Yeah, sure, I wouldn’t mind visiting heaven. Round trip ticket, though, please.
Actually, it’s a real genre of books: all these crappy stories about people dying and recounting their visit with Grandpa and Jesus before getting revivified by doctors. It’s been a huge windfall for Christian publishing houses.
Published in 2004, 90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Life and Death is Piper’s travelogue through God’s kingdom, experienced during the hour and a half he was pronounced dead at the scene of a traffic accident. In that short amount of time, he reconnected with loved ones, joined a celestial choir and marched to the gates of heaven. The book became an instant blockbuster, going on to sell 6 million copies and spend more than five years on the New York Times best-seller list.
Since then, Piper’s breakthrough success has paved the way for dozens of other Christians to write books about their miraculous near-death experiences, some of which have made fortunes for their publishers, booksellers and authors.
But now the market is collapsing, all because an author of one of these books, Alex Malarkey, has come out and admitted that he made it all up. I stand with my fellow atheists in saying, “Yep, we knew it all along…no surprise there at all,” but apparently it shocked evangelical Christians.
The news broke on Friday, causing shockwaves to ripple through the Christian community and generating dozens of headlines across secular media. In the days since, Malarkey’s revelation has cast a spotlight on a highly profitable and popular genre of Christian literature known as “heaven tourism.” Moreover, it has emboldened evangelicals who have long criticized the proliferation of such books, while sending publishers, booksellers and authors into a defensive crouch.
Some, as mentioned above, have been criticizing the genre all along, but I can’t believe there could be so much surprise at this turn of events — the stories were all ludicrous, silly, wish-fulfillment fantasies that made no sense at all, and were typically self-serving. I suspect much of the shock is at the fact that a fellow Christian (Malarkey still believes in Christianity) actually came out and openly admitted that he’d been serving up a load of horseshit. What? Could it be that someone might also admit that they’re not really hearing the voice of Jesus when they pray, too?
But I did enjoy the I-knew-it-all-along arguments from the objectors. This is hilarious.
Over the years, Peters and others, like popular evangelical pastor John MacArthur, have penned critical essays and books about the genre, highlighting their inconsistencies with one another, as well as the contradictions each poses to the Bible. They have also delivered sermons that condemn heaven tourism, while some in the Christian publishing world hammer the industry’s earthly appetite for money.
“They don’t care about the truth. They care about what sells,” Johnson says. “Evangelicals have been poisoned by the industry’s profit-driven pragmatism.”
Right. You blather on about Jesus’s will and the divinity of the Bible, and you care about the truth. And you think that Christianity isn’t already tainted in a thousand ways with profit-seeking. John MacArthur made over half a million dollars in 2011.
Hypocrites, frauds, and liars, every one of them.
What a load of malarkey.
I mean, seriously, your surname is Malarkey and you write a book about a life-after-death experience? Really?
Sadly, they were performing John Cage’s 4’33” making it seem more like 85 minutes 27 seconds in heaven, but the publisher vetoed that title.
Maybe now they’ll stop harping on about it.
I’ll get me coat…
Step right up,…….
I have only experienced brain death once and that was in the course of an alien anal probe. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize the crossover potential.
I’m gonna be rich! Thanks PZ!
You’d think the fact that Don Piper apparently came back to life after being dead for 90 minutes would be far more important that the usual bits about Heaven. Of course Piper wasn’t actually dead for 90 minutes, the paramedics simply screwed up and missed that PIper was very much alive. Assuming of course Piper was telling the truth in the first place that they thought he was dead.
We really are missing an opportunity. Every pharmacy I have ever been in has had a little carousel of books near where you get your prescriptions filled, and it is chock-full of utter crap (e.g., I saw a Ray Comfort book last week, along with heaven tourism stuff, daily bible meditations, etc.). Among the FtB writers, we could probably fill an equivalent carousel with books at least as worthy (ah, the benefits of setting a very low bar) of buying as this tripe.
On second thought, I’ve never actually seen anyone at all look at these books, let alone buy them.
Never mind.
To be fair to Alex Malarkey, he had the accident when he was 6 and it left with with a lot of problems. The book was published a few years later by his father, Kevin Malarkey, who just happened to be a Christian Therapist. Not just a therapist who happens to be Christian, but one where Christianity comes first. Apparently Alex had no intention to con the world, just get his six year old self some family attention. It was his dad who actually wrote the book.
Further, according to Alex’s mom, who is divorced from Kevin and takes care of Alex, Alex hasn’t seen any money from the book, nor from the TV movie made from the book.
I have nothing but sympathy for the kid. His dad, however, is a roaring asshole.
I am reminded of the man who arrived in Heaven, & asked St Peter if he might be able to meet St Paul, (of Tarsus), his hero. “Yes, of course”, said Peter, “but we’ll have to visit Hell, where he has a cell.”
“Why is he in Hell?” the man asked, incredulously. Peter replied, “Because he had impure thoughts, abused his body by castrating himself, & took the piss out of The Crucifixion, by asking to have his own carried out upside down.”
So the man followed Peter down to Hell, & they found Paul, old, fat & ugly, bearded, & stinking in his cramped cell, but incredibly, he had a beautiful blonde with an hourglass figure, perched on his lap.
The man looked at Peter, & asked, “Is that his punishment, then?” “Oh no”, said Peter. This is her punishment. He gets his later.
It’s worth reading Michael Dean’s article in the guarding on this. http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/jan/21/boy-who-came-back-from-heaven-alex-malarkey
It appears that while Alex did originally make claims about having been to heaven, he didn’t actually write any of the book and he and his mother have been saying large parts of the book are false since before it was published. The article doesn’t cast his father or the publishers in a good light.
I thought it was going to be about reenacting Flatliners
I’ve never been to Heaven and I see that they went into administration in 2012 due to dodgy business practices.
Not that Heaven?
Never mind.
Flatliners was kind of a stupid movie (IMDB gives it 6.5) but I remember finding it entertaining when it came out.
I especially liked the blankets that could switch color from red (warm) to blue (cold) that would somehow induce temporary death. Even though it didn’t make any sense, it would be cool to have something like that.
Visit to heaven? No thanks. If decades of listening to metal has taught me anything, it’s that hell has way better music anyway. (Even if the Devil could possibly take the form of Ned Flanders.)
My favorite “heaven tourism” is in James Branch Cabell’s Jurgen, wherein the title character gets himself into heaven by pretending to be a missing pope. (Professional courtesy requires that all popes get into heaven automatically, at least in Jurgen’s world.) Since Pope John XXI miscounted when he took his papal name (he should have been John XX), no John XX existed. Thus when Jurgen arrived at the gates of heaven, he introduced himself as John XX. Heaven’s minions checked, discovered no John XX in residence, and assumed Jurgen was who he claimed to be. Come on in, Your Holiness!
I liked Heinlein on Heaven Tourism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stranger_in_a_Strange_Land
More Heaven (and Hell) tourism.
[Link]
@dick #9
Dude, misogynistic jokes are not funny.
Can I tour any Heaven? I’d really like to spend a long weekend in the Elysian Fields, with an evening out to Valhalla.
I agree with microraptor @18.
Dick, that “joke” was not funny. Give some thought to exactly what punishment the woman in the “joke” would be receiving. Hint: she’s sitting in his lap.
So, do the mugs who lapped up this crap get their money back?
Thought not…
Kevin Malarkey has published a couple of books. Check out the ironic title of this puff piece promoting his latest offering: Being honest with my son
As opposed to the other ludicrous, silly, wish-fulfillment fantasies that make no sense at all and are typically self-serving, that all those people already believe. Once you believe that much horseshit, a little fly poo on top is no big deal…
I’m tempted to dismiss the entire genre as standard issue pulp. The sort of book you might buy at the airport because it is marginally less boring than a thorough inspection of the floor tiling at your gate. The sort of book that inevitably ends in the rubbish bin at the airport you’re going to. There is nothing wrong with writing or publishing these kinds of books.
It’s only the waves following this ‘revelation’ that are weird in all this. But they make for a lovely demonstration of how susceptible some people can be to make-believe stories that don the guise of [Insert One True Religion Here]. All those heaven stories were made up? And you’re really upset by that? Blindsided even? Well, let me tell you some things about that bible of yours then.
Clergy complaining about the inconsistencies between religiously inspired stories? Sounds like they are playing with fire in a fireworks factory. But since we’re looking at inconsistencies, I grew up as a catholic and have never ever seen anyone messing around with snakes in my old church. And I seem to remember the evangelical kids in class getting an extra day off every year (a total waste for everyone because teaching half the class is utterly pointless). How does that work again when all these christian religions believe in the same god(s) and are based on the same holy text(s)? Oh no, you’re not going to tell me those are made up too?!
I had a near death experience recently. A blinding light at the end of a dark tunnel. I walked towards it, and as I got near I saw, with his arms outstretched to greet me….
Jimmy Saville….
I don’t think any of these mouthbreathing Christians have even the smallest inkling of what it is they profess to believe. Why don’t we suture their eyelids open, chain them to a chair, and force them to watch videos of people burning alive, screaming and howling and thrashing, on an endless loop?
Or, for that matter, endless choir performances? I’ve said for a long time heaven is a worse problem than hell for Christianity, for the simple reason that a finite mind cannot endure infinite existence of any nature. I am still having a hard time believing so many people can be so unthinking, self-serving, and evil, and am only staying sane by repeating, mantra-like, Einstein’s observation about the two most common elements in the universe…
Hey, *I* didn’t write A Clockwork Orange, I just took the inspiration from it. Maybe what these people need is a taste of the ol’ ultraviolence they so casually and glibly prescribe for, oh, every single member of the human race who don’t believe precisely the same way they do. After seeing a few hundred hours of torture by fire, I would bet even Fred Phelps, were he still alive, would change his opinions on hellfire.
I find it interesting that according to Fundies, we are all going to burn in hell for our sins, yet when they die and come back to life, it is always with stories of entering heaven, not hell.
What gives? They can’t BOTH be right.
(HINT: They CAN both be wrong!)
dick,
It was Peter, himself, who was crucified upside down – if you believe these things. Paul was decapitated – if you believe these things. But I guess it’s par for the course in Heaven to punish others for one’s own sins. And I don’t recall Paul castrating anyone – that’s a Jesus thing.
Huh… was I the only one who though “Miles High Club” when I read that title?
Where did the concept of the NDE/OBE come from anyway? Is it relatively recent given advances in medical technology that allow docs to bring people back from the brink with more ease? Were these common in the 18th, 19th century? And I thought God held the keys to the kingdom. Pearly Gates and all that? Is God all like, “Damn, Jim is here today? He wasn’t supposed to come by for another few days!” All it takes is for your heart to stop for a minute or two to trigger the Go To Heaven Wormhole? How come God can’t tell the difference between clinically-dead and dead-dead? On the one hand, God is some all powerful being, the capo di tutti capi di tutti capi, but the next it’s some gullible fool who is forced to intervene in sporting events or beam the winning lotto numbers into somebody’s head just because some yahoo somewhere signed the cross.
And how come the focus is always on Christian NDEs? There are about one and a half billion Muslims out there. Hindus? Are they just not “blessed” with NDEs? What the heck does Colton ibn Burpo see on the operating table in Riyadh? Without googling, I’m guessing they all share the same physical experience and surprise, surprise the only real difference is cultural?
wcorvi@29:
Oh no no. Believe me. They have those too. They’re even more annoying.
The key thing people forget is that these are “near death” experiences, not “all dead” experiences. “Near death” means partially alive, which means you can bring the person out of it. But with “all dead” there’s only one thing you can do; go through his pockets and look for loose change.
(Hat tip to ” The Princess Bride”)
nich #32:
But they do at least have better music.
@32 nich
It’s the same with ghost stories. There are clear distinctions between eastern and western ghosts and amazingly these earthly spirits don’t travel much beyond their geo-cultural location despite being able to fly through walls. Jinn are rarely found in Ireland. Poltergeists don’t show up in Indonesia but just across the sea in Australia (with it’s largely European influenced culture) – we have poltergeists. It is as if these things are purely cultural and not objectively real or something.
I’m a little surprised they pegged the start date of “Heaven Tourism” as 2004 when it’s been around since the 12th century. Or possibly earlier.
#32, Nich:
A cursory serch for “historical near death experiences”*, which does appear to be a regular search term on google, found me an article claiming Plato recounted something similiar in around 420 BC. Otherwise it’s mostly recent stuff, late 20th century which does indeed suggest modern medicine as a factor, at least to me. There,also were some more mentions of ‘negative NDEs’, with torture, demons and all that hellish goodness.
More generally I’d be surprised if NDEs really were only a recent thing. Perhaps it has become more wide-spread, in relative terms, now that you’ve got medics and doctors telling patients about how they were clinically dead. Hearing that kind of thing is bound to make an impression on people. I suspect in the years long gone by the doctor or their equivalent might tell someone they were blacked out, unresponsive or something among those lines. Under those circumstances people might have been a bit more inclined to think of any experiences as vivid dreams rather than God giving them a free preview.
Hey, maybe it could also be another cultural thing: claiming you saw heaven and pissing off the bishop by describing the wrong paradise could very well have led to a permanent death experience with extra agony on the side. Some things you shut up about because they make you sound insane, which has consequences. That NDEs are no longer considered a delusion but taken seriously to such an extent is a problem in itself. Of course I wouldn’t advocate the permant death experience as a viable alternative and think the phenomenon itself is interesting and certainly worth some study. Just as long as it’s serious study, not Bible study…
#35, nomadiq:
Well, the only thing stranger than a jinn haunting your ancestral keep would be a jinn with a thick Scottish accent. (No offence to the Irish, but elderly scotsman is still my go-to accent.)
@32/Nick and @35/Nomadiq
Yes, NDEs are always bizarrely culturally specific; people see what they expect to see. Christians see Jesus, almost always long-haired hippie Caucasian Jesus, for example. I have also read that Thai people have a much higher percentage of hellish NDEs than Americans, given their national religion (Therevada Buddhism) and its sutras’ pornographic detail of alllll the wonderful hells for allll the sins a person can possibly commit, as it’s on their mind a lot.
I do recall one Christian missionary’s NDE wherein he was chased by “yamatoots,” which are demonic servants of Lord Yama (Enma Daiou) in Therevada. He was, surprise surprise, a missionary to Burma. People see what they expect to see, and layer it on top of a universal set of experiences (as tunnel vision, light, warning not to cross over, etc etc).
From what I’ve read, about 15% of NDEs are anything from simply unpleasant to outright hellish, describing torture by giants, imps, demons, etc. I’ve also heard of a few kids seeing fictional characters like Mario; make of this what you will.
komarov@37:
Heh. I suppose the Wizard of Oz (movie that is) could be considered a feature length NDE…
@OP:
duhhhh, isn’t EVERY industry (according to you) makers of PROFIT? Talk about Hypocrisy(!), no sermons about Fantasy masquerading as fact, just ‘up in arms’ about the publisher’s profit motive?
And “contradictions with the Bible”? Don’t you believe eye-witnesses who saw it yesterday to that moldy old text written down thousands of years ago? How do you KNOW the NDE is wrong, were you there? And speaking of poisoned evangelicals, go talk to the “Salvation by Money” Evangelicals.
Did you really Believe that NDE book was absolute truth, and you were thus shattered to learn ‘he just made it up’? So glad you were not taken in by LOTR, Sauron is clearly a stand-in for that beast, you know as Satan, and the Shire is clearly England, etc. Would you be so easily mislead if the LOTR books had “Based on actual events” emblazoned on their covers?
Daz #34
From wikipedia:
I’m wondering if he was lying when he said it was all lie. Some fundie christians object stories about NDEs.
This is sort of like past life regression, which has its own disturbing cottage industry. If you have some sort of issue (severe social anxiety, as in my case) and parents who believe in all this whoo, you’re taken to a hypnotist, who takes you back to your former life; you live it out, and then die. There’s also “life between life”: you’re at some way-station, contemplating where to be reincarnated next (and hang out with your “soul guide”, who in my case was a time lord from Doctor Who, ostensibly rationalized as “the form I find pleasing”).
In effect, it’s guided imaginiation: your hypnotist is there to walk you through, you “dream” things up. At the time I did the thing as honestly as I could, telling my hypnotist (who I did not wish to deceive) “I don’t believe in this crap, but I’ll give it an earnest go” (because after all, what’s wrong with a well placed placebo, if it works). The end result was a collection of “fake memories”, that I know aren’t real, but that I can no more shake than a real memory.
Do I recommend being implanted with fake memories? Not really, it’s sort of like homeopathy; fine if you want the placebo, but if you have actual issues, it can be harmful.
…but is apparently—like all other Xians—not bothered by the parts that he doesn’t like, such as, oh, the 10 Commandments*, specifically the 9th.
*Okay, there are 6, 11, or 12, but whatever.
My poor grandmother would very likely have had dreams like that, and if she’d had an NDE I’m pretty sure it would have been in that category.
She’d been raised by a hellfire and brimstone mother and, though the influence had waned into the background during her adult life, once she was finally ill for several years and, eventually, in the process of dying, it took days and days and days. She’d told the staff and a few other people that she was afraid of going to hell, poor thing. She hung on grimly, mostly unconscious, she wasn’t in pain, not waiting for a grandchild to be born or any of those other things that people seem to be able to stay alive for. She was staying alive just out of fear of death and hell and for no other reason. 85 years of more or less blameless living and she couldn’t be content. In the end, her minister stayed with her for hours and hours and hours reading quietly to her from all the “nice” psalms, probably some hymns/poetry and the like.
At long last she could relax and let go. But it was all so sad and unnecessary.
@45: That will likely happen to me too, except I don’t have the comfort of any particular religion. This shit gets to you as a little kid and clings while it burns, like napalm. Every day I discover some new deformity of soul inflicted on me way back in childhood by these hellfire and brimstone pornographers. I really do wish I hadn’t been born.
Azuma Hazuki, I sympathise and I’m sorry.