You’ve all been wondering, I’m sure, what a vampire penis looks like. We don’t have a picture of one, since Twilight is still the domain of yearningly sexless (we hope!) tweens who are infatuated with the idea of love and sex, just not the reality, but one exploiter has come out with a Twilight vibrator. It’s lavenderish and bumpy and grossly overpriced, if you don’t really want to click on the link. It’s not clear if it sparkles; if not, they missed a good marketing angle.

It’s also not clear who it is for. Don’t you have to be rather repressed to find anything at all attractive about that series?

(By the way, if you want a more chilling picture of vampire sexuality in fiction, look into Let the Right One In, either the movie or book. Creepiest vampire story since Stoker. Plus, nobody will ever try to sell you an Eli vibrator. Ever.)