My wife and I went on a date last night and saw Atomic Blonde. She enjoyed it — it was the late showing, and she has a tendency to nod off in the theater if there’s any slack in the pacing, but she was bolt upright and wide awake the whole time — and I liked the twisty spy novel plot and shady characters with underhanded schemes. But two major questions were unresolved.
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If Lorraine Broughton and John Wick got in a fight, how high would the body count be? Note that I’m not asking who would win, because we all know they would both emerge bloody and battered but victorious, but how much havoc would be wreaked upon assorted minions, passers-by, and crime/spy chiefs? I give the edge to John right now, but only because he’s had two movies and more practice. Lorraine needs a sequel to even it up.
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How much did German rent-a-thugs get paid? It can’t have been more than the equivalent of $50K/year, right? Maybe bump it up a bit if they get some kind of hazard bonus, and maybe they’re better off than that with fantastic free healthcare (they need it), but whatever it was, it couldn’t account for the knock-down-drag-out fights they were getting into. Fierce woman charges into a guy, punches him so hard he flies up against a wall; he draws a knife and launches himself into her, she disarms him, stabs him hard in the back, stabs him a few more times in the chest, and he staggers back; he lurches forward again, wham-bam-wham, she pounds him in the face; he reaches for a gun, she throws him down the stairs. What’s his motivation? I mean, if it were me, at the first punch I’d be thinking to myself I’m going to be laid up for a week, it’s going to take more than a couple of ibuprofens to get over this, I’m not getting paid enough for this crap, I think I’ll just take a little nap right here. Heck, just the look on Charlize Theron’s determined angry face would have me backing up and saying “Lady, you win.” But they kept coming!
It’s a very angry movie, and I needed that. It’s also stylish and has a great soundtrack, if you like 80s music. For some reason, Theron reminded me of Iris — I recommend that no one or no thing pick a fight with her.
I think in the movies the bad guys always do it because they’re evil, not because they have a wife and kids to feed.
I think in the movies the bad characters always do it because the actors do have a family to feed.
Maybe this attitude is why I’m not “into” movies very much…
Not a fan of Keanu so I would be biased. I would wonder if Theron’s character would fight or team up with Mallory Kane (Gina Carano) from Haywire. The latter’s showdown with Channing Tatum sold me.
Anyway this Atomic Blonde sounds worth watching.
Well, you’d think that people would eventually learn not to be surprised by Dump’s continued bad behavior, but that keeps happening.
I’d kill John Wick for Lorraine’s wardrobe.
There should be an star all female action star Expendables type movie. Charlize Theron, Gina Carano, Zoe Saldana, Michelle Rodriguez, Angelina Jolie…
That would be cool.
hemidactylus@#6:
That’s a great idea, really.
hemidactylus@#6: The Hollywood Hills are alive with the sound of, “A franchise is born”. Expect to see it within a few years.
obscure1: “Expect to see it within a few years.”
Expect to see the mantrums commence immediately, for “ruining” The Expendables.
Yep, it’s true: whenever ladies remake a Manly Movie™, they confiscate all existing copies of it and replace them all with the girly version, thus retroactively ruining their childhoods. Or something.
All I can think of is that bit from Iron Man 3 where Tony wrecks all the dudes, points a gun at one of the henchmen and is response is “Honestly, I hate working here, they are so weird.” as he tosses the gun away.
That would be me.
Which is why I am never headhunted by any kind of evil agency.
Silly people from 6-8, you don’t think that, well…
http://metro.co.uk/2016/07/12/sylvester-stallones-female-led-the-expendables-is-coming-and-it-still-has-a-silly-name-6001860/
http://deadline.com/2016/07/sly-stallone-denies-involvement-female-expendables-expendabelles-1201785667/
Apparently the only question is if Stallone is part of it or not. Now will it actually happen? I don’t want to load up on links, but those two stories are from 2016 (and on the same day), but it dates back to at least 2012 so the only question is if it’s going to actually happen or not. We are, however, getting a female Ocean’s 11 that actually is happening.
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Now, what I was going to originally comment on was an issue brought up in the post that is a question I’ve long wondered in the movies – when face with an apparently unstoppable force, why do all the minions, lackeys, and henchmen keep fighting? Do they think, “Jeff’s face was just punched off, but he was never the best fighter and… oh no, there go more faces! I’m better than them though so I will be the one to end this”? I can understand when all the goons are zealots or are more afraid of what the boss will do to them than they are of dying, but most of the time I don’t understand why they wouldn’t just think, “Jeff’s face was just punched off! Screw this, I’m out of here!”
It does happen on occasion, but it’s far too rare.
Well, see, this is why you failed the job interview, PZ, and have to make ends meet by professoring now. There are people, I am led to believe, who enjoy fighting or at any rate won’t just curl up into a ball when hit, who will take some pride in being able to shrug off injury (wisely or not) to get the job done or protect their client. It’s like what’s expected of one for being a soldier: to keep your mind on the mission and seek medical help only when the mission’s accomplished or you can’t function anymore.
Plus there’s the tactical consideration that playing dead in the presence of these characters just leads to them coup de grace-ing you with a headshot so that you can’t change your mind and ambush them after you’ve recovered. So you may as well go down fighting, just in case it’s not John Wick but some wannabe who isn’t plot-protected.
TabbyLavalamp @11: IMDB says “Expendabelles” is in development, but with no actors lined up, but a few former female bodybuilders. I don’t see it happening yet, but here’s a link http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2460698/?ref_=fn_tt_tt_5
My sources in the Man-O-Sphere tell me they hate this movie. That fact alone is enough to get it on my “must watch” list.
[SPOILER ALERT]
I won’t see Atomic Blonde because of the death scene of the female love interest. She’s stated to be a lesbian, and from what I hear she is unnecessarily killed in a highly sexualized way by a man. No thanks, come back with a spy movie where we’re not just retreading toxic tropes with gay women.
#11- Tabby Lavalamp
From your first link:
“The only way in: some of the world’s deadliest female operatives must pose as high-class call-girls shipped in by private plane to satisfy a dictator–and instead save the scientist and the day.”
Egads! Not close to what I had in mind. I regret invoking Expendables beyond the multi-star cast. I was thinking of something more dignified and grittier. Something dark and heavy that pushes the envelope and explodes stereotypes along with cars and buildings. Nothing campy as in Machete Kills. The intrigue and plot twisting of Salt. The intensity of Haywire and Colombiana. Lacking the restraint of Equalizer/Man on Fire to bring in a guy role comparison. No catch phrases. Ok Michelle Rodriguez gets a catch phrase (and an eye patch). Something that when the credits role they carry me out on a stretcher. The week after the release dudebro/MRA blogs,tubes, and casts fall silent forever. That movie.
#11- Tabby Lavalamp
Hmm, last post failed. But your first link above said:
“The only way in: some of the world’s deadliest female operatives must pose as high-class call-girls shipped in by private plane to satisfy a dictator–and instead save the scientist and the day.”
Not exactly what I had in mind. Something more dignified and grittier.
#11- Tabby Lavalamp
My browser seems to be bugging out. Here’s another try. Your first link says:
“The only way in: some of the world’s deadliest female operatives must pose as high-class call-girls shipped in by private plane to satisfy a dictator–and instead save the scientist and the day.”
Not exactly what I had in mind. Something more dignified and grittier.
pita @14: Yeah, that sounds like a good reason not to see it.
@14 I didn’t know about that going in, but I was very disappointed by that as well. I enjoyed the movie up to that point.
I agree, a version of The Expendables with an all woman cast is a movie I’d be interested in seeing. To be honest, though, I’ve had no interest in seeing The Expendables yet, so maybe I wouldn’t.
However, I am thoroughly disappointed in all the commenters here talking about it. I was sure someone would have come up with an awesome name for that movie by now, and, no, The Expendabelles as Tabby revealed is not a good name for the movie. Neither is the plotline stated above by hemidactylus. It’s not that I have a good name in my head, it’s just that I had faith someone else here would.
I’ve heard people lauding this film and panning it in equal measure. Let’s say for the sake of argument that it’s a fine melding of literature, action, music, SciFi, and philosophy and that the characters are all an order of magnitude better than Hollywood ever produces.
Whatever: The film (and, apparently, the character) is called “Atomic Blonde”
Atomic.
Blonde.
Why didn’t they just call it “Rocket Tits Kicks Ass”, embrace the objectivism, and spare us the embarrassment of pretending it’s anything other than adolescent arousal material?
Due to a miscommunication, I thought this movie was a sequel to “Legally Blonde”, except Elle goes to grad school in physics.
“a version of The Expendables with an all woman cast”
Name suggestion: Go with the simplicity of “Snakes in a Plane”:
“Ladies, Guns and Explosions” or “Absolut Blast”
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-Maybe we should try to get a better version of “Ghost In the Shell”? -If the protagonist experiences non-discursive dismantling (is hit by a nuke) you just upload the memories to chassis #2 .
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..and the baddies in AB are obviously cheap knockoffs of the T-1000 series androids. Tough, but lacking offensive capabilities.
Which reminds me of…”Never mind killer robots – even the good ones are scarily unpredictable” https://phys.org/news/2017-08-mind-killer-robots-good-scarily.html
So if you set out to make Robocop, you might end up with Bender?
@14 and others – in the original, the love interest was male and killed in the same fashion. They made the character female but otherwise did everything the same. It added a capable female character, but also some troublesome tropes.
I had three issues with the film: She made smoking look wonderful, She drank vodka like water, and the film ignored one of the happiest moments in the West in many, many years; the fall of the Berlin wall.
All in all, not something I’d want to leave for my children.
You are focusing on there being enough carrot for the villainous mooks to stay in the fight, but you forget that they very often have to contend with a stick as well. The classic Russian Commissar stick in fact: “Yes, going up against her will certainly get you hurt and possibly get you killed. Not going up against her or faking your way out of it too soon will absolutely get you killed, _painfully_.”
pita @ #14: that’s actually why I skipped this one, as well. They showed that in one of the trailers, so I looked more information on it and… yeah, I’m good. Which sucks, because the film actually looks good, but yeah… I don’t want to watch that.
bojac6 @ #22: is it bad that, in my eyes, that actually makes it worse? They had a chance to flip the woman-in-refrigerator trope, but decided against it (although that still would have invited a different annoying/toxic trope, as the lead woman’s story would then revolve around a man)? If they had removed that scene entirely, or she had managed to beat him and survive (going into hiding to be a deus-ex-machina in the end), I’d be more interested…