If it was before the age of 30, you are a bad, bad person and the government wants you to stop it.
Does anyone else get the impression that these conservative Republican wankers are all virgins living in their parents’ basements?
Pharyngula
Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal
Does anyone else get the impression that these conservative Republican wankers are all virgins living in their parents’ basements?
Not virgins, they’re cruising rentboy.com looking for meth.
On the contrary. If they want YOU to be abstinent until the age of thirty, that means THEY have been doing the nasty since they were teenagers. Just like so many of the anti-gay moralists end up getting caught up in three year affairs with a male prostitute.
I’m sure there is some underlying psychology that might explain all of this. But I never took Psych 101, so I leave it to others to apply the proper label to this type of behavior.
Why is marriage the be-all and end-all? Do they think the US is going to become a den of sin by having out-of-wedlock births like… Sweden perhaps?
Bugger off, PZ. “UNMARRIED and single.” Left that little adjective out, didn’t you?
Bugger off, PZ. “UNMARRIED and single.” Left that little adjective out, didn’t you?
Wow, you’re a snotty git.
And what business *exactly* does the government have injecting Fundie prudism into the sex lives of consenting adults?
Well, Silmarillion, everybody knows that Sweden is a depraved and undeveloped country, and that God hates it (as much as fags? I dunno… gotta ask the pastor about that, once he finishes “tutoring” little Billy Dawson), therefore anything the Swedes do must be wrong!
as opposed to married and single?
I liked Al Franken’s approach to this when he sent letters to various people in the
Bush administartion asking them for their stories of abstinence before marriage for a book called “Savin’ it”.
Will anyone ask Bush if he had sex before marriage? Before 29?
Will anyone ask Bush if he had sex before marriage? Before 29?
I’m sure he doesn’t remember, seeing as how his brain was all addled from coke and booze for most of his misspent youth*.
*In the case of wealthy white Republican policiticans, youth ends at 40. This offer not valid for Democrats, Latinos, Black Americans, or anyone not protected by their family fortune or political connections.
Bugger off, PZ. “UNMARRIED and single.” Left that little adjective out, didn’t you?
Posted by: hoody
Huh? Are you using “single” as “solitary”? I would guess that in that case pretty close to 100% of people had unmarried single sex before they were 15. Now you have me wondering what teenagers did before the advent of showers.
The only number/statistic they use is the number of babies born to unwed mothers. Why should that in itself be something to worry about at all? I’m sure it includes many women in stable relationships, women who are steady contributors to society, women who wanted to have babies. What’s the problem here? It doesn’t say “babies who end up on welfare”, “babies who end up in the hospital doped up”, or anything of the like. So the hell what that there are lots of babies being born to single mothers? I don’t see anywhere that it’s linked to the decay of society, espeically not to the extent of using MY taxpayer dollars to “fight” it.
Yet another shining example of the hypocrisy of the self righteous.
I think the Republican wankers are not only virgins living in their parents’ house but also they’re punching themselves for wanking. Because wanking is a violent crime against god.
Unmarried and Single are the same thing. WTF?
I think if the Bush adminstration made a bigger deal of this you would see TONS of people under the age of 29 vote more. hehe.
Aww, hoody got offended because you called him out. His mom must want him to pay rent this month. hoody, you really should help her out, dude.
That’s my main beef with it too, Carlie. Here’s some enlightening information – what “abstinence education” means to them. A program that:
Honestly! Mad!
Uh, do wankers count as abstinent? If so, what is the minimum distance there can be between two people until, well, you know, it becomes non-abstinent?
… anything the Swedes do must be wrong!
Well, we can keep the IKEA furniture, but that @#&$^ lutefisk has got to go.
Why is 30 the magic number here? If you’re 34 and still living over mom and dad’s garage, what gives you the right to have sex?
Does something magical happen when you turn 30 that makes it so STDs and pregnancies and general morals can be ignored?
How old do we have to be before we can first use meth? I’m 48 and haven’t started yet. Did I wait too long?
Bugger off, PZ. “UNMARRIED and single.” Left that little adjective out, didn’t you?
Posted by: hoody
‘Bugger off’? From his own blog?
Really, Hoody, your use of English tough-guy slang would sound really cool and tough among your fellow 16-year-olds, but it comes accross as childish nonsense here. Do try and keep up.
Apparently, they’re not all living in their parents’ basement. A lot of them are wringing their hands over how they’re going to manage their jetset lifestyle on only a pitiful$30K(+car payments) annual stipend from mom and dad and deciding whether to dump a girl who lied about her sorority affiliation. That and looking over their shoulder for the dreaded Yellow Elephant that would surely drag them to the recruiter’s office. After all, just because one supports the Yankees doesn’t mean one must don the pinstripes.
To quote my husband of almost twelve years: “Getting married without having sex first is like buying a car without test-driving it.”
Think of the lifetime of awkward, fumbling marital sex (and secret same-sex encounters) these “educators” are attempting to condemn people to… it should be illegal!
Exactly who’s bright idea was this? The guidelines list a
as the addressee for applications, so my money’s on him.
And what are Mr. Trimpath’s qualifications for telling young people when it’s okay to have sex? Why, he’s got an M.Div!
BTW–most educated people get that it’s rather tacky to stick your degrees after your name in situations where they’re not relevant. So either Mr. Trimpath is a major clod, or he believes his divinity degree is relevant. Probably both.
whose bright idea. Damn.
yeah, right…cause marriage is a iron-clad guarantee of family stability. it’s poverty and poor education that’s harmful to children and society, regardless of whether their parents are married to each other. if being born and raised “in wedlock” was so fucking important, why aren’t these anti-sex zealots pushing for a constitutional ammendment to ban divorce?
“Most people in their 20s are already having sex.” Already? Well, gooo-aaallly, that’s bad news! Maybe they should do something moral and character-building, like join the military and fight in Iraq. Oh.
Robert, why’d you slink away from ATBC?
You don’t need to try so hard anymore, Robert. You already have that award named after you.
Somebody take his vowels away.
As for that award, I hasten to note (as before) that the awarder is a college drop out/failed comedian/usurer who looks as if he might qualify for an award for packing away jelly doughnuts.
Making fun of a detractor’s weight? Aren’t you supposed to be raising the ‘standard level of discourse’?
So why the fake name, Robert?
the intellectual content of my posts far exceeds that of Peezee or his obsequious followers.
You’re so right, Robert:
“the awarder is a college drop out/failed comedian/usurer who looks as if he might qualify for an award for packing away jelly doughnuts.”
Oh yeah… completely obvious from the evidence.
Can somebody wipe the drool from his chin.
Oh right. It’s completely obvious from the evidence so far.
Somebody wipe the drool from Robert’s chin.
Damm, I miss Zappa!
From Catholic Girls…………..
Father riley and various party goers:
Catholic girls
With a tiny little mustache
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
In the rectory basement
Father rileys a fairy
But it dont bother mary
Catholic girls
At the cyo
Catholic girls
Do you know how they go?
Catholic girls
There can be no replacement
How do they go, after the show?
Joe:
All the way
Thats the way they go
Every day
And none of their mamas ever seem to know
Hip-hip-hooray
For all the class they show
Theres nothing like a catholic girl
At the cyo
When they learn to blow…
Father riley:
Theyre learning to blow
All the catholic boys!
Mary:
Warren cuccurullo…
Father riley:
Catholic boys!
Mary:
Kinda young, kinda wow!
Father riley:
Catholic boys!
Mary:
Vinnie colaiuta…
Chorus:
Where are they now?
Did they all take the vow?
Father riley:
Catholic girls
Warren:
Carmenita scarfone!
Father riley:
Catholic girls
Officer butzis:
Hey! she gave me vd!
Father riley:
Catholic girls!
Warren:
Toni carbone!
Chorus:
With a tongue like a cow
She could make you go wow!
Joe:
Vd vowdy vootie
Right away
Thats the way they go
Every day
Whenever their mamas take them to a show
Matinee
Pass the popcorn please
Theres nothing like a catholic girl
With her hand in the box
When shes on her knees
Larry:
She was on her knees,
My little catholic girl
Chorus:
In a little white dress
Catholic girls
They never confess
Catholic girls
I got one for a cousin
I love how they go
So send me a dozen
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
Catholic girls
Ooooooh!
(etc.)
Central scrutinizer:
This is the central scrutinizer…
Joe had a girl friend named mary.
She used to go the church club every week.
Theyd meet each other there
Hold hands
And think pure thoughts
But one night at the social club meeting
Mary didnt show up…
She was sucking cock backstage at the armory
In order to get a pass
To see some big rock group for free…
“what is the minimum distance there can be between two people until, well, you know, it becomes non-abstinent?”
Hahahahaha. That’s a very good question! lim(wanking / radius) as radius->0 = SEX?
[i]Does anyone else get the impression that these conservative Republican wankers are all virgins living in their parents’ basements?[/i]
And what’s wrong with…never mind…
Why is 30 the magic number here?
Emphasis added.
Link.
Nice song, Rocky.
In other news, the satirical newspaper The Onion folds after realizing that our current government is beyond parody.
Why is 30 the magic number here?
According to Article I, Section 3 of the U.S. Constitution, a senator must be 30 years of age, a citizen of the United States for 9 years, and must reside in the state he or she represents at the time of election.
Emphasis added.
Thirty is a special age for losing your virginity because it’s the minimum age for a senator? Am I missing something?
Does that mean the age you’re first supposed to touch yourself (in that way) is 25 because that’s the min age for congress? And does that make threesomes ok at age 35 (min age for president)?
I just posted over at Bad Astronomer, but I believe the age question is ultimately a ruse, and they have longer range goals.
“Forgive me if this has already be said, but I personally believe the fundie moralists also have a long range goal with the absitnence hoopla. If this issue went the way they wanted it to, the next step would be to ultimately to make sex between un-wedded consenting adults illegal at any age, with jail time attached. Other religious fundie countries already do this, and in fact, even make the woman “at fault” for rape.
Sex, even for married couples, would ONLY be to have more fundies babies, and only allowed in the missionary position. No fun allowed! Fundies love to control, and are obsessed with our sexual organs.”
why, it’s obvious, of course.
someone in the victorian era invented a time machine, and they have steadily been invading the modern era for years now.
they’ve simply reached a threshold where now they are in positions of power and get noticed more.
I for one say, “Welcome” to our new Victorian overlords.
:p
RedMolly, (and speaking of The Onion,) have you seen this before?
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39100
Well, you know what they say…Sex is evil and disgusting and you should save it for someone you love.
If this policy is implemented nationwide, it will utterly transform the traditional dread associated with 30th birthdays (and accompanying parties).
But, if unmarried Americans do have sex before they reach age 30, then the terrorists will have won. (That’s why this is government business, isn’t it?)
Does that mean the age you’re first supposed to touch yourself (in that way) is 25 because that’s the min age for congress?
Surely the minimum age for congress is what we’re talking about (boom-boom!). ;-)
Actually, fornication laws have been around for some time. Georgia’s was ruled unconstitutional in 2003, and Virginia’s in 2005. Those damned activist judges…
the general category of moral legislation like fornication laws is “blue law”:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_law
maybe they should rename it “red” law, based on the states still attempting to support them.
This is good information to know. This means you should avoid going to a Republican’s 30th birthday party.
If sex is out, are massages OK? Cause I’m gonna be in Denver next week, and my preacher tells me there’s this masseur in town who can really help work out the kinks…
Judy L:
STFU! Seriously! Don’t give them ideas! x.x
If sex is out, are massages OK?
sure, but if you toke on a pipe, just make sure you don’t inhale.
Well, that settles it — if we really want a representative government, we have to vote in more Senators who still live in their parents’ basements.
As for Zappa’s Catholic girl riff: I never went to CYO, so I can’t claim any first-hand knowledge about the sexual innuendo. However, friends of mine who did the CYO thing in my middle-sized New England hometown consistently spread the rumor that the parking lot at the meeting site was an excellent place to score weed.
So if you’re not supposed to have sex outside of marriage *AND* you wait until at least 30, do they really think you’ll ever be able to get married? Seriously, I’m sure there’s a ton of women trying to find that horde of virgin guys that’ll really embarrass themselves on their wedding night.
I guess that’s why Bush had known Laura just over a month before popping the question. …Time for sex = let’s get married.
It’s hard to believe that a group of educated, fully functioning adults sat around in a room at one point and all agreed “Yeah, let’s set aside $50 million for this; this is a good idea.” There is some really ugly hate behind policies this — beyond the garden variety religious erotophobia. This is euphemistically called “just another option for states to combat what they call an alarming rise in out-of-wedlock births.”
This makes a lot of interesting assumptions. The most glaring assumption is that, in their world, there’s a target audience of (ethnic) 20-somethings that are unaware that fucking can lead to babies. Secondly, these young ethnic-types just waiting to hear somebody from the DHHS tell them this message… and they’ll actually not be insulted by it, and they will be taken seriously. Thirdly, that these racially-ethnic-people-of-color-poor-folks are just too stupid to use birth control.
So, based on the prejudices of local administrators of the Department of Health and Human Services, they can specially tailor their condescending message of “you fuck too much; keep it in your pants” to whatever ethnic group they decide needs some advice from the Bush administration. How precious. This means that they can target their message to people outside their Republican constituency; affluent young WASPS will not have to listen to this.
Just so that people can see that I’m not making this up or over-emphasizing the racial aspect of this idea, go ahead and read some of the examples listed as “Examples for Program Design Components”.
As for Bush waiting until marriage…I recall hearing somewhere that when he was a young man his father had to pull some strings to arrange an abortion for his then-girlfriend. I’ll have to track down the source of that claim and see if I can confirm or deny it, but it sounds sooo like him…
I’ll have to track down the source of that claim
You say that as if it’s difficult or would take time to do. I simply googled bush+girlfriend+abortion (googling bush+abortion won’t do, of course), which brings up numerous pages on the subject. Here’s the full story:
http://www.laweekly.com/news/news/the-texas-abortion-tango/1602/
The final paragraph is significant:
A debacle that Bush enabled but has never been called to account for.
Here’s another paragraph worth quoting, for different reasons:
If mice are kept isolated from members of the opposite sex (the only way to stop mice from having sex) too long, they seem to be unable to figure out how to do it later on and so can’t reproduce any more. I don’t know how far the same applies to humans, but a “no sex until 30” rule does seem a little dangerous. What if the 30 y/o can’t figure it out or don’t like it any more having not learned in the critical years?
Or, what if you look back and ask yourself: “Why did I wait that long?” I just can’t imagine giving up the most virile years would be something very comforting to remember later in life — that’s gotta be damaging.
My first time was a peruvian gal who was my mistress. It was so bad that I tried to strangle, er give her a massage, afterwards. I later ended up paying her $500,000 to keep her quiet. It wasn’t the strangeling I was so worried about getting out, it was my inability to sustain a woody.
I was glad I waited until after 30 to have sex. My wife was okay with me not touching her, so that helped faciliate it all. After teh age of 30 I decided that seeking out male prostitutes in the Denver area was a good idea. Just for fun I decided snorting Meth might enhance my sexual experimentation.
You know what they say: use it or lose it.
Ok, I think this is a ridiculous governmental idea (one of those faith-based things), but what struck me is that they’re using OUR money to fund it. $50M could build a lot of houses, feed a lot of people and provide healthcare for a lot of children.
Yes, well, sex is best when it’s bad.
Of course, if you never get married, then it’s not premarital sex.
Oh, yeah. I was 17. I’m married to her now. And the koboldling keeps us running around too much to do it too frequently nowadays, but when we do we have fun with it.
HEAR THAT, WINGNUTS? WE HAVE FUN! *chuckles, watching them shriveling and howling in terror*
If I remember correctly sexual relationships were banned by the Party in Orwell’s 1984.