will likely try to take his legislation, rewrite it, and use it to further hinder stem cell research itself.
What this idiot has done, though, is conflate ALL stem cell research with food product research.
that was supposed to say:
“What this idiot has done, though, is conflate ALL stem cell research with aborted fetuses and food product research.”
it’s clear he’s ignorant enough to have linked all the relevant papers in his mind, and mashed it all together into a stew of misinformation which he can then utilize to gain attention for himself.
It’s one of those cases where I wish I could reach through the intertubes and give him a good slap.
this is the kind of thing that likely got him started scouring the literature online:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/8733705/How-to-create-an-artificial-hamburger.html
if you look deeper, you do in fact find that at some point in the research into developing artificial meat, studies of human stem cells were used to understand what needed to be done with animal stem cells to get them to differentiate correctly.
that’s it.
no human stem cells are actually being utilized in any of the actual products involved, period.
“Maybe he’s a Poe…”
He is a Poe, you can’t tell the difference between what he said and e.g. an Onion article.
A ‘Poe’
Whoa, it’s a good thing there’s no such thing as ‘Oklahoma citizenship’. I can’t imagine what ICE would with a passport from Oklahoma.
uh, while states don’t hand out passports, they DO have residency status.
it’s why, for example, out of state tuition costs are so high.
It’s why you have to obtain residency in most states for quite a lot of state benefits, or even a state driver’s license.
so, actually, denying resident status to someone who lives in your state is a serious threat.
I guess he’s never tried Soylent Baby Green.
Thanks ichthyic. That’s some handy information to have. I hope you’re wrong that this will get rewritten to slow the progress of useful science, but I think you’re probably right.
May I posit the hypothesis that senator Ralph Shortey’s proposed law to ban the use of aborted human fetuses in food is merely a personal attack on members of his own family?
In fact the good senator’s brain farts are not so very different to the sentiments expressed in PZ’s mail box at times….just a little more paranoid and schizophrenic by degree…but then again mild for a rethuglian clone!
For the record, I love the idea of stem-cell grown meat.
I imagine something like a giant hydroponics dome, filled with trays of happily growing sheets of muscle cells, stimulated by pulsating charges generated by the solar panels covering the roof of the dome.
AFAIK, the only thing that is currently limiting commercial distribution of stem cell meats is the problems with gaining the right flavors.
Evidently, understanding how something gains a specific taste is extremely complicated; and requires far MORE research than actually growing the meat has!
Gosh, I remember reading about headless chickens in The End of Nature years and years ago.
Ichthyic:
I think that the bigger problem with stem cell meats is probably still the expense of the meat relative to just growing the animal whole. That was at least true a couple years ago when I last took a good look at it. (It was a couple orders of magnitude more expensive than ranching, iirc). But I do think that it’s promising, especially for rare meats, that we could get there soon. I’d pay a premium to get to taste rare species that I would never want anyone to actually shoot on my behalf. It would be fun to know what panda tastes like, for instance.
Does this mean my Baby Back Ribs will have to start coming from pork?
Oh no, the Republicans are coming for my deadbabykabobs!
stop please stop
I think the flavor of meat has a lot to do with what an animal eats while it’s alive. It’s why, for example, a lamb that eats wild plants tastes different than a lamb that eats animal feed, and free range chickens taste different than factory farmed chickens.
Evidently the senator has never eaten at Arby’s.
Clearly, Shortey’s trying to deny Hormel and Armour their main source of raw material, but he has a reason; in the desperate outcry at the immanent SPAM and TREET shortage, which will leave his voter base only able to feed themselves and their children on generic macaroni and cheese and Budweiser, he’ll be able to step forward with a non-human solution that will please everyone: illegal aliens and foreigners.
After you seize their property and their vehicles, a profit-making venture to be sure (after all, that is how Oklahoma got its first major influx of immigrants in recent times), what to do with the aliens? To imprison them costs money and drains resources, to ship them out-of-country costs money. We scoff, but he will be a hero.
By the way, isn’t the word for human-baby pancreas eaten by humans Shorteybreads? Well, it is now…. ;-)
Ah. Its the first salvo. The war on Thanksgiving begins….
Following on from my last comment, that’s why farm-raised salmon is often died pink. In wild salmon, the pink color comes from their diet.
That’s why for-profit prisons were invented. Sure, it costs taxpayers money to imprison people, but it makes money for someone else. Someone who has a lot of money to donate to the Political Action Committee which is in no way connected to your re-election campaign. Not even a little.
Just so there’s no confusion….He’s no relation to the famous Shorty of Shorty’s Bar and Grill, Albuquerque, New Mexico.
They have nothing substantial in common. Nothing.
;-)
piplagenta @ #24:
He’s already run out of family. He’d never have suggested this Draconian law if he still had people at hand. And some Kraft BBQ sauce and briquettes.
Eeeew. Didn’t anyone tell him that thing he is doing should be done with calf’s liver?!?
Shortey, put that baby down!
@26 Ichthyic
I’m reminded of “ChickieNobs” from Margaret Atwoods “Oryx and Crake”:
Stolen from http://www.technovelgy.com/ct/content.asp?Bnum=1559
He didn’t propose a law preventing eating babies? Why does he hate babies?
It’s why, for example, a lamb that eats wild plants tastes different than a lamb that eats animal feed, and free range chickens taste different than factory farmed chickens.
ah, but the problem arises then in what is it, exactly, that creates the different flavor?
and then, knowing that, how does one go about duplicating that for use with farmed meat?
the papers I read on this were actually quite engrossing.
well, at least the first couple.
then I have to say it started becoming too much organic chemistry for my tastes.
It’s serious stuff, and serious business, really!
I’d pay a premium to get to taste rare species that I would never want anyone to actually shoot on my behalf. It would be fun to know what panda tastes like, for instance.
unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.
muscle tissue is muscle tissue. the vast majority of the flavor evidently doesn’t actually come from the muscle fibers themselves, but from fats, blood, and other cellular components also contained in your average hunk o mammal flesh.
you’d have to figure out how to produce “artificial panda flavor” first.
My father’s first job out of grad school was at Oklahoma State University. Both my parents were legal immigrants (Shortey would need to have a translator to communicate with them, they came from countries that speak a language he doesn’t: English). I was adopted, genetic parentage unknown to me.
Every time I hear of the rank stupidity and hypocrisy that comes out of Oklahoma–i.e., Inhofe, creationists, the anti-Dawkins hoo-fraw, and now this imbecile–I am transfixed by the fear that these folks might be too-close relatives.
Ooof.
fetus, it’s what’s for dinner
The Sailor @ #20:
This puts a whole new twist on my image of the “Poe-boy sandwich”….
Icthyc @ #44:
Shortey thinks he’s got this covered. That would be y’all’s Chinese illegal aliens. Then y’all’ve got y’all’s Mexicans, y’all’s Moslems, y’all’s Canadians (not as gamey)….
Me @ # 48:
Ooof. Ichthyic. Sorry.
But they’re so tender when they’re pre-born! Not to mention the baby oil (and leftover baby powder) obtained by squeezing them. I know the appearance puts some people off, but have you ever really tasted fetus? Yum.
Also, of course, there’s the matter of feeding the poor people of Ireland. (I hope there are some English majors out there.)
When I was a young whippersnapper, we’ve only have 1 fetus a week and we’d use half of it for baby oil to light our lamps.
You new Atheists have it sooooooooo easy.
we’d
Luckily, I have found a leaked memo with all of Mr. Shorty’s ideas for future legislation. Here is an excerpt:
– A bill to outlaw the use of anal probes by aliens who forcibly abduct Oklahomans. He doesn’t seem to be against alien abduction per se, just the anal probes. I guess it’s too close to that anal sex thing those icky gay guys do.
– A tax break for the finders of leprechaun gold. Mr. Shorty feels that anyone who has the good fortune to stumble upon a pot of gold shouldn’t be forced to subsidize big government through excessive taxes.
– A bill to declare Feb. 29 – 31 yeti season in Oklahoma. Clearly, the left-wing liberal elites have pushed their agenda in the form of the Endangered Species Act to the point where the yeti is now over-populated in the central United States.
– And finally, a proclamation recognizing the contributions of Ethereal-Americans in the area of afterlife relations. Without the continued assistance of angels, ghosts, spirits and apparitions the good people of Oklahoma would continually be frustrated by lost car keys, a lack of “experiences”, and a general feeling of rationality and common sense.
Well, I guess it’s back to salads. It’s probably for the best anyway.
It’s not just English majors who are familiar with Jonathan Swift.
‘Tis Himself @ #65:
English majors Swiftly eat Irish minors.
Mmmm. “Corned beef.”
Rev BigDumbChimp @ #52:
Luxury.
/clears throat loudly
I guess we can call Shortey’s legislation a “modest Proposal”.
frankb @ #60:
That’s why they call him “Shortey”. Its not only his legislation that is a modest proposal.
Icthyic, #43,
You go to hell. You go to hell and you die! There is no such thing as too much organic chemistry!
{Runs off crying}
Mummy, mummy! The naughty man said a bad thing! Make him stop!
Louis
P.S. Personally I want lab grown albatross, so I can ask what flavour it is…
Personally I want lab grown albatross, so I can ask what flavour it is…
watch it carefully…
“it’s not ANY bloody flavor!”
…and that, my friend, is yet more prescience from Python.
I suspect, *looks around nervously for signs of the Pullet Patrol™* it tastes like chicken *throws out a pile of grog soaked corn and runs*.
Your taste is pretty much all organic chemistry (says the son of an organic chemist).
I read this today:
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-auto-drone-20120126,0,740306.story
“New drone has no pilot anywhere, so who’s accountable?”
Then I thought, man, the sooner, the better.
Frankly, I’d be more than willing to be gunned down by robots at some point in the future, as long as PZ and everyone else here join me in death.
Who knows, it could be the start of a new order of life on this Earth: smarter, tougher, perhaps shinier, and if we’re using PZ as our measuring stick, thinner. Best of all, no one would ever think themselves terribly clever swiping at the low-hanging fruit of some stupid Republican senator, having the superior artificial brains to know better.
Good thing people like you have no real influence outside of Internet celebrity and academic sinecures teaching useless non-knowledge about things like “privilege”; otherwise, the X-47B program wouldn’t exist at all…
This legislation could change everything. Imagine a waiter going to someone’s table and the patron asks, “Do you have a Pro-Life menu?”
How come nobody’s mentioned Bananameat Trees™?
You know, maybe this guy Shortey is onto something…
[Me]
“and if we’re using PZ as our measuring stick, thinner”
[My Friend]
22:50
T-888 HAS NO NEED FOR EXCESS ADIPOSE TISSUE
T-888 HAS SUPERIOR METHODS OF INSULATION
It’s a beautiful world we live in. :)
Sorry, the last link should have been this.
H. Beam Piper was writing about “carniculture” in the early 60’s. In his Terro-Human Future History universe, carniculture is used to grow meat on hyperships and on colonies where Terran-compatible meat animals won’t grow. In his story “Four-Day Planet”, the lead character mentions that you can get all the pâté de foie gras you want on his planet–they have a huge goose liver growing in their carniculture vats.
the old straw foetus argument
Senator Shortey musta seen this film and assumed it was a documentary:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsrCuk-BfNg&feature=related
Note: the recipe is helpfully included–bound to be a hit at atheist potlucks!
While Oklahoma representatives have sought to replace aborted chicken embryos with fetal Republicans in school lunch omelette recipes ever since Alfie Packer ate five of the seven Democrats in Hinsdale County Colorado, only benighted Communitarians insist on lowering the voting age to minus eight months to facilitate that end.
Your taste is pretty much all organic chemistry (says the son of an organic chemist).
ah! you got the obscure irony.
thanks.
Don’t those crackpots eat Baby Jesus wafers ever Sunday? And Drink his blood? I think the ‘Holy’ see might be behind this one not getting passed.
Have Pharyngulans tried tasty new Soylent Green Lite? Guaranteed not to contain cat (It is cat)
Prediction: some brain-dead fundie will miss the sarcasm in P-zed’s posting and run off screaming about baby-eating atheists.
#8 — The applicable Supreme Court case is United States v. Wong Kim Ark, 169 U.S. 649 (1898). The Wikipedia article on it is pretty good
AmazingAtheist, TJ, was asked a question about the eating of aborted foetus flesh on Formspring.
Sadly, I can’t recall his actual arguments precisely but he seemed indifferent to the idea if people wished to consume it.
Sen. Shortey might cause great perplexity were he to fall into their hands of those committed carnivores, the cannibal Democrats of Colorado,
As only a legislative vegetable could have written the bill PZ describes, the Denver state house cafe menu might list Sen. Shortey as a separate food group, like ketchup.
Silly Senator, Soylent Green is made of people, not fetuses.
My daughter completed 11&12th grades at the Perpich Center for Arts Education (http://www.mcae.k12.mn.us/) in Golden Valley, MN, and is part of the public school. It is a fantastic school and I know from personal experience with many of the teachers and students at PCAE (at least 6 years ago)that regardless of these official “rules” that the right is trying to legislate, they are pretty much ignored at PCAE. I wish all schools were more like PCAE – it is an amazing learning/growing environment, particularly for students that would otherwise be victimized in the more traditional school system (and many of them were victimized before they got to PCAE).
That’s my 2 sense.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but, I never eat fetuses. I prefer my food to be ripe. Fully formed babies all the way.
Damn, no more fetus foot-longs.
Somewhat surprisingly, when I adopted a dog from the local animal shelter, I had to sign a contract that forbade me from eating the animal. Perhaps parents should sign such a pledge for their (even yet unborn) offspring? Wicked funny…
Not exactly one of our generations finest minds.
What did the guy who runs drive through at Jack In the Box say on the issue?
I feel that the legislation doesn’t go far enough. The same companies could be considering using cadavers or corpses (is there a difference?). And what about human tissue, dead skin cells and nail trimmings that goes into landfills and sewer systems? These can get into the food supply! Aren’t these cells which contain the sacred DNA which God has endowed with a soul? Come on, people! You don’t want to be part of passive canniblism, do you?
My apologies to cannibals for misspelling cannibalism in the prior posting. This was not a slam at your beliefs.
Really? Who doesn’t like “Feta-Bits(tm)”? They are chewy on the outside and crunchy in the middle. Why would anyone ban them?
Shortey is clearly shilling for liberal green vegetarian tree-hugging hippies. Flesh is meat. Amerikuns eat meat. MEAT, not black beans and Spanish rice. And we eat the flesh and drink the blood of Jesus. And Shorty wants to stop that. This is a backdoor to stopping us from eating the flesh and drinking the blood of a man–of The Man. The bread or cracker–the Host–IS the flesh of a man; the wine IS the blood of a man. All branches of Christianity take that as a fundamental tenet of Christianity. True Americans eat the flesh of Jesus the man–and Shortey is against that. He wants to stop it by the passing of liberal vegetarian antiChristian laws like this one.
This is a slippery slope.
For what about Baby Jesus? Will he stop us from eating Baby Jesus? What about Fetus Jesus? Where will it end? And Gametes Jesus? Will he reserve the swallowing of Gametes Jesus only for himself, Santorum, and Mr. Michele Bachmann, the Inner Santorae of the Homophagoi?
Transubstantiation makes sanctified bread–or any other foodstuff–illegal, by Shortey’s Liberal defintion. What Christian is going to claim that the bread is NOT the flesh of Christ? Only a Liberal atheist would make that claim. Bread is human tissue once prayed over, Christians have made this clear again and again. This is even more fundamental to Christianity than Genesis, and is an even more fundamental point of Biblical inerrancy, it is the root of Christ’s sacrifice. This law will force believers to go underground. Remember Prohibition? We will see speakeasy (in Latin that would be “benedict”, the Church saw this coming) transubstantiation parlors going underground, with closeted transubstantiationists changing wine into blood and bread into flesh, breadboxes will be known as fleshpots, wine will flow like blood. The faithful will join together as Wine-Elders, the Sommeliers de Dieu, Brother against brother, Father eating Son, their motto “Wine is thicker than blood.”
Oh, my.
@Chris Booth,
Good point. How do we know if the transubstantiation is adult Jesus or fetus-Jesus? They would have to ban all Catholic Church services and confiscate all crackers as a precaution! Oh, the humanity!
Clearly someone should inform Sen. Shortey of the imminent danger to our Manly Essence posed by fluoridated water. Maybe it’s not to late to scramble the bombers, before we’re too weak to do it!
Speaking of aborted human fetuses in food, on RT’s The Alonya Show comedian Seaton Smith brought up some pertinent questions about this topic during the “Happy Hour” segment:
* What food company is saving money selling baby fetuses?
* Are they mass-producing baby fetuses?
* If so, are they locally grown or imported from China?
* Are they free-range baby fetuses?
Compassman:
We call that “hotdogs.”
Are aborted puppies still okay?
I suggest that we use human stem cells to breed more intelligence into our meat, so that it can tell us that it wants to be eaten. And kill itself humanely.
I wish it were that cheap in the US!
I recently sold a vehicle to help cover the costs of a crown.