Quick, here’s a distraction!

It’s strange, but over the weekend we’ve had several threads top out over the magical 666 comment mark that I use as a signal to kill threads. There’s the ever-expanding endless thread, of course, but also the Sins of omission thread, which is now being closed, and the These guys are dangerous nuts thread, which bloomed into chaos thanks to the wild and wacky Graeme Bird, who now, temporarily, has his own thread (I anticipate an imminent flameout and permanent eviction).

Is it possible that one thread no longer has the capacity to contain the raging ebullience of Pharyngulistas? You’re worrying me, people!

The attack beasts of Pharyngula have been talking about their pets, so here are some vicious carnivores devouring their prey.

Talk about whatever you want.

For some reason, the Trophy Wife™ said I needed to share this video today. Since the enormous thread has grown again, I figure this is as good a place as any.

It’s not often you hear about testes weighing a ton and pumping out gallons of sperm from David Attenborough.

Oh, save me. I’m trying to escape Australia, but apparently a nation of convicts knows how to keep a fella locked up. I’m sitting in an airport in Melbourne, waiting and waiting and waiting for my flight, so that I can sit trapped in a can for hours and hours, with the prospect of a 6 hour layover in the most wretched airport in America, LAX.

I may not emerge from this sane.

Anyway, here’s a terrifying video of me, speaking to a bunch of students at the Freethought University Alliance earlier this week. It may be my last words, since after this trip I may just be reduced to speaking in tongues from the safety of my straitjacket.

Now continue as you were, talk as if I weren’t there.

Oh, right. I’m not.

The undying thread needs a rejuvenation. Here’s a pornographic video to get you excited.

As I mentioned, I’m away from my wife during our 30th anniversary, but she doesn’t have to worry — after seeing Australian courtship rituals, I cannot be tempted at all.

OK, gang, my travels are greatly disrupting my ability to keep up with the thread everlasting, and you’re taking advantage of my frequent absences to run up the comment count. Well, here’s something to reassure the American audience that we aren’t alone in dealing with idiots in power — I’ve been hearing a lot about Richard Dawkins’ appearance in an Australian show called Q&A. Dawkins is fabulous, despite being “outspoken” and “strident”, but check out the rest of the panelists.

(Parts 2 3 4 5 6)

The rest of the panel wobbles between fuzzy sophists and apologists and creationist nutbags, and Dawkins seems to be the sole voice of reason. The audience, too, asks a lot of stupid questions. Although, I have to note that even Steven Fielding, who is clearly the biggest idiot there, protests that religion ought to be kept out of government.

Carry on.

I am remiss in my duties. The last episode of the endless thread has expanded to excessive size while I was off frolicking in the antipodes. In my defense, I have been distracted by the remarkable habits of Australians: every time my hands were empty, they would put a beer in it. I once made the mistake of having both hands briefly unoccupied, and received two beers for my trouble.

The Pharyngufest with Chloe here in Melbourne has been captured on video, right here. Unfortunately, I don’t remember my performance at all—infinite beers, remember.

I could have continued the last edition of the unstoppable thread with the hot topic of the moment — race — but thought maybe promoting another controversial subject would fill up the thread far too quickly. So the other subject people were talking about is my birthday.

Gee, people, I’m not that old. IT ISN’T MY BIRTHDAY TODAY. Do I look 53 or something?

My birthday is tomorrow. I’m celebrating it by folding myself up into a narrow little airplane seat and sitting there for 19 hours. And then spending a week and a half in Australia with spasms.

This is how we spend all our birthdays after the 50th, in case you young whippersnappers had no idea.

It had to happen. The last instantiation of the immortal thread started with underwear, so of course it had to progress to what was under that underwear, and relationships, and other such intimacies.

The only place to go now is anthropomorphized penises.

I’m a little concerned about what Episode XXXVII will be about.