When I made pancakes for my kids, I thought I was good by making them look like Mickey Mouse. I have been put to shame.
I can imagine my kids going in for psychoanalysis for the trauma, lying on the couch and weeping over my inferior, mediocre pancakes, which clearly testified to the fact that I didn’t love them enough.
But sometimes I mixed chocolate chips into the batter! Does that make any amends at all?
They keep teasing me with these little trailers that are all completely different in tone from one to the other…and you can’t even tell that they’re from the same movie.
So far, what I’m seeing is something about aliens, space travel, scientific hubris, the nature of self, fear and danger, some tenuous connection to the Aliens franchise, and stupid alien astronauts crapola. Whoever came up with their viral marketing campaign really knows how to tantalize.
This just in: Jesus was NOT a cosmic Jewish zombie. Ken Ham carefully and very seriously explains to us that Jesus was not mindless, and he ate food, not his disciples brains, therefore the humorous accusations of zombiehood are false.
Jesus did come in the flesh as a Jew, so you got part of this correct. As for the zombie line, you clearly have not taken the time to look at the vast differences between a zombie and the resurrected Christ. Zombies are considered to be part of the undead (not alive), often will-less and speechless bodies that have been reanimated by spirits. The resurrected Christ is not undead, but alive (Revelation 1:18). After His Resurrection, He spoke with His followers and taught them (Luke 24:25–27), reassured them (Luke 24:36–39), and commanded them (Matthew 28:18–20). He ate food with them (Luke 24:43; John 21:15) and urged them to touch Him to see that He was not a ghost but truly risen from the dead bodily (Luke 24:39). He also had a will (John 21:22–23) and performed miracles (Luke 24:31; John 21:6).
He’s a little behind the times. This argument has already been dealt with earlier this month. He has to catch up now and explain why we Jesus wasn’t a lich.
I would love to have one of these Massive Squishable Narwhals, but then I realized that I’d never be able to look at it without the Narwhal song popping into my head.
It’d be like having a Massive Decorative Bag of Crack hanging on my wall.
You’re not playing that video, are you? Sorry.
Wait a minute here: the resemblance is only superficial, because I’d never dress like that, I’d never compare Obama to Hitler, I’d never complain about socialism and abortion, and most of all, I’D NEVER BE A GODDAMNED PRIEST.
Dang. I can never keep those nonexistent supernatural entities straight.
OK, and then the Holy Ghost must be a ghost, like Casper. But what is his dad? A wizard? And where does the Easter Bunny fit in? I’m thinking maybe Jesus is a lich, but he’s also a Furry, and once a year he dresses up…
Hey, is this that sophisticated theology people are always talking about?
A young woman found a dead ray washed up on a beach and took this photo:
She claims it looks like Jesus (how would she know?).
I hope she picked it up and took it home, to wait for it to resurrect three days later.
I think there’s something ironic about the juxtaposition of this fantasy image and my quote, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
You go off to give a talk on hedgehog gene expression in teratomas, or something similarly scientific. You put the memory stick in the auditorium display projector, the A/V guy pushes a button, and all of a sudden, the audience gets a brief glimpse of that unholy quantity of squid close-up photography you keep around for personal reasons. Now it’s never happened to me, personally — I’m competent with a computer, and much more careful — but here’s a story of a man who ‘accidentally’ showed the wrong powerpoint presentation.
In this case, the man was a Catholic priest (oooh, now you know exactly what happened next, right?)
And it wasn’t a zoology exercise on display. It was, as they delicately put it, “indecent images of men”.
I’m confused by one thing. On the one hand, they say the flustered priest quickly removed the memory stick and fled the room; on the other, the parents and children present report quite specifically that there were 16 pictures shown. I’m thinking it must have been a particularly vivid montage. Although the parents found it impressively memorable, the priest, Martin McVeigh, said he had no knowledge of it. Hmmm.
I am a little amused by what happened afterwards.
Twenty minutes later he returned, he continued with the meeting and wrapped up by saying that the children get lots of money for their Holy Communion and should consider giving some of it to the church.
That’s so typical of a Catholic priest: first they waggle a pile of penises at your kids, then they ask you to fill their coffers. Those priests better look like Chippendales dancers, or they shouldn’t get a penny.
I haven’t found any reports on how persuasive the audience found the presentation.
No no no. It is not. If you’re home alone, in a shuttered room, with a taser to use on any one who crashes in through the window to catch you looking…maybe not even then. Behold…The Squildo. I think just the name ought to give you enough of a hint of what’s on the other side.
OMG, it’s only $15. Why am I tempted? Why?
Oh, wait, no. That’s the shipping cost. It’s $138; suddenly, much, much less tempted.
