OK, I’m trying to parse these images, but any spider limb diagram that incorporates the abdomen doesn’t work. The coxa (the proximate segment of the limb) attaches to the cephalothorax, not the abdomen, so the first two images simply do not fit. The third, maybe, but only if the pants hang so low they don’t cover the coxa, trochanter, and femur.
Maybe this diagram of the ventral cephalothorax will help.
I’m sorry if my pedantry ruins the joke, but spiders wouldn’t wear pants.
drickard says
How about “Flashdance”-style leg warmers?
lochaber says
aren’t pants more to cover the butt/crotch then the legs themselves? So a spider could just wear a beanie over it’s abdomen, although that would get in the way of spinneret use…
blf says
The mildly deranged penguin says those are alien spiders, Jeansi victimafashion, thought to be from somewhere to the northwest of Sagittarius (possibly the Red Spider Nebula?). Not much is known about them, other than they preen around in groups, and eat small salads (making them a very rare herbivore spider).
Marcus Ranum says
Leg warmers, or stockings with garters. I would be surprised if sockdreams doesn’t carry them.
naturalcynic says
Since most of the spiders you are interested in are the classy ladies, maybe they are old fashioned and can use a garter belt and old fashioned stockings with the seams and then add little shoes with high heels. A totally retro-fashion statement.
Or is that too kinky?
birgerjohansson says
Maybe you should ask Herr Doctor Johannes Cabal, his girlfriend is an arachnid shape-changer from Hell.
(his literary creator Jonathan L Howard has also written more Lovecraft-centric works)
Ray Ceeya says
I think they’d give up and just wear kilts.
davidc1 says
You need a long holiday Doc ,you have started doing old lady things .
Erlend Meyer says
I’m with Marcus #4: Leggings for sure. And a tube top.
tacitus says
Surely depends on how old they are…
LykeX says
Might be more interesting to consider “if spiders wore clothes, what kind of clothes would it be?” No reason to start with the assumption that they’d have anything similar to pants.
Why would spiders want to wear clothes? For warmth or other environmental protection? For armor protecting against other spiders? For social reasons, maybe indicating rank or family ties? What parts of their body are most prominent to other spiders? Which parts are most exposed to danger? How do they move and how does that dictate the design? Which of these factors are general for all spiders and which are specific to the type of spider?
The Vicar (via Freethoughtblogs) says
@#11, LykeX:
Would they knit their clothing from their own silk, or would that be weird, like humans wearing clothes made from human hair?
John Morales says
… and how would they wear spectacles?
unclefrogy says
if they were worn as protective clothing they would probably prefer chaps
if they were worn for modesty i have no idea what look like or be called
Ray Ceeya says
@12
Vicar! You’re on to something there!!! Sounds like an awesome premise for an alien civilization in a sci-fi novel.
WhiteHatLurker says
Thongs to barely cover the spinnerets? (Silk of course)
blf says
Eight years and 2m arachnids later, spider silk fabrics go on show in London, “Garments made from silk of golden orb-weavers form part of exhibition of curious objects connected to natural world”.
crocswsocks says
Spider pants, spider pants
Does whatever a spider can’ts
bcw bcw says
I always figured your spiders were into fishnet weave, string bikinis or thongs.
seachange says
Spiders are sensible enough to be naked, humans should learn a thing or two and do the same.
Ridana says
Sorry, but the commentary calls for a reprise of this:
“This butt don’t sweat, but it can knit you a sweater! You ain’t never gonna see a better sweater-weather sweater than a butt-knit sweater!”
Really, with a shiny hiney like this, who would ever wear pants?
DanDare says
Some spiders do demonstrate how they would go about wearing plate armour.