It’s true! The Trophy Wife™ and I never got our temple recommends, weren’t sealed, and didn’t go through the temple ceremony (which sounds like so much fun), so when the Mormons get their way, our marriage will be invalidated, and I’ll be reduced to bragging about my Trophy Concubine™.
Bix12 says
Right on.
And why shouldn’t our gay & lesbian friends suffer the same fate as the rest of us schmucks, anyway?
/;-)
Kevin says
Ahh… SMBC – I love you.
Givesgoodemail says
[homer_mode]Mmmmmm. Trophy concubine.[/homer_mode]
Whore of All the Earth says
Well, I will say that the temple ceremonies are more interesting than the weekly snore-fest Sunday services for the Mormon masses.
Lynna, OM says
In order to be temple-worthy, PZ and his wife would have had to get their tithing up to date.
They could have gotten married in the church recreation room instead of the temple if they didn’t have the precious temple recommend card. I attended the wedding of mormon friends in a local ward rec room. It was really strange when the Bishop made a point of stressing that the couple was married for “time only” and not for “time and eternity”. He narrowed his eyes and made stern pronouncements that to my non-mormon ears sounded like scolding, and also a very strange tangent to the rest of the ceremony.
Here’s a link to a story relating a father’s valiant efforts to pay $4000 in tithing so that his daughter could get married in the temple: http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon475.htm Excerpt:
BTW, PZ, there’s still time for you and the Trophy Wife. You can join the mormon church, confess to your manifold sins, pay tithing and then get “sealed” in the temple. You can even have your children sealed to you in the temple so that your whole family will never be rid of you, even in the Celestial Kingdom … but I don’t know how the Myers family will keep from bursting out in raucous laughter during the sealings. It’s a problem for which there’s no solution.
Lynna, OM says
CNN has a great story and video about the mormon church influencing liquor laws. Which reminds me: PZ and the Trophy Wife cannot serve liquor at their temple wedding, nor at the reception afterward. Just a reminder … don’t want you to get busted by former CIA agents now working as security in Temple Square..
https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawl2qTiTnACSo2J28faXiEQZA22htFvePg0 says
After 26 years? I’m more than willing to be a concubine. Doesn’t matter in the least to me, anymore.
Andreas Johansson says
I thought only mathematical physicists committed those.
Hypatia's Daughter says
Ha, Ha – funny but so close to the truth is isn’t. The fundies always talk in generics, like “Judeo-Xtian values” and “God the Creator”, to gather the support of other mushy-minded Xtians. That is why all the Darwin Debates focus only on the flaws of evolution – any debate that put out the actual beliefs of the YEC CreoIDers would lose most of the audience. As long as people don’t really know the specifics, they think they are just supporting some vague, pious “Goddidit”. As an example, I saw the debate between Shermer & Wells at the Cato Institute. At one point, Wells enfolded the audience with a comment about “our shared Xtian values”. How many people in the audience shared Wells’ belief that Rev Moon is the second coming of Christ? Few to none, I suspect. It was a con job by Wells to sucker the audience into supporting his agenda.
The fundies hope to gain political support and then – Wham – their true agenda will be put in place. First, it would be outlawing all forms of union except man-woman marriage; then only religious marriage.
Lynna, OM says
More details on mormon weddings, with info provided by ex-mormons:
Hypatia's Daughter says
Opps, edit on that…..
Lynna, OM says
@8
Manifold = many, and various
The mathematical physicists’ sins … what? More detailed explanation, please.
The Science Pundit says
That shows what you don’t know about the pecadilos of automobile mechanics.
MAJeff, OM says
You know what? I expect that all observant Catholics should sign petitions and vote for the 2010 California Marriage Protection Act:
http://rescuemarriage.org/
After all, they claim wanted to impose their religious beliefs about marriage on gay folks. Why wouldn’t they also want to do the same about divorce? Oh, yeah. Hypocrites.
a_ray_in_dilbert_space says
Lynna,
A manifold is a space in topology.
http://mathworld.wolfram.com/Manifold.html
Lynna, OM says
@15
Ah, I see. Mathematical physicists sin with their coffee cups, donuts, or anything else resembling a torus … and then they come up with an elegant formula to express the interaction. I’m sure I have that right.
I was disappointed to find that sins involving a möbius strip were not depicted.
SteveM says
Aren’t all marriages “time only”, i.e. “’til death do us part”?
Andreas Johansson says
Not Mormon ones – they supposedly last forever in the afterlife.
Kevin says
@Lynna (10)
Y’know, that brings up a good point – this bit here:
Maybe we should go the route of European countries and forbid marriage licenses from being passed out by preachers. It’d certainly solve a lot of problems.
Lynna, OM says
You can’t get out of a bad LDS Temple marriage … not even by dying. You’re stuck forever. Unless you’re famous. Marie Osmond got a divorce.
Mormon men can have a harem after they get to the Celestial Kingdom. Women who die single (oh, the abomination) can be assigned to good mormon men who may already have one or more wives. Mormon men may be sealed to one wife (no more earthly polygamy, unless you can do it and not get caught), but if that one wife dies, a man can be sealed to another wife, and another, etc. The man will remain sealed to however many women he has married in the temple, and he will be wed to them in eternity… one big happy family. Women, however, cannot be sealed to multiple men. No, I don’t know how that is supposed to work. Mormons say God will sort it out.
Andreas Johansson says
There’s a SF story here somewhere (which, given my lack of originality, probably has already been written) about future Mormons meddling with human genetics to ensure a more theologically convenient male/female birth ratio.
Lynna, OM says
Kevin @19: I’ve often thought the same thing. Marriage is a legal contract, and it should be the same for everyone, gay or straight. Churches can continue to solemnize unions if they wish, and they can continue to restrict their rituals to heterosexuals, if they insist, but we should put them out of the business of legalizing contracts. That step alone would go a long way toward removing a lot of the stumbling blocks to gay marriage.
Kevin says
@Lynna (22):
Yeah, and no one could restrict or alter rules depending on sexual preference. A gay marriage would be equal (and not separate but equal) to a straight marriage in the eyes of legality.
If a religious couple wants nothing to do with the civil ceremony, then fine, let them get married in the church and not get a civil license. If it’s their faith and the sanctity of the marriage they truly care about, no amount of civil legality will show that.
In fact, I would be more amazed at a Christian couple that refused civil marriage rights to be married solely into the church.
Knockgoats says
I was disappointed to find that sins involving a möbius strip were not depicted.
Topology-porn seems like an unexplored commercial opportunity – Möbius strips, fifty interesting things to do with a Klein bottle and a good water-based lubricant, explicit images of homology, cohomology and homotopy…
Knockgoats says
…hmm, not to mention illustrating degrees of connectivity using orgy scenes.
Red John says
Sign me up.
SteveM says
And make them file their income tax as two singles. And block them from all the other legal privileges of marriage. Make it clear that marriage is a legal construct, not so much a religious one.
It’s been a long time since I got married, but I seem to remember having to bring the marriage license to the priest who merely signs it at the ceremony.
Rutee, Shrieking Harpy of Dooooom says
“Mormon men can have a harem after they get to the Celestial Kingdom. Women who die single (oh, the abomination) can be assigned to good mormon men who may already have one or more wives. Mormon men may be sealed to one wife (no more earthly polygamy, unless you can do it and not get caught), but if that one wife dies, a man can be sealed to another wife, and another, etc. The man will remain sealed to however many women he has married in the temple, and he will be wed to them in eternity… one big happy family. Women, however, cannot be sealed to multiple men. No, I don’t know how that is supposed to work. Mormons say God will sort it out.”
Stupid me, I was assuming honesty when they said “We don’t practice polygamy”, not mere adherence to Earthly Law.
raven says
Been done. Ursala LeGuin wrote one where the forerunners made it so there was a large excess of women to men.
At first the men had it easy. After a while, the women ended up owning and running the society and the men were kept baby makers.
The Mormons would undoubtedly make sure the women were pre-pithed so they didn’t cause any trouble.
Lynna, OM says
The mormons have a long history of saying one thing and doing another, as in the time they supposedly outlawed polygamy but really just pushed some of their polygamists to move to Mexico or Canada, (the polygamist colony in Mexico included the ancestors of Mitt Romney). Lots of folks who stayed in Utah continued to practice polygamy as well, and there are even records of polygamists being sealed to additional wives in the temple after the no-more-polygamy announcement. It’s called “Lying for the Lord”, or sometimes called “milk before meat”, or “We never provide meat when milk will do.”
The latest instance of Lying for the Lord is the LDS announcement that the Church is neutral when it comes to politics.
Don’t ask yourself how this squares with the phone banks they set up in church Wards to campaign against Prop 8 … it’ll just give you a headache. Don’t ask yourself how this announcement squares with a lot of LDS church policies that seem to actively defy the separation of church and state … more headaches, more eye rolling.
One of the earliest examples of Lying for the Lord comes from Joseph Smith:
timrowledge says
That would presumably involve removing only one side of the clothes but nevertheless ending up with all of the removed? And there has to be a joke in there somewhere about it being especially edgy but I can’t quite make it surface.
Lynna, OM says
Mormons campaigned vigorously against the Equal Rights Amendment. On earth they lost, but in their churches and in their Celestial Kingdom they won.
Mormons are currently campaigning vigorously against equal rights for gays. They think they’re winning, but I think they’ll find the war was lost while they crowed over a few battles. However, in their Celestial Kingdom, they will always beat the gays. According to the mormons, gays will finally become straight when they get to the Celestial Kingdom, (assuming they managed to be chaste on earth).
As for möbius strip sex, at least it’s never-ending.
Monkey says
Mormons are on my annoyance list. A couple of grad students from Stanford started a site, http://www.goodreads.com , where people who like books can trade favorite reads.
The Morons took over. They pumped their book up to #3 greatest book of all time.
In the comments, it seems that the LDS are switching methods from knocking on doors to cyber-missionizing. The number of comments along the line of “I’ve never heard of this book before, but I read it and my life is perfect now!” is unsettling. All astro-turfed, but dammit, I used to LIKE that site…
Anyway, if anyone would like to annoy some Mormons, there are plenty hanging out there.
Pope Bologna XIII - The Glorious High Sauceror of Pastafarianism and Grand Poobah of His Holy Meatba says
Monkey: they “Mormongulated” the book!
Lynna, OM says
You are right about the cyber-missionaries. An ex-mormon mentioned that elderly relatives who are still true believers have been spending 10-20 hours online for the LDS Church. They are considered to be actual missionaries, with the mission of battling Satan on the internet, and of presenting a mormon presence wherever they can. It’s not unusual for a Bishop to extend to retired couples a “calling” to go on a mission, but what is new is a mission restricted to the internet.
Apparently, the LDS church is also lurking on ex-mormon and anti-mormon blogs. This blogger posted screen shots of the mormon lurks on her blog, and a few humorous comments as well.
raven says
I read somewhere that the Mormon church used to hang around outside a gay club in SLC and write down license plates.
Then they would cross check them against a database of BYU students.
It is hard to imagine that SLC even has a gay club.
The thought police are alive and well in SLC. Yo, Mormon Thought Police. We know you are out there. I don’t think I’m going to be joining your toxic cult anytime soon.
Lynna, OM says
Raven, Here’s another example of the Mormon Thought Police on internet patrol. A journalist who blogs under the handle “The Girl Who” posted this when she was covering a speech by Dallin Oaks (a speech you may remember since PZ also posted a comment on it):
raven says
Thought I’d make sure my memory was correct. Got a hit right away off of google.
Lynna, OM says
Yes, raven, good hit on google! The mormons treat gays much like J. Edgar Hoover treated suspected communists, taking names and recording license plates at meetings of “subversives”. Ugh. Here’s a link to a story (well-written) by one of the gay guys who belonged to Affirmation, a former BYU student. Excerpt:
JNOV says
@Lynna, OM: Yup, I’m the blogger who was lurked by TSCC today. That was fun! My abusive language didn’t make them stop, but maybe comparing their stalking to a bad case of herpes (apologies to all afflicted) will make them go away.
Looking at the pages they viewed, they were more interested in my criticisms of Philly’s mission president. He might be in deep doo doo (that’s a medical term). ;-)
Lynna, OM says
Welcome, JNOV, I liked the display of screen shots from your lds.org lurkers. Catch them with their IP undies showing. [For those who don’t recognize it, JNOV’s acronym “TSCC” in comment #40 stands for The So-Called Church — at least I think I got that right. I don’t speak fluent ex-mo.]
JNOV says
Yes, you are absolutely right. There are a ton of abbreviations, but folks who grow up Mormon (BIC “Born in the Covenant”) are taught that they belong to “The One True Church.” Now, yeah, most believers think their way is the only way, but they don’t tend to say, “I belong to The One True Church.” So, exmormons tend to call it “The So-Called Church” when they leave.
And thanks for the welcome! I’m just waiting for the loonie-tunes from the Mormon apologetics Rube Goldberg machine to troll the shit out of me. That’s why I’m checking referring pages.
It’s nice to be among friendlies!
Lynna, OM says
JNOV, expect to have all your ideas thrown out on the basis of “vulgarity” alone by any mormon trolls that have enough balls to comment. Bad language, oh noes!
We had a couple of visiting mormons on Pharyngula recently. PZ posted Mormon Prophecy and it quickly racked up about a 1000 comments. Enjoy the smack down. (The two main mormon commenters were James and bravestarr, IIRC.)
Lynna, OM says
JNOV, Just thought I’d point you to the endless thread for future use. (There’s always a quick link to the endless thread in the left hand column.) When this thread drops off the front page, and if there are no mormon-related threads in which to post your examples of the TSCC’s dumbfuckery, you can always post on the endless thread.
Following the money when it comes to the LDS Church is something I wish I could do better (as does everyone). Here’s a repeat of a post from Gorspel Dactrin that was on exmormon.org today:
Another ex-mo added that the children of General Authority dudes attend BYU for free. Pretty sweet gig for those guys. No big mystery as to why they continue to toe the line.
Patricia, OM says
JNOV – Well hell if you’re going to kick the religious, come sit by me and we can share a Walnetto. Welcome!
JNOV says
I’m skimming. I promise to read more later and engage properly, but life just kind of blew up just now. Huzzah! Ugh. I’ve got you guys bookmarked, and I look forward to learning from you and sharing the wee bit I’ve got in the noggin’.
Thanks, Patricia! Will you keep a seat warm in hell for me next to Kissinger and Cheney? Don’t worry — I’m about ready to send Barry there, too!
Lynna, OM says
The LDS Church seems to have an official policy of restricting the free speech, and the the politics of it’s members. Care for the Flock, Excerpt:
Patricia, OM says
JNOV – Cheney…haw, I intend to meet him in the seventh level of hell and give him the benefit of a #10 knitting needle prostate exam. *smiles sweetly*
MrJonno says
Quite a few European countries, such as Britain, France, and Germany, do not recognize religious weddings as being legally valid. Couples are required to have a civil wedding first
Not convinced thats actually true at least in the UK. Most weddings in the UK are civil with no religious involvement however a priest can legally marry you. Through the document you sign is the same for everyone regardless of religion.
In this respect the priest (or imman etc) is acting as a civil servant.
Its not really a big deal , interesting civil weddings are not allowed to mention god or religion even pop songs that contain religious content (through that is usually ignored)
More details
http://www.weddingguideuk.com/articles/legal/englandwales.asp
Miki Z says
Here in Japan, all marriages are registered with the civil authorities. Weddings are private affairs with no legal significance. The Christian-themed weddings are hugely popular here, though. A new wedding chapel just opened down the street from me and is advertising for a white actor with beard to play the role of “priest”.
JNOV says
[blogwhoring alert – apologies]
If anyone cares, here’s the breakdown of my COJCOLDS visitors and my assumptions of what went down yesterday.
JNOV says
Yeah, it would be nice if the link worked. Let’s try this again.
Rev. BigDumbChimp says
Holy shit? SLC has a non LDS mayor?
I probably should have known that but I didn’t.
Oh and shocker, LDS is pissed about Liquor.
JNOV says
Yeah, SLC is the least mormony area of Utah. I think the mormons might actually be a minority, but that’s just in SLC. That’s why the recent gay and lesbian non-discrimination ordinance passed. I believe they left out protections for trans people, though. (I’m going by memory — if you guy need links and sources, I’ll dig them up.)
raven says
Utah is gerrymandered to the max.
SLC has a nonLDS majority. One mayor was a Protestant woman.
Since they crowd the pagans into one place, there are a lot of LDS districts. IIRC, out of ca. 100 state legislaters, all are Mormon but 2 in a state with 65% LDS.
This is essentially depriving pagans of the right to vote and be represented. No doubt what a Mormon theocracy would look like when their prophecy that they will rule the USA happens. Fortunately, most of Joseph Smith’s prophecies failed.
JNOV says
;-)
Lynna, OM says
Gerrymandering in Utah:
JNOV says
Well, it looks like another day of Fun with the COJCOLDS! Too bad I need to change my Cheetos-stained shirt and maybe bathe and leave the house and such.
Forbidden Snowflake says
My version of the “slippery slope slips both ways” was:
Rutee, Shrieking Harpy of Dooooom says
What’s COJCOLDS? Though I suspect I’ll regret asking.
SteveM says
What’s COJCOLDS? Though I suspect I’ll regret asking.
“Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints”, the official name of the “Mormon” Church. “Mormon” comes from the title of their “Bible”, The Book of Mormon.
JNOV says
“Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints”
When I see it abbreviated as “COJCOLDS,” I always think of a cold virus brought on by cognitive dissonance.
JNOV says
JINX!
Yeah, they prefer to be called the “COJC…” or “LDS” for PR purposes. They are trying to be accepted as a main-stream sect of Christianity, hence the recent prominence of “Jesus Christ” on their official literature (they’ve increased the font size). They are also trying to move away from “Mormon,” but good luck with that!
Andreas Johansson says
It looks like it should mean cold testicles. Probably served as a delicacy for degenerate hierophants.
Lynna, OM says
The mormon community is not immune to crime, nor to raising criminals. A murderer, Christopher Gribble of Massachusetts, bragged about his crime. Gribble was also a young mormon man participating in mission-prep classes, was home-schooled, and his father is active in the LDS Church (member of the High Council).
This coverage of the accused killers does not mention the kid’s mormon background, but ex-mormons who know him, and some who attended classes with him, filled in the details.
Lynna, OM says
Per the discussion up-thread about Salt Lake City being more liberal, and having a more diverse population, here’s more proof of that:
http://www.sltrib.com/News/ci_14120043 The council still doesn’t have any persons of color. One step at a time, I guess.
Lynna, OM says
In comment #65 I made a mistake. Gribble is from Mount Vernon, New Hampshire, which is near the Massachusetts border. Some of his accomplices lived in Massachusetts.
mothwentbad says
It’s a nice thought, but the trouble is that this direction of the slippery slope is empirically falsified. The slippery slope argument is usually employed against change. In an alternate universe where gay marriage was allowed for a long time and then suddenly under debate, this argument might hold more sway.
But I guess the point is that the other direction of the slope is just as absurd, and I missed the point?
JNOV says
Ugh. The Mormon Church lurked me all day.
Hopefully I’ll have something more interesting to talk about soon.
Lynna, OM says
JNOV, what does LDS.org expect to get out of lurking your blog … besides keeping a few senior citizen missionaries busy? What are they looking for? A revelation, a clue as to what they should do next about the fact that they can’t control information? Maybe they secretly like you. Or maybe they need to learn how to curse creatively.
plien says
In the Netherlands all people are married civilly, those who prefer can get a religious marriage after.
Rev. BigDumbChimp says
Well any large city is going to be more liberal but that’s pretty shocking. I’ll have to say when I lived in Jackson and would travel through Salt Lake on the way to the desert or to go skiing or whatever Salt Lake always creeped me the fuck out in a fascination kind of way. I mean it is a beautiful place but I had it in my mind what went on there and it was always interesting.
Good for them.
JNOV says
Lynna, here’s what I think: They monitor every tweet that mentions “mormon,” “lds,” etc. Sure, I brought attention to myself by my copious use of hashtags, but, really? They have people monitoring every single tweet? What a major waste of time. I’ve tried to make their lives easier for them, but they haven’t accepted my invitation.
Honestly, what church monitors all the tweets that mention it?
I’ve always been hesitant to call TSCC a cult, but this stalking has me thinking about writing a special post on cults, and maybe I’ll grow a pair of ovaries and really take TSCC on.
“A religion is a cult that has attained political power.” I’m not sure who said that, but I’m beginning to think that defn is too simplistic.
JNOV says
Housekeeping question: Is there a way to receive emails when someone comments on a thread?
JNOV says
Oh, and they do active twitter searches for key words, so they’re drilling down deeper than just checking hashtags.
Rutee, Shrieking Harpy of Dooooom says
“Honestly, what church monitors all the tweets that mention it?”
The “Church” of Lawology.
Don’t say it correctly, there’ll be trouble. LDS legislates less, I suppose.
cpsmith says
Didn’t more or less that exact thing happen in Texas a little while back?
JNOV says
@Rutee, Shrieking Harpy of Doom: First of all, I love, love, LOVE you screen name!
I’ve written seven posts about LDS and Native Americans today. Let’s see what happens. If they want to waste their money on letigation, so be it. I haven’t done anything illegal.
Here’s today’s poke in the eye It’s “Lamanite” Day
JNOV says
Damn, I can’t type. Anyway, “Lamanite” Day was quite a success! Here’s the rundown for “GLBTQ Day: Celebrating Nearly 180 Years of LDS Homophobia, Bigotry and Violence!” this Saturday:
1. Morning dose of Boop and outline and brief description of the day’s posts
2. Background on LDS doctrine w/r/t heaven, the CK, etc. and why GLBTQ folks who do not consummate hetero temple marriages will not get into the CK
3. Pressure to marry someone of the opposite sex even if you’re out to the bishop
4. Notable quotes about GLBTQ folks from church leaders
5. Excommunication for being gay
6. A comparison of the process of acceptance of sexual identity and the process of leaving Mormonism
7. Evergreen, past and present – BYU aversion torture
8. Prop 8 and other political meddling
9. Church-induced suicide and violence
10. Personal stories posted by GLBTQ exmormons