This is every bit as snarky as their Sodom and Gomorrah retelling.
I especially loved these
Adam: “Aw you hit him in his Me-apple.”
and…
Noah: “I like monkeys, I have two myself.”
Brilliant! But I’d be really impressed if he had two Dingos.
Christianity is the only religion to be entirely based on the premise that stealing an apple is really really bad and that all of human suffering is due to that one theft.
Sven DiMilosays
Jeez, you people just don’t get it.
It was a magic apple!
Ex-dronesays
Christianjb writes:
Christianity is the only religion to be entirely based on the premise that stealing an apple is really really bad and that all of human suffering is due to that one theft.
You have to say “a woman stealing an apple”. If you’re going to present the christian position, you have to reflect the sexism as well as the absurdity.
Jeez, you people just don’t get it.
It was a magic apple!
Posted by: Sven DiMilo
Wasn’t it an apple from the tree of knowledge? In other words, god’s saying “stay dumb,” and because someone actually wanted to learn something (like, how to bake a pie, for example), now we’ve all got to suffer.
Was it not, in fact, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? Was it not, in fact, a Tree of such a nature that until they had done a bad thing by transgressing, they were incapable of grasping what a bad thing was?
Was it not, in fact, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? Was it not, in fact, a Tree of such a nature that until they had done a bad thing by transgressing, they were incapable of grasping what a bad thing was?
deekssays
It was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So yeah, “god” seems to have an objection to people learning. Seems a bit stupid to create people and then what them to be no different than animals.
I wish Sam Kinison were still alive and doing his “Mrs Jesus and the savior back from the dead” routine. This makes me wish he’d gotten around to “Mr Adam and Mrs Eve.”
Whoa, doesn’t that violate the child porn laws of numerous governments?
Well, the girl looks about 20, so I’m guessing no.
Annsays
Christianjb, in your rush to snark on Xianity again, you seem to have overlooked the fact that this is a Jewish origin myth. “Christianity is the only religion…” is patently wrong. This myth has also been borrowed by Islam, and might in fact pre-date (there’s that word again!) the old testament.
Hey Christianjb, it isn’t just the Christians, since I believe that Genesis is in the Pentateuch which originated with the Jews.
Christianjbsays
Tony: Yes, my mistake. All Abrahamic religions hold apple eating to be the root cause of humanity’s suffering.
Christianjbsays
Ann, yes- sorry I left out the Jews. They’re also Malusphiles.
Sven DiMilosays
Let us now review the punishments meted out for stealing the magic apple:
1. Men have to work hard their whole lives in the fields growing food.
2. Women have to suffer intense pain in parturition.
3. Snakes lose legs and have to crawl on their bellies in the dust.
And all for what? Knowledge of the difference between good and evil? It haedly seems fair.
firemancarlsays
another piss my pants funny assed video!
Jeffsays
@10 — If that’s the way it should be understood, then it’s pretty fucked up of God. If Adam and Eve didn’t have any knowledge of good or evil, right wrong, before eating the apple, they how the FUCK were they supposed to reason out NOT to eat it? Oh yeah, they were just supposed to take God’s word for it. No thinking or reasoning needed… man what a boring toy humanity was before the apple incident.
Denis Loubetsays
Now wait a minute Ann, haw many Christians will agree that it’s a Jewish myth. Remember, at least one Christian thinks Jesus predates everything.
While downloading this I plugged in my earphones to listen. I forgot that I was in the middle of downloading Romney’s 20 minute “can’t have freedom without religion” speech. I was very confused for a few seconds. “Why is there a voice-over dude, and why is Voice-Over Dude talking about the Pilgrims?”
I’m going to vote for Romney, as America’s Creepiest Voice Over Dude. (Giuliani already has my vote for America’s Creepiest Uncle.)
Pyresays
Well, if you’re going to cite pizdaus, this diagram is much more on-topic: Science vs. Faith
Carliesays
Pyre – when I click your link, it tells me that access is forbidden. Very appropriate for this conversation, even if unintentional.
Lagosays
See ya next year, …
Or, like ten minutes depending on your bullshit calenders…
Whoa, doesn’t that violate the child porn laws of numerous governments?
Well, the girl looks about 20, so I’m guessing no.
Leave aside the girl; that is not an adult octopus!
Kevinsays
“Let us now review the punishments meted out for stealing the magic apple:”
DUDE! You forgot DEATH! Yes that’s right before Eve stole and ate the apple and then forced it down Adam’s throat…they were going to live forever! and so would everything else.
And just watching that video…just had it out on the phone with my sister. Family sucks ass (and not in that good way). I just wish I hadn’t already bought the ticket back to Minnesota.
dave Xsays
Read Daniel Quinn’s “Ishmael”. He thinks the tree of knowledge/out of eden/fall from grace myths all date from when we humans decided we get to choose life and death for the lower animals. I.e., we’re taking over for the gods.
Calvynsays
Screw that. We stole the apple trouble idea from the Greeks. They had it first with the Trojan War.
Skeptic4usays
That was so funny.
The Avengersays
#20, Jeff: “Oh yeah, they were just supposed to take God’s word for it. No thinking or reasoning needed…”
And what’s also strange about it is that YHWH knew that they couldn’t possibly know that not taking his word for it would be wrong.
DUDE! You forgot DEATH! Yes that’s right before Eve stole and ate the apple and then forced it down Adam’s throat…they were going to live forever! and so would everything else.
afterward…..death for everyone!
Ah they didn’t have chicken in that area before the Iron Age!!!
Pyresays
Thadd: But then how could their mothers make chicken soup?
[undergoing severe cognitive dissonance]
Michael Xsays
Tea and cake or death?
I certainly hope you arn’t all out of cake because you weren’t expecting such a rush.
Zeteticsays
offtopic…The Daily Buzz, a nationally syndicated morning “news” show, has a poll up about whether or not US morality is religion-based. Go here to vote, scroll to bottom right:
The bibble never actually mentions an apple specifically, it’s always just the fruit of the tree. Geographically speaking, it was more likely to be a pomegranate or a fig.
Janinesays
Ah they didn’t have chicken in that area before the Iron Age!!!
Posted by: Thadd | December 7, 2007 12:49 AM
They also did not have red plastic cups.
firemancarlsays
Can anyone post the link for this video? My computer isn’t able to play it from the thread here. Thanks.
Sven DiMilosays
A magic pomegranate! Better!
Pyresays
So who gives a fig?
Clearly not God.
He keeps them all for himself!
Bride of Shreksays
Mr Shrek likes to relay the fact, at dinner parties, that during my last labour of a particularly hugely headed and reluctant-to-be-born child that I screamed, as my mantra ” fuck that apple, fuck that apple”.
I coped ok until the Anaesthetist finally arrived and stuck that blissful epidural in my back, at which point I realised
a)childbirth was all a load of bollocks and, total proof ID does not fucking exist. As my Obstetrician says,”expanding the cervix to ten centimetres is equivalent to the eye of the penis expanding to the same size.” Wanna try that one fellas??
and
b) and drugs can be a really good thing.
Sven DiMilosays
BoS:
For an interesting alternative interpretation of “fuck that apple,” see Shea and Wilson’s Illuminatus! trilogy.
re a): ow! ow ow ow ow ow!
re b): indeed!
This is every bit as snarky as their Sodom and Gomorrah retelling.
I especially loved these
Adam: “Aw you hit him in his Me-apple.”
and…
Noah: “I like monkeys, I have two myself.”
Brilliant! But I’d be really impressed if he had two Dingos.
“Lawn darts. What are ya gonna do?”
Made me laugh out loud! Is there more where this came from?
OT:
http://pizdaus.com/pics/qYxuMKtHV8wU.jpg
Christianity is the only religion to be entirely based on the premise that stealing an apple is really really bad and that all of human suffering is due to that one theft.
Jeez, you people just don’t get it.
It was a magic apple!
Christianjb writes:
You have to say “a woman stealing an apple”. If you’re going to present the christian position, you have to reflect the sexism as well as the absurdity.
http://pizdaus.com/pics/qYxuMKtHV8wU.jpg
Whoa, doesn’t that violate the child porn laws of numerous governments?
Wasn’t it an apple from the tree of knowledge? In other words, god’s saying “stay dumb,” and because someone actually wanted to learn something (like, how to bake a pie, for example), now we’ve all got to suffer.
Where is that fair?
Was it not, in fact, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? Was it not, in fact, a Tree of such a nature that until they had done a bad thing by transgressing, they were incapable of grasping what a bad thing was?
Was it not, in fact, the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? Was it not, in fact, a Tree of such a nature that until they had done a bad thing by transgressing, they were incapable of grasping what a bad thing was?
It was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So yeah, “god” seems to have an objection to people learning. Seems a bit stupid to create people and then what them to be no different than animals.
I wish Sam Kinison were still alive and doing his “Mrs Jesus and the savior back from the dead” routine. This makes me wish he’d gotten around to “Mr Adam and Mrs Eve.”
Well, the girl looks about 20, so I’m guessing no.
Christianjb, in your rush to snark on Xianity again, you seem to have overlooked the fact that this is a Jewish origin myth. “Christianity is the only religion…” is patently wrong. This myth has also been borrowed by Islam, and might in fact pre-date (there’s that word again!) the old testament.
Hey Christianjb, it isn’t just the Christians, since I believe that Genesis is in the Pentateuch which originated with the Jews.
Tony: Yes, my mistake. All Abrahamic religions hold apple eating to be the root cause of humanity’s suffering.
Ann, yes- sorry I left out the Jews. They’re also Malusphiles.
Let us now review the punishments meted out for stealing the magic apple:
1. Men have to work hard their whole lives in the fields growing food.
2. Women have to suffer intense pain in parturition.
3. Snakes lose legs and have to crawl on their bellies in the dust.
And all for what? Knowledge of the difference between good and evil? It haedly seems fair.
another piss my pants funny assed video!
@10 — If that’s the way it should be understood, then it’s pretty fucked up of God. If Adam and Eve didn’t have any knowledge of good or evil, right wrong, before eating the apple, they how the FUCK were they supposed to reason out NOT to eat it? Oh yeah, they were just supposed to take God’s word for it. No thinking or reasoning needed… man what a boring toy humanity was before the apple incident.
Now wait a minute Ann, haw many Christians will agree that it’s a Jewish myth. Remember, at least one Christian thinks Jesus predates everything.
(shudder)
While downloading this I plugged in my earphones to listen. I forgot that I was in the middle of downloading Romney’s 20 minute “can’t have freedom without religion” speech. I was very confused for a few seconds. “Why is there a voice-over dude, and why is Voice-Over Dude talking about the Pilgrims?”
I’m going to vote for Romney, as America’s Creepiest Voice Over Dude. (Giuliani already has my vote for America’s Creepiest Uncle.)
Well, if you’re going to cite pizdaus, this diagram is much more on-topic: Science vs. Faith
Pyre – when I click your link, it tells me that access is forbidden. Very appropriate for this conversation, even if unintentional.
See ya next year, …
Or, like ten minutes depending on your bullshit calenders…
Hahahahahha… Gotta love that…
Carlie, here’s a working link: Science vs. Faith
Leave aside the girl; that is not an adult octopus!
“Let us now review the punishments meted out for stealing the magic apple:”
DUDE! You forgot DEATH! Yes that’s right before Eve stole and ate the apple and then forced it down Adam’s throat…they were going to live forever! and so would everything else.
afterward…..death for everyone!
Would this make me satan then?
And just watching that video…just had it out on the phone with my sister. Family sucks ass (and not in that good way). I just wish I hadn’t already bought the ticket back to Minnesota.
Read Daniel Quinn’s “Ishmael”. He thinks the tree of knowledge/out of eden/fall from grace myths all date from when we humans decided we get to choose life and death for the lower animals. I.e., we’re taking over for the gods.
Screw that. We stole the apple trouble idea from the Greeks. They had it first with the Trojan War.
That was so funny.
#20, Jeff: “Oh yeah, they were just supposed to take God’s word for it. No thinking or reasoning needed…”
And what’s also strange about it is that YHWH knew that they couldn’t possibly know that not taking his word for it would be wrong.
At last I understand! This isn’t about stealing an apple! It’s about TEA and CAKE or DEATH!!!!
Tea and cake or DEATH!
Ah they didn’t have chicken in that area before the Iron Age!!!
Thadd: But then how could their mothers make chicken soup?
[undergoing severe cognitive dissonance]
Tea and cake or death?
I certainly hope you arn’t all out of cake because you weren’t expecting such a rush.
offtopic…The Daily Buzz, a nationally syndicated morning “news” show, has a poll up about whether or not US morality is religion-based. Go here to vote, scroll to bottom right:
http://dailybuzz.tv/
The bibble never actually mentions an apple specifically, it’s always just the fruit of the tree. Geographically speaking, it was more likely to be a pomegranate or a fig.
They also did not have red plastic cups.
Can anyone post the link for this video? My computer isn’t able to play it from the thread here. Thanks.
A magic pomegranate! Better!
So who gives a fig?
Clearly not God.
He keeps them all for himself!
Mr Shrek likes to relay the fact, at dinner parties, that during my last labour of a particularly hugely headed and reluctant-to-be-born child that I screamed, as my mantra ” fuck that apple, fuck that apple”.
I coped ok until the Anaesthetist finally arrived and stuck that blissful epidural in my back, at which point I realised
a)childbirth was all a load of bollocks and, total proof ID does not fucking exist. As my Obstetrician says,”expanding the cervix to ten centimetres is equivalent to the eye of the penis expanding to the same size.” Wanna try that one fellas??
and
b) and drugs can be a really good thing.
BoS:
For an interesting alternative interpretation of “fuck that apple,” see Shea and Wilson’s Illuminatus! trilogy.
re a): ow! ow ow ow ow ow!
re b): indeed!