Some guy up in Moorehead wrote a letter to the local paper explaining why we don’t have to worry about global warming. You can just picture the gears jerking haltingly around in his head as he tries to explain how a planet works while he doesn’t even understand why Australians don’t fall off the earth.
When God sent the rain on this Earth for 40 days and nights, all this water had to go someplace so the Earth would be dry again.
Remember, God is the Creator and controls the universe.
God tilted the Earth from its original position and caused all the excess water to rush to the poles, and there he instantly froze the water into the ice formations that exist today.
Time is ticking down on God’s time clock. With all the nuclear bombs that are made and stored for the fast-emerging last battle, this Earth would burn up when these nuclear bombs are set off.
We are not creating global warming – God is tipping the Earth back to its original position on its axis and thus getting all this ice to get ready to move and extinguish the nuclear destructive fires man will create.
So the Arctic and Antarctic are just our local firefighting reserves? Let ’em melt, then, I guess.
Hmmm, the fundy version of Nuclear Winter.
It’s Planet X, I tell you.
I guess Nancy Leider was right after all.
All hope I had for humanity has just disappeared in the 10 seconds it took to read that.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahaha….
….hahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
thanks for the reminder – i thought he was just some random guy, you know?
Seriously, PZ… how does this little blurb of obvious intellectual ignorance from an op-ed page out of Fargo even merit mention, let alone a blog heading?
There have to be more deserving targets… no?
Ha!
And, yes, Celtic, there are more deserving targets – but not many as hilarious as this one. Surely, there’s nothing wrong with a little humor now and then?
It’s a joke. The guy wasn’t writing that as a serious letter.
I’m betting this guy is voting for McCain/Palin. But heck, he doesn’t have to worry one way or the other, Jesus is going to save him. Woo hoo.
Must post a recipe.
Stir hot water and coffee powder in a cup.
But since you went ahead and pointed it out anyhow, PZ… it always amuses me how the rationale for this explanation can be arrived at while simply ignoring the more obvious: well, if all that rain had to go somewhere… it also had to COME from somewhere… and so if god can simply poof the water into existence, why all this extraneous effort at freezing it and locking it away for later use? Why not just “poof” it away again and then if he wants to kill us all off, just poof it here again?
But religious dumbosity is impervious to logic, as we already know.
I’d like to nominate this person for an award:
Non-answer of the year!
Yes, the amount of heat coming from the sun depends upon the tilt.
I can hardly wait for them to be deciding the curricula.
Teach the controversy.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
That letter writer has sand in his gears.
paper hand #7
Good point… it really is pretty funny…
I must be cranky this morning…
When you think about it, how the hell can we be freely entertained if it wasn’t for the demented creotards and assorted morons of all persuasions to provide us with cannon fodder? I cannot think of a period in our country’s history when the amount of assorted demented halfwits has run amuck with all manner of insanity over such a wide area and a longer period of time. Sitcom couldn’t hold a candle to this demented rabble!
I really hope that was a joke. If not, I really hope that guy has a good caretaker because it’s not possible for someone that stupid to safely operate in modern society.
“Remember, God is the Creator and controls the universe.”
That feckin’ god-thing, Jehovah, aka Allah, didn’t do a very good job. I could do a lot better if I had omnipotent magical powers.
I think this is the same guy who was on the news for scratching his itchy foot with a loaded shotgun. Yeah. I can’t imagine anyone else being as stupid. It must be him. Or his brother?
So many people with important things to say, and the ones who get heard are dipsticks like this. Depressing!
Ummm… how about 1692 – 1693… ;^)
Dear sir: Thank you for explaining
How the forty days of raining
As reported in a bronze-age myth, explains the current crisis.
Now I’ll sit and let my brain go
Limp, and thank God for the rainbow
And not bother with what’s happening to all the Arctic ices.
We know water only freezes
Cos it suits the will of Jesus;
In a moment it could all return to liquid H2O.
So when Man blows up the planet,
Time for Jesus, who began it,
To return the ice to water and to let the oceans flow.
To destroy the population
With a man-made conflagration?
Why, it’s blasphemous, if what the bible says to us is true!
Whether flood, or plague, or locust
God’s attention is now focused–
The destruction of humanity is Yahweh’s job to do!
http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2008/09/god-doesnt-like-competition.html
This is awesome. Just proof that there are some really, really crazy people out there.
What global warming? A piece of ice the size of Manhattan Island broke off from Ellesmere Island in the Canadian Arctic yesterday. No global warming here, but just a bunch of smartasses lining up with jackhammers and explosives to break off a sizable chunk to have it float down Baffin Bay and Davis Strait into the North Atlantic for the amusement of the hot-house advocates!
Poe
Poe squared. Or perhaps even some higher power?
So we’re all characters in a big snow globe? (And the “snow” is nuclear fallout? Eww…)
We should send this guy to the Olympics considering all the mental gymnastics necessary to come to grips with this explanation.
I have to disagree with Celtic (#6). While there are far more deserving targets (and possibly even funnier ones), it is necessary, thought painful to the rational human, to hold up these displays of unmitigated christianist idiocy for all to see (or at least those ‘in the know’ — the moral elite who read this blog). Maybe, just maybe, a troll will read the post and the comments and, in a flash of openmindedness will realize that naturalistic explanations (continental drift, the big bang, evolution, uniformitarianism) are far better at reflecting reality than the myths created by bronze-age goat herders.
Then again, maybe giant winged porcupines will fly out of my arse. Backwards. It’s about as likely, eh?
I think it’s sad when my dog is capable of more complex abstract thought and has a better understanding of reality than some people. To be fair though my dog IS a border collie, one of the most intelligent breeds.
The opinion page of the Fargo Forum is the only thing I read in that rag every day. It’s often quite entertaining. I literally LOL’d this morning when I read it. Thanks for the link, PZ. Appreciate it. Glad you got my email.
Credescence Maximus.
thought painful to the rational human should read though painful to the rational human and are far better at reflecting reality should read are far better at describing reality. Sorry. Need to prrofrede mor bettr.
That, is hilarious.
@Shane, #30–
Besides, dogs can lick their own gonads. Take that Jesus!
No word yet on whether or not their god can.
And what is really scary is that there are people out there nodding their heads and going “Makes sense to me”.
Sorry guys, it’s likely not a Poe. I was raised fundy, and ran into such appallingly confused ideas about how things work on a regular basis. I’m beginning to think genetic engineering is our only hope.
This is probably a joke. Then again, people believe all kinds of weird things…
I’d blog about this myself, but there’s really not much left to say. I wish I had found it first.
For the life of mùe I can’t understand why the guy took the pains to imagine this crazy process of God tilting the earth on its axis and then freezing the poles… instead of just supposing that God snapped his fingers and poofed the excess water into oblivion. Which sounds far more scientific to me.
Reads like something the Pastor of Palin’s church would say. This type of overreach is EXACTLY why the Thugs go down in a flaming ball of crap come election day. No doubt about it.
The sky is clearing and the night
Has cried enough
The sun, he come, the world
to soften up
Rejoice, rejoice, we have no choice but
To carry on
Enjoy.
I think Butch has missed his calling — clearly, he should be running for public office.
Our society has really turned a corner when “The Onion” is less off-the-wall loony than the local newspaper.
Maybe starting a flotilla to escape the nutsies is the answer… too bad the Scientologists beat us to the punch.
Cuttlefish is amazing.
Good grief! I don’t recall seeing anything that stupid even on the letters page of the Arizona Repulsive, and that’s saying something.
soboco wrote: “It’s a joke. The guy wasn’t writing that as a serious letter. ”
Either the letter writer is a Poe, or he needs to get the carbon monoxide levels checked in his house.
That guy is nuts. Everyone knows that God made the ice caps when he froze the sun in place.
#5: Bwahahahhahahahaaa ….
alex just won the internet.
I can take a lot of fundie non-sense. I don’t blame them all for not having a good science education or _really_ understanding the science they did learn because most people don’t.
But tilting the earth made the water run to the poles? LOL OMGZ PWNZ0RZ!!!1111oneoneoneone
(I’m not sure which is more intelligent, my last sentence or that guys statement.)
This is another one for the Poe’s Law Museum…
What? This is totally in Revelations. You just have to squint a bit to see it.
I’m going with (hoping for?) Poe on this one…
Gotta be a Poe. No religious person is that creative.
I think it’s funny that people find that the best way to make themselves feel good is to use five-dollar words and put down someone else. How about instead of sitting on a computer dissing someone you get off your ass and find your own cure for global warming? (I’m on here because I’m a grad student working on an assignment. We are working on our own cure for global warming.)
“With all the nuclear bombs that are made and stored for the fast-emerging last battle, this Earth would burn up when these nuclear bombs are set off.”
This fatalistic view of our nuclear arsenal troubles me most. Don’t like the easy justification of use it lends to those wanting to bring about god’s will.
Cuttlefish’s muse has a lot of mojo lately. Brilliant, though I’m a little p.o.ed how people were overly critical of Roy Z’s piece on Palin. If you critics can do better, we’ll be glad to review your revue. Just post it on youtube.
As for the supposed poe-ness of this Moorehead moron, let me assure you that no poe is as inane as the utterings from many religiotards here in the Lone Star State. I’ve heard ’em first hand. (Hell, I’m related to many of them). The 30-somthing daughter of a Dr. (D.O., I’m guessing) who is Jehova’s Witness informed me that her father told her that feet stink because all the meat you eat goes to your extremities and rots. She was serious. She also informed me that we should only drink gatorade since water kills electrolytes. (I hear all your heads hitting desks)
Most poe-meisters tip their hand Colbert style with a faint wink and a self aware nudge. For the actual clueless religidiots, any irony is purely unintentional.
#53:
A cure for global warming? Is it a disease? Maybe a vaccin instead of a cure?
Okay, enough grammar policing. But, seriously, this isn’t about global warming, really. It’s about fundy idiocy. It just happens to also touch on global warming a bit. (Personally, I’m convinced that global warming will solve itself: we’ll probably run out of oil sooner than that we’ll really feel the need to do anything about global warming anyway, and then there won’t be any oil to burn anymore, so no more CO2 from us! Hurray! Ok, the planet will probably try to kill us with lots of horrible natural disasters, but whatcha gonna do? There’s plenty of solutions for global warming – but since people don’t feel a pressing need to solve it, they won’t put money in it. )
Michelle, clearly a Special Case, in #53:
We’re here
Because
We’re he
Because
We’re here
because
We’re HEEEERE…
Geez, I thought you kids had it under control. Damn, I guess not,and no wonder if you’re screwing off on your Vital Work to come here and chide the rest of us for, um, being here.
Bet I know some ten-dollar words too. Watch out or I’ll remember them. Booga-booga!
Anything that evokes a Cuttlefish response has justified its existence.
Maybe you’re right, but if it is then the sad part is that it’s not apparent.
Note to PZ: re-typing my name/email every comment is getting old, isn’t there an option you can enable to allow users to save it in a cookie?
@55
From Idiocracy:
Pvt. Joe Bowers: What *are* these electrolytes? Do you even know?
Secretary of State: They’re… what they use to make Brawndo!
Pvt. Joe Bowers: But *why* do they use them to make Brawndo?
Secretary of Defense: [raises hand after a pause] Because Brawndo’s got electrolytes.
Hey, Cracked.com wrote an article about you. You’re number 6.
Isn’t there a town hall meeting you could be attending where you can stand up every six minutes and implore everyone to Please, Think Of The Children?
I think it’s funny that you think any of our words on here, yours inculded, are worth 5 dollars…
She types away, dissingly, on her computer…
Irony… ur doin it right!
RobJ: Firefox and some other browsers allow caching of such things. You type the first letter and a list of recent selection pop up.
By the way Michelle… you owe me 150 dollars. Wait… make that 210… and counting…
@ (((Billy))) The Atheist #29
I generally agree with what you’re saying… it just torqued me that this mental giant was given a forum where his inanity even merits mention… it’s just annoying to even hear.
And, like I said… I think I was cranky. ;^)
This is just incredible… I can’t imagine that in a modern, Western country in the year 2008, there are still people who think in such a simplistic, medieval way. I’m just stunned.
Betcha this peckerwood VOTES, and betcha I can figger out which WAY…
wheeeeeee
God must also be tilting all the stars in the galaxy in the exact opposite direction at the exact same rate that he’s tilting the Earth, so that we don’t catch on to his diabolical plan!
Michelle @ 53
You are seeking a cure for global warming? Stop breathing and adding all that carbon dioxide to the atmosphere.
No, that was unkind, but please be a little more cognizant(only a four dollar word) of the various and edifying(I’ll let you have that one for three dollars) remarks expressed here. Thanks Michelle. Okay: breathe deeply. All free!
B-b-b-b-ut where will Santa Claus go?
When the Arctic sea ice at the North Pole melts, his home, toy factory, reindeer stable, and workshop will sink into the ocean. The Elves, the reindeer, and Santa will all drown.
Just like the polar bears.
new to the net: what’s a poe? a Poser?
Hilarious! Man oh man, where do you dig this stuff up?
@71 from Wiki:
Poe’s Law — Without a blatant display of humour, it is impossible to tell the difference between religious Fundamentalism and a parody thereof.
Now, now, I think you’re all being rather harsh and sceptical. With that one well researched, erudite and scholarly piece of prose I have been totally and utterly convinced of..well, um…whatever it is he’s trying to say.
Honestly, I’d berate you non-believers a little more but as the Earth is about to tilt back to its original position I’ve gotta go and reset the GPS in my car.
This explains all those geese mysteriously migrating East.
I’m confused. Was this released as the McCain foreign, science or environmental policy?
he doesn’t even understand why Australians don’t fall off the earth
We don’t? Must be all the velcro.
Ha ha ha ha
I love that shit. Pure satire. My guess.
I wonder if he heard that the Alaska Ice shelf has seperated? HMMMMMM.
For Cuttlefish,
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, etc…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
I’m not sure which I should be concerned with: this country turning into a theocracy, or it turning into an Idiocracy
Qquiscula (20):
And even more depressing that the newspaper of North Dakota’s biggest city would publish it. Are its editors not worried about their paper’s reputation?
I see why you’re concerned, PZ. Moorhead may be part of the Fargo metropolitan area, but it’s actually in Minnesota, and so this Butch Dallmann is only 180 km away from you. Oh well, at least his views on science indicate he’s probably not Catholic… :-D
I was on the air with Helen Caldicott for an hour last month, the subject of ‘clean coal’ (oxymoron anyone) came up.
I suggested we reclaim the CO2 at the stack, then simply compress it into dry ice, and use the dry ice to combat global warming.
There was a long pause, finally she said, quietly, “You’re joking, aren’t you?”
It was pretty funny, but I guess you had to be there.
efrique at #77
Naaahhh, we just have really really sticky feet.
I’m consistently amazed by the utter idiocy of some people. I’d laugh if I wasn’t increasingly alarmed… Hell, it wouldn’t surprise me if this guy is an elected official.
No, this is why God invented kangaroos. Every time they jump, they push Australia down. It won’t fall off just as long as Kangaroos keep jumping.
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Isn’t it about time for W00T to check in?
Paper prints it–I’m editor, I say no f-in way. I’m publisher, I say you betcha. THe fundies nod and buy more, and the smart folks laugh off a manhattan-sized chunk of their ass.
PS–Michele–you fail.
ice
Rob J @ 58
Firefox with Greasemonkey
and a script like this:
We are not creating global warming – God is tipping the Earth back to its original position on its axis and thus getting all this ice to get ready to move and extinguish the nuclear destructive fires man will create.
Why can’t god do the Barbara Eden thing with his eyes and extinguish the fires that way?
Crap! Does this mean all my overtime is gone during the nuclear rapture?
Firemancarl@ #91
Yes, but on a positive note, you’re gonna be one of the most popular people in Hell.
Oh. My. FSM! That is incredible! And Cuttlefish-you are amazing!
Cuddly hugs to Cuttlefish!
Ummmm… couldn’t God just stop the bombs from going off? He/She/It is God after all, right? And it would be the Christian thing to do, wouldn’t it?
And I’ve actually spent some intoxicated conversations with friends wondering about the Santa question. I know it’s silly and all, but what are parents going to start telling their kids when the ice cap starts disappearing every summer? I’m sure that there’s many here that disagree with filling kids’ heads with any kind of fairy tale, but even as simply a folktale, it has a lot of weight. At best, the workshop is going to be a striking, stark reminder of how much we’ve altered our world in the 200 years since “The Night Before Christmas”.
Maybe Santa can move in with Father Christmas in Lapland. But then parents would get all kinds of questions about two
gayjolly men living together.How do people like this function in every day life? It’s a wonder they can actually take consecutive breaths.
*Redundancy alert!*
@ #56 “fundy idiocy” = oxymoron
So much for Psalms 93 & 96 then:
‘Yea, the world is established; it shall never be moved;’ Ps.93:1
‘Yea, the world is established, it shall never be moved;’ Ps.96:10
Still, he is God and God can do what he damn well likes, Biblical authority or no Biblical authority.
Bride of Shrek OM @ #92
You’ve seen my dance moves eh?
Actually we Aussies take special precautions. All of our roads are made of ferrous metal, and we never leave our (spinning) houses without our magnetic boots. The reason we’re so dominant at sports is all the exercise we have to engage in to prevent muscle atrophy…
… nah, it doesn’t even work as a joke, does it?
Now my stomach from laughing so hard.
Are we sure this isn’t something culled from The Onion?
Ouch! Now my brain hurts.
I must be getting jaded. The first thing I though when I read that was along the lines of “*sigh* another one of these idiots.” I must be spending too much time on fstdt.com
It’s a joke. Form and content don’t match: good vocabulary, syntax, ability to form a coherent argument but very poor content (if you assume the writer is serious).
not an oxymoron since it is not self-contradictory. It is redundant so it is a tautology.
Not picking on you, just that I’ve recently been reading up on “tautology” after getting into a discussion about “white swans”. Wikipedia divides “tautology” by “logic” and “rhetoric”. A redundant statement is a rhetorical tautology.
So:
“fundie idiocy” = tautology.
“fundie reason” = oxymoron.
But how did you all manage to get bitten by the same radioactive spider?
Living here in Terra Australis Incognita, it is nice to know that we are ignored again. First, Kangaroos are not mentioned boarding Ark at the last great Flood, then we have to be ignored sitting here between two great oceans as if what happen in Missouri or Kansas is all important to the Fundamentalists who cannot even prove that the ancient Hebrews new about North America.
Must have been a slow day in the editorial department there in Fargo, huh?
@ #107,
Are you serious? If I was editor, there’s no way I could not publish that letter. It’s amazing! Although, one would be enough, any more and I would probably lose it.
God is tilting the Earth on it’s axis? But…but…that will throw the Zodiac completely out of whack! What will the astrologers do!?!
Die Anyway (@9):
Corrected.
LMAO that is a really nice find!
[SarcasmActivated]
Before scheptics said that there is no Global warming
Then it was nothing to worry about as it will have no significant effects
Afterwards it became a problem but we cannot do anything about it
And now it seems like God is tilting the earth to roast us up
But HE (why not she or it?) LOVE US!
[/SarcasmDeactivated]