“How to pick up women (with science)“, by Dean Burnett, over at the Guardian.
Since the dawn of humanity, when virile men were knuckle-dragging troglodytes untouched by evolution
They needed to pick up women, and looked to experts for a solution
These pick-up artists (or in some special cases, artistes)
Took pity on the manly beasts
And told them that women would respond to certain subtle cues
That experts use.
For millennia, men have tried to use these artists’ information
With little to no success, but with a fervor brought about by desperation
Imagine, now, their joy at discovering a new set of techniques in which they can put their reliance
That uses science!
So, troglodytes, it’s time for you to abandon useless pick-up schools
And follow these rules!
(having read the url, I was reluctant to click–but since it was sent to me by my pal Kylie, I knew I could trust it. And so can you. Well worth reading. My favorite technique is “the Skinner”, harnessing the tremendous power of operant conditioning)
Well, that was a waste of effort and time.
Advice such as Dean’s is not even funny.
To win a woman, these aspects are prime:
Honesty, good looks, good health (nose not runny);
Be clean, kind, respectful–that’s also sublime;
Be smart and smell good and have lots of money.
Well, I thought it was funny. I’m going out with the guys tomorrow night, I’ll give the Bird of Paradise a try and let you know how it works out.
The skinner totally reminded me of the character Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory trying to train Penny.
In line one ‘where’ should be ‘were’, surely :-)
Thanks, Richard–as a general rule, invertebrates never proofread.