Stanley the barnacle

I used to love to watch barnacles. Well, I still do, but there’s a distinct shortage of tidepools here in Minnesota, which makes it a very difficult hobby. Barnacles are arthropods hunkered down in stony shells attached to a substrate, and what they do is unfurl feathery legs like ostrich plumes (called cirri) and wave them about in the water to catch small particles of food. They’re very pretty, but also very skittish: a shadow passing over, a splash, the klunk of a rock sending vibrations through the substrate, and they instantly withdraw their limbs and slam the plate-like doors to their home shut. There isn’t much variation in their response; they can’t get up and run away, they can’t leap out use kung-fu on an interloper, all they can do is hide behind their armored shells, and that’s what they do as a reaction to any stimulus.

Barnacles are completely lacking in curiosity. It makes sense; they have very tiny brains, and all they want is to be left alone to strain the water for nutrients. For a barnacle, curiosity would be a dangerous vice. Any intrusion on their routine is a risk, and they don’t need to analyze…just slam the doors shut.

While there may be few tidepools in Minnesota, I can find some in the pages of the NY Times. Stanley Fish is apparently some species of barnacle. James Leach of the National Endowment for the Humanities gave a lecture titled “Is There an Inalienable Right to Curiosity?”, which has stirred Fish to protest. I think. In a wonderfully consistent pattern that I’m sure would meet the approval of barnacles everywhere, he doesn’t actually express an opinion directly himself. Instead, he merely reports what others have said. We must deduce his opinion from the fact that he only quotes critics of curiosity. Curiosity is the original sin, you know: we can blame all of our suffering on a god who righteously slapped down a couple of people for daring to be curious.

When God told Adam he could eat of all the fruits of the Garden of Eden, but not of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, he placed what has been called a “provoking object” in Adam’s eyes. The provocation was to go beyond the boundaries God had established and thereby set himself up a rival deity, a being with no limits on what he can conceive, a being whose intellect could, in time, comprehend anything and everything. Such a being would imagine himself, God-like, standing to the side of the universe and, armed only with the power of his mind, mastering its intricacies. Those who engage in this fantasy, says Thomas Aquinas, think “they are doing something great, if with surpassing curiosity and keenness they explore the whole mass of this body which we call the world; so great a pride is thus begotten, that one would think they dwelt in the very heavens about which they argue.”

Another churchman, Lorenzo Scupoli, put it this way in 1589: “They make an idol of their own understanding” (“Knowledge puffeth up,” I Corinthians 8:1). Pascal said it succinctly: “Curiosity is only vanity.” Jonathan Robinson, writing in this century, makes the same point: “What we are talking about is the desire to satisfy our curiosity on any and every conceivable subject that takes our fancy” (“Spiritual Combat Revisited”).

Isn’t that fascinating? If barnacles could imagine and could write, that’s precisely what they’d say, too. There is a hallowed tradition in certain scholarly circles of simply quoting famous dead white guys who agree with you in order to lend your words some authority that reason cannot bestow on them, and Stanley Barnacle has this same attitude. When someone quotes stodgy old promoters of the status quo who insist that human knowledge must have limits, we must go no further than we have up to this century, though, I have to note that they’ve all been irrefutably proven wrong by the time the next century rolls around. I am unpersuaded. Actually, I’m anti-persuaded. There’s something about citing a 5th century bishop telling everyone to stop exploring the world that has the effect of convincing this 21st century secularist to go turn over a few more rocks.

Give this indictment of men in love with their own capacities a positive twist and it becomes a description of the scientific project, which includes among its many achievements space travel, a split atom, cloning and the information revolution. It is a project that celebrates the expansion of knowledge’s boundaries as an undoubted good, and it is a project that Chairman Leach salutes when he proudly lists the joint efforts by the University of Virginia and the N.E.H. to digitalize just about everything. “The computer revolution,” he announces, “holds out the prospect that the digital library could be become an international citadel for the pursuit of curiosity.”

That’s exactly what Paul Griffiths, professor of divinity at Duke University, is afraid of. Where Leach welcomes the enlargement of curiosity’s empire, Griffiths, who is writing a book on the vice of curiosity, sees it as a sign of moral and spiritual danger: “Late modern societies that are fundamentally shaped by the overwhelming presence of electronic media and the obscene inundation of every aspect of human life by pictures and sounds have turned the vice of curiosity into a prescribed way of life” (“Reason and the Reasons of Faith”). The prescriptions come in the form of familiar injunctions: follow the inquiry as far as it goes, leave no stone unturned, there is always more to know, the more information the better. “In a world where curiosity rules,” Griffiths declares, “unmasking curiosity as a destructive and offensive device . . . amounts to nothing less than a . . . radical critique of superficiality and constant distraction.”

Oh, no! Digitizing books? Heresy! We should be reading marks chiseled in stone or clay, as the gods intended!

I would have been shocked that an academic would condemn curiosity as a “vice”, as “destructive and offensive”, as “superficiality and constant distraction”, since exercising our curiosity, and fostering curiosity in our students, is supposed to be one of our jobs. However, the barnacle gave us advance warning: it’s not just an academic, it’s a professor of divinity. Oh, well then, point taken. I can understand why a professor of nothing would resent the possibility of other human beings poking into his little niche and discovering what a hollow lie it all is.

I, with my omnipresent laptop and smartphone, my kindle and my flash drives full of pdfs, my blog and my facebook and my twitter accounts, am a walking, talking, info-flooding obscenity to these guys. I like it. Now why, though, should they find the data-driven life so disgusting? You can guess why.

Griffiths builds on the religious tradition in which curiosity is condemned because it distracts men from the study and worship of God, shackling them, says Augustine, “to an inferior love.” But curiosity can also distract men from secular obligations by so occupying their minds that there is no room left for other considerations. These men (and women) fail to register the pain of animals subjected to experiments in the name of knowledge, pay no heed to the social consequences of their investigations, and take no heed of the warnings issued in Marlowe’s “Dr. Faustus,” Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein,” H.G. Wells’ “The Island of Dr. Moreau” and Robert Louis Stevenson’s “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” (not to mention the myth of Pandora and the Incredible Hulk).

God likes his people uninformed, ignorant, and close-minded. With good reason: if his followers aren’t that way, they might discover what a sham the priests have erected. I reject such self-serving excuses.

The social consciousness argument has a little more weight, but is still unconvincing. Scientists have changed the world, and that always causes stresses on society, the kinds of stresses that writers like the ones he cites have explored. That does not imply that scientists are somehow outside of the culture they are changing; we do pay attention, we have to. The point is, though, that we change social realities because we are bringing about greater understanding of material realities, and if our beliefs about how the universe works are confronted with the reality of how the universe works, we think it is the beliefs that ought to change, because the universe is not going to bend to our convenience. We are responsive to nature, not the contrived dogma of theologians.

As for his dig against animal experimentation…he’s clueless and has never been in a research lab. We care very much about the comfort of our animals.

They are obsessive and obsessed and exhibit, says John Henry Newman, something akin to a mental disorder. “In such persons reason acts almost as feebly and as impotently as in the madman: once fairly started on a subject, they have no power of self-control” (“The Idea of a University”). They have no power of self-control because they have no allegiance — to a deity, to human flourishing, to community — that might serve as a check on their insatiable curiosity. (Curiosity is inherently insatiable; its satisfactions are only momentary; there is always another horizon.)

In short, curiosity — sometimes called research, sometimes called unfettered inquiry, sometimes called progress, sometimes called academic freedom — is their God. The question, posed by thinkers from Aquinas to Augustine to Newman to Griffiths, is whether this is the God — the God, ultimately, of self — we want to worship. Given the evidence, including Chairman Leach’s address, the answer would seem to be yes.

Wow. Curiosity as a mental disorder: are these people not primates? It’s a behavior that practically defines us naked monkeys! There is no greater joy and no more satisfying experience than exploring new avenues and discovering new ideas. It’s what makes us civilized humans and not cows or jellyfish or barnacles. It’s how Stanley Fish ends up clucking over our insatiable desire to learn more and do more…on the internet, with his computer, from his position as an academic at a university. It’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think? He should at least be living in a cave, draped in animal skins, and scrawling his treatises in charcoal on flat pieces of rock.

Or better yet, his ideal life of the mind would be better spent sessile, locked in a limestone shell, with his only interaction with the world being the gentle scraping of his environment for little slimy gleanings of food. He could worship god as he did so, as well.

The rest of us…well, we’ll try to reach a little higher and a little deeper, and enjoy our curiosity.

Time to activate Team Canada!

Uh, there is a Team Canada, isn’t there? Many of you may have noticed that Dennis Markuze has been going on a commenting spree lately. He’s leaving a few hundred threatening messages a day, which I clean up as I find them, and has also said he is emailing these threats to every individual member of my university (I haven’t verified that he has yet, but he has done so in the past). I’d say he is just another deranged spammer, except that he’s been escalating lately — the messages have become more personal and much more violent. Here’s a small sample of the terroristic threats he’s sending out:

i will execute you. the police wont save you

God told me to MURDER you…

pz and his entire family will burn in HELL…
police won’t save that fucker from me…

you will be executed without mercy…

you have forfeit your lives…
and the police wont save you…

see, the entire university is going to be destroyed because of
blaspheming PZ…
this will be sent to every member of the University…

police won’t save that fucker from me…

did you know that blasphemy is punishable by DEATH and I am here
to execute all of you?

He is quite simply insane, and unfortunately, he’s got violent delusions and is becoming increasingly frenetic in his outbursts. It’s time to call in the police. Unfortunately, he’s Canadian, so I need to contact them…and the Mounties don’t have a station down here in Minnesota. Here are some of his recent IP addresses.

whois 72.12.103.179
B2B2C Inc B2B2C-CABLE (NET-72-12-96-0-1)
72.12.96.0 – 72.12.111.255
CIDC Internal use B2B2C-CABLE1 (NET-72-12-96-0-2)
72.12.96.0 – 72.12.111.255

whois 69.70.187.234
Le Groupe Videotron Ltee VL-13BL (NET-69-70-0-0-1)
69.70.0.0 – 69.70.255.255
Videotron Ltee VL-D-QN-4546BB00 (NET-69-70-187-0-1)
69.70.187.0 – 69.70.187.255

whois 69.28.232.153
Peer 1 Network Inc. PEER1-BLK-07 (NET-69-28-192-0-1)
69.28.192.0 – 69.28.255.255
3482286 Canada Inc PEER1-3482286CANADA-02 (NET-69-28-232-0-1)
69.28.232.0 – 69.28.233.255

I suspect that he spends his insomniac nights wandering from internet cafe to internet cafe, sitting down for a while in each to tap in his rants and screeds and post them repeatedly to various blogs and forums. It makes it difficult to get his ISP to put a block on him, because he doesn’t seem to have one and is probably using public terminals. He also varies his login name and fake email address, which makes it difficult to block him on my end.

Markuze has been doing this for years and years…I remember him popping up on usenet with this nonsense. We’ve all become somewhat inured to the crazy ranting Canadian with the Nostradamus obsession, and it’s not good — at some point he’s going to snap and cause harm to himself or others, and investigators will look with considerable alarm at the rising tide of hysterical threats he has been posting and wonder why no one did anything.

So let’s do something now. I just need somebody with some knowledge of Canadian legalities to explain how. Suggestions about how to get the RCMP to take this nut seriously would be appreciated.

If nothing else, when my body is found beaten to death with a hockey stick, surrounded by scrawled quatrains from Nostradamus, you’ll all know who was responsible and will be able to point a finger. Seriously. I don’t think I’m his only declared target, and I think he’s too scrambled up in the head to make the concerted effort necessary to get all the way to Morris, Minnesota (and I have mentioned him to the local police), so I’m not barricading my doors — but he has loudly announced his desire to commit mass murder. I think the innocent residents of Ottawa or Montreal (it’s not clear where he lives) are in some danger.

The Global Darwinist Dictatorship Must Apologize to the Entire World!

I’ve been promoted. I’m now a member of a ruling cabal that forms a world dictatorship. BWAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAAHAHAAAA!

At least, that is, according to this email I just got.

Darwinism is under official protection in 95% of the countries of the world. People are forced to believe this false theory imposed on them as an official ideology.

THE GLOBAL DARWINIST DICTATORSHIP MUST APOLOGIZE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD,

  • for presenting innumerable frauds to the scientific world for 150 years,
  • for imposing Darwinism as the official ideology,
  • for trying to keep Darwinism alive by means of official protection,
  • for putting pressure on and removing pro-Creation scientists from their posts,
  • for putting anti-democratic pressure on Creationists all over the world through the press and other means…

To read further:

http://tr1.harunyahya.com/Detail/T/EDCRFV/productId/9546/THE_GLOBAL_DARWINIST_DICTATORSHIP_MUST_APOLOGIZE_TO_THE_ENTIRE_WORLD!

A Statement to Darwinists

THE DARWINIST DICTATORSHIP SHOULD APOLOGIZE:

  • For banning and burning anti-Darwinist books,
  • For refusing to permit any contrary opinions,
  • For removing scientists holding opposing ideas from their posts,
  • For forcing students to give answers in favor of the theory in university exams,
  • For deceiving the world with countless hoax fossils,
  • For concealing Cambrian period fossils for 70 years and for still hiding every new fossil discovery since they constitute evidence for Creation,
  • For concealing the impossibility of even a single protein coming into being by chance,
  • For portraying only hoax skulls as evidence of the so-called evolution of man,
    For so long imposing the lie that mutations cause evolution,
  • And for deceiving all of humanity, admitting a biased lie and nonsense, and violating the human rights of all mankind by disseminating that nonsense.

Darwinist publications constantly talk about freedom of expression and democracy. But they support the banning by the Council of Europe of the Atlas of Creation (http://www.atlasofcreation.com/), which is full of scientific evidence and has caused such a wide response across the world, and do all in their power to bring it about. Yet they oppose the banning by court decision of Richard Dawkins’ insult-filled book and articles. This is nothing more than dishonesty.

To read further:

http://tr1.harunyahya.com/Detail/T/EDCRFV/productId/9653/A_STATEMENT_TO_DARWINISTS

To follow the Darwinist propaganda:

http://www.darwinism-watch.com/

I had no idea that we had so much power. I sure wish I could use it to be able to afford a housekeeping staff for my mansion, and to buy my mansion, and to give me enough money to get a mansion (I’m on sabbatical, which means half-pay, you know) instead of using my immense powers to force students to answer biology exams. Seems kind of a waste of a dictatorship.

Anyway, it’s just noise from a member of the Adnan Oktar cult. The New Humanist has a good bio on Oktar, or Harun Yahya as he calls himself. He’s a crazy, cunning con artist who has enriched himself by peddling nonsense to the gullible.

By the way…NO APOLOGIES.

Stay classy, Ben Stein!

Now that he’s been drummed off the NY Times editorial pages, I guess Ben Stein can throw restraint to the winds.

We have … an entire party, the Democrats, whose primary constituency, besides the teachers’ unions, is homosexual men and lesbian women. I hope it won’t come as a surprise to anyone that a big part of male homosexual behavior is interest in young boys.

Why, yes, it will come as a big surprise. There is a range of homosexual behavior (just as there is a range of heterosexual behavior), and among both homo- and heterosexual men, there is a significant minority that are focused on youth. Shall we accuse most heteros of being pedophiles, too?

Besides, I think he confused “homosexual” with “Catholic priest”.

Oh, and just for that perfect addition to the above nonsense, here’s the beginning of the very next paragraph.

Don’t get me wrong. My very best friend is gay.

But why would Dawkins want to win a copy of his own book?

Denyse O’Leary has a contest: provide a copy of the source code to Dawkins’ Weasel demo. The prizes are your choice of a copy of Dawkins’ new book, The Greatest Show on Earth, or Meyer’s creationist apologetic, Signature in the Cell. It must be like that television game show where you get to choose door #1 or door #2, and one door hides a free vacation in the Bahamas while the other hides a goat.

It’s a very silly contest because a) only Dawkins could win it, and he conjures up Bahamas-quality books all the time, and probably doesn’t want a copy of Stephen Meyer’s rank little goat, and b) the question has already been settled.

The issue that has the creationists so worked up is whether the program used ‘latching’ or not. That is, this is a simple program originally written in BASIC that starts with a random string of characters, and changes them randomly, retaining the randomized versions that most closely match an arbitrary search string (in this case, “METHINKS IT IS LIKE A WEASEL”). They are hung up on this claim that the program ‘cheated’ by protecting individual letters that matched the search string from further changes.

It doesn’t matter.

If the original program did commit such fudgery (and it clearly didn’t), it wouldn’t affect the state of evolutionary biology at all. It was a simple demonstration program to help teach a basic concept. Move on, people, move on.

This was also a very, very simple program. Anyone who can write even a simple program in any computer language can whip up a version of this program in hours, and if you have any significant programming skills, it will take you a few minutes. Try it with latching, try it without. Even without it, it works just fine in matching the search string in short order.

People have done just that, it really is trivial. Except, unfortunately, for the creationists at the Discovery Institute, who are still obsessed with and baffled by a short, elementary computer program written by a biologist in a short evening. It’s no wonder they’re stumped by a cell!

Steve Anderson, hatemonger

Brace yourselves: Glenn Moon is plainly mentally ill, but what are we to make of Pastor Steve Anderson? He has a job, he has a congregation, people actually respect him…but if you go to that link, you will hear the most astonishingly deranged, hateful, creepy nonsense in his sermons.

It’s all bible-based, too. You can use that vile old book to support any evil you can imagine, I think.

Good ol’ American politics

Livonia, Michigan (Orac’s home town!) is having an election for city council. This is not newsworthy. What is amusing, however, is the candidacy of Glenn Moon, who is running on the issues of abortion, littering, and paying city employees a salary of $1 per year plus the love of Jesus Christ. He is remarkably passionate about killing babies, litter, and firing heathens.

I’ll be really curious to see how he does in the election. He’ll get some votes, guaranteed, but probably won’t get elected. Probably. Don’t rule him out, though. Who knows, he may be running for vice president of the US on a slate with Glenn Beck in 2012.

Crazy bus driver gets panties in a knot

You know the bus signs in Iowas that read, “Don’t believe in God? You are not alone”? One bus driver refused to do her job because “the message is against her Christian faith,” and was then suspended.

Somebody tell me what precisely in that message is against anyone’s faith? It simply asks whether one believes in a god (I know that is not forbidden, because Christians have asked me that), and then says that there are others with the same beliefs, which is simply a description of reality. Oh, I get it — reality is in conflict with Christianity. I can believe that.

Anyway, I think the punishment was entirely appropriate. Maybe it could have been more severe, and she should have been fired — I want my bus drivers to have some brains, after all.

Bring me the heads of Penn and Teller!

Bill Donohue has a new target: he has taken out an ad in Variety, demanding that Penn and Teller be fired, because they’ve been irreverent and sacrilegious towards the holy Catholic church.

On August 27, Showtime, owned by CBS, will feature a vicious assault on Catholics. In the season
finale of Penn & Teller’s show, they “take on the secretive inner world of The Vatican, the holy city of
Catholicism and home of the Pope.” How do we know it will defame Catholics? Because on the
show’s website, it says so: There is a Showtime Advisory for “Graphic Language, Adult Content.”

If Showtime posted that warning about a show on Islam, Muslims would brace for the worst (and so
might CBS). But Muslims need not worry: it’s not all religions that Showtime likes to trash–just
Catholicism. Indeed, Showtime is currently working on a show, “Revelation,” that promises to be at
least somewhat respectful of Protestantism.

What will the upcoming show be like? On his Twitter page, Penn Jillette brags how he rips a Catholic
encyclical on sexuality: “I’m dressed as Darth with a condom c–k light saber.” He even boasts that
the show is “hardcore,” admitting that “we attack the Vatican.” From trashing The Last Supper to
mocking Catholic prayers, anti-Catholic bigots who feed on this kind of stuff will have a stomach full.

This is not the first time Showtime has featured a vile Penn & Teller show. In 2005, Mother Teresa
was called “Mother F—ing Teresa,” and her order of nuns were branded “f—ing c–ts.” The year after,
Jillette said on his CBS radio show that Mother Teresa “got her [sexual] kicks watching people
suffer and die.”

Just recently, Jillette took after me again in his usual foul way. That doesn’t matter, but what matters
greatly is his pathological obsession with bashing Catholics and their religion. There is no legitimate
place for this kind of frontal assault on any demographic group.

CBS/Showtime needs to send Penn & Teller a message and let them know that they have crossed
the line for the last time. This should be their final season. We know that they’ve been told before to
drop the Catholic bashing, and yet they persist. By doing so, Penn & Teller have effectively stuck their
middle finger right in the eye of CBS.

I can guess how Penn and Teller are reacting to this: with jubilation. They make a living by poking authority with a sharp stick, and there is no better response than a spittle-flecked denouncement from a pompous windbag who reacts to every slight with a flurry of press releases and angry demands.

Speaking of Donohue, he has a new book out: Secular Sabotage: How Liberals are Destroying Religion and Culture in America. I think his title is half right — some of us liberals do aim to diminish religion, but it’s rather silly to suggest we’re going to get rid of culture. We just hope to make secular culture dominant.

His book has been “reviewed” by his fellow-traveler and religious suck-up, L. Brent Bozell, and it does give you a taste of the absurdities within.

“Secular Sabotage” is serious business. Donohue insists the United States should be considered unequivocally a Christian country. Eight out of ten Americans consider themselves as such. Indeed – and I didn’t realize this – the United States is the most Christian country, in quantitative terms, in the world. “In fact,” states the author, “the U.S. is more Christian than Israel is Jewish.” And yet if this is so, why can’t we celebrate Christmas? Why can’t our children pray in school? How did we just elect a president who insisted the United States ought not to be considered a Christian nation?

Wait a minute…I’m a goddamned atheist, and I celebrate Christmas. Do we have goon squads that barge into religious people’s homes now and confiscate their Christmas trees and inflatable Santa Claus lawn displays? I don’t think so.

If Mr Bozell’s children need some instruction in religious liberty, they should sit down for a little talk with Uncle PZ. Surprise: they can pray their adorable little hearts out in school if they want. There is no law that says kids can’t have a little silent prayer on their own before the big test. The thing is, though, that the public schools — those government administrators and bureaucrats, don’t you know — aren’t allowed to tell you what to pray, what god to pray to, when to pray, or whether to pray at all. They’re supposed to stay out of your religious life altogether.

And President Obama got elected because he avoided offending people with religious sensibilities and has only said that the US is a secular nation with religious liberty. Again, what that means is that the government is out of the god business (or should be, ideally), and individual Americans get to worship or not worship as they want. It’s really not hard to understand, unless of course, you make a living by stirring up people’s outrage by pretending not to understand.

The rest of the review suggests that the big focus of the book is on the Gay Conspiracy. It doesn’t mention if any small-town college professors who brutalize crackers are talked about — maybe Donohue has realized that that whole escapade made him look absurd. If somebody gets their hands on it, let me know — he hasn’t bothered to send me a review copy.

Don’t pay full price for it, though. Wait for it to show up in the remainder bins. It won’t take long.