Evangelists were happy for the economic downturn–it drives people to religion! Gee, it’s almost like their god makes people miserable so that they can turn to… him for help?

It’s nice sometimes, to pray for God
To intervene and save us;
So gather all together and
Sing praises to His name!
It’s nice to be reminded by
These troubles that He gave us;
If God did not exist–why, then,
Just who’d there be to blame?

(oh, yeah, that’s right… atheists.)

And Pat Boone voiced a public opinion about… really, who cares? It’s Pat Boone!

I never, ever liked Pat Boone
The man has evil in his soul;
And not cos he’s a whackaloon,
But what he did to Rock and Roll.

Now that South Carolina’s license plates will no longer be able to say “I believe”, the residents may have to go back to expressing themselves through their cars in other ways.

My grandfather’s caddy tells anyone looking
He’s chock-full of ignorant hate;
The frame says “what would Jesus do?”
The plate says B- IR8

Our preacher, he told us he once saw a car
With blasphemy there on the tag–
The license plate read I4NIC8,
So he knew it was owned by a fag

All I want is a customized license
To hang from the back of my truck,
Expressing my hatred of science and schooling–
It says “I’m a dumb stupid fuck”

The power went out at Cuttlehouse for about 4 days. What wonderful things battery-powered radios are–why, if god had not given them to us, we’d have had to invent them ourselves!

Stuck in the dark, with the radio on,
I heard the AM preachers;
I never knew that atheists
Were such appalling creatures!
The godless have declared a war
On all of god’s creations–
This Christmas, we must all fight back
(Oh, yes… and send donations.)

Rick Warren paints us a beautiful picture of Eden, complete with dinosaurs and humans living together. It’s… inspirational.

In the Bible, they’d have you believe
That the serpent taught Man to deceive.
It was no bitten apple
But a dinosaur’s grapple–
Leviathan did it with Eve!

Yes, Eve, the original madam
Was cheating on poorly hung Adam
When it comes to good sex,
A Tyrannosaur’s Rex
As she found out the moment she had ‘im!

Though it cast them from Eden to Earth, it
Made Eve full of unending mirth–It
Spawned giggles and sighs,
And her faraway eyes
Had the look that just said “It was worth it.”