Only strong turkeys survive in New Jersey

We have wild turkeys here in Morris — we see them every once in a while, along the road or at the horticulture garden. They tend to be timid and run away if you approach.

It’s a different story in New Jersey.

Roaming the highways of West Orange is a mighty bird named Turkules, who boldly charges across the road, pursues pedestrians, and has so far proven unstoppable.

Turkules made his official debut early in October at Kessler Institute for Rehabilitation on Pleasant Valley Way. Like a bad “why did the chicken cross the road joke,” residents saw him in the street when they were driving in the area. His antics have been immortalized in the New York Times and one resident said he was featured in The Times of India.

People posted pictures of him and captivated residents reported his every movement. One day he was spotted with a dart in his chest from an official capture attempt, and another time he was hit by a car. No one posted any Turkules sightings for a few days, and his fan club worried about his wellbeing. On Tuesday, Oct. 31 he reappeared, much to the delight of many township residents. Although, not everyone is convinced that the turkey spotted on Halloween was Turkules.

He has been creating traffic problems, and many on social media are worried that he will be hit again. Turkules has also charged at a couple of people, so don’t get too close to him.

Officials have posted official warnings.

Please be advised the Township of West Orange is aware of the wild turkey present on Pleasant Valley Way, in the area of Kessler Institute for Rehabilitation and Daughters of Israel. West Orange Animal Control has been working with New Jersey Fish & Wildlife for the past two weeks to capture and relocate this turkey. It’s crucial that the public refrains from approaching the wild turkey for safety reasons. Wild animals can become stressed or agitated when approached, which can pose risks to both the animal and humans. Feeding the turkey or attempting to remove tranquilizing darts is strongly discouraged. Interfering with the wildlife professionals’ efforts can complicate the situation and potentially harm the turkey. New Jersey Fish and Wildlife authorities are actively working to capture and relocate the turkey. They have been trying to tranquilize the bird, but have encountered some challenges in their efforts so far.

You go, Turkules (he has many names now: Cluck Norris, Gobbles McFeathers, Wingston, or simply Tom). Lead the rebellion. Raise up your armies and storm the citadels of Butterball, Jennie-O, and Perdue. Know this: you have allies among us vegetarian humans.

I, for one, welcome our new turkey overlords. They can’t be worse than the turkeys running the country right now.

This is how a thoughtful, intelligent person speaks

A palate cleanser after that horrid SBF video:

OK, that’s easy for you to say, David Bowie, you were rich and famous and popular. I do agree, though, that it’s beneficial to shake up your perspective now and then, and to do daring things — I just wish everyone had the liberty to follow their desires and take risks that don’t involve gambling away their family and livelihood.

Shut up, Sam

Sam Bankman-Fried has been guilty of stealing billions of dollars and faces, potentially, as much as 115 years in prison. Before he was convicted, he was notorious for blabbing constantly to the media. He just couldn’t shut up, and he pretty much convicted himself repeatedly. Now that the trial is over, and he’s awaiting sentencing, can you guess what he’s going to do?

Rush to give interviews to the press, of course.

What do I take away from that?

  • He’s an appallingly bad speaker, his answers larded with more “umms” and “likes” than actually content. How did such an uncharismatic turd convince anyone to hand over thousands and millions of dollars?
  • He confesses that his contribution to the world so far has been a net harm, and he wants to make amends. How? I’d like to know how he’s going to compensate for siphoning billions of dollars out of the economy while in prison. Trading cigarettes will only get you so far.
  • He wants to “make things.” Fine, it’s not as if he made things before. He shuffled money in nefarious ways, he played video games, he used his ill-gotten gains to buy real estate and live the high life. So now he’s going to start?
  • SHUT UP, SAM. Stop talking, talking, talking. That’s the first step in doing something.

I don’t believe a word he says. He’s just trying to rehabilitate his reputation, and he’s so unpersuasive and incompetent that he’s not going to succeed.

Feeling sorry for all of Alabama

Now I’m just making myself depressed.

This is Bubba Copeland. He was the Republican mayor of a small town in Alabama, and also the pastor of a Baptist church…about the last person I’d identify with in this country.

He was recently exposed as a human being.

Copeland’s private life was exposed Wednesday by the conservative blog 1819 News, which was once owned by the right-wing Alabama Policy Institute and whose top editor is a former Breitbart News contributor.

That post, written by Craig Monger, had the rambling headline: The secret life of Smiths Station Mayor and Baptist pastor F.L. ‘Bubba’ Copeland as a ‘transgender curvy girl’: ‘It’s a hobby I do to relieve stress’.

1819 News published the username to Copeland’s Reddit and Instagram accounts, writing that he posed “in various outfits, some more racy than others.” The blog also said that Copeland used the pseudonym “Brittini Blaire Summerlin” and posted pornography and advice on chemically transitioning.

All of that is perfectly fine, carried out privately in his own home, and none of anyone else’s business. He wasn’t forcing himself on anyone, and you needed to seek out his internet presence. But of course, he was outed by a hateful conservative blog, and then the town made it it’s business.

Copeland’s extracurricular activities quickly turned into a community-wide controversy. His church referred to “unbiblical behavior” in a statement, and Copeland reportedly told his parishioners that the article did not represent “who or what I am.” He added that it would “not cause my life to change.”

“This will not waver my devotion to my family, serving my city, serving my church,” Copeland said Wednesday before giving his final sermon, which was live streamed online.

Copeland, who was married, said he was the subject of an “internet attack.” He added that “a lot of things were taken out of context” and that “hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people” had reached out to offer their support for him.

“Yes, I have taken pictures with my wife in the privacy of our home in an attempt of humor because I know I’m not a handsome man nor a beautiful woman, either,” he said. “I apologize for any embarrassment caused by my private, personal life.”

Like I said…this is a Republican and a Baptist politician in Alabama? He just humanized himself to me, at least. Good for you, Bubba! He’s breaking stereotypes.

Except, you know this wasn’t going to have a happy ending.

The uproar took a tragic turn on Friday, when Lee County Sheriff Jay Jones said that deputies who tried to pull Copeland over for a welfare check witnessed Copeland step out of his car and shoot himself.

The person who ought to be deeply ashamed of himself is this Craig Monger, a “journalist” on a hate blog who has written multiple articles on this disgraceful “exposé”. Here’s what he looks like.

Craig “Hate” Monger

You know, just in case you see him in the street and want to spit in his face.

I also browse social media

This is often a terrible mistake.

OK, I’ll play along. Ten year old people don’t have the experience to make an informed decision, parents have an obligation to protect their children from the depradations of rich old creeps, it doesn’t matter whether I’m male or female, and Richard Hanania is a gross scumbag who ought to be watched carefully.

Isn’t it nice that he bought a blue checkmark from that other creepy fuck, Elon Musk?

Bad news

Lectern for a tombstone, I guess

I just learned that my planned sabbatical for next year has to be postponed, for a really stupid reason. We — meaning everyone in my department — had it in our heads that we were eligible for a sabbatical every seven years. We were wrong, because the sabbatical year doesn’t count, meaning it’s effectively every 8 years. So I just got handed the information that I can’t take a sabbatical until 2025, rather than 2024, which blows all my plans for next year to smithereens. In addition, I’d planned to begin phased retirement the year after my sabbatical, so I have to postpone that an additional year.

I’m beginning to feel like I’ll never escape. I’d like to have a little taste of a retirement before my inevitable heart failure leaves me slumped and lifeless in my office chair, or worse, I croak in the middle of a lecture and traumatize a whole lot of students.

Oh well. I probably can’t afford to retire anyway. I was looking forward to an escape from the pressure and the grind next year, though.

Sam Bankman-Fried…guilty!

Of course he was guilty. Billions of dollars vanished under his watch, while he somehow lived an extravagant life of luxury in the Bahamas, while piously preaching the gospel of “effective altruism” as a cover. The jury deliberated for only five hours, but now we have to wait until March until we learn how many decades he gets to spend in prison.

Now…when do his partners-in-crime, his girlfriend, his parents, face justice? They’re all awful people.

The Phillips flameout begins

You’re forgiven if you don’t know this, but there’s a Democratic Minnesota congressman running for president. Dean Phillips is pretty much a Biden fan-boy, but at 54 he’s significantly younger. That’s really the only appeal of the guy — he’s Joe Biden from almost 30 years ago, which isn’t really the advantage he thinks it is. It’s all about Phillips’ ego.

If he handles his 15 minutes of fame well, he gains name recognition and positions himself to run for the Senate or for governor (because there’s essentially no chance he’d beat Biden). Perhaps, as a consolation prize, his candidacy draws other Democrats into the field and he can take credit for a sitting president having to sweat out winning his own party’s primary.

In other words, he says it’s all about Biden, but it’s really all about him.

I’m not at all interested in voting for him, and this weird grab for attention only diminishes my interest. He’s trying, though, and is campaigning in New Hampshire (I know, I’m dismayed that the electioneering has already begun in 2023). Unfortunately for him, he’s bombing spectacularly. He’s not very good at politics.

Speaking in a theater here less than a week after announcing his campaign, Phillips faced screaming and profanity from voters disappointed in his response to a question on a cease-fire in the Middle East. He was accused of gaslighting the lone Black woman in attendance, who was escorted out of the event — but not before a handful of other attendees walked out of the room.

The tense moment reflects the impassioned debate and nuanced positions within the Democratic Party over the Israel-Gaza war and underscored the question of whom exactly Phillips hopes to appeal to with his campaign. Though many Democrats express a desire for an alternative to Biden, it is unclear if Phillips is the candidate they are looking for.

Around an hour into the meandering town hall here Wednesday, 23-year-old Democrat Atong Chan rose to ask Phillips to support a cease-fire in the Israel-Gaza war.

Phillips blinked rapidly as Chan asked her question, and then began his response by turning around the question to ask her about how she feels about the Israelis killed by Hamas in the conflict.

“I’m going to answer each of your questions, but I have to tell you, I took note that you didn’t mention — how do you feel about the Israeli babies? And moms and dads and grandmas and hostages in Gaza who were brutally murdered? I just want to hear, before I answer your question, if that empathy is across humanity or only for Palestinians right now?” Phillips responded to Chan, a Manchester resident.

He interrupted before she replied, “I am completely empathetic to them.”

Phillips repeatedly invoked his multiple visits to Israel in the past year and his role as the ranking Democrat on the Foreign Affairs subcommittee focused on the Middle East, and told Chan, “You and I are the same.” Though he said he was “horrified and disgusted when I see Palestinians slaughtered,” and denounced Hamas as an enemy of both Israel and Palestinians, he did not answer her follow-up questions about why he is not calling for a cease-fire.

All the politicians, Democrats included, seem to be rushing to find a centrist position that doesn’t require them to condemn violence and murder. It’s not going to work, unless you’re trying to court the fascist vote.

Oh well. I think most people had written off Phillips long ago. When the response to his early attempt to appeal to prospective voters is “screaming and profanity,” I think it’s safe to say he’s done. Go home, Dean Phillips.