I knew most of this stuff but it was presented entertainingly.
I am never bored when I am at home alone because there are so many things enjoyable things that I can choose to do. While I greatly enjoy being in the company of a few people such as close friends or others whose company I find enjoyable, the times when I have been most bored is when I have been in large gatherings, such as parties, where one has a series of superficial conversations with many different people. If I am lucky, I may find a kindred soul with whom to sit in a corner and have more meaningful exchanges. It is even worse when the ambient noise is so loud that you cannot even hear anyone else and conversation just stops and you just sit there unable to read or even think. This can happen in bars and wedding receptions.
But one cannot always avoid such occasions. There are certain social obligations that are, well, obligatory. At such times, I just suck it up and try to make myself as agreeable as I can until I feel that I have satisfied my duty and can politely make my escape.
I discovered this website called The Introvert’s Corner that gives advice to people about “how to live a quiet life in a noisy world”. The person who was behind it has a final column on the dos and don’ts of introversion. She says that one should not overindulge one’s preference for solitude to the point of loneliness.
Say “no thanks” when you don’t want company and “yes please” when you do, and learn to recognize the difference. You might have to think a bit before you commit to anything. There’s nothing wrong with saying “Let me get back to you” to give yourself time to decide. Just be sure to get back to the person in a timely manner.
…I believe that friends go to friends’ parties, but I always keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to say “yes” to parties if I give myself permission to leave when I’m ready. And remember that when people say things like, “You can’t leave now! It won’t be a party without you!” they’re just making noises with their mouths. It doesn’t really mean you have to stay, and it will still be a party after you’re gone.
…Don’t completely discount the value of loose ties. Yes, introverts prefer fewer, deeper friendships and that’s one of our strengths, but it is also to our benefit to maintain wider circles if for no other reason than that things happen—people move away, pass away, friendships grow apart. You want people in the pipeline should you lose a close friend for some reason.
It’s pretty good advice.
The COVID lockdown was such a wonderful time for me — it relieved me of all social obligations without having to make excuses. I never felt so free and relaxed in my life. It was only after 3 months or so that I felt I could maybe use a little socialization, but only just a bit.
“the ambient noise is so loud that you cannot even hear anyone else and conversation just stops and you just sit there unable to read or even think”
Coincidentally I have just returned from a gathering that fits this description, except reading would have been rude so I couldn’t even try that and had to spend five hours sitting with a fake smile on my face politely and repeatedly declining alcohol and junk food and intermittently pretending to be able to hear what people were saying after I told them I couldn’t hear them and they (presumably) repeated themselves, only quieter and with their faces turned away or half-full of food.