The Kraken Went Down to Georgia

(H/T for the idea to Wonkette)

The Kraken went down to Georgia,
Lookin’ for an election to steal
He was in a bind
He was way behind
Thinkin’ when did shit get real?
When he came across a conspiracy nut on OANN flappin’ her gums
And so he squeezed his knees beneath a desk for fleas and said “Let’s speak to the Dumbs.”

“I guess you didn’t know it, but I won this election, too
And if you can’t face the facts of the case, I’ll sick (sic) marines on you
Antifa crimes all the damn time, but give the Orangeman his due
I got this far as a fraudulent star. Now I’ve got lawyers too.

The judge said, “Address me as ‘Your Honor’, and perhaps I’m sua spont’
But without some facts proving criminal acts
I’m going to kick you to Vermont.

Donny, smooth your spray-on tan and rile up your Dumbs
Cause Biden’s taken Georgia, and he beat you like a drum.
If you keep your post, the Dems are toast, and you’ll still be King Troll
But if you lose, your ass goes in the Hole.

 

Originally written for the Wonkette comments, but I’m too vain not to share it with both of you. You’ll have noticed that the song is unfinished. I may not get back to it, but I also might write up the end once the end of this attempt at election theft is over. I can’t, after all, finish the song satirizing the events before the events have finished themselves.

Absolutely Nothing Nazi-Adjacent Here, Move Along

Or, you know, the opposite of that. The Proud Boys of North Carolina turned out to support a #StopTheSteal rally organized around the Governor’s mansion in Raleigh. Someone named Joshua Flores, who is clearly delusional about the presidential election result, organized the event and invited the Proud Boys as his “private security”. But when the event started they seemed less auxiliaries there to ensure the peace and more like people who want the other thing:

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I am thankful

Yesterday, while USians were curled up at home feeling thankful and/or gluttonous, feminists around the world were celebrating a different day: the UN’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. Few noticed in the US, I’m sure, because of their own major holiday, but there were things to note. In the coverage of the protests by Agence France-Presse, reporters noted that many demonstrations sang A Rapist In Your Path, a song written & first performed in Santiago, Chile.

One might think that Chileans would be particularly proud that a local protest song has become a worldwide dance anthem, translated into dozens if not hundreds of languages on its way to being performed on every continent. (Except Antarctica?) And likely many are, considering how many showed up to those protests, but the government in Santiago is not among the fans: they used water cannon on the dancers. Yes, in another spectacular example of Unclear on the Concept, feminists protesting violence against women were met with violence against women.

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I Have A Dream: 1000 Drag Performers on the National Mall (Updated)

Last night I dreamed we were on the boat to heaven, but by some chance we were still dragging Trump along. And there I stood, and I hollered, “Someone save me!” and the drag performers started singing a song….

No, seriously, I had a dream that 1000 drag performers showed up at Lafayette Park & sang, “Girl, don’t go away mad. Girl, just go away,” to Trump on January 19th, his last night in office. This blog post is for the playlist of songs we would have those 1000 drag performers sing that night in Lafayette Park, if we could get them there. I’ll start with a few, but I’m sure as hell taking suggestions. If necessary I’ll keep updating this thing until Trump is out of office.

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Next Elon Musk Wants To Ask About These So-Called “Nipples”

Gizmodo has decided to report on the startling and unexpected revelation that Elon Musk is a bit of an asshat. (h/t to Loose noodle poodle doodle over on Pharyngula.) This is not my typical beat here at Pervert Justice, but I was charmed by one anecdote – not by Musk’s behavior, but by that of an unnamed “girlfriend”. (Factcheck: almost certainly an adult.) Gizmodo puts this in a quote, but doesn’t clearly identify where the quote is coming from, so you’ll just have to settle for clicking through to Gizmodo if you’re the kind of person who wants to check my sources.

Anyway, the anecdote:

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Silicone Science

Sometimes I despair at the continuing naïveté of scientists. From those who think we’re going to use new weapons responsibly to those who trust that grant money will be given out on the basis of which research holds the most promise to benefit the earth or humanity, researchers in any field can be startlingly ignorant of how their work will ultimately be used.

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This is for YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Ah, Headmistress of Hussies, Mentor of Molls, and Didact of Doxies! You are truly the best of bimbos, the fairest of flirts and floozies.  Knowing your eternal struggle in maintaining an incoming supply of vibrators appropriate to your outflow, I wished to make sure that this advance in sex toy technology was placed in just the right spot to get your attention:

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Axios buys my premise

Earlier today I wrote about Trump’s capacity to destroy the Republicans from within just by remaining active in the party and doing what he do.

Of course, an important premise of that piece was that Trump could and would remain a powerful player, in my mind, the frontrunner, for the 2024 GOP nomination. KG called out that premise in the comments:

I think Trump is going to be fully occupied trying to stay out of prison.

While I take KG’s point, it wasn’t something I hadn’t thought about. It was merely something I had thought about but chose not to include any analysis on within that piece.

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