You might remember last week when I talked about a Malaysian politician who has been charged with violating the country’s sodomy laws. For good measure, I mocked the ridiculous attitude of religious bigots in that week’s edition of Movie Friday. It seems that things aren’t getting any better for LGBT people around the world.

• Malawi couple convicted of ‘unnatural acts’

Oh Malawi, why do you insist on being such a stupid, backwards country? When you’re not busy protesting the striking down of polygamy laws, you’re prosecuting people for doing what comes naturally to them (under the excuse that it’s unnatural – there’s a head-spinner for you). What exactly constitutes an ‘unnatural’ act? Is driving a car ‘natural’? How about flossing? Am I at risk of being sentenced to 14 years in prison for eating processed cheese (because as you know, nothing could be less ‘natural’ than an individually packaged “cheese” slice that tastes like the wrapper it comes in)? No, it seems that the violation of ‘natural law’ is centred all on where you put your penis. Putting your penis in multiple women under the guise of “sheltering” them is completely natural, apparently, but as soon as it comes near another dude… WATCH OUT!

Of course this is being done for religious reasons, as the Bible likes to think it is very clear on what God thinks about gay people. Again, when religion is done in the privacy of one’s home, I suppose it can be tolerated. However, when people are being put in jail because of a religious prescript rather than because they’ve actually… oh I don’t know… harmed someone, you can’t pretend that religious belief is a good thing for society.

• Uganda plans death penalty for homosexuals

Of course… it could apparently be worse. I don’t know if you click on these links, but this one is a video link that talks about Uganda’s attitude towards homosexuals. It’s pretty frightening. My favourite part is when they talk to Pastor Martin Semper (sic). He gives us little gems of the love and tolerance of the teachings of Jesus like this one:

“Muslims are taking over your country! Your children stuff themselves! You laugh about it! I beg you, abandon sodomy!”

I love the reaction of the reporter, John Simpson who calls him out on it: “This is an act!” Apparently Pastor Marty weeps every time he talks about sodomy. Soooomebody’s been watching Glenn Beck.

Joking aside, Uganda is currently debating legislation that would make it a capital offense (that means state-sponsored execution) to be gay. It is, of course, religious – just like Malawi, Uganda is predominantly Christian. Wait a minute – isn’t Christianity supposed to be the tolerant religion? It’s almost as though any time you allow superstition and nonsense beliefs to dominate politics, you end up with brutal, evil totalitarian states! Weird how that happens…

• Asian homosexual men denied HIV care

Not wanting to be left out of the bigotry Olympics, Asia has thrown its hat into the ring. According to a UN report, 19 out of the 48 countries examined have laws against homosexuality ranging from imprisonment to corporal punishment (beatings, whippings) and death. Do you know what happens when you criminalize something? It still happens, just illicitly, and in a less safe manner. When you take away condoms and HIV education and counseling, you don’t stop HIV – you make it worse. How is it that we are unable to see that enforcing a narrow morality, often with its origin in a specific interpretation of religious text, only makes the problem worse? If we want to stop AIDS, making it illegal to be gay (because, as everyone knows, only gay guys get AIDS, and no “straight” men ever have sex with other men and then go home to their wives) is about the biggest backward step you can take.

Of course, we must protect the sanctity of marriage, like the Japanese have done. As everyone knows, marriage is a sacred contract between a man, a woman, and the Kokoro robotics corporation. I’m waiting for the Christians to start protesting this ‘unnatural’ abomination in the eyes of YahwAlladdha – but I’m not holding my breath. What’s hilarious, of course, is that while Jesus didn’t say anything about homosexuality, he had quite a bit to say about hypocrisy. But it’s probably too much to ask religious people to actually read their own scripture… right?