Forgive me, threadlians, but I just have to riff on this particular video.

• Don’t be surprised, this is how all atheists tenderize their babies before the barbecue.

• Laugh-a while you can, Monkey Boy!

• In Russia, you don’t go on roller coaster, you are roller coaster.

• Jane, Tarzan think Boy get enough exercise today.

• I held my breath anxiously through the entire thing, waiting for that moment when the baby would pee.

• Or better yet, poop.

• Right now, my kids are all greatly relieved that they were born long before YouTube. Dad might have gotten ideas.

• Well, son, I thought I had to choose between paying for a swingset for you, or a mail-order bride for me…until I realized she could be both!

• Which suggests that the disturbing alternative would be a video of Dad having sex with the swingset.

• Never, ever take advantage of the childcare option at Cirque du Soleil.

• Wow, the Russian space program sure starts training their astronauts young.

• Hey, I remember those toys — Stretch Armstrong, wasn’t it?

• We did evolve from an arboreal lineage, after all, so she’s just letting him relive his brachiating ancestry.

• Oh, no, suddenly I’m fantasizing about stripping naked and having a giant blond hippie woman man-handle me — I’ve turned into Robert Crumb!

• Stop it, it’s torture! No, not the baby-flipping — the soundtrack!

• It doesn’t count as juggling unless there are at least two babies.

Look up, all you denizens of the twisty little thread, and think about…astrobiology!

(Current totals: 11,637 entries with 1,234,909 comments.)

All the participants in the chattering thread know I’m easily teased into a link with a reference.

(Current totals: 11,618 entries with 1,232,005 comments.)

What can I say, denizens of the obsessive thread, I want you to thrive in this new year. So I’m going to give you not one, but TWO videos with important health tips.

The first takes me back to those days of Saturday morning cartoons in the 1970s.

The second is some tips from Rebecca Watson. Doesn’t she make a good Agony Aunt?

(Current totals: 11,608 entries with 1,230,393 comments.)

Let us prolong the prolonged thread further with a little MC Frontalot.

(Current totals: 11,591 entries with 1,228,173 comments.)

The Prophet has changed in the past few centuries. Don’t be confused, Pharynguthreadlians, omnipotent beings have their whims.

(Current totals: 11,578 entries with 1,226,199 comments.)

Say, participants in the undying thread, did you know that immortality can be a curse?

(Current totals: 11,566 entries with 1,223,814 comments.)

This priest says there’s something wrong with you if you have an imaginary friend. We all agree, don’t we, Threadketeers?

(Current totals: 11,548 entries with 1,220,945 comments.)

Did you hear? Captain Beefheart is dead, but the weird thread goes…with the world’s weirdness diminished a little bit.

(Current totals: 11,538 entries with 1,219,079 comments.)

As the steady paycheck from the old Addams Family series slowed to a trickle, and as the heady days of the Hollywood films ended, the Thing descended to working in porn to support his manicure addiction, performing degrading acts for the jaded, cynical crowd at The Thread.

That’s creepy as hell. If people get into it, fine; the upside is that no women need to be involved. At all. I just hope they have a disclaimer on the game to let buyers know this is not a training video.

(Current totals: 11,532 entries with 1,217,663 comments.)