Although I’ve been mostly offline and entirely unable to write coherently for more than a month, I have apparently had just enough time to come up with a new honor that Pervert Justice shall now start distributing to the most deserving. I call it the “Unclear on the Concept Award” and its inaugural winner is Kevin Swanson.

The delightful human being Swanson opined on the recent Alabama senatorial election, and it turns out that he has a theory which is rather thin at one end, rather thin at the other end, and, frankly, rather thin in the middle. It is, however, amusing to read:

Swanson … told his audience that Alabama was among the states where people spent the most time on the website Pornhub in 2016, which lead him to conclude that it was no coincidence that Moore lost because “that state probably has significant sexual problems…”

In addition to contributing to Roy Moore’s loss and Senator Doug Jones’ (D-a state moving a bit towards sanity) victory, Alabama’s sexual problems, according to inveterate problematizer of sex Swanson, have other consequences as well:

If the fathers are doing pornography, the kids are going to turn into homosexuals.

Which is sort of weird, because my understanding of pornography is that it’s been going on at least since the classical Greeks decided that they needed a name for the genre of writing that focusses on the exploits of salacious women. I would think that if in the presence of porn-exposed fathers all the kids turn gay or lesbian or whatever I would have to be in order to be attracted to only folks of my own rather rare suite of sexual characteristics, neither Bowdler, nor Comstock, nor Meese would have any progeny & we’d be rather safe from the lunatic fringe of the anti-sex crowd.

But alas, no.

Still, even this error wouldn’t be sufficient to justify an entirely new award. Never fear, however. When you need that extra push off the cliff, our hero Swanson can still turn it up to 11:

By the way, the top porn search word in Alabama and Mississippi is ‘lesbian.’ So another indication that the father’s generation is dabbling in porn, the children’s generation will go head over heels for some of the most egregious sexual crimes that men ever engage in.

Congratulations, Kevin Swanson. If there was ever a person unclear on a concept, it’s certainly you. For your achievements in failing to understand the central idea of lesbianism, you not only receive this inaugural award, but it shall henceforth be named for you: the Kevin Swanson Unclear On The Concept Anticipatorily-Memorial Award.