The rhetoric surrounding these survivalist items is starting to be a bit worrisome. Apparently they have decided that their customers are survivalists, therefore Trump supporters; certainly not “liberals.” I feel like I have been thrown out of the customer-base.
A legal and devastating way to protect yourself from violent threats: shine a light at them. It’s a flashlight.
It is true that having a flashlight may increase your chance of crisis survival. Please consider that, when you are shopping for your flash lighting needs.
Someone must spend considerable time writing these; they’re imaginative screeds full of paranoia and appeals to mythic nationalism. I’m starting to get worried, to be honest with you – flashlight-wielding fascists could be bad news.
If the stock market collapses what am I supposed to do, shine a light on it?
I … ummm … yeah?
What kind of flash light gets banned/restricted? Is it really bannedrestricted in certain parts of a few states or is that just marketing?
My first thought was, “ones that injure their owners.”
I think it is an appeal to their base, which may believe that “banned means its good” – if high-capacity gun magazines are restricted, I want 40 of them. If this flashlight is “restricted” then it must be super-awesome. Or maybe not so awesome.
I remember somebody interviewed a guy who had set up one of those “fake news” mills, and he said that they’d tried using the same tactics on the other end of the political spectrum, but their attempts got debunked faster than they spread. Conversely, every right-wing site out there is jammed full of really obvious affinity marketing scams, to the point where it’s hard to tell where the politics ends and the grifting begins. Is Alex Jones a conspiracy theorist with a sideline in bogus nutritional supplements, or is he a scam artist with a politically-themed marketing strategy?
Reality really does have a liberal bias.
Dunc@#4:
I keep thinking of Altemeyer’s The Authoritarians – it’s as if there is a percentage of the population that are primed to believe things that are said confidently. What if marketers figured that out and tailor their messages to people who are already convinced? Basically, it’s christianity2.0: extractive messaging that takes your spare cash in return for buffing your sense of tribal identity.
I am also worried about a recession and I keep wondering how a flashlight would help me as I watch my retirement savings plummet into the toilet. I guess it’d be well-illuminated.
You mean like the guys selling the Che Guevara T-shirts and the V For Vendetta / Guy Fawkes masks? See, it’s not all on the right!
Almost everything that isn’t actually essential for survival is about “tribal identity” in one way or another. We’re social primates, after all.
(Hides his guy fawkes mask and Mao hat)
Hey why is there no “Che for Vendetta” meme?
Oh, there is:
https://www.redbubble.com/people/davidkyte/works/9554594-che-vendetta-i-am-such-a-revolutionary?p=t-shirt
A *flashlight*?! And they’re claiming it is getting banned?
Now I grant you. Two of my neighbors got into a big fight last year, and one reached for his pocket; the other was sure he had a gun, so he whipped a flashlight out of his own pocket and bashed the first guy on the head which was apparently quite effective in ending the fight. The authorities did not then ban flashlights. Instead both guys had to go to court and I think the flashlight guy had to pay a fine.
My conclusion is, if you bash someone over the head with a flashlight, the rest of the community is going to make you the butt of their jokes for the next 25 years. I’m watching it happen right before my eyes.
I just tried researching these supposed flashlight bans. Given that they are supposedly “banned” from New Jersey and Maryland (places with beaches) and that I have found “turtle safe” flashlights, I’m guessing that they have to do with lighting wildlife.
They may be banned on certain beaches when sea turtles are mating. And the restrictions in non-beach states (Wisconsin, Missouri) may be related to things like spotlighting deer while hunting (meaning that the flashlights put out enough light to impact those spotlighting ordinances/statutes).
Ahcuah @#10
Now those reasons make sense, though I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out there were no bans and Marcus is correct, it’s only an appeal to their base. I suppose it’s probable that you are both correct, as it’s not likely that the specific torch is banned, just torches with certain characteristics that this torch has.
I still don’t understand the survival craze. It feels like an elaborate series of signalling designed to show how smart you are, for people who are nothing of the sort and too lazy to bother finding other qualities to brag about.
I *love* the idea that these flashlights were banned/restricted because they interfered with baby turtles. XD
“There is a creeping menace sweeping america’s shores, slowly but surely invading our roads and highways, causing injury and death wherever it goes. The government won’t tell you about this threat, and will try to take away your right to defend yourself from the hordes slapping down the gates, but we aren’t afraid to speak the truth! Anchor babies? Try anchor clutches, and only we can provide the tools you need to repel this menace.”
lanir@#12:
I still don’t understand the survival craze. It feels like an elaborate series of signalling designed to show how smart you are, for people who are nothing of the sort and too lazy to bother finding other qualities to brag about.
I think that about sums it up. There’s also the appeal to conspiracy-like “I know things that you don’t”
They’re interesting people to talk to. Because I own guns and swords I sometimes get mistaken for being part of that set, which can be revealing. I think there is a certain amount of “when things go horribly wrong, I’ll be the one saying ‘I told you so!'” Do you see the strategic problem with that?
Parliament on flashlight:
http://www.youtube.com/embed/VAxynFwAQ58
In this Internet-enabled age, it is really hard to come up with anything truly original.
link
Damn, after reading “this groundbreaking tool” I really wanted it to be a tactical spade. On the other hand, I guess I can sell whatever the local hardware store has for 199,99$ a piece if I paint it green and black. The flashlight market is saturated anyway.
—
Offtopic but since it’s live:
Two Russian cosmonauts are currently trying to cut into the Soyuz capsule that sprung a leak a while back. It’s a bit different from the usual EVA’s where a lot of prep work and ground-based training has gone before, which makes it all the more interesting. It is also, in a mean way, quite entertaining. Turns out it’s very difficult to cut into a spacecraft using hedge trimmers in zero G: youtube, live stream
Marcus @#15
That video isn’t available in the UK, what’s it about?
Jazzlet@#18:
That video isn’t available in the UK, what’s it about?
It’s a video of the incredible funk/soul band Parliament performing one of their great hits Flashlight.
What I don’t understand is the desire to even survive the apocalypse? I am a typical consumer American…and I am also rather old, so this SURVIVE AT ALL COSTS BY KILLING EVERYONE WHO IS COMING FOR YOU seems rather strange.
Now, I could see having a weaponized flashlight for revenge when an enemy tribe has killed the Golden Boy. If I were Humungus, that it! LOL
It was so blurred I assumed that it was a tactical dildo. And then I wondered why they didn’t mention it was banned in all of Alabama.
Do you think there’s a market opportunity there?
dasdsrdash@#21:
It was so blurred I assumed that it was a tactical dildo.
Oh, great. Now I have to google image search for that.
[Edit: OK, I did. Now you don’t have to.]
Do you guys have any idea what my google marketing profile looks like? Because I suspect it makes the FBI guys puzzled.
bmiller@#20:
SURVIVE AT ALL COSTS BY KILLING EVERYONE WHO IS COMING FOR YOU
Next, will teach you how to survive attack from an aggressor wielding a banana.
Pretty tactical things, them bananas is, specially if still green.
Ta!
Marcus @#22
I also looked it up. Some of the images Google showed me were weird.
If your search keywords are “gun dildo” instead of “tactical dildo,” then Google image search results get even more interesting. Well, they might be interesting, but not my thing, though. Personally, I’d go for a dildo that’s shaped like a crucifix if I wanted any hilarious sex toys. (OK, I might want some, but I don’t need them, I already own a sufficient amount of dildos, I don’t need more, and I try not to spend money on things I don’t need.)
Hmm, now that I think about it, a “tactical dildo” might also be one that is disguised as something else and doesn’t look like a dildo at all, one that people don’t have to hide from their conservative parents and can store openly instead.
I think I can imagine.
The targeted advertisements I get have also gotten interesting. For example, eBay algorithms are doing a miserable job trying to give me suggestions for things to buy next. The last three things I bought were zinc wire, cerium oxide and a pin vise. Even a human couldn’t figure out how these three items are related and what to suggest me next.
Ieva Skrebele@#26:
The last three things I bought were zinc wire, cerium oxide and a pin vise
Polishing glass?
When I worked at NFR we had an irate customer call us up once because our system kept flagging “glory hole” in a way that their glass-blower really did not approve of. We fixed it by adding surrounding context (“glory hole” + ${other pornic word})
Marcus @#27
Nope, wrong guess. I said that even a human couldn’t figure out this one.
These are all materials for metalpoint drawing. Cerium oxide is used as an abrasive for the drawing surface. I mix it together with an acrylic polymer, coat the paper, and then I draw on it. Zinc wire is used for drawing, namely, it’s a substitute for a graphite lead. I have also experimented with various other metal wires, and this time I decided to try out using zinc. A pin vise is used as a stylus for holding a metal wire. Normally I’d use a mechanical pencil for holding my wires, but, unfortunately, mechanical pencils are only available for 0.9mm leads. Some of my wires are 1.0mm wide instead. For example, back when I was shopping for a gold wire, I couldn’t find any European store offering 0.9mm thick gold wire, so I bought 1.0mm gold wire instead. The pin vise is meant for holding it.
The next thing eBay ought to have suggested for me would have been aluminum wool or maybe some other metal wires or wire brushes. Of course there was no way for the algorithm to figure it out, though.
I am confused. I only recall you making fun of the tacticool stuff here on the blog. Do you actually buy any of it? Not judging.
EnlightenmentLiberal@#29:
I only recall you making fun of the tacticool stuff here on the blog. Do you actually buy any of it? Not judging.
I bought the stealth fiberglass knife that is alleged to be so good. I want to do some cutting tests between it, a ginsu, and one of my knives but first I need to make a tameshigiri stand and then I need to make a comparable knife.
It also turns out that the ads are fun, so I guess this ensures an endless supply.