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<falls down laughing>

Take a tour of Ben Carson’s house, and you’ll be laughing too.

Would you believe he has a portrait of himself with Jesus on the wall?

carsonandjesus

The sad thing is that a lot of people will see Carson’s monument to vanity and kitsch as tasteful, and will resent anyone who does the pointing and laughing.

“Food” does not “cleanse” “toxins” » « FtBCon4: call for proposals

Comments

  5. wonderpants says

    I will give him points for having Jesus as a more plausible black/brown, rather than the usual blond blue eyed version.

  10. karpad says

    I’m down with brown-jesus.
    I’m less down with the fact that brown-jesus has a chevron-shaped skull?

    skulls aren’t supposed to have right angle points above the ears

  15. otranreg says

    ‘By humility and… poverbs’ — that plaque is just brilliant.

    @10 karpad
    It’s clear that his Jesus is a Ferengi in disguise. Which is a nice thought to have in one’s head.

  16. madscientist says

    Hmm .. Jeeezus must be from the “Lost Tribe” – his skin’s a bit too dark to be from any of the other mythical Jewish tribes. Then again this could be a case of Gawd being created in Ben Carson’s image and with Jeezus being Gawd, Jeezus must look like Ben Carson.

  18. starskeptic says

    Ha! The laugh’s on PZ – as that is the actual album cover from a demo that Christ & Carson cut while they were college room-mates.

  20. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    I’m down with brown-jesus.
    I’m less down with the fact that brown-jesus has a chevron-shaped skull?
    skulls aren’t supposed to have right angle points above the ears

    Oh, Karpad, you have it exactly. How did you suck those thoughts out of my skull?

  21. sayke says

    I’m digging this portrayal. “Sell your coat and buy a sword” makes a lot more sense if Jesus was a Klingon.

  23. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    Yeah, that’s because you buy into the myth that Klingons have forehead wrinkles. I saw TOS. I know the truth. That banded forehead on Jesus isn’t going to trick me into thinking he’s a post-WoK Klingon.

    Besides, even if he was a Klingon and even if they did acquire forehead wrinkles, that was post-2150 unless you believe that “forehead wrinkles was the ancestral state modified in the 2150s through genetic engineering that borrowed human tech to gain physiological advances that were eventually sacrificed because of the unintended viral consequences” theory that certain people would have us believe…

    But just think of how many holes THAT theory has in it. Use your skepticism, people! Jesus was half-Ferengi/half-human!

  27. Ice Swimmer says

    Judging by the pictures, Carson has built a church for dedicated for himself. The awards in the cue sports room and elsewhere are sort of OK (at least they are recognition from other people and it’s actually polite to have them on the walls if people proposing or granting them were to visit), but the rest of what is shown doesn’t say “home” to me.

  30. mickll says

    By Humility And The Fear Of The Lord Are Riches, Honor And Life: proverbs 22:4

    By…humility?

    Wow.

  31. Ice Swimmer says

    Tony @ 24

    Now I’m waiting for some Christians to come up with triaphysitic christology (Human, divine and Klingon nature). The disputes about the nature of Christ (incredible theological hairsplitting that will give you a headache if you look into it) didn’t go without bloodshed back in the 300s and 400s. Wonder how much more bloody would it have been if the Klingon nature had been included.

  32. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    @A. Noyd:

    But why is Klingon Jesus dressed like a Jedi?

    Is he? Or is he dressed like Spock in The Voyage Home? I don’t remember that movie very well (mercifully).

  34. says

    No, he’s dressed like Worf when he is training others in Klingon martial arts. Because Jesus was all about the martial arts.

  38. Richard Smith says

    It’s a level of creepiness above those “With You Always” pictures. At least Jesus’s head looks relatively normal (if rather caucasian) in those.

  39. microraptor says

    A. Noyd @28

    But why is Klingon Jesus dressed like a Jedi?

    Because Carson wanted to make it look just like it was out of his favorite show: Battlestar Galactica.

  40. says

    chigau@33 that Jesus does look like he’s wearing an obi around his waist, doesn’t he? As for Carson he looks like he posed for it while wearing something from his Miami Vice era wardrobe.

  41. Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden says

    @Artor, #36 –

    that’s just because you did too much LDS in the 60’s.

    Androgyne did I walk right into that one!

    True story: I, like many, many people whenever that movie came out, did not know that “LDS” had its own meaning related to thought-alteration.

    When I later learned that Mormonism often went by the acronym LDS I realized how truly awesome that line was. It had already been a memorable mistake by a scholar who studied earth’s 20th century (and even visited it twice before – and a planet nearly identical to 20th century earth but with major religious differences) and thought he remembered some of the cultural details better than he actually did. With the knowledge “mormonism/Mormon church = LDS” it became sublime.

  42. What a Maroon, oblivious says

    Jesus as Klingon? Bah! Everyone knows that the Klingon gods were more trouble than they were worth.

  43. Snoof says

    What a Maroon, oblivious @ 42

    Jesus as Klingon? Bah! Everyone knows that the Klingon gods were more trouble than they were worth.

    Which is why they were crucified! It all fits together!

  44. F.O. says

    It puzzles me that people with such inflated, unassailable egos are also considered charismatic and have large follows.
    Speaking mostly about Carson, but Jesus seemed to be a bit there too, what with the “I am the son of God” thing and all.

  45. A. Noyd says

    microraptor (#39)


    Because Carson wanted to make it look just like it was out of his favorite show: Battlestar Galactica.

    *snicker* He’s a fake everything else. May as well be a fake geek boy, too.

  46. lotharloo says

    Is Jesus asking for campaign donations?

    Hopefully Carson is going to blow up at the polls. He has to. Trump in comparison is starting to look reasonable.

  47. says

    Love the way Jesus is posing in the picture, like he’s presenting Carson as an example of his work that he’s really proud of.

    “Hey, bros. Check out my man Ben, here! Isn’t he AWESOME???”

  49. Holms says

    Wait, holy shit I figured it out. Ben Carson posing with Jesus. Ben Carson is a neurosurgeon. Jesus’ forehead has visibly caved in. Ben Carson stole Jesus’ brain. Jesus didn’t resurrect, he was raised as a brainless zombie. But wait, go deeper. The zombie Jesus was only the body, where did the brain go? Ben Carson is permanently sleepy. Sleepy. Dopey? Doped, knocked out… anaesthetised. Jesus’ brain jumped ship into Ben Carson’s body to avoid execution 2,000 years ago. Carson isn’t ‘low energy,’ he’s posessed by Body Snatcher Jesus.

    P.S.
    That picture? That’s not some sappy religious kitsch, it’s a trophy. Jesus is gloating at both his victim and his thwarted fate. It’s a double selfie.

  52. peterh says

    @ #’s 6 & 21

    I have yet to see a modern depiction of Jesus – the above gooey kitch included – where he doesn’t look Norwegian. Or possibly Hungarian. Or anything on two legs that doesn’t look at all like a Palestinian Jew.

  53. says

    To distract the populace from the zombie-Jesus-brain currently housed in his head, Ben Carson recently trotted out every President Obama conspiracy theory:

    “I do not remember this level of scrutiny for one President Barack Obama when he was running,” Carson observed. “In fact I remember just the opposite. I remember people saying, ‘Oh we won’t really talk about that. We won’t talk about that relationship. Well, Frank Marshall Davis, well, we don’t want to talk about that. Bernardine Dohrn, Bill Ayers, well we don’t really know him. All the things that Jeremiah Wright was saying, oh, not a big problem.”

    Carson then called into question Obama’s educational achievements, repeating a widely debunked theory that Obama’s educational records are being kept secret by some sort of court order.

    “[Obama] goes to Occidental College, doesn’t do all that well, and somehow ends up at Columbia University,” Carson asserted. “Well… his records are sealed. Why is his record sealed? What are you not interested in why his records are sealed? Why are you not interested in that? Let me ask you that. Can someone tell me why, please?” He then demanded to know “how there is equivalency [sic] there” between “something that happened with the words ‘a scholarship was offered’ was a big deal, but the president of the United States, his academic records being sealed, is not.” […]

    Were Carson familiar with the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974, he would know that federal law protects the privacy of all students’ educational records and that his own educational records would also be protected, only to be released to the public if he opted to do so.

    But Carson has made it clear that he believes knowledge of public policy is not essential to be president. “There are a lot of policies that I lack knowledge on,” he told reporters during a book signing on Thursday. “I’m gaining knowledge. But I don’t by any stretch of the imagination confess to knowing everything. That’s the reason you have advisers. … It’s a false narrative that you have to know everything.”

    Link

    Okay. I think something went terribly wrong when the Jesus brain jumped ship (was extracted?) from bathrobe Jesus’s body.

  55. What a Maroon, oblivious says

    Snoof @ 43,

    Klingons wouldn’t crucify their gods. There’s no honor in that. They would rip out their hearts and eat them while their still beating.

    Jesus is a Bajoran. Passive-aggressive, pretends to be ever-patient and peaceful but won’t hesitate to kill the heretic, loves to play the martyr.

  56. Ice Swimmer says

    carolineborduin @ 54

    Maybe cooling off after having been in the hot room (you’re supposed to be naked in the actual sauna). Jesus is apparently expecting someone to give him a beer.

  59. leerudolph says

    I am struck by how similar the skin tones of Carson and Jesus are in that painting; both are considerably paler than Carson in his photographs, but darker than Jesus in standard Euro-(White)American devotional paintings. And their beard styles in the painting are nearly identical.

  60. Moggie says

    Good grief, the ego on this guy!

    “…those times when you see only one set of footprints? It was then that I carried you.”
    “Ben, FFS, that’s supposed to be my line!”

  61. Dark Jaguar says

    Jesus is a robot. I’ve got nothing in scripture or silly jokes to base that on, but it’s the truth, it’s what I believe, at least for now.

    Why does Jesus’ head look all lumpy?