This hasn’t been a good week for me. I was flattened by a cold this weekend, and now I’ve been diagnosed with incipient periodontal gum disease, and just got back from a long, long session with the dental hygienist. I was trapped in a chair for two hours for a painfully thorough cleaning: scraping, plating, grinding, needley poking, an evil machine that produced a high-pitched screaming noise and sharp agony in my gums, more whirring gadgets, strange substances, and the constant taste of blood as the oozing filled my mouth. It was the longest stretch of sustained sadism I’ve experienced in, oh, weeks. I got up from the chair at last, shaking, and wobbled out the door. I’ve been warned that I’m going to feel even worse later today.

Don’t worry, though, I didn’t reveal the secret location of the diamonds, nor did I give away the launch codes.

I’ve got another appointment for Thursday. I might break then.

Next month, I’m going to be attending the Global Atheist Convention in Melbourne, and originally, I had planned to make this a grand tour and was even thinking about a side trip to New Zealand. Plans have changed — one of the consequences of my long journey to California and Ireland, lovely as it was, is that too much travel at once, with all the confinement and awkwardness, is that I’ve wracked up my back rather severely — I’m trying to get some mobility and quiet the shrieking agony right now so I can cope again, but I’m just afraid that another string of non-stop pinioning to airplane seats will end with me in even worse shape.

So I had to squelch the New Zealand detour. Sorry, gang, I’ll try again some other time, and give you my full attention.

Anyway, so here’s the current, greatly reduced and I hope survivable plan. I’ll be in Melbourne from 11-14th of March (or maybe a day or two longer). I’m going to be in Canberra 19-20th of March, where I’ll be getting together with some notorious luminaries of the Australian anti-creationism movement, John Wilkins, Chris Nedin, Jim Foley, and Ian Musgrave. I’ve got some flexibility in my schedule, obviously, but I’m going to moderate my travel…which means I’m going to stay around the southeast part of the country (sorry, Perth and Darwin and Alice Springs). If anyone wants to draft me to give a talk somewhere in that week in that general neighborhood, get in touch with me. I can easily give a bit of talk with amusing anecdotes about those crazy American creationists, like Ken Ham and Ray Comfort.

But be gentle. I’ve got knives in my spine right now, and so I’m not going to go too wild with long distance excursions once I get there.

There’s a serious problem with my post-talk sessions at local bars with attendees: I loosen up and start spilling secrets, and you never know when some sneaky blogger listening in might post them to the Intertubalwebs.

NO, people, I will not show you my butt-crack.

It looks just like Minnesota, with less snow. Anyway, I made it to Cedar Falls, and I’ll remind the locals that I’m babbling tonight at 7 on the UNI campus. See you there!

I left Morris on the 19th of January, and finally, here it is the 8th of February and I finally made it back. Now leave me alone. I get a moment to rest, don’t I? That bottle of Irish whiskey I was given in Galway will help.

OK, moment over. Next up: I get to go the the University of Northern Iowa on Wednesday! Don’t say it, I know I’m insane. Anyway, it’ll be an evo-devo talk in the Maucker Union, Hemisphere Lounge, at 7pm. There won’t be much creationist bashing, but I’ll probably spend a few minutes bashing Jerry Fodor and Massimo Piattelli-Palmarini and Mary Midgley, because they’re morons who are abusing evo-devo in the name of making misguided criticisms of evolution. Everyone expects me to growl and gnash the fangs a bit about something, and I wouldn’t want to disappoint.

Then I get to come home again.

Oh, and one last totally random thing in recollection of my wonderful trip to Ireland. Here’s me receiving an award from the University College Dublin Secular Humanist Society…from Captain Jack Sparrow. How awesome is that?

Actually, that’s David, but if ever he wants to become a pirate, I’ll join his crew.

I think the Irish must be a competitive people — I had mentioned that the students in Galway had kept me out well past midnight with an ever-flowing tap, so here they had to keep me going at a series of pubs and restaurants until the barkeep threw us out at 1:30am. It was a fine end to a grand week in Ireland.

This morning Mark Ravinet gave me a tour of the city and a bit of historical background on The Troubles, and we drove through the Catholic and Protestant neighborhoods that once were festering with active unrest — something we couldn’t have done a few years ago, but that are thankfully calm now. We did stop and do a little tagging at a peace line.

I don’t take sides in this one. I think everyone has had enough division and it’s time for reconciliation.

I’ve just arrived back in Dublin after another drive through eastern Ireland, and am hanging on the edge of collapse. Good timing, too — I’m flying back home tomorrow.

I just finished an afternoon lecture on evo-devo at Queen’s University Belfast, which went well, I think. At least I didn’t pass out at the lectern. Then I also did an interview with William Crawley that I think is going to be aired on the BBC on Sunday. I managed to remain conscious through all that, too. I’m leaving in about 15 minutes for the final lecture (Peter Froggatt Centre (Room G06) at Queen’s University) of my grand tour of Ireland, and yes, I shall be perky and alert throughout it! If you’re there, do not mock the bags under my eyes, the tremble in my hand, or the rumpledness of my clothing, those are badges of honor. Then the students shall work their godless wicked ways on me and force me to drink Guinness again. That’ll be it. I expect catastrophic collapse tonight.

Tomorrow, at least, is a light day back in Dublin, before I fly back home on Sunday.

Hmmm. The students in Galway gave me a fifth of Irish whiskey. I’ve been assiduously avoiding the touch of demon drink^* this entire trip — now I’m wondering how I’m going to get it on the plane for the flight home. Or do I have to drink it all tomorrow?

^*The Guinness doesn’t count. That’s sustenance.