Some of you may have noticed the lack of updates here yesterday. I must apologize; I was in a crisis and having a bit of a breakdown. You see, everyone was sending me the latest xkcd comic, which was kind of like the God Equation, except that I have a deep and abiding faith in Randall Munroe, praise be unto him, amen, and knew he wouldn’t get the math wrong. At first I laughed, but then as the implications began to sink in, I realized I was in deep metaphysical trouble.
You see, the width of the English channel is variable: it’s going to vary by small, chance amounts as waves shift grains of sand and erode away bits of rock, and it’s going to have a larger cyclic component to its variation that correlates with the tides. Initially I figured this would simply have some kind of reciprocal relationship with Prius gas mileage, but then I noticed that it was the official EPA measurement of that parameter, which is only going to change quarterly or yearly. Which means that either a fundamental constant, the Planck energy constant, or the pressure of the earth’s core is fluctuating. Physics is in trouble. This could invalidate radiometric dating methods, and Munroe has failed to mention our other peril: if Prius gas mileage gets too high, perhaps the pressure at the Earth’s core will increase…until the planet explodes.
Then I realized that we evilutionists have claimed that the English channel has not always existed — during the last ice age, the value of the denominator in that term would have been zero. This cannot be. Either evilution or math is wrong, and since evilution is dependent on mathematics, I’m going to have to say the math can’t be wrong. And note, please: the end of the last glacial period was approximately 10,000 years ago, quite close to the approximate time of Creation as argued by some followers of the Holy Bible.
This represents a proof by division by zero error for a Young Earth.
It also means that we have to completely rethink our picture of what human life was like ten thousand years ago. All the textbooks now natter on about making baskets and flint knapping, but do any of them mention that cavemen would have also been getting phenomenal gas mileage in their hybrids?
Furthermore, the revelation that a fundamental mathematical constant like pi is the product of English geography does sort of mean that England does have divine status, and we rebellious colonists have been in a state of sin for a few centuries. It also makes Japanese industrial culture a centerpoint of the universe.
So I had to spend yesterday rebooting my philosophical premises. It took a while, but I’m now a Young Earth Otaku Tory. The blog will have to change its focus a bit; I hope you don’t mind.
Yep, nothing like random, meaningless math equations to get things going. If you work on it, PZ, you and Randall can be as famous as Immanuel Velikovsky.
Fear not, PZ… for everyone knows that this comic is false.
Pi = 3. Bible says so. Problem solved, you can relax now and forget this silliness.
I’ll say one thing about global warming – we’re getting further away from the French.
Where’s my coat?
worshipping japanese industrialism, I can cope with. I would probably still keep reading if the blog turned young earth as that would be humorous.
But Tory? AH! That’s unforgivable!
Hah, thought of Pharyngula as soon as I saw this.
@ #3 and us from the New Zealanders! Hurrah!
Looking at that equation, I realize that Pi actually can be made to equal 3, either by adjusting the width of the English Channel or by fiat of the EPA. Wow.
Obiously it’s absurd to think that the Planck constant could change. However, did you consider that the standard metre might not be fixed?
Clearly this would have enormous implications for all aspects of science. One that quickly comes to mind is that it totally accounts for the supposed expansion of the universe. If the stars aren’t moving apart, but it’s simply that the metre’s been changing over the years then the ~14Gyr age of the Universe is called into doubt.
This completely made my morning.
Glad to hear you colonials have finally come to your senses. You will be so much happier under British rule once we have finished opening pubs and fish and chips shops across the continetal US. Not to mention that we will soon sort out your health reform problems once we inaugurate the North American branch of the NHS. Of course, this will require a little extra taxation. We will get back to you about the representation. Honest
Welcome back to the Empire! Now repeat after me;
‘God save our gracious Queen…’
*Runs for cover*
But…but…
KHAN!!!!!!!!
Planck energy, that’s like, you know,
Quantum, innit?
Okay, now that I can grog.
Mindblowwwwing, dude.
I thought you all ate Indian takeaway now.
Be looking for creationist sites to be quote mining this:
“This could invalidate radiometric dating methods…” — PZ Meyers
Or is it a “state of sine“?
I’m still looking for my coat…
Let the religious schisms begin between those that measure in metric and those still on imperial.
I’m really okay with this. If only because, oddly enough, I’ve always wondered what a Young Earth Otaku Tory blog would be like, exactly…
(/Today’s post on Pharyngula: ‘A review of the Ken Ham-penned monarchist segregated boarding school trading card game I eventually collected in its entirety by murdering another fanboy…’)
Free Lunch @ 12;
Not exclsuively, but Indian takeaway is indeed one more aspect of our society that we sto-, err, ‘borrowed’ from another culture. Most of it is not even traditional Indian food, but was created in the UK for western palletes.
Don’t worry, we will make sure to open plenty of those too. You see how the Empire brings the peoples of the World together? ;P
Away from squid??
Since we generally make fun of creationists for saying incredibly dumb things regardless of what they are talking about I don’t think the blog will change too much.
Ah, but since the EPA and Prius didn’t exist when the width of the channel was 0, the right column then is effectively 0/0, which is indeterminate. So you’re safe.
Hm, or, it’s more proper to say this equation isn’t applicable before the Prius was created. Which begs the question, what controlled the relationship before that, and how did the Prius take its place?
This is rather Glorith-replaces-the-Time-Trapper in Giffen’s Legion of Super-Heroes… (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legion_of_Super-Heroes#.22Five_Years_Later.22)
I see a problem here.
Of course, at one time the English Channel did not exist. But at that time, the Prius also did not exist. So the second term of the equation is 0/0, which can be equal to any real number since any real number multiplied by zero is zero. The equation is thus true.
However, after the Channel came into existence, but before the Prius was developed, the second term would be zero. and thus pi would also be zero. Now, we would have noticed all these circles with zero circumferences and nonzero radii, so clearly this state of affairs never truly happened. Obviously, our memories of a time before the Prius are false. Perhaps they were implanted in our brains by Xenu?
Has anybody actually done the math?
@eric-mathgeek: Jinx!
All right. It’s time to get pedantic.
Otaku comes from a Japanese word for “house.” It refers to people (usually males) devoted to hobbies that keep them indoors. I don’t think someone blasting up and down the Japanese countryside in their Prius qualifies; it sounds too cool.
Perhaps I can suggest haiburiddo kaa mania (hybrid car maniac)? It’s more accurate, despite being about ten times as awkward.
And yes, my pale, sun-shy fingers have revealed that I am an otaku whose hobby is pedantry.
Unless, of course, Pi ISN’T a constant. And that means an increase in EPA estimates of Prius gas mileage (or a decrease in earth core pressure) just means we get more pi.
And who doesn’t love more pi?
You do realize, PZ, that Casey Luskin will probably take this literally.
I get pi ~= 3.28 using the 2009 Prius, but it’s nearly 3.6 if you use the 2010 model. I’m not sure how accurate my other figures are, they were scoured from Google and Wikipedia.
Google calculator is teh awesome:
Google Calculation
Young Earth Otaku Tory? What’s the formula for that one?
(Population of Japan/males dressing like Fay Valentine)*(Number of Girls on earth/Tentacle Rapes in the last 10 years) = YATTA
I don’t think Casey Luskin would “get it” in any sense of the word. Math is hard. Understanding math comedy is even harder.
However, after the Channel came into existence, but before the Prius was developed, the second term would be zero.
But Prius is Latin for ‘before’ and before they spoke Latin they drove chariots. Not sure what the EPA rating for a couple of ponies attached to a cart is, but its got to be greater than zero. Thus we can minimize the time of no circles to the era between the opening of the English Channel and the development of Indo-European languages (L. prius is from the PIE root -prai). OK, that’s still a couple hundred thousand years, at least, but a couple hundred thousand years in which nobody wrote anything down so we can safely ignore it.
Imperial vs Metric??!!
How dare you!
God didn’t give us meters, he gave us feet!
Anybody that uses the SI system is a Satan worshiping atheist!
#;-)
If law schools refused to admit students who hadn’t taken calculus, we could improve this country a lot.
Interestingly, the first term of the equation by itself is almost exactly the displacement of a classic Chevy 350 engine or the current Dodge Hemi.
If you put your mouse over the original it reads: “Or the pressure at the Earth’s core will rise slightly”. Granted no mention of explosions.
#30
Worse yet, they may even be (dare I say it?) a scientist! [..shudder..]
By churning out about 99% less lawyers?
Imperial units are of Satan! They don’t even fit snugly into each other! Burn the heretic!
Ha ha. But you know, somehow I find Randall’s abuse of dimensions so much more convincing than the God Equation. Is that an appeal to authority?
I’m not sure, but I think the Uncertainty Principle might resolve this conundrum.
so, imperial would be catholic…metric would be protestant?
here is the calculation with units:
(1.956×10^9 J / 360×10^9 Pa)*(46 mpg/21 miles)
to get the units to work, you need to convert gallons to meters cubed. everything else is S.I. there are 264.17 gallons per meter cubed, so you get:
(1.956×10^9/360×10^9)*(46/21)*(264.17)= 3.1440
Can you imagine a world without lawyers?
Well Wikipedia says the pressure at the core is 345 ± 15 GPa. I can’t find the experimental error for Planck energy but Ep = (ħc5/G)1/2, ħ is 6.62606896(33)×10−34 J s and G is 6.67428(67)×10−11 m3 kg−1 s−2 (c is defined exactly as 299,792,458 m s−1). By finding the experimental error for the Prius mileage and the minimum distance of the English channel the total experimental error can be found. This is left as an exercise for the reader (i.e, I’m too
lazybusy to do it).http://www.math.ucdavis.edu/~hass/Calculus/HTAC/excerpts/node39.html
Then again Edwin Hubble studied law before he became an astronomer so there may be some hope for humanity after all ;-)
“…All the textbooks now natter on about making baskets and flint knapping, but do any of them mention that cavemen would have also been getting phenomenal gas mileage in their hybrids?…”
Which explains the sheer speed of the post-African human diaspora to all (most) parts of the earth! This pushes the proto-Prius back some 50,000 years. Gee thanks, Captain Science!
Noni
Thanks Rob! I was trying to figure out how the units all canceled out (forgot about converting gallons to m^3 — doh!).
Math has always disproved evilution. Atheists can count — but can they account for counting? No. The natural world view cannot justify numbers.
(This mega-argument has been brought to you by the fine folks at Presuppositionalism.)
Fred, given a recent conversation here where it was reported that saying things in a nasty tone makes a difference to whether they’re true or not, it seems that most people don’t understand the meaning of proof.
Idiot. (Is my statement above still true? Hmmm.)
The TV tells me they paid substantially less for car insurance, too.
Orthodox or Reformed?
Don’t they always start out as reformers but slowly degenerate into orthodoxy?
Still true, but the ‘idiot’ preface means now we can dismiss it on the basis that you’re probably just making the claim because you’re angry at your dad.
Except when we come out of the aforementioned pubs, then it has to be a kebab. It’s traditional.
But don’t worry your traditional diets won’t change since some of the fish ‘n chip shops will be Scottish and then you can chow down on healthful comestibles such as deep fried haggis, deep fried pizzas (when you have hot fat on the go, why use an oven to heat it?) and of course the deep fried Mars bar*. We may have to let you bed in on that one before we introduce you to black, red and finally white pudding (nobody knows what is in white pudding).
*battered of course, otherwise it would melt, wouldn’t it?
I, for one, welcome our new saucer-eyed thatcherist overlords. Can’t wait for Mary’s Monday Manga and your posts on the mating habits of upperclass twits!
fewer, dammit!
That would require the speed of light to change.
Celebrity deathmatch. Planck and Einstein enter, one of them leaves upright…!!1!!!
You mean we make it higher?
Except for the 21 miles!!!
Fun fact: In order to be admitted to a university in Austria, you need to have taken an exam (except exceptions that involve alternative exams that I don’t know much about), and this exam, which concludes certain school types, involves calculus. Integral calculus. (Well, it probably doesn’t need to, but integral calculus is taught in the last year of those school types, and differential calculus the year before.)
No calculus, no studying the law.
Mjparme@13 is right, P.Z. Prepare to be quote-mined within an inch of your credibility.
“If law schools refused to admit students who hadn’t taken calculus, we could improve this country a lot.”
Really, everyone? The Salem Hypothesis doesn’t indicate anything to you?
Besides, you’re missing the real evil of stupid lawyers. Schlafly.
Or, rather, nobody has ever dared to ask!!!
Quite so.
David M., hi,
Jaysus. That Wikipedia entry for deep fried Mars Bars is more comprehensive than the entry for your average VIP. Guess that is a comment on the current state of our culture.
Mr. Greenwood:
When? Where?
I can haz newspaper plates?
Fish and chips… Mmmmmmmmm [/slurp]
@MetzO’Magic, 58:
I’m not sure if it’s one I worry about, though – the sheer idea of a deep-fried mars bar seems more novel and interesting that your average celebrity.
I don’t know if I’d eat one, though. Maybe if planned a week of physical exercise afterwards?
“Furthermore, the revelation that a fundamental mathematical constant like pi is the product of English geography does sort of mean that England does have divine status…”
I knew it! (This explains a feeling I’ve had about the world for quite some time….)
Can you, of something that does not exist, say it has size 0? I’d rather say it has no size, and the outcome of the equation NaN. Thus proving that Pi is not a number. Maybe.
Well, without France the English Channel would be very, very wide. So unless you want the corepressure to drop to the point of causing utter distruction (in 2012!), you’ll have to accept the overlordness of France as well. Good thing you already have Canada sitting on you – that’ll make it easier to get used to.
You know, the real issue here is that someone, somewhere, will stumble across this post and not realise that it’s an amusing parody.
Ruh roh
Engineers and lawyers have a different approach to the world. You need to compare the way anti-evolution lawyers make mistakes to the way anti-evolution engineers makes mistakes. The lawyers tend to have a lot more original hogwash.
And this also explains the disappearance of the Neanderthals. Run over by Prius’, every last one.
I would have expected Priuses to fossilise better, though….
#67:
They were all recycled. It’s part of the ethic.
“Engineers and lawyers have a different approach to the world. You need to compare the way anti-evolution lawyers make mistakes to the way anti-evolution engineers makes mistakes. The lawyers tend to have a lot more original hogwash.”
I’m confused. Either way they turn out insane. Why do I care about the degree?
As Feynmaniac at #33 indicated, the alt text for the original image says that the pressure must increase. But the equation looks much more to me like it must decrease if pi, planck energy, and the English Channel’s width are all held constant. Am I missing something obvious here?
And this also explains the disappearance of the Neanderthals. Run over by Prius’, every last one. – amphiox
Nah. They’ve just discovered Neandertal make-up. Clearly, they died out because they were a lot of vain primpers and preeners who were still doing their hair and getting their faces on when the AMHs were already out killing mammoths!
Kausik Datta @ 59;
Oh very soon, my friend. Very soon indeed…
*cue evil supervillain laughter*
I’m now a Young Earth Otaku Tory
I don’t know about the first two words in the definition of who you now are, PZ, but the latter two seem just fine to me…
I may not agree with the working but the conclusion is right! We have of course known this all along. Things have looked bad for you ever since you added tea to lukewarm water in Boston harbour. Sacrilege! Everyone knows you warm the harbour, drain it, put the tea in and then add the just-off-the-boil water.
And don’t get me started on the abomination called “Sun Tea”.
Andrew Schlafly JD, the inventor of Conservapædia, has an engineering degree from Princeton. According to the present Princeton catalog, nine mathematics credits including Math 201 (Calculus) are required for a BSE degree. So Aschlafly probably has taken at least one calculus course and gone to a law school.
This made the tea undrinkable, even for Americans.
Well, I don’t know about the other cavemen here, but my hybrid gas is just fine. Must have been the pi.
TH @75:
Speaks volumes about (1) Engineers (2) Princeton (3) Lawyers, doesn’t it?
Beep-beep!!
[Runs away very fast]
Actually in dimensional analysis pi is used to represent a constant that you determine through experiment. It has nothing to do with circle radius/circumference pi.
Also dividing by 0 can never happen.
Note: The following was written for the original post regarding ‘The God Equation,’ but I was at the time unable to register for comments (apparently the system doesn’t send to mail servers with dynamic IPs); here is the second try. Enjoy.
I don’t know about this guy’s god equation, but mine is foolproof*!
[1 + Sqrt(5)/10] x (pi) = (e) x Sqrt(2)
The significance of this formula is simple, and, better than this Cummings fellow, my units work out exactly — all are dimensionless, just like god!!!11!eleven!
1: One represents the number of life-sustaining planets of which we are aware — it is also the fundamental unit, and therefore its inclusion is likewise fundamental.
5: Five represents the number of digits on a single appendage of the human body (assuming no defects or mutilation), and is thus instrumental in every aspect of human thought. We take its square root because it is indeed the root of our decimal system (though not its base; read on). (Also, fellow Discordians, the Law of Fives prevails. Fnord.)
10: Ten is, obviously, the base of our number system, and as such it is the base of the fraction involving its root. We add this ratio to one to symbolize the addition of life to that which sustains life.
pi: Pi is one of the fundamental constants of nature, and if its significance is lost on any readers here, then so, too, will be the significance of this formula. It is multiplied by the sum to represent the circle of life — the sum itself was the union of life with that which sustains life — and given this understanding of the sum, multiplying it by pi implies that the sum is a radius of sorts, which I have dubbed ‘the divine radius.’
e: As with pi, if the significance of Euler’s number is lost, then no explanation here will convince, but due to the fact that it is the natural base, its appearance was expected, and lo and behold, here it is.
Sqrt(2): Another fundamental irrational number, the square root of two is a key factor in a great many equations of math and physics. Its appearance here unites several features: it represents the secant of the angle pi/4, which heralds the equivalence of x and y (that is, the equality of female and male). The secant function itself is significant in that a secant line intersects a circle at two points — and we’re already talking about the circle of life!
The clear implication, then, of this formula and its significance, is that there is a god, and a designer! It can be no other way!!one thousand one hundred and eleven!!
—
Stan
*Note: All constants and results are taken to five significant figures, with the significance of five only being lost on Greyfaces.
Bleurgh, Tory? Fah. You may as well declare yourself as a whig; you’d be just as in touch with the populace.
Perhaps all of these problems can be solved by noticing that the numbers are only correct within experimental margins of error. Before there was a Prius, there were no experiments regarding its combined EPA gas mileage, thus the margin of error was infinite and so there is no difficulty with this equation.
Basically, if we view all of the relevant quantities as being in states of quantum superposition, we can see that by refining our margins of error on quantities like the pressure at the Earth’s core, and the Prius combined EPA gas mileage, we are actually helping to reduce the quantum uncertainty regarding the value of pi, culling the collecting of histories superimposed for our current state. Essentially, while pi=0 was part of the superposition during the Post-Channel, Pre-Prius era, it no longer is.
Take THAT, Deepak.
Peter @ 51
Have you ever been to Manchester? A good number of the kebab shops there are of Indian ownership so you get the best of both worlds – chicken tikka shish kebabs with mint sauce. Yum.
The last time I was up there I was with a Londoner. He couldn’t compute it…
#79 is correct. The “pi” in question isn’t related to the pi that is equal to circumference divided by diameter. To my recollection, from my schoolin’, that pi term is from Buckingham’s Pi Theorem. It’s just a dimensionless constant that is used to analyze models, establish similitude, and other useful stuff.