Hypothetical Hillary
I’ve always heard it said
Is worse by far than Trump would be
So we voted for him, instead.

She’d open up the government
To Golden Sachs’s purse—
Yes, Trump has hired 5 of them
But Clinton would be worse!

She’d give a job to Chelsea
In some nepotistic fit—
Trump did it, so it’s obvious
She’s worse, you must admit!

She’d cast a horrid shadow
As she’s under investigation
Just look at how bad Trump has been—
Imagine a Clinton nation!

Time after time, again and again,
Beyond this silly verse
We witness Trump’s incompetence…
How awful, to be worse!

It has continued to astonish me, that with every newly turned leaf about Trump’s missteps, that a segment of internet commenters have continued to blow the same trumpet: Hillary would have been worse! I am reminded of “formal concepts”, defined not by what we actually observe but by a priori axiomatic rules. Hypothetical Hillary is defined as “even worse than Trump. By definition”, or so it seems; no matter what stupid or dangerous stuff Trump does, I see a loyal band of commenters noting that Hillary would have (obviously) been worse.

At this point, Hypothetical Hillary would obviously have already fired three attorneys general and two FBI directors, sucker punched the White House Easter Bunny, and killed and eaten the infant child of a Navy SEAL.

All the best (and worst) examples are hypothetical. It is only when you are forced to deal with the real world that you have to deal with what people actually do, rather than what they hypothetically would have done. Trump’s actions have been actual. And harmful. And, frankly, unconstitutional.

But, obviously, Hypothetical Hillary would have been worse. Actually, I kinda want to be in the control group where Hillary won the electoral college. I would love to be complaining about trivial shit and pretending it was a big deal.

(and no, I don’t like today’s verse. This may be exhibit one in “this is not poetry”.)