On the eve of the first Juneteenth Holiday, Rabbi Adam Chalom, the rabbi of Kol Hadash and the North American Dean of International Institute for Secular Humanistic Judaism, discussed the history of slavery and the Jewish people. As he describes, the Jewish people neither dominated the slave trade nor were they all abolitionists. Instead, some Jewish people were involved with the slave trade, and some sought to abolish slavery in the United States. It is a complicated legacy.
As PZ announced, Freethought Blogs has paid off its legal debt related to Richard Carrier’s SLAPP suit.
We’ve been plugging away at out part — witness the various fundraisers we’ve put on — and then, in the last few weeks, we received some substantial donations from various anonymous and wonderful donors, including one for $8K, and … we paid off everything we owed.
If any of my readers donated, thank you! You’ve helped all the bloggers here and made a stand against people who abuse the legal process to silence their critics. Thank you, again.
Now I can finally go back to forgetting Richard Carrier and his quest to prove there never was a historical Jesus.
According to various esteemed sources, the Village of Bolingbrook attempted to grow a genetically engineered Village Board Trustee to fill a vacancy caused by Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta’s election. While initially successful, the trustee melted three days before her swearing-in ceremony.
“It was disgusting,” said a source within Bolingbrook’s Department of Research and Development. Mayor Mary shook her hand and she melted into a pile of goo. I think Mayor Mary is still trying to wash the stains off her outfit.”
Alice, who works in Bolingbrook’s IT Department, claims Alexander-Basta announced her decision to grow her replacement shortly after winning the mayoral election:
“We didn’t know what to say. (Former Mayor Roger Claar’s) trustees were human but their android doubles attended the meetings for them. Mayor Mary said that by growing her own trustee she could impress Roger with her innovative spirit. We know how that ended up.”
Alexander-Basta, the sources say, believed that if the Village could grow its own Men in Blue, it should be able to grow its own trustees. She mentioned that some of the New World Order’s leaders are genetically engineered.
According to Dale, a genetic engineer, Alexander-Basta didn’t appreciate the difficulties of her request:
“Our machines date back to the 1970s and were only designed to create Men in Blue. Men in Blue are designed for security, not governing. Creating a leader requires technology only the New World Order has. We don’t have access to it. When we told her that, she got mad and said we could do it if we tried hard enough.”
After the trustee melted, Alexander-Basta asked Alice if she could rush the creation of a trustee.
“I told her we’re short-staffed and constrained by supply chain disruptions. We’ve already used most of our parts to reactivate the current android doubles. If we modified (Trustee Sheldon Watts’s) android, we might be able to have one ready in a month. Mayor Mary said she needed one in three days or else she would be in big trouble for failing to name a replacement trustee within 30 days of a vacancy. I said I warned her after the election that this could be a problem, but she didn’t listen to me. She said she heard me, but didn’t like my answer. I suppose that’s progress from Roger’s administration.”
Alexander-Basta finally told Claar what happened. Sources within Village Hall say they heard Claar yelling unprintable remarks for several minutes. He finished by saying, “Go recruit a trustee the old-fashioned way.”
Near the end of the day, according to eyewitnesses, Alexander-Basta noticed Aimee Rupsis in the hallway. The eyewitnesses say their conversation was roughly like this:
Rupsis: Excuse me? I’m trying to find—
Alexander-Basta: I know you, right?
Rupsis: Um, maybe? I was in one of your ads.
Alexander-Basta: I like you already.
Rupsis: Thanks? You might also know me as chairperson of the Bolingbrook High School Music Department and a band director.
Alexander-Basta: You can make teenagers do what you want?
Rupsis: I guess.
Alexander-Basta:You’re just the person I’m looking for!
Rupsis: Okay?
Alexander-Basta: I need someone to be my trustee on the board.Nobody wants to help me because they’re afraid of being attacked on social media.
Rupsis: Um—
Alexander-Basta: If I don’t find someone in three days, the Cook County Democrats will force me to appoint Jackie Traynere!
Rupsis:That’s horrible!
Alexander-Basta: If only there were someone out there who loves serving Bolingbrook as much as I do.
Rupsis: I love serving our community, but I don’t know if I can be a trustee.
Alexander-Basta: Oh it’s easy.You just ignore Sheldon, and serve my agenda.
Rupsis: I’ll do it because I love to serve!
Alexander-Basta: Great!Just don’t post about it on social media until after the board meeting.We don’t want to tip off the trolls.
Rupsis: But how should I deal with the trolls after I’m—
Alexander-Basta: Later!Let’s get your picture taken for the web site!
In a video call, Alexander-Basta denied trying to grow a replacement trustee. She then attacked her critics on social media:
“It’s too easy to post negative things on social media. If you have something to say to me, you have to say it to me in person or over the phone! If you can’t say it to me in person, don’t say it at all! Also—”
She was interrupted by a knocking sound on her office door. She opened the door, revealing Watts.
Watts said: “A trustee has the power to vote for tax increases and local ordinances. Each trustee’s vote can affect the lives of thousands of residents. That’s an awesome responsibility and that’s why it’s an elected position. You may have the right to nominate an acting trustee to sit on the board for the next 22 months, but you at least owe the residents the courtesy of letting them know who you’re selecting at least a few days before the vote is taken. By only announcing your candidate minutes before the vote, you opened a can of worms—”
Alexander-Basta slammed the door on Watts.
“You can’t do that on social media,” she said.
Also in the Babbler:
Bolingbrook ends COVID restrictions on alien abductions
Russians heat ray bakes Bolingbrook
Rep. Bill Foster smashes atoms in joy after Rachel Ventura decides not to challenge him
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/17/21
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.
Jey McCreight Ph.D., a science writer for 23andMe and a former member of Freethought Blogs, has a post on the 23andMe Blog supporting Trans Health Care:
People who fear or distrust trans people often use “biology” as a justification for attacking this community. But the reality is that the biology of sex and gender is more complicated than a simple binary. The science shows us that sex itself is not binary, but rather bimodal, with a range of diversity between the categories of male or female. Scientific research also supports the existence of trans and non-binary gender identities as a natural part of human diversity that have existed throughout history.
But it is not enough to simply say “trans people exist.” Science also shows that trans people who are accepted and affirmed have better health outcomes and quality of life.
Jey stresses the importance of gender-affirming health care and how people using the phrase “trust the science” to justify transphobic legislation aren’t really trusting what science has to say. While scientific evidence isn’t required to accept trans people, the abuse of science to promote transphobia shouldn’t be tolerated. As Jey points out:
Regardless of what science says, everyone should still treat trans people with respect because it’s just the right thing to do. But if you want to claim you “trust the science” in order to attack trans people, then sorry – the science says that trans rights are human rights.
Hundreds of aliens and humans attended the first Pride celebration at Palatine’s Rob Sherman UFO Base. Despite the village having only days to organize the event, The staff of Sherman UFO Base declared the event a success.
“Somehow the aliens found out about Mayor Jim Schwantz’s Pride Month proclamation,” said Village Manager Reid Ottesen. “Then they demanded a Pride month celebration on the base. The mayor didn’t tell me he was going to write up and sign a Pride Month proclamation, so I was caught off guard.”
The “semi-family friendly” event featured concerts, skits, Pride-themed foods, and lively discussions. Ottesen credited the event’s corporate sponsors for their help in organizing the activities.
Some attendees criticized the marketing of some of the activities, which they called “Rainbow Washing.” One of the worst examples cited was the re-enactment of the Stonewall Uprising. A horrible scene in it had Marsha P. Johnson saying anachronistic and obviously fictional lines:
“We are tired of being blackmailed. We are tired of being arrested. We want to proudly add letters to our sexuality. We want to post our pronouns on the Internet! We are so mad that we want to fight. I will start the uprising by throwing a brick. But not just any brick. I’m going to toss this brick from the KIC Construction company. From Dyson Spheres to homes, KIC takes pride in its work and is proud to sell its services to all accepting civilizations!”
Other attendees found the event inspiring:
“My culture only recognizes one gender,” said Oostop, a citizen of the Mitosis Alliance. “However I never identified with that gender. I used to think I was broken, but thanks to this event, I know there are other beings like me. I can now seek out gender-affirming treatment and I will soon figure out my true gender identity. Thanks, Palatine!”
Ottesen confirmed that Sherman UFO base will hold annual pride events, but didn’t know if the Village ever would.
“It’s really up to the residents. I know that was unthinkable at one time, but who could have thought that the Village of Barrington would recognize Pride Month? Anything is possible.”
A receptionist for Schwantz confirmed that he signed a Pride proclamation:
“Can you not make a big deal about it? We don’t want to make (State Representative Tom Morrison) even angrier than he is now. It must hurt knowing that your hometown rejects your bigotry.”
In the background, a man who sounded like Schwantz, said: “I just wanted to let you know that I wrote up that proclamation you requested.”
A man who sounded like politician Joe Walsh replied: “Great! I’ll pick it up at the next meeting!”
“Oh I won’t mention it at the meeting,” replied Schwantz. “I wrote it and filed it in my draft documents folder like I do with other questionable proclamation requests.”
“But—”
“You should feel fortunate that I wrote anything for ‘National Unemployed Radio Talk Show Host Day.’”
“Jim! You’ve got to help me. Okay, maybe a proclamation wasn’t the best idea. I’ve got another one! You can help me get a radio show on WBBM! I could learn how to talk about the Bears. This is a great idea. I can be on the radio and still hate Trump!”
“I think you’re addicted to being a radio talk show host. You should get help for that.”
Also in the Babbler:
Flying pyramid appears at Cavalcade of Planes
Wereskunks to premiere ‘litter art’ to celebrate Pride Month
Village retires Mayor Claar’s android double
God to smite Bolingbrook on 6/10/21
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.
As I promised, I went to the 5/25/21 Bolingbrook Board meeting to ask a question:
Shortly before I arrived, I decided to praise the board for proclaiming June as Pride Month. Before 2018, it was unthinkable that anything LGBTQ+ related would occur in Bolingbrook. Through Bolingbrook Pride’s activism, that’s changed, and this is the first year Bolingbrook has issued a proclamation recognizing Pride Month. Good behavior should be rewarded. I could have gone on about homophobia, but I think Bolingbrook Pride’s representative and the text of the proclamation did a better job than I would have.
As for my question about the candidate for acting trustee, I sincerely want to know what the candidate selection process is. When I used to attend board meetings in person, I was there to hear what the leadership (Roger) had to say, and learn their reasons for their actions. I never went there to create a scene (like certain watchdogs like to do.) It was a great way to get story ideas and still is, though I’ve had to switch to watching over the Internet due to the travel time.
I will admit, I was a bit concerned about how the trustees would react to my in-person visit since 2017. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about. Deputy Mayor Michael Lawler greeted me and worked with me on when I could deliver my comment. The rest didn’t say anything. Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta was out, as was Trustee Maria Zarate. Former Mayor Roger Claar wasn’t there. I felt I had the opportunity to recalibrate the fictional versions I write about, and it was a chance to remind ourselves that we’re real humans.
So while it wasn’t my best public speech, it was worth the trip back to Village Hall. If Alexander-Basta answers my question, I’ll write about her answer here.
A decloaked UFO flies over Palatine.
By Reporter X
Rising public interest in both UFOs and Unidentified Aerial Phenomena is forcing Chicagoland’s three UFO bases to revaluate their staff of professional skeptics.
“We’re in a debunking crisis,” said Theresa Z. Theil, Director of Concealment Operations for Peotone UFO Base. “60 Minutes is taking UFOs seriously. The government is about to issue an unclassified report on UAPs. Ex-government officials can’t keep their mouths shut. Meanwhile, we can’t find enough people to hold a SkeptiCamp.”
According to an Ipsos poll from 2020, 45% of US residents believe UFOs are real and have visited the Earth. Public belief in UFOs started declining in 2014, and many UFO interest groups folded by 2018. Then sightings increased in 2019, skyrocketed in 2020, and are still increasing.
Experts within the New World Order and Illuminati blame the increase on people having more free time during the pandemic, aliens disregarding stealth protocols, the decline of the skeptical and New Atheists movement after 2011, and the War between the Illuminati and the New World Order.
Reid Ottesen, Palatine Village Manager and Director of Rob Sherman UFO Base explained: “Both sides are building UFO Bases, but both sides aren’t coordinating their coverup efforts. Additionally, it didn’t help when the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry defected from the New World Order to the Illuminati. I’m still trying to hire replacement skeptics, and I’m offering more than $15 an hour.”
Ottesen hopes stricter enforcement and improved cloaking technology will help Sherman UFO Base maintain a low percentage of sightings. According to Ottesen, he’s already doubled the number of disciplinary hearings from 2020:
“Yesterday, I fined three crews for reckless piloting. Not only were they sighted, but Patch mentioned them. Sure these were steep fines, and we now have liens on their ships, but they deserve it for flying uncloaked for ten minutes with their landing lights on!”
Ottesen hopes that YouTube and Skepchick’s newly reorganized diplomatic corp will restore Palatine’s debunking efforts.
Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base has its own staff of skeptics, as well as representatives from The Skeptics Society, and Committee for Skeptical Inquiry. Clow spokesperson Donna K. Smith says Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta will be conducting a “routine reevaluation” of Clow’s debunking protocols:
“Because Clow is the largest urban UFO base in the world, we are constantly innovating our public concealment efforts. That may or may not reduce our reliance on contract skeptics.”
Despite officials denials, the Babbler managed to obtain an email from Alexander-Basta to CFI and the Skeptics Society demanding improvements:
“It’s very clear to me that your skeptics are suffering from severe mission drift. They seem to think their mission is to protect Western Civilization from ‘Wokeness,” when they should be covering up security breaches. From what I’ve seen, they’re doing both jobs poorly. I doubt they could have covered up the illegal UFO base that was in South Elgin. Maybe I should hire PZ Myers instead.”
A receptionist for Alexander-Basta said she wasn’t working that day and was unreachable.
In the background, a man who looked like DuPage Township Supervisor Gary Marschke approached Covert Social Media Advisor Charlene Spencer.
“I knew I would find you here,” said Marschke. “You’re using the waiting area as your second office.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am but a humble constituent, who just happens to be eight hours early for her scheduled meeting with the mayor,” said Spencer.
“Do you really think I’m that foolish?” asked Marschke. “Don’t answer that. I just need to know if your lackeys sent out fake texts to voters telling them that we were going to abolish the township?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe isn’t good enough. I want to know why you lied. You know we campaigned on adding services, not abolishing the township. Can you at least come clean about your lies?”
“I neither confirmed nor denied that I lied, or that I bought the same list of registered voters that you bought.”
“I’ve only been in office a few days, and I’m already sick of your billionaire client and you. Why does he hate townships? Is it because we help people?”
“Yes,” replied Charline
“Yes?”
“Yes. He hates townships because they help desperate people, and my client needs desperate people who will accept desperation wages so my client can use the savings to buy the yacht that he desperately wants.”
“I think your client desperately needs the mental health services we’re going to provide our residents.”
Also in the Babbler:
Babbler staff offers its condolences to Mayor Alexander-Basta
Bolingbrook resident attacked by sentient algae in a swimming pool
Aliens arrested for hoarding lumber
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/28/21
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.
Join us for a Livestream as PZ Myers and the rest of the Freethought Blogs crew thank our readers for a very successful fundraising campaign:
The Mother’s Day fundraiser may be over, but the donation link is still active. Unfortunately, the need to pay off the legal debts from the SLAPP is still there.
I plan to attend the chat, but if I don’t, I want to thank everyone who donated or shared a link about the fundraiser. Your support will help FTB move past this legal mess. And a big thank you to all of our readers. There are so many options on the Internet, and I’m honored that you’ve chosen to stop by. Thank you.
File photo of IL14 Representative Lauren Underwood.
By Reporter X
The Clow UFO Base Court of Extraterrestrial Affairs in the 109,298,291 Circuit rejected Republican Jim Oberweis’ lawsuit to overturn Rep. Lauren Underwood’s 2020 re-election.
“Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence,” said Judge Kilos Surgon. “The plaintiff’s claim that he won an election is extraordinary, and what he presented does not meet the criteria to be considered evidence.”
Oberweis jumped out of his chair and charged at the judge. He was quickly immobilized by a force field. Surgon judged Oberweis to be in contempt of court and imprisoned him for 24 hours.
Oberweis protested as he was dragged out of the courtroom. He said: “Why won’t anyone believe me? Even the Congressional Republicans refused to save me. (Mayor Emeritus Roger Claar) gave me a bad lawyer! Everyone is out to get me. Stop the steal! Count the votes! Hang Mike Pence! Oops. I didn’t say that.”
“Just like you didn’t win.”
The lawsuit, which many interstellar legal experts described using unprintable adjectives, was Oberweis’ last chance to overturn the election following a bipartisan Congressional resolution rejecting his challenge. Oberweis was represented by Bolingbrook Junior Assistant Village Attorney for Interstellar Affairs, Lester Z. Sanders.
Shortly after Sanders delivered his opening statement, Surgon said: “I just looked at your very short filing. You do know that the statement ‘Lauren Underwood is a Democrat’ is not grounds for nullifying an election.”
Sanders nervously laughed, and replied: “The Village of Bolingbrook thinks it should be.”
“You mean Puppet Master Emeritus Roger thinks it should be.”
To prove that all Illinois Democrats are corrupt, Sanders called Republican Sixth Congressional candidate Justin Burau to the stand. Burau accused Casten of profiting off the Green New Deal and not caring about people with Glioblastoma.
“When Sean refused to personally change Medicare’s coverage of Glioblastoma, I knew he was corrupt, and therefore all Democrats are corrupt. There’s no way Lauren won this election fairly.”
Underwood’s lawyer, Monica X. Parker, harshly cross-examined Burau:
“Did you really write that you decided to run for Congress after years of failing to live up to your promises?”
“Yeah, I forgot to add Sean’s name.”
Parker pointed to a holographic display of one of his Facebook ads: “Did you really write that you are the Congressman who ‘cant (sp)’ be trusted?”
“It’s easy to forget Sean.”
“You tried to tie Sean to the Green New Deal, right?”
Burau grinned. “All Democrats support the Green New Deal.”
“Actually, Sean doesn’t support it. Even if he did, were you aware that the Green New Deal includes universal health care and would expand coverage to all cancer patients, including Glioblastoma patients?”
“Look. I’m a real estate agent. You sound like a client who obsesses over cracks in the foundation, or panics over an exposed wire. I don’t want you to care about the little details. I want you to fall in love with the whole house. Or at least stay infatuated long enough for me to collect my commission.”
After the ruling, Sanders denied suffering a total legal defeat: “The Village’s Legal Department has a new motto: We never settle. I have never been so humiliated in a courtroom in my year of practicing interstellar law. Yet, I fought to the bitter end. If I was willing to fight to the bitter end for such a hopeless case, imagine what we’ll do to anyone who files a frivolous lawsuit against our village. You will suffer if you so much as think about suing us for damaging your mailbox.”
Oberweis refused to be interviewed for this article
File photo of IL14 Representative Lauren Underwood.
but said he was outraged that the Village refused to let him pay to upgrade his detention cell.
Underwood could not be reached for comment, but a spokesperson for her Congressional Office said: “Congresswoman Underwood can now spend the next few months focusing on raising the SALT cap. I’d also like to say this as a Naperville resident: We’re Naperville. We have a reputation to uphold. Congresswoman Lauren Underwood is part of that reputation!”
Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer. Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.
When I announced the Freethought Blogs Mother’s Day Fundraiser, I added if it reached a certain amount, I would go to a Bolingbrook Villiage Board meeting and ask a question during public comments. Well, I’m happy to announce that we hit that goal, and I will keep my word. So sometime after May 11, I will keep my word.
I haven’t attended a board meeting in person for various reasons, but I’ll make an exception for this. All I can say is that it will be a serious question, and I’ll stay quiet for the rest. I’m not sure how the Mayor and trustees will react, but we’ll find out. If it goes well, I’ll post the video.
Until then, if you haven’t donated yet, please do. Freethought Blogs settled a lawsuit, but victory was expensive. You can also check out the other special posts my fellow bloggers created for this event, including a new short story set in the same universe as the upcoming Bolingbrook Babbler novel.